I didn't go to track practice yesterday... I felt sick, was coughing a lot, etc. So I went home and slept. My mom woke me up around 6:15, asked me if I wanted soup or anything else for dinner. I told her maybe later, then rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke up a little after midnight, ate half a thing of crackers, then returned to bed. My mom woke me up at 5:30 (Yes, that's when I normally get up for school. Don't look at me like that. I know it's ungodly early. But I move ungodly slow in the morning...). All in all, I got almost 14 hours of sleep. It was nice. For the first time in ages I was energetic and happy at school... It scared people; it was rather enjoyable. Then at track practice I ran about 2.5 or so miles (in the 38 degree weather, brrr...), and even though I was definately worn out by it, it was also rather enjoyable. Follow it up with a nice long soak in a warm bath, and I am one happy girl. (Dilemma: what on earth am I going to do at college next year? I don't know if I will have access to an actual tub. And gosh darn it, there are just some times when a shower just won't cut it...)

So yes. I am happy and still sort of bouncy. Whee! I have to get up early tomorrow... (Yay for quiz bowl trips that require you to leave school at 6:30 am!), so I have a feeling the sleep thing will even out rather quickly. Still, it's nice while it lasts.

Happy note of the day: I officially have my plane ticket set up for my trip out to California. YAY! Life is good right now.

And the roller coaster is climbing upward again... (For those of you who, for some unknown reason, are not familiar with the rollar coaster = emotions analogy, let me spell that out for you: I'm feeling somewhat better). I'm sure that up ahead there's another dip (or perhaps a massive drop, one never knows), but I don't know when or where or how or why. That's just the way things seem to go. Such is life.

Part of me is relieved (I don't really enjoy being upset), but part of me is a bit uneasy. When I start to feel better, I tend to push whatever caused the problem to the back of my mind. I don't think I ever really and truly resolve anything. It just goes away, only to resurface later. Sometimes I think if some of the stuff that worries me would stick around for just a little bit longer, then maybe I could resolve them once and for all. Then again, everything could get completely out of control and I would be fighting a battle that I would inevitably lose. Hmm. This is beginning to look like a lose-lose situation. Or at best a truce-lose situation... But I suppose I have to take what I can get.

Too emotional. Too unstable. Too unbalanced. Too quiet. Too loud. Too resentful. Too sarcastic. Too bitter. Too tired. Too motivated. Too angry. Too grumpy. Too depressed. Too attached. Too cold. Too concerned. Too distant. Too self-involved. Too nosey. Too stupid. Too smart. Too selfish. Too selfless. Too easily amused. Too easily irritated. Too out of it. Too proud. Too unimportant.

Not spontaneous enough. Not fun enough. Not happy enough. Not interesting enough. Not sane enough. Not good enough.

I'm too me. I'm too everything, I'm not enough of anything. I don't understand anything anymore it seems. Or perhaps I understand it, but I can't explain it. I sense but cannot comprehend. I don't know. I'm starting to feel the self-loathing build up, or at least some self-resentment. It's like one half of me is yelling at myself, reading off a list of faults and flaws. I'm telling myself to shape up, to get better, to be better, to be someone worthy of something. And I feel like I'm not, like I can't. I keep on trying, but everytime I think I get somewhere I just fall back and have to start all over.

It comes and goes. I'll be fine for days, weeks, months... And then everything comes crashing down. It seems that the crashes are coming more often and closer together. It worries me. I worry me.

It is slowly dawning on me that I am really a rather pathetic excuse for a human being.

Then again, maybe I'm no worse than the average person. In that case, the world is in sad shape... Bring on the weapons of mass destruction - let's just get this over with.

Okay. Let it be know that, yes, little things can/do bother me. By little, I don't mean people chewing with their mouths open and stuff (though, come to think of it, stuff like that really irks me as well...), but things that shouldn't matter. Minor arguements over subjects/ideas that will not change anything. I don't even know how to explain it. I guess basically everything can end up bothering me to some extent. I have a tendency to overreact (and no, this is not just my opinion, it's been confirmed by a number of people). I am "emotional" (read: overly emotional, perhaps unstable, in the opinion of at least a few people). Perhaps I am overreacting about this overreacting thing. Actually, I probably am. Doesn't that just suck? I know the problem, but there's really not much that I can do about it, I guess. For the most part, I don't have a great deal of control over my emotions when it comes to sadness and anger, due to a variety of factors. Which leads to my discovery of the day, thanks to a quiz-thingy in psych class. I am a hostile person; I tend to express my hostility through anger, aggression, and a teensy bit of cynicism (actually, it's more a whole heck of a lot of sarcasm in my case, but you get the idea...). Joyous.

Whoops. Forgot the all-important issue o' the day: budget cuts.

I am very, very happy I am a senior this year. I will graduate and flee this town fairly soon. Some of my friends, however, are not quite so lucky. They get to enjoy the post-"We have to cut everything because no one is willing to pay even a tiny bit more in taxes to give our kids a decent education" school system. A school system with fewer teachers, one less class period, fewer advanced classes, fewer electives, almost no extracurriculars (Goodbye, Quiz Bowl. Farewell, Math Team. So long, Student Council, Beta Club, and whatever else is left after last year's cuts), cuts to the sports and music departments' funding (Question: does anyone actually think this will influence Dooley's reign or her method of doing things? Or does it just mean a whole heck of a lot more crappy fundraisers? I'm leaning towards the latter...), and in general, a decrease in the overall quality of education. Heck, they're even taking away art and such from the wee kiddies... No 'specialists'... So if your 2nd grade teacher is arts and craft impaired, your mommy can kiss that refrigerator artwork goodbye.

I feel bad for the people who will be applying for college in the next few years. I can see the admissions officers now: "What, hardly any extracurriculars? (Because if you're not a jock or musically inclined, what's left for you? Nothing...) Not a very challenging classload senior year... (Because after pre-calc, will there be a BC Calc? Or just AB? Or nothing at all? And I fear Problem Solving will fade away... Along with AP Chem and AP Bio, perhaps AP Lit as well... And what will happen to the foreign language department?) Hmm, I guess the test scores are decent, but nothing spectacular. And the essay's a little shaky in spots... Eh, I don't know. Wait-list, maybe..."

Yeah. The future is looking bright indeed.

Woohoo! Working out details for my trip to California in April. I'm thrilled... It will be awesome to actually see Shpike in person again, instead of talking to her occasionally on the phone and corresponding via snails and email. La!

Oh yeah... I am such a quiz addict. I just felt the need to be upfront and admit that. And I'm such an English geek... So I had to take this quiz... And yes, one of the first things I noticed is that "Shakespearean" is spelled wrong in the quiz title. Yep, things like that bother me... But I took the quiz anyways.


You are Beatrice from 'Much Ado about Nothing' -
Witty and cynical about love; you soon realise that
mockery equals attraction and resign yourself
to it!


Which Shakesperian woman are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I will now continue to embrace my inner English geek by finishing Song of Solomon. Yay. I do so enjoy being somewhat of a geek/nerd/freak... And no, that comment was not sarcastic. I'm actually serious. And hey, at least I'm a well-rounded nerd, right?

Blogger was down for a little bit last evening, and I kept coming back... I had something I really wanted to post. However, now I've forgotten what it was... Arg. This is rather frustrating. I think it was just some random song lyrics, though, so it's not the end of the world.

I've finally gotten around to burning the CDs I promised a friend... It only took me oh, 2 or so months... I'm horrible. But late is better than never, right? Right?

I'm disgruntled with the weather. I don't mind the cold and snow... I really don't. Sure, it can get kinda gloomy, but hey, I can deal with that. But I just wish there was some sort of consistency to the whole thing... Right now it's a few days of crappy weather, and then one or maybe two days of warmth and sunshine. Just as I adapt to the nicer, almost spring-like weather, it snows another inch or so. Geez. Mother Nature, just make up your mind, will you?

The letter came today. I read it immediately. I have not cried yet - I don't think I can; I am numb with a mix of shock, worry, understanding, hope, fear, and god knows what else. I can't even really comprehend it yet... It's almost too much. I suppose I'll have to give my mind some time to recover, then reread it.

I need to do something that requires no thought. I think I'll head over to the arcade after dinner. All I have to do is hit buttons; I don't have to think, but at the same time I'm too focused to worry about anything else.

500 has never seemed as large of a number as it does right now.

*sigh*

I need to stop taking so many quizzes. I think I'm just doing it to keep my mind off stuff. I don't know. I wish the letter would come, so I would know exactly what's going on. I think I may know... and I think at least a few of my worst fears/worries will be confirmed. One of the worst things is that I'm so far away; I feel like I can't help as much as if I was there, a physical shoulder to lean and cry on. I love the Internet and email, I really do, but there are some things that it just doesn't quite take the place of... Like sitting in an empty ballroom on the 3rd floor of a dorm in the warm summer evening, listening to your friend pluck out Tori Amos on the piano... Or wandering through a maze at dawn, not saying anything, not needing to say anything because everything has already been said. Or perhaps running through sprinklers in the middle of the night, laughing and yelling and enjoying the moment.

Okay. I am now glum. And I want some cappuccino... French vanilla, fresh from the machine, in a glass mug. I'd even settle for the so-so hot chocolate... I just want something. I think I'll have to settle for a glass of juice and an unknown period of anxiety. Snail, I want you to be in my mailbox tomorrow. No ifs, ands, or buts. Be there, so I can clear up my confusion and begin the true battle - for sanity (Hers or mine? Who knows? Both? Neither? I don't know yet), for friendship, for everything that matters and maybe a few things that don't. I want the aching - physical, mental, emotional - to fade away and leave nothing but perfection.

There is so much more I want to say, so much more I could say, but I can't quite get it to come out right. I'm babbling. I need sleep. I need peace of mind. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing a few pieces of my mind...

Hmm. The emo theme continues.


Emo kid- Quiet and artsy. You have quite the
collection of buttons building up on your
messanger bag. Whipe that tear from your eye
and chear up. There's an emo girl or boy just
waiting for you.


What kind of punk are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Congrats! You're a emo or indie kid. You have a
strong appreciation for the music you love, and
are in tune with your emotions. .


What Kind Of Punk Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

My leg hates me, it seems. And right now, I can't say that I'm overly fond of it. I never knew that walking could hurt so much. Owie.

To keep my mind of the annoying pain, it's quiz time!


I'm getting there. I don't suck, but I've got a ways to go.




Hmm... Cool.

The dull ache in my muscles has gradually become a constant hurt, and now there's an occasional stabbing pain. Ouch. The worst part is my upper left thigh. It hurts like hell, and I'm not really sure what I did to it. Putting my weight on that leg is torture, even sitting certain ways hurts. I know maybe one stretch to ease the pain somewhat, but nothing has really worked. Suck. I took some Advil; that should help somewhat... Tomorrow morning will be interesting. I just hope that I can walk... I know that stairs are going to be awful... Gah.

Moral of the story: always, always, ALWAYS stretch well before you do BDC's, even if you're late and don't really have time.

I lived through track practice. Actually, I don't feel too horribly sore. Maybe my little exercise routine helped after all...

In other news... Dubya is an idiot. When I got online today, I glanced at the Yahoo! news headlines... "Bush says anti-war protests won't deter him." Great. That's just freaking wonderful. He's the president of a democracy, and he's just going to ignore the opinions of the many many people who think his idea is bad. And our government is worried about foreign dictators? Bush says it's his duty to make sure America is secure. Yes, because going around and starting random wars does a whole heck of a lot for our national security... It's not like he even has support from other countries for this war. They think the U.S. is being stupid and arrogant, and I think they're right. A lot of countries/people already hate us... Why the hell are we given them a good reason to continue to do so? Or giving other people a reason to start hating us? *bangs head against desk* Why why why why why? This whole thing doesn't make much sense to me...

Now I get to go do homework. Yay.

An odd trend has continued. I went shopping with a friend and my mom today, and we stopped in Journeys (a shoestore). The salesclerk was nice and pretty helpful, and oh yeah, he was hitting on me. Okay, fine, whatever... Kind of flattering, nice for a self esteem boost. The disturbing part? This was at least the 3rd time a Journeys employee has hit on me. No, it's not the same guy. It's been 3 different stores in 3 different cities... Weird.

Other than that interesting event, today went well. Bought an assortment of CDs and some shirts (ooh, I now am the proud owner of a Squee shirt, how nifty is that?), spent time with one of my good friends. La!

Now I just have to survive track practice tomorrow...

I have learned a lesson. When you start screwing around with the template, be very very careful you don't delete anything that may be important. And if you cut something, don't cut anything else until you've pasted the previous item... Hopefully everything has been fixed now.

I am saddened that my picture of Wobbly Headed Bob is not showing up. I am trying to remedy the situation... But I don't think it will work. Sorry folks.

Obviously, if there are Invader Zim and JTHM quizzes, there must be Jhonen Vasquez quizzes in general. Or so it would appear.


You're WOBBLY HEADED BOB! You feel that it is your
duty to help others, even if it seems you made
matters worse. But you like to help people, and
thats always a good thing! So cheer up, funny
big head, and maybe cool your ego a little bit!


Which Famous Jhonen Vasquez mini comic character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*deep sigh* (If you don't get that reference... Well, shame on you!)


You are Devi. You are a very expressive person.
Misfortune always seems to find you, but
somehow you still have a good sense of humor.


What Seriously Twisted Jhonen Vasquez Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, at least my relationships have gone better than most of hers.

Why did I ever doubt? Of course someone made JTHM quizzes... God, I love the Internet!


You are Devi, quiet, secluded, and quite the
introvert


Which JTHM character iz you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Walking....stop pacing about the room and make up
your mind already.


What JTHM moment are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Off to shovel snow now...

There's a whole heck of a lot of snow outside. Which means I get to go outside and shovel it. Woohoo! I can hardly control my excitement...


You are Gaz. You rock, hardcore. You do your own
awesome thing and don't let anybody get in your
way. Not only do you have a badass wardrobe,
but you've got a badass attitude to go along
with it. Video games and pizza are pretty much
your two favorite things--it's not your fault
that you're a product of our hideous society,
and at least you're wrathful about it.


The Greatest, Most Advanced Invader Zim Character Profiling Quiz EVER!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

My next goal: to see if anyone has been kind enough to create a Which JTHM Character Are You? quiz... Because that would be nifty.

Whee! Took a What Poem Are You? quiz. I am T.S. Eliot's The Hollow Men. I love that poem.

More fun quizzes... (Can you tell I'm really rather bored? I thought so...)

You're an Emo Goddess. You are quiet, but quite fun
when people get to know you, you are sensitive,
and caring. You listen to things like Finch,
Saves the Day, Taking Back Sunday, and
Dashboard Confessional. Some people could
consider you "punk"


What Bands should YOU listen to?
brought to you by Quizilla

I've had lots of quizzes lately indicate that I'm emo. Hmm. I'm going to say that this is not overly surprising, given the stereotypes. Here is a sampling of some of the other results...



Who are you?

You are EMO! You like sad music that makes you
think. Sounds good to me. Just make sure
that if you cry while you write in your
notebook, use a pen with waterproof ink, it
sucks to write something then have it smudged
everytime you read it.


Are You Punk Or Emo Or What??
brought to you by Quizilla

you're an emo kid...nooo, please stop
crying..that's allright..


emo quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

You're pretty Emo. Take those stupid glasses off
and go get your heart crushed, you'll be set.


Are you Emo?
brought to you by Quizilla


you are an "emo kid". you're fresh or
light in the scene and enjoy your somewhat
nicer and lighter emo bands. don't let the
indie kids and punk rockers put you down for
liking dashboard confessional or hot water
music, stick up for your emo rights! keep
smiling!


*how emo are you?*
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm. Should I go in my room and cry now? Or would that be just a bit too stereotypical and expected? I think I'll pass on the tears today...

The weather sucks, so I'm not really going to be going anywhere for awhile. So am I being productive and doing my homework, exercising, or cleaning my room? Hell no! Am I surfing the Net, taking quizzes and watching animations at The Other Side? But of course!

On that note, I urge you to go to The Other Side and watch If Mittens Ruled the World. It's a wonderful poke at Bush... I rather enjoyed it.

St. Valentine, I hate you. I loathe your wretched holiday. I dread the delivery of flowers throughout the day (last year I at least got a pity flower, this year - nothing), I despise the way it makes me feel utterly rejected and unworthy. Damn this holiday, with it's crass commercialism and forced sentimental value. I know it has no real meaning, but it still bothers me to no end. Gah. At least I get chocolate from my parents.

What makes the whole thing even worse is that I thought this year would be at least somewhat better. Apparently not. My boyfriend (the poor guy =\) has been ill for the past 3 days. So our tentative plans have probably completely fallen apart. Yay. You'd think I'd start to expect/prepare for this sort of thing. Note to self: Do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to let hope's roots get too developed. Because something sucky will happen, the flower of hope will never bloom, and then you have to deal with the horrible heart-wrenching process of removing the complex root system from your heart. It never seems to be worth it... And yet I always think that somehow, this time will be different, better. *bangs head on desk* Stupid, stupid me.

Alright, now that I have filled everyone with warm fuzzy feelings of love and togetherness, I'm going to depart and make a noble attempt to salvage the remainder of this day. The fact that I am hopeful that I will succeed demonstrates just how little I take my own advice to heart.

More quizzes from this Mewing.net place...





take the antisocial test.


and go to mewing.net. because laura's feeling social.


Hmm. I may need to work on my hostile vibes.





take the nerd test.


and go to mewing.net. a nerd utopia.


Well, well, well... *What* a surprise. Though I really am an awful speller....

Tonight is opening night. Eek. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Gah. Monday I don't have school. YAY!

Considering all the strange noises I make, this is rather appropriate...





what's your battle cry? |
mewing.net | merchandise!

I don't feel like my day is quite complete. I've gotten used to seeing him every day, or at the very least talking to him online... And that didn't happen today. It sort of sucks.

Today was a pretty good day, even though I left my house around 7 am and did not come home until 9. All of that time, except for 15 minutes, was spent at school... Gah. Ooh, and I am officially registered to vote now!

Dress rehearsal went fairly well. No major screw-ups... Yay! I even brought a comfy blanket to (attempt) to sleep on... Which would have been lovely, if a few of my fellow cast members hadn't decided to harass me. Rar. But others made up for it (yipee for head massages and foot rubs!), so all in all, it was grand. And fake blood is nifty.

Quiz time! (It's all Mama Cat's fault... Honest. Blame her....)



What Was Your PastLife?

This does not surprise me too much...



You are a siren.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

People are wooed by my ways? Coolness... Maybe this is how I managed to convince 2 people to give me piggy-back rides today...

There are six Quizilla quizzes dealing with which of The Endless (if you aren't familiar with Neil Gaiman's Sandman series, shame on you) you would be... I took all six, and the results were evenly split. 3 for Dream, 3 for Death. Hmm. Interesting.

Complications dealt with, issues resolved to some degree... Today was much better than yesterday. *The peasants rejoice* Yay.

That said, I was somewhat irked today. (Isn't irked a nifty word, by the way?) I don't understand why, but for some reason, when people are backstage, they do not understand the concept of being quiet. Honestly, it really isn't too very hard... But no one seems capable of it. Take a nap, for all I care. Just be quiet!

Now on the the somewhat macabre. With my grandparents' health starting to fail (or at least weaken), mortality and all that has started to hit closer to home. This is especially true for my mother, since she's the person who is usually involved with helping out my grandparents, etc. So apparently she's been thinking about it some... And she's come up with a list of requests for when she dies - donate her organs and so on. Yes, it is somewhat morbid, but it is also rather logical/practical. Hmm. I liked her ideas, too. Very fitting of her as a person.

I've been slacking off this past week and not exercising. Bad, bad, bad. I'm going to go to track on Tuesday and die a horrible, painful death. *whimper* I'm not looking forward to it.

This has all been rather random and disjointed... Oh well. That's how I've felt all day, so I suppose it's rather fitting.

*paces back and forth*

If I weren't already emotionally unstable, I think this would drive me insane.

Wild goose chases - they're not fun.

I called. I checked ICQ. No luck. So I got in my car and started driving, hitting every place I thought he might be. It was a small list, and my efforts yielded nothing. I can't even call his house again - my parents are on the phone with my brother. Which means my worries are gnawing away at me (mmm, anxiety - tastes like chicken) and I can't do a damned thing about it. *puts head in hands* Yep, this is sucking. I really really really am not patient, especially when I am fretful. And I can do nothing at the moment... Damn it.

I'm procrastinating, trying to ease my nerves before I head out. So I took some quizzes. Yay.

You are Athene, goddess of wisdom and a woman
warrior. You love learning and strategy. You're
probably very organized and well-liked. Just
make sure that you don't find yourself being
too controlling, or looking down on others who
don't possess your mental abilities.


Which goddess are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Buttercup. Serious and stubborn, you're not
afraid of people who try to take your
happiness. You didn't believe in true love
until it slipped up under your nose, but now
you won't ever let it go.


What character from the Princess Bride are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I will now use my Athene skills to battle my very own ROUS...

Mental breakdowns - man, they're fun!

Today started off well. I found out that I'm a National Merit Finalist (Woohoo! What does this guarantee me? A pretty certificate! Wow!) After that, the day was going alright... And then at some point, it just all fell apart. Actually, it crashed and burned. It was the sort of horrible moment that makes onlookers fall silent with dread. I lost it entirely... I yelled, I ran away, I cried. It was interesting, to say the least. And the thoughts that ran through my head as I sat outside, alone, in the freezing cold... Well, let's just say they weren't pretty. The 2-story drop from the top of the roof began to look fairly inviting. But I'm afraid of heights, and while I don't believe in "God" per se, I'm afraid enough of the unknown to not do that. And I've been through a lot of pain and survived, so I know that it usually does get better. That's my saving grace right now, I think.

I also have at least a few friends who care, as well. And that is very reassuring at times like this, even if I'm filled with hatred for myself. Because these people, the people who love me and care for me... They're the ones I abuse, the ones I take everything out on. They put up with all my moods, my temper, my ranting and raving, my tears, my moping... They take it all. And they come back for more... Because they love me.

So what I want to say is thank you. Thanks for putting up with me, taking me as I am and helping me deal with stuff... I may not always show it, but I appreciate it. I hope that I am there for you when you need help as well... I love you all very much, and I don't know what I'd do without you.

There. I've said my piece.

Ugh. I really do hate the online quizzes my chemistry teacher has been giving us lately... They suck.

I am finally done withe my homework. My chemistry homework is done, I took the quiz, I wrote my lit essay... The only thing I didn't do was start reading for lit, but I'll work on that tomorrow at play practice. Yay. Now I can go eat some Cherry Garcia and go to bed, only to awaken at 5:30 am and begin a wonderful new week of school. Can you tell I'm excited?

Sadie Hawkins' was actually fun. So I guess I won't have to hurt anyone for making me attend it... Yay. That should free up some time in my schedule then. Which is good, because I think I probably need it. I have a decent amount of homework this weekend, along with play practice, of course. This means that as much as I want to sleep late tomorrow, I should probably get up and get some stuff done before practice. Great...

I tried to help one of my friends find a Valentine's Day present for her boyfriend... We did not fare overly well. Hopefully he'll like what she ended up with, because, well, we tried to come up with something cool... But it's hard when you're trying very very hard to avoid all the cutesy crap. Hallmark is just one big mass of pink and red, with bits of lace and fluff scattered amongst the stuffed animals and hearts. I'm disturbed by the whole thing, but at the same time, I feel compelled to look at the stuff. Honestly, could you walk by a bobble-headed amphibian who's clutching a sign that proclaims "I'm toadily in love with you" without at least doing a double-take? I doubt it. I wonder about the people who create merchandise like this. What are they thinking? Or were they thinking at all?

I have been coerced into going to the Sadie Hawkins' Dance tonight. I have a feeling that someone will pay for this... I'm just not entirely sure who or how yet.

In study hall today, I snagged "The One Binder" and read up on some stuff for quiz bowl. You would not believe some of the books that people have tried to ban. Sure, there are the regulars: Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mockingbird... And it's bad enough that those are banned... But Where's Waldo?! You must be joking...

Dinner has arrived, so off I go... Mmmm. Pasta is yummy.

My level of happiness is verging on disgustingly pathetic. I am very, very, very happy right now, for no particularly good reason. I just am. And I am relaxed, soothed, calm, and content. This combination is unusual for me... But it's really rather pleasant.

However, this joy does have a downside: it's rather hard to act like an angry protesting radical when you're this cheerful. The play opens next week, and I'm apparently just not furious enough. I must work on that... I need to find something that will upset me enough to put me in the right frame of mind for the role.

Until then... I'm going to enjoy my serene euphoria as long as I can.

So it seems that I'm still number 2 in my class, while numbers 1 and 3 have flip-flopped. Woohoo. Am I fine and dandy with being number 2? You betcha. Is my father? Apparently not. He asked my mom if there were any classes I could audit... thus raising my GPA a smidgen or so.
Up until this point, I have not audited a single class. I haven't played "the game;" I have completely earned my number 2 ranking. I'm proud of this fact. And while there are 1 or 2 classes that I could theoretically audit, I refuse to. There's no point. I have no strong desire to give a trite speech in front of my classmates and their families. I have already been accepted by the college of my dreams. The only thing it would accomplish? It would give my father another thing to brag about. Whoop-de-doo...

I had to take it. I just had to... Now don't any of you worry, I'm fine. But it looked interesting...


You are cutting


What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

This result does not come as a major surprise... And while I have never heard the term "sorrow dweller" before, it has a nice ring to it.


Sorrowdweller. You are not overcome by anger nor
happiness. Your emotions are pretty well
balanced, but you do tend to get somewhat
emotional at times leaning towards depression
and saddness. You have your own views of the
world and while you do not see the beauty of
life, you are not completely overwhelmed by
darkness. Live and let live just because.


How Emotional Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

In other news, I'm having difficulties making eye contact with my father. Must not laugh, must control urge to take advantage of his worries... Must not mess with his mind.

My level of amusement for the day has just increased tenfold... My mom just got home. Both she and my father will be out of town for part of this week, leaving me to fend for myself and take care of the animals. My father has apparently expressed some concern about this arrangement to my mother... He wanted her to have a talk with me. It would seem that for some reason, my dad is worried that my oh-so-raging hormones will force me to lose control with my boyfriend. Yes. My dad wanted my mom to have "The Talk" with me. When informed of this, I could do little more than laugh. We've been going out for, hmm, a little over 2 weeks or something? And my dad is concerned, even though he was not worried about any of my other boyfriends (few and far inbetween though they were)... I guess since I'm 18 now and going away to college in 6 months or so, I am obviously unable to keep my wanton desires under control. Hmm, yep, that's *perfectly* logical.

My mother, of course, finds my father's worries a bit extreme. As always, she trusts me completely and has a much better grasp on reality than my dad. Thank goodness... I wonder if either of my brothers had to deal with this stuff?

I'm vastly entertained by this whole keychain fiasco... It's hilarious; I haven't laughed this hard in awhile. His determination to take it from me is at once impressive, disturbing, and humorous. I was tempted to leave it at home tomorrow, but I think I shall have to carry it with me. I don't want to lose such a simple source of amusement. I honestly don't understand his thought-process in this case (not that I normally understand his thought-process, but this is a bit more out there than usual...); it's such a minor thing - it shouldn't matter. And yet it does. Of course, I refuse to just give him the thing, in all it's glow-in-the-dark, cutesy glory... Because then he'd destroy it, and where's the fun in that?

I'm hoping that my noble attempt to get into better shape by exercising on my own will pay off when I finally go to track practice in 2 weeks. Of course, it probably won't... I should have started at least a month ago if I wanted this to be effective. And I haven't been running at all, which is going to kill me. Must... go... running... Too bad by the time I get home from play practice it's almost dark and rather cold... Grr.

Hmm. Today was odd. Problems arose, I got upset, and eventually everything was dealt with. Yay. Long term effects of the day? We shall see.

"Consistency is all I ask!" - Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

Life is interesting. You get used to something, and then it changes. Granted, everything lately has been changing for the better, but it's still a bit odd. Actually, because things are going well, it's especially odd. I'm not used to this. I'm happy. I've been happier than usual for awhile now. Oh, I still have bad days, but the proportion has been reversed... Of course, not everything has changed. I'm still tired and too busy. But it's all starting to even out in some ways. I don't know. I'm happy, that's what matters to me right now.