Radio show playlist...

Saves the Day: In My Waking Life
*The Natural History: The Right Hand
Weezer: Getchoo
*Belle and Sebastian: Lord Anthony
Jump, Little Chldren: Too High
Jets to Brazil: The Frequency
*Death Cab for Cutie: Expo ‘86
Jimmy Eat World: A Praise Chorus
The Juliana Theory: If I Told You This Was Killing Me, Would You Stop?
*Communique: Evening in the City
Hey Mercedes: The Frowning of a LIfetime
Further Seems Forever: The Bradley
*Plus/Minus: Trapped Under Ice Floes (Redux)
*The Clientele: Haunted Melody
The Get Up Kids: Overdue
Poe: Haunted

Today was pretty fun... Some of us made a run to pick up some last minute Halloween goodies. I thought my costume was set. Then fate stepped in and I stumbled across a few things that make it truly complete. The costume makes me feel pretty damn sexy. And given the reactions I've had when I've tried it on so far, it makes me look pretty sexy too. Whee. I think I'll enjoy this... I never dress like this, so I might as well take the chance to do it this one time.

It's almost 4 am. I have a 9:30 class. I think it's time for me to get some sleep.

Aikido was fun tonight. We got to use weapons -- wooden staffs. It was nifty, though certain parts of the technique reminded me of the ABCs for pole vault, which kind of threw me off. But I eventually got the hang of it and was enjoying it quite a lot.

Halloween is Friday. Woohoo! It's the one day of the year when lots of people from campus will come out to ML, since we host the party. This also means that I can't not go... That would just be sad. So it'll probably be the first party here at Swat that I'll stay at for more than 5 minutes. Whee. Anyway, it'll be interesting... I'm curious to see the costumes people come up with, especially given the theme... S+ML. So yes... It will indeed be interesting.

Hall picture time... So it's off to campus I go.

Over the field and through the tunnel, it's off to campus I go.
Down the street and up the hill, it's off to campus I go.

Don't ask me where that came from. I'm not entirely sure myself.

Ugh. So much reading to do. And just so much to do in general. Blech. And of course the weather isn't helping. It's grey, cool, and drizzling... Perfect for snuggling up under a cozy blanket. Not so perfect for doing my psychology attachment reading. But I need to get it done. So... Yeah. Off I go, being all productive-like.

Getting issues resolved and just feeling better in general is really nice. And I really do feel better... And it's not because I'm distracted, it's because we actually talked things over and figured stuff out. Yay and other such exclamations.

I decided to skip aikido for a philosophy lecture. That was a mistake. A big mistake. Lecture was more focused towards a class on Romanticism and such... Didn't get much out of it. And it didn't help that the room was warm and I was tired... *yawn* I feel bad, but at the same time... I can't force myself to care too much. Ah well. Such is life.

I feel a bit better... My roommate came back, so I got to talk to her a bit, which was nice. And we hung out with some of the guys on the hall, just sitting around talking and laughing. It was really nice; it kept my mind off of other things and was just fun in general.

I'm trying to write something for philosophy. I couldn't come up with anything, so I just started a writing about what I was thinking, which of course had nothing to do with the philosophy readings. But I came up with 4 pages worth of rambling ranting goodness. It didn't really make me feel better, but it was still nice.

Then I talked to my mom for awhile on the phone, which actually did make me feel a bit better.

But now I've returned to the blank Word document... And I still have no idea of what to write. Damn you Descartes, with your Meditations on First Philosophy... And I'm none too pleased with you either, Plato. Grr. I guess I'll have to go get my notes from class and find something to start from and just branch off from there.

Or I could let myself get distracted by Trillian... Hmm. Such a dilemma.

4th update of the day! Isn't this exciting?

When I'm feeling crappy for no good reason, there are a couple of ways to handle it. Some of these are to write a lot, cry, or listen to loud, angry music... All aim towards the achievement of catharsis. Well, I tried the writing, and I don't want to cry. So loud, angry music it is. Until someone tells me to turn it down... But since my roommate isn't here right now, and no one else on the hall seems to care, I don't really have worry about it that much.

So... Catharsis, you can show up any time now.

I'm in McCabe right now, killing time between dinner and going to Target... Yay for Target, where I shall buy snacks and random other things. Woohoo.

I felt better at dinner for a bit, because I was distracted with a discussion. But as soon as I left the table and started to walk outside, I returned to my sort of glum state.

Overall, today has been sort of lousy. I slept late, but I still don't feel well-rested. I haven't gotten much of anything done. I've felt blah, and I've also felt like crying on and off all day for no particular reason. I don't know what the heck is going on... I feel lethargic and a bit alone and such. But at the same time, I know there are lots of people who care about me, so I feel stupid for feeling this way.

It reminds me of 9th grade a bit... Only a bit muted, because in 9th grade I actually did cry on and off all day instead of just feeling like doing so. Muted or not, it's not fun. I want it to stop, because there's no good reason for it - my life is fine right now, better than fine actually.

So what the hell is my problem?

Or... I suppose I should rephrase it... Why is this problem reemerging at this particular time?

Decided against going to Medea. I don't think anything could beat the reading of it that Colleen and I did in Steak 'n Shake anyway.

I'm not too happy at the moment. The worse part is I don't know why. There's nothing wrong that I can actually pinpoint, so I just feel kind of forlorn without being able to actually do anything about it. That's the worst kind of bad mood, when you can't think of anything to do to make it better. And then, to make it worse, people are trying to cheer me up, and it's not working... They're asking if there's anything they can do, and I can't think of anything... So then I feel bad that the people I care about feel bad that they can't help. Damn vicious cycle. Grr.

A terrible thought has moved into my mind,
Like an unwanted roommate drunk on wine.
It feeds on my happiness, won't pay the rent...
I must take proper measures to evict it.

A terrible thought has moved into my mind,
A giant rat that's nibbling on my pride.
It's tearing away my patience and my wit...
I must take proper measures, set a trap for it.

What a terrible thought...

I don't care what you've done,
I don't care who you've won,
I know in the end you'll have your fun...

But you can't have it here,
And I won't let you steer...
You know I don't want you in my mind.

What a terrible thought...
What a terrible, terrible thought.

I must stay calm, you know, and I must be clear...
It's gonna take a hundred thoughts to make this one disappear.
A train like that can travel a soul for years...
A terrible thought could have a terribly long career.

What a terrible thought...

What minds have you shredded?
I bet they regretted
Having ever thought you up.
Just look at you shine,
Commiting your crimes...
I know I don't want you in my mind

'Cause you're breaking my stride.
You poisonous vine...
You're strangling me inside...
You're breaking my stride.
You poisonous vine...
You're strangling me inside...
You're breaking my stride.

What a terrible thought...
What a terrible, terrible thought...

Poe, "Terrible Thought"

I was planning on watching the student-directed performance of Medea, but I woke up late, so I don't know if I'll go or not now. Hmm.

The extra sleep was nice, though. Sleep is always nice. And talking is good, even if you wish it wasn't neccessary. Because there really is no such thing as a picture-perfect, fairy-tale life. Issues come up, and then you can choose to resolve them or ignore them until they become problems. I don't know if anything was resolved, but at the very least the subject was broached and the issue was talked about.

Oh yeah... Claudia has moved house again. She's at Sharkey's Days now, instead of Mobius Strip Mall. Her blog is under the "What's Happening" link.

Playlist from this week's radio show...

*Death Cab for Cutie: Title and Registration
The Pixies: Where is My Mind?
^(International) Noise Conspiracy: Smash It Up
*The Fiery Furnaces: The South is Only a Home
^Hey Mercedes: The Switch
^The Junior Varsity: Housefire
*Pretty Girls Make Graves: All Medicated Geniuses
^Koufax: Come Back to Life
^Ozma: Natalie
*The New Pornographers: From Blown Speakers
^My Chemical Romance: Vampires Will Never Hurt You
*Fugazi: Fell, Destroyed
Poe: Junkie
^Grandaddy: AM 180
*The Clientele: When You and I Were Young
^Something Corporate: Space
^Taking Back Sunday: Your Own Disaster

This week's show was interesting. I've gotten attached to my MP3s, so I brought my laptop with me. After a brief struggle, I got the soundboard and my laptop to play nice, and much musicy goodness ensued. Whee! Oh yeah... '*', as always, indicates a track off a playlist CD... This week, '^' means it was an MP3. Because I like giving you more information than you care about.

Not much else is going on here... It's the weekend, yay! I went out to dinner last night (Steak that actually needs a steak knife to cut it, as opposed to the stuff at Sharples -- Mmmm!), watched a movie, and just had a good time in general.

It's a bit warmer today, but it's definately gotten colder here. I've had to break out the nice warm coat, and even have to wear the scarf and gloves every once in awhile... And I'm pretty sure that my flip-flop wearing days are over for a few months. Which is probably a good thing, considering they've been worn so much that they're about to have holes in the heels.

My English teacher was pretty cool about the late paper issue. He said next time I need an extension, make sure I ask further in advance, but he let me off the hook this time. And there won't be a next time, because I felt so guilt-ridden about this whole thing that I don't think I'll be able to procrastinate too badly for awhile.

Speaking of procrastination... I should probably go read philosophy or do something vaugely productive.

Things are better again. I had fun at aikido, and I finished my paper tonight. It feels like I'm back at WFC again, since the title of my paper was De Profundis: A Realization of Identity. That's right, identity, the theme of Writing for College. At least I didn't use the word liminal.

It's officially been one month. La!

Things are not too good at the moment. For one, my English paper is late. Yeah. I'm turning something in late. I don't know what happened. Actually... I do. I didn't start early enough. This probably wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't started to drift away from my thesis and rethink things... Basically, a half hour before it was due, I realized I had completely changed my focus of the paper, but I liked the new ideas... So I had to rewrite it. I sent an email to my prof saying that, but I haven't heard back. Which is scary, because while he's a cool guy and may not have a huge problem with this whole thing, I'm worried he will and he'll get mad and such. Eek.

So, because of that worry, I stayed up last night until my brain basically ceased to function. It had been my goal to get the paper done before I went to bed, but that wasn't going to work. So I crashed. And then I overslept. Luckily, I allow for more time in the morning than I actually need... So I just moved super-fast and was okay. But then I learned that the shuttles weren't running for some reason, so I had to dash up to campus in the rain. I made it to class on time... And then struggled to stay awake through the lecture. The sad part is that I was more awake in history today than in philosophy. That's just wrong.

I returned to the dorm after lunch and attempted to work on my late paper. Eventually I gave up and crawled into bed. That was, at latest, around 1 in the afternoon. I just recently woke up. My whole afternoon is gone. And I have aikido tonight, which I really shouldn't skip, and there's also a hall thing going on tonight that I don't want to skip. I'll probably go to aikido, then skip the hall thing to work.

God. This really sucks. I feel incredibly guilty and horrible about all of this.

Quizzy goodness...


You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.
"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world."

Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.

As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am so unfocused right now... It's quite sad. *shakes head* Focus. English paper, Oscar Wilde, De Profundis... Must stop letting mind wander. But to paraphrase Crutchy in Newsies, my mind has a mind of its own.

Yes, I did indeed just make a reference to Newsies. I think that may show just how out of it I am right now. Hmm. Singing, dancing, attractive guys. *pauses* Dammit. Now I'm even more unfocused. Gah.

My mom is so cool. I got a package from her today... A Halloween present of a beautiful, medieval-style, white dress and a nice long, black cape. Both are velvety, and when I tried them on I just felt so damn pretty. Whee!

Okay, it seems that something is messed up with my commenting system. When I go into SquawkBox and click on the "Manage Comments" link, it shows me all the comments people have made. So there are two comments on there -- a new one from Jonathan and one from a few days ago from Colleen -- that made it into that section of SquawkBox but don't seem to be appearing on my blog. This is not cool. Yet Claudia's comment, which was made after Colleen's but before Jonathan's, did show up. Grr. So it's not even consistently screwing up.

So... Colleen, I don't know which post you were commenting on. Very sorry, don't mean to ignore you, etc.
Jonathan, I must say I was initially a bit wary of the idea of a love song to Natalie Portman (though I do like her)... But I was completely won over by the song.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand... If anyone has any ideas about why the hell the comments aren't showing up, please let me know. Hopefully I'll actually be able to read them, if you give them to me via the commenting system. Gah.

Maybe it's just my computer... It hasn't wanted to display my blog in general lately. Even so, that would also be really annoying. Rar.

A lot of the guys are coming back from break with haircuts. For most, it's noticeable but not earth-shattering. Then there's the guy from across the hall. Last time I saw him, he had poofy, curly hair... Now it's basically all gone. Short, no curls. Everyone on the hall has had the same reaction: "Jesse? Is that you?" It doesn't look bad... Just really, really different.

I'm listening to a song called "Natalie" by Ozma... I swear, it sounds like a long-lost track off of Pinkerton. Freaky. Also pretty damn good.

I'm remembering just how much I love reading poetry. Last year in AP Lit I had a great time with the confessional poetry we read in the war and peace section... I really liked reading and analyzing the poems and writing the close readings for them. I did something similar last night while I was preparing for my online discussion of Sylvia Plath's and Anne Sexton's poems... And I loved it. I enjoy reading books, and I usually don't mind writing papers about them. But poetry... Poetry I love, especially when it's stuff like Plath and Sexton. I don't really care about rhyme schemes and meter... But emotion and thought are very important to me. And that's what I get out of the poetry that I really like.

He out-did his out-doing of his sweetness. I honestly didn't think that was possible... Apparently it is.

I thought he couldn't be any more wonderful or get any sweeter. He just proved me wrong. I feel like maybe I'm dreaming... If I am, I don't ever want to wake up.

People are coming back from break now, trickling in a few at a time, and life at ML is starting to return to normal. I still don't feel normal, though.

I don't know what it is. But these past few days, I have just not felt like talking as much. I haven't felt as social. I don't want to deal with all the people and all the noise. I just want to withdraw and zone out, just listen to music and maybe read some. I don't want to have to think, and I don't even want to feel right now. I just want to exist right now, and let the world carry on around me without me really participating in it. I don't even care enough to observe right now. I just want to tuck myself away, distance myself from everything and everyone.

Or almost everyone, anyway. The one person I want to talk to right now, the one person I actually want to be with right now, isn't here. And that just makes being around other people that much harder, I think. Because while I love all my friends, there is a difference between hanging out with them and hanging out with him. That's obvious, I know. As soon as you add the prefix "boy-" onto it, the meaning of the word friend is changed at least slightly. But I don't think I ever really thought about that all that much until now.

Maybe I'm attributing my desire to withdraw to the wrong thing, though. Maybe it has nothing at all to do with him being here or not. I can't really tell. If this was a psychological experiment, it would be very poorly designed. There are too many variables to figure out what exactly is causing what. So I can speculate all I want, but I can't be sure of anything.

Maybe I'm just making up for the time I've been here... The time that I've spent being more social than I ever was back home. Back home I could retreat to my house, my room. But here my house is my dorm, which is a social scene in and of itself. And even my room has a social aspect to it, since I have a roommate. So there's very little true solitude to be found here, which is something that's a bit unusual for me considering how much time I used to spend in my room.

I think it's probably a combination of the two things... Missing him and just a need for the true solitude that always used to be available to me. It seems odd that these two things would be combined... How can you combine missing someone with wanting to be alone? Maybe if he was here I wouldn't feel the need for solitude. Or maybe I would still want to be alone and I'd end up pushing him away for awhile. I'm more inclined to believe it's the former. I've been checking my email too much for it to be the latter, I think.

And that bugs me... The checking of email. Not the act itself, but the tinge of dependence that I'm starting to associate with it. Maybe dependence is the wrong word... I think it is. I don't need an email from him. But I want one. So I guess it's more like a strong attachment than a dependence. I think I got spoiled by the beginning of break, when he was sending them more often. I began to expect them, and now they're not really coming, or at least not at the rate they used to. And yes, that does make me a bit sad. And I hate that fact. I'm fine with being attached to the person. Being attached to receiving emails, however, is not a good thing. Because what that really means is that I want constant assurance and verification. And I think that that may be true, but I really wish it wasn't.

Actually... Who am I kidding? I basically know that I need to be reassured a great deal. Otherwise I start doubting and worrying. I always doubt myself... I always worry. At times, I seem to have trouble accepting the idea that I'm a person worth caring for or loving. So when something seems amiss I start fretting over it and concoct all sorts of worst-case scenarios about what could be going on, about why this is happening. I think there's only been one time when what I feared was going on actually was occurring. All the other times I was worried too much or had come up with some awful scenario that was not true at all. Despite this, I continue to worry. I know all the evidence tells me that it's stupid. I know it's stupid. But I can't stop myself. The doubt creeps in, sneaks into the back of my mind, and sets up camp there. From there it spreads it's little worrisome tendrils out into my thoughts, plaguing me until I can think of nothing else or actually confront it in some way.

I really wish I wasn't like this. I wish I knew a way to make it stop. I wish I could accept things as they are and not want constant reassurance. Maybe that's why I like those little things so much... They're like tiny reminders that yes, I am cared for... They're tiny deterrents against the ever-lurking fear of rejection. Every little compliment, every little note, every favor done without asking... They're all reassurances strengthing my confidence, making me feel a little bit better about myself, about the situation, about life.

Maybe it would be better if I didn't need the little things, if I was sure enough of myself that I'd be fine without them. But I'm not that sure. So I accept them with open arms and I hope that they keep coming.

I downloaded about 70 songs today. Wow.

Woohoo! I just finished one of my history reading assignments. Now I just have the secondary sources. Ha - just the secondary sources. That's a good 120 pages, and I should probably take notes too. Gah. Ah well... The primary sources are the really important part of that class, and I'm basically caught up on those. Yay.

I've downloaded a ton of music today... It makes me very happy. La!

My Swatmail inbox is disturbingly empty. I'm almost starting to miss the reserved students emails. But then I remember I only want the information from 1 out of every 7 of them and realize I don't really miss them after all. And they'll be back in full force on Monday anyway, I'm sure.

Got an email from my older brother. He's going to call me tomorrow. I feel loved.
It's really nice that since my brothers went off to college we actually get along rather well. They're both very cool people, and I enjoy talking to them.

I really need to do something productive now... And I really don't want to. I guess I'll do laundry. It's productive, yet doesn't require much effort. Good stuff.

I should be being productive, but I'm not... At least not in the way I should be. I should be working on my English paper or reading history or something like that. Instead I'm sitting on my computer and downloading music. Hey, at least when I do start working on my paper I'll have a lot of good music to listen to.

Things making me happy at the moment:

1) Solitude. Right now it's just me in my room, which is nice because it hasn't happened for awhile. And every once in awhile, you just need to be alone.
2) Sylvia Plath. Just read three poems for English class (one of which was Daddy, which I really like)... I'll also be reading some Anne Sexton.
3) Weezer news: The guys will at some point be releasing a deluxe edition of the Blue Album with B-sides on it and interesting liner notes and such. That will rock.

There are some other things too, but those are the big ones. Whee.

I knew my worries were completely irrational. But it's always nice to be sure.

I just spent way too much time looking at various desktop backgrounds and other random artwork online. Oh well, it's not like I have to get up early tomorrow. And I was getting tired of Stonehenge.

For some reason, worry is creeping up on me. Just this doubt that I know is completely irrational but still there. But I'm not going to let it lurk in the back of my mind. Nope. Not this time. This time I'm confronting it and getting it out in the open.

Eep. Confrontation is scary.

Back at Swarthmore... It took longer than I had planned (damn you delays!), but I made it home in one piece. Whee. The rest of my break is laid before me, and I'm not entirely sure what to do with it. I have work I need to do, but I also just want to sleep and go explore the Crum Woods and such.

Perhaps a week off is a bit much... I can feel myself getting lazy. God. Imagine what it's going to be like after winter break...

I feel like the Hallelujah Chorus should be playing right now. I'm finally caught up with all my email. All of it. I feel so very proud - this is the first time since I arrived to Swat that I haven't had any emails I had to respond to. It's really cool.

Saw Underworld last night. It was pretty good. I wish I could have most of the movie's wardrobe. I don't think I could ever be goth, and I don't think I'd ever really want to be... But some of the clothes are just so damn cool and sexy.

I'm heading back to Swat tomorrow. I've had fun here, but it'll also be nice to go back home (because ML feels like home now).

I'm at Bard right now. Whee! They're on fall break, so there's not a ton to do, but I'm still having fun. We've watched a number of movies and played some pool and such. The campus is pretty... I'm kicking myself for not remembering my camera. Oh well.

We're going to go see Underworld tonight. As Claudia said, "Vampires vs. werewolves -- What could be cooler?"

I'm catching up on my sleep, and my body definately appreciates it. Yay!

Fall break has officially begun. Woohoo! It feels weird, knowing that I don't have class for a week. What makes me weird, though, is that this afternoon, while I was lazing about, I picked up one of my history books and read for a bit. That's right. Friday afternoon, fall break, and I do some work. I'm a strange, strange girl.

Speaking of history... Had my midterm today. Not sure if it went well or not. I'm pretty sure that it didn't go horribly, but there's a lot of grey area between horrible and well. So we shall see.

My radio show went well last night; no major problems or anything. I won't have a show next week... *sniffle* Anyway, here's what I played last night. It was a rather emo-ish show... (Yes, I did indeed just use the word emo-ish).

Belle and Sebastian: Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying
Further Seems Forever: Wearing Thin
*Death Cab for Cutie: The New Year
OK Go: Hello, My Treacherous Friends
Jets to Brazil: Lemon Yellow Black
*The New Pornographers: Miss Teen Wordpower
The Get Up Kids: 10 Minutes
Something Corporate: Fall
*The Kills: Cat Claw
Weezer: Getchoo
Alkaline Trio: Donner Party (All Night)
*Pretty Girls Make Graves: Chemical, Chemical
Jimmy Eat World: Believe in What You Want
Dashboard Confessional: Hands Down
*Grandaddy: El Caminos in the West
Saves the Day: As Your Ghost Takes Flight
Guster: Two Points for Honesty

I have to pack tonight... Because I'm going to see Claudia tomorrow! La!

My plan for the first half of fall break: hang out with Claudia and have fun.
My plan for the second half of fall break: catch up on sleep, history reading, and do some other work.

The first half sounds more fun, but the second half is going to be very useful. I may actually get myself back onto a normal (or at least more normal) sleep cycle... That would be nice. Of course, I'll probably screw it up again as soon as classes start back up. Ah well.

I haven't posted a quiz result for quite some time... So let's do this.


You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...

You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.

Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

First, an anecdote: Tonight at Sharples I got pasta... Very long line. The scrumptious chocolate pie that was for dessert was in low supply when I got in line; by the time I had my other food they were all gone. I went and sat down, and he had a piece of pie on his tray... That he had gotten for me. He saw they were running low, he knew I was in a long line, he knows my fondness for all things dessert... So he grabbed me a slice. Not at all important, very minor... But at the same time very sweet.

Now, my point: There are all sorts of little things like this, and they're all very sweet and wonderful. And when you combine them with larger nice things, then the end result is a really great relationship.

Finally, the conclusion: All this makes Jen a very happy girl.

Now if only I was caught up on my history reading... Then things would be absolutely wonderful.

I just got back my very first college paper... I did pretty good. Woohoo!

Darn you Squawkbox. It seems that because people actually use my commenting system, they want to charge me for it now. Grr. So I signed up for another account, using I different email address. As Marci said, I "cheated the system." However, due to this, I may have lost all of my earlier comments... I'm not sure. I suppose we shall see.

I finally forced myself out of bed about 30 minutes ago. I've completely missed breakfast and brunch, but I don't care. I feel well rested, and I also feel immensely happy.

I'm feeling something that I don't know exactly how to describe... It's like this warm fuzzy feeling that is at once magnified and subtle... It's spread throughout my entire body and has penetrated my soul. I think you might call it love.

Just got back from the Hunt. It was quite entertaining. There were many more monsters than just the 2 dactyls... There were lots of hobgoblins, some orcs, 3 ninja turtles, a werewolf, a cat, the sphinx, the Jabberwock... Yeah. It was great. Lots of people running around in small groups with foam swords, whapping monsters to win poker chips in order to buy things. If you get hit, you die, so you give up your sword and go back to the line to get a new one. I killed 2 or 3 monsters, and I got killed many times... But all in all, it was a fun 2 hours of amusement... And when I left, it was still going strong. I think it only ends when both dactyls are killed. Which could take awhile. Because the dactyls have guards, as well as water guns that act as murderous venom. Very hard to get close to them.

Of course, the real issue at hand is who thought up of this thing in the first place?! I'm rather curious... It's much more elaborate than I expected, and it's really rather impressively done. Did someone just sitting around at a SWIL meeting a number of years ago just randomly think, "Hey, why don't we run a huge LARP and invite the entire campus?" Actually, that probably is exactly what happened. The really surprising thing is that it's become a tradition and keeps happening year after year and tons of people show up for it.

Last night's radio show was interesting. First of all, the transmitter wasn't functioning, so it was being broadcast solely over the Internet. Yeah... Apparently when the DJ before me came in a bit before 1, the lights were off and everything was off... So she turned stuff on... But the transmitter wouldn't transmit.

Despite this, we both did our shows, as did Chase. We just had a very limited number of listeners... I myself had at most 3, and halfway through my show, 2 of them came to the studio. So the last half of my show was all for Alex. I hope he enjoyed it.

Even if there hadn't been any technical difficulties, it would have still been an interesting show, I think. I was really tired when I got there, so I tried to wake myself up with loud, fast music... So I started off with some Finch and NIN... After a little while I had some Fugazi and Bad Religion and Operation Ivy... But I eventually gave into my sleepy side and ended with Belle and Sebastian. So... Odd mix of music, indeed. Unfortunately, I forgot to copy down the set list, so I don't remember all the songs I played. Ah well.

The SWIL Pterodactyl Hunt is tonight. This should be quite an interesting experience... I really have no idea what to expect. Wait, that's not quite true. I know to expect foam swords and various people running around smacking each other with them. Other than that, though...

My trip to Bard over fall break is starting to take shape. Woohoo!

It appears that my body has no idea how to cope with 8 hours of sleep.

I was more out of it today than I have been in a long time... Instead of feeling like I was going to doze off in history, I actually DID doze off a few times. I was a little better in philosophy, and the theological discussion that somewhat ensued got me pretty energetic... (Lesson: Jen needs to engage in a theological discussion every morning in order to be fully awake for class). That energy lasted through lunch. After lunch I made some progress in reading, but then I got tired again... And in my psych attachment, I was practically falling asleep until we started talking about some things... So yeah. So much for getting more sleep. I doubled the time I slept, and I had half the energy, it seems. I just can't win.

On the up side... Study break tonight! This week, the girls in the fishbowl are showing a movie... But I'm a Cheerleader. So I'll finally get a chance to see it, Claudia.