On Monday I went back to the psychiatrist. The depression is pretty well under control with the new meds, which is great. Yay for no random crying or awful side effects!(Except for painful hangovers and really vivid dreams, but I can work around those.) On to a problem that I didn't really realize was a problem - anxiety.

I don't do very well in crowds, especially if I'm already tired or stressed. I shut down and withdraw or silently freak out and want to run away and hide. I worry about things and have a to-do list always running through the back of my mind. I grind my teeth. My boyfriend has noted that the only time I look relaxed is when I'm at home; apparently my demeanor there is markedly different.

So I brought this up with the doctor. He's upping my dose of Paxil, since it's good for anxiety as well as depression. In the meantime, he's also given me an anti-anxiety med that I can take as needed.

I took one this morning. It is amazing. Before taking it - stressed about being late to work, mind racing, etc. After? Calmer. My mind and heart slowed down a bit. I sat on the subway and almost enjoyed the ride, got to work and have handled the day well so far - even the latest list of Polanski supporters. (Harrison Ford and Natalie Portman? Really?)

So, at least as a temporary solution, this stuff is great. It may not be viable in the long term, but hopefully the Paxil will kick in and take care of it from there. We'll see.