Oh English department, why must you spite me so? 2 classes that I'm thinking about taking - Contemporary Women's Poetry and Theory of the Novel are offered at the exact same time. Of course! Both are post-1830, so requirements don't hold any sway in the decision making process. I guess I'm leaning towards Theory of the Novel because I've already taken a lot of poetry, and it would be good for me to do something else. But that would make Lyric Encounters my last class with Nat, because I'm pretty sure she's on leave my senior year. And that's sad, because Nat is awesome. But Lesjak teaches Theory of the Novel, and she was my advisor for freshman year, and she seemed really cool...

So Swat English majors/minors/dabblers out there - any further imput?

Other things to figure out before I deal with scheduling next semester: if I got into the poetry workshop and if I really want to minor in theatre and what that would entail.

IF I get into the workshop, that would be Tuesdays, 1:15-4 pm. This would mean no life drawing or Japanese film and animation as possibilities.

IF I go for the minor in theatre, I would probably need to take advanced design (Wednesdays, 1-4 pm) and may also want to do the dramaturgy class (Mondays, 1-4 pm).

IF I get into the workshop AND decide to go for the minor, my schedule would probably be something like this:

Mon: Dramaturgy, 1-4 pm
Tues: Theory of Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm; poetry workshop 1:15-4 pm
Wed: Advanced design, 1-4 pm; choir 7-10 pm
Thurs: Theory of Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm
Fri: Nothing

Classes I really want to take but won't manage to, unless all my other classes fall through: oil painting (Mon and Wed, 1:15-4). And that's really the only one. None of the philosophy or psych classes particularly appeal to me, and I'm pretty happy in my little humanities niche.

I've enjoyed my PoR class this semester, but not more than my other classes. If I had to rank my courses, Lyric Encounters would win, followed by play-writing, and then costume design would probably just beat out philosophy of religion. Looking back at it, the idea of my majoring in anything but English Lit seems funny. And even if I add the theatre minor, that's often very connected with lit in my mind.

The only thing I'm hoping for right now is that during my senior fall the two pre-1830 classes I want (need) to take don't conflict. Please, please, please...

I talked to my mom earlier, and she made an excellent point: I get stressed when I host parties. Since this was the largest party I've ever had to deal with, it makes sense that I broke down a few times. All things considered, it went rather well.

I spent much of the day in bed, sleeping and being lazy. I've also read some and went to play practice. I'm going to read a bit more, and then sleep more. Yay sleep.

Tonight was horrible and also great. Let's start with the positive: people had a good time, we did not actually run out of drinks, a number of people helped us clean up, most things look to be in pretty good shape, the cops stayed outside, and there was no massive damage to people or property. The party was successful in general, I think.

It was one of my worst nights ever. Number of times I nearly had a panic attack - no idea. Number of times I burst into tears - I'd say at least 7. Number of drunk people I had to deal with - too many. Number of drunk guys I actually faced off with, eye to eye - at least 3, and I think they were larger than me. Anger = courage, it seems, because I was too mad to even flinch as I pulled a guy off the bar and directed him back out onto the main dance floor.

The number of people I dislike right now is decently large. My motto for much of the night was, in fact, I hate people. However, I also love them. To all my friends and fellow MLers who helped set up, tend the bars, hold down the fort, direct traffic, clean up, comfort and calm me -- thank you. Thank you so very, very much.

And now, sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Thank god for the time change. Yay extra hour!

So today (um, yesterday now, I guess) was a rather productive day -- as long as you include non-school work activities, anyway. I went to costume design lab and actually started piecing bits of my skirt together; I carved a pumpkin for the first time in years (I made a cat face - it's very cute); I designed a character for Soul Calibur III and then played for a bit in Robert's room.

The crowning achievement, however, was working on the decorations for the Halloween party. In the last few hours I have: put together a skeleton, painted names on tombstones, erected said tombstones in the yard, hanged 2 skeletons, helped construct and then position an executed inmate in a make-shift electric chair, laid out on the floor and been traced with "chalk" (white masking tape), strung up fake barbed wire, and spread about some rats. More of the same will follow tomorrow.

Now, a bit of reading until I fall asleep, I think.

Playlist:

Yo La Tengo - Autumn Sweater
*# Skating Club - The Long Hot July
* Wolf Parade - Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts
The Cure - Cut Here
Franz Ferdinand - 40’
Enon - In This City
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - From: Skulls
* Deerhoof - Rrrrrrrright (Not only a request, but a dedication!)
* Architecture in Helsinki - Souvenirs
Asobi Seksu - Walk on the Moon
* Laura Veirs - Icebound Stream
Camera Obscura - Shine Like a New Pin
Beulah - Your Mother Loves You Son
The Shins - We Will Become Silouettes
* Matt Pond PA - Several Arrows Later
The Decemberists - The Tain
* The Mountain Goats - You or Your Memory
The Weakerthans - Reconstruction Site
A.C. Newman - Drink to Me, Babe, Then
Tori Amos - Caught a Lite Sneeze
Spoon - Was it You?
* Metric - Ending Start
Radiohead - Pop is Dead
The Arcade Fire - Wake Up
* Doves - Almost Forgot Myself
Broken Social Scene - Cause = Time
*# Mary Timony - In the Grass

A good radio show, with minimal amounts of talking. I got work done instead - read some poetry.

I skipped PoR today to sleep - I'm not feeling great, and with this weekend and all it entails, I thought it was best to play it safe.

I was feeling better about this weekend. Then I got in the shuttle after my show to go back to ML. Discussion of the party ensued between me and residents. They're either going to hide in their rooms or be elsewhere. Part of me understands this. Part of me is depressed by this. Most residents don't want this party to happen. Most campus people don't care where it's held. So yeah, this may be the last year of the annual ML Halloween party - debates have definitely begun about whether it's worth the trouble with the Ville, etc. Even though I have mixed feelings about the party, it still really saddens me that most residents are less than pleased about it. Every time I'm doing something for it, there's that lurking feeling of 'Why bother? Why are we doing this?' and so on. If the dorm's not getting anything out of this, what's the point?

So I'm starting to hate answering my land line and checking the voicemail. It's very rarely something good. Most of my friends email or have my cell number... So it's usually something RA related, and if it's serious enough that they won't just send an email, I really don't want to here it. So yes, the little red voicemail light makes me sad.

One of the girls in my costume design class got us hot chocolate during break, which was awesome. Meanwhile, I talked to my prof about getting a theatre minor. I'm going to go talk to the department head sometime soon, but I figured I'd run some of it by her first. Looking feasible and favorable right now; hopefully it will stay that way.

Time to do a bit more work, then sleep. Yay sleep. Tomorrow is going to be so very long...

The headache is back. It did go away, though. Last night Miriam gave me a head/face massage (seriously, one of the most relaxing things ever), and a lot of the headache went away before I went to bed. And it was gone when I woke up. Then I started doing things, and it began to creep back in. It's definitely not as bad as it was, but it's still not what you would call fun.

I need to work on preliminary sketches for costume design for the rest of the afternoon... Class tonight, and after class I should finally write that 5 page scene... So yeah, another full day. And tomorrow will be even worse - class, choir, and play practice. Awesome.

Soul Calibur III comes out today. Rob is going to buy it, I think. But I probably won't get to play it until at least Thursday, more likely Friday. Tragic.

Time to draw some pretty 19th century dresses now, whee...

My head has managed to experience new and different levels of pain for the last 36 hours or so. I've had a nearly constant headache, the degree of pain ebbing and flowing depending on how recently I've taken something. Advil has done little; I got some Extra Strength Excedrin this afternoon. Even that has done little more than dull the pain - instead of stabbing near my temples, it's a sort of dull pounding. Matters have not been helped by the amount of time I've had to spend on the computer for the past 2 days, scanning in pictures for costume design and such.

Anyway, hopefully some food, perhaps a head rub, then sleep will kill this beast... We shall see.

My radio show, now with even more sleep-deprived ramblings and mistakes! Whoo!

*# Skating Club - Panic and Doubt
Blonde Redhead - Misery is a Butterfly
* Doves - Sky Starts Falling
* Moresight - Don’t Call the Doctor
Autolux - Robots in the Garden
* Metric - The Police and the Private
Driver of the Year - The Vamp, Stars, & Bars
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #2 (Laika)
* Super Furry Animals - Lazer Beam
The Dresden Dolls - Girl Anachronism
* The Rakes - Strasbourg
Death From Above 1979 - Going Steady
*# Thunderbirds are Now! - Eat This City
* Block Party - Banquet (Phones Disco Edit)
Eels - Mr. E’s Beautiful Blues
Of Montreal - Vegan in Furs
The Magnetic Fields - The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure
* Rouge Wave - Publish My Love
Sufjan Stevens - They Are Night Zombies!!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From the Dead! Ahhhh!
* Calexico/Iron & Wine - A History of Lovers
Elliot Smith - Question Mark
Luna - 1995
* The Mountain Goats - This Year
* Matt Pond PA
Fiona Apple - Tymps (The Sick in the Head Song)
Fiona Apple - Used to Love Him (The leaked version of the previous song - rather different)
Tori Amos - Cornflake Girl
Poe - Padre Fear
Cat Power - I Don’t Blame You
* Wolf Parade - I’ll Believe Anything
* Architecture in Helsinki - Fumble
Final Fantasy - The CN Tower Belongs to the Dead
*Sigur Ros - Gong

I had at least 4 listeners tonight (my parents, Ben, and his friend Andy), which made me feel special and extremely self-concious. It's always easy to forget that I do have some real listeners and that people do here me make an idiot out of myself.

Time to go be a good RA and check up on the Wing of Exiles (the half of the hall way over on the other side of the building). Then I need to work a bit on gathering stuff together for submission to the poetry workshop that I'm trying to get into. Then I get to sleep. Yay sleep!

Done! And I won't even have to sacrifice my leisurely lunch!

So I didn't listen to Erik's show after all... Sorry Erik.

I ended up loosing steam around 1:45, so I went to sleep from about 2 to 4:30 am. I've now finished the journal portion I was working on (just over 5 pages of 1.5 spaced text), and I'm about halfway through the paper itself. Whee. I've got about 2+ hours to finish this up before I need to think about getting ready for the day... I have to be at the library for work at 10 am. That goes until noon, and then class is at 1:15. I'm thinking today is going to be a good candidate for getting a bag lunch and working while eating... Hopefully it will only be a last-minute proofreading at that point.

Back to work I go!

Oh, it's going to be a long night... My PoR midterm and journal are due tomorrow.

The journal is up to just over 3 pages of 1.5 spaced semi-free-writing reflection, much of it thus far focused on Anselm's ontological argument. I have a deep dislike for that particular piece of writing. I have now had to read it twice, and both times I have become frustrated and written nasty things in the margins and/or complained to whoever is around (or the book, if I'm alone) that it's stupid and the assumptions frustrate me. l have relieved my hatred for it once today with the journal, and I am preparing to delve into it again, hopefully in a more coherent and formal manner, for my midterm paper.

The plan is this - work on the midterm paper until my mind goes numb (which, sadly, won't be too long), then switch back over to typing up/adding to the journal entries I scribbled out over October break. When my brain comes alive again, it's back to the paper I go. Coffee has already been drunk, whatever caffeine there is in the soda machine will likely be next. Sleep is to be avoided as long as possible, because once I let myself sleep I lose control and can't stop.

Somewhat motivating me (you know, besides the impending deadline of doom that is 1:15 pm on Thursday) is the chance to actually listen to Erik's show for once. It's tonight (tomorrow morning) from 2 to 4 am. I hope to make it at least through part of it.

And now it's go time. Eep.

Okay, so nothing has really changed from the previous post. Well, I will probably be getting gym credit for aikido, and I emailed my ballet teacher to tell him I wouldn't be coming anymore due to it not working out with my schedule, etc. So now what am I thinking of doing? Adding something else to my schedule. (In my defense, I do have free time, I've just been managing it poorly and being distracted by things)

So I just got an email. I was in a scene for a directing class last year when I was in acting. It was a week-long commitment, and it was pretty cool. The scene had been written by the director, and apparently she's turned it into a 30 minute play. And she's emailed me and wants me to be in it. This is quite a proposition. I feel incredibly flattered. I haven't agreed to it yet, but I imagine I will, just because, well, damn it, I'm easily swayed by flattery. And it was fun to do.

On a very related note, I want the power of super-sleep, where 10 minute naps feel like 8 hours of good sleep. Or I want to be able to work and sleep at the same time.

I have hit a wall. I have hit a wall in a very big way. I have no motivation right now, no energy, no drive. I am tired. My mind is glazed over. All the energy from break is gone, and I'm just this lifeless husk. Bad timing too, as I have a lot to do. But making myself do it is going to be very, very tough.

I've decided to try to get my credit for the aikido class I took freshman fall. As it is, I don't have the energy to go to ballet today, which means that I won't be able to get PE credit for it, as I've used all my absences. I'm also looking into doing power yoga again - the second quarter started on Monday, so I've only missed one class. And it's on Monday and Wednesdays, from 9-10:20 am... When I still, in theory, have some energy. And it's relaxing, which is more than I can say about ballet most days. I enjoy the class somewhat, but...

I have costume design stuff to finish for tonight, PoR take-home midterm to deal with for Thursday, a revision of my play to do for Wednesday, and some make-up work for both LE and play-writing. I also need to compile a portfolio of poems to submit for the poetry workshop selection for next semester, and I should submit something to SCW as well. I need to finish unpacking, I need to vacuum, and I need to deal with Halloween party stuff and other RA-type things.

I am currently skipping PoR class to get some work done, because I knew that if I went to class I would just fall asleep. I'm still weighing the issue of possibly missing costume design tonight; I probably should go, but we'll see. I'm on campus right now, but the desire to go home and collapse is strong - though I'm slightly more likely to get work done here, so I should stay.

Blarg.

I had a horrible nightmare just before I woke up. It wasn't really scary, just truly and utterly depressing. My mom had died of cancer, first of all. And then later in the dream someone with a gun got in the car my dad and I were in and kind of held us hostage as we were driving around. Weird and very unsettling. I want to go back to bed and have good dreams...

Another example of my weirdness: the highlight of my day was discovering that the Body Worlds exhibit is now in Philadelphia. Yes, I am excited to see plastinated bodies (real cadavers with the liquids replaced by plastic) in various phases of dissection, some of them in poses like playing chess or basketball.

Otherwise, lethargy reigns supreme, and my desire to take a nap right now is impractical but strong.

October break is over. So very sad...

It started off oh-so-well, with my flight home being delayed, then canceled. So I spent about 8 hours in the Philly airport, whee. I bought a book (Spook by Mary Roach), which was quite interesting and therefore saved my sanity.

Break itself was pretty good. I slept, I lazed about, I did a few productive things here and there, I shopped, I lazed more. I of course did not do all the work I should have done. And since getting back to ML, I have continued this trend. My motivation is nowhere to be found, which does not bode well at all.

So I really should go get some work done now... Ugh.

You scored as River Tam. The Fugitive. You are clever and dangerous, which is a nasty combination. The fact you are crazy too just adds to your charm. They did bad things to you, but you know their secrets. They will regret how they made you. Kaylee Frye 75% Hoban 'Wash' Washburne 75% River Tam 75% Simon Tam 69% The Operative 56% Zoe Alleyne Washburne 56% Capt. Mal Reynolds 56% Inara Serra 44% Shepherd Derrial Book 38% Jayne Cobb 25% Which Serenity character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

It came down to a 3 way tie between River, Wash, and Kaylee. But I feel "When the mood takes you, you are very dangerous" is somewhat more accurate than "Dinosaurs are cool" or "People you love don't seem to notice you, no matter how hard you hint."

Man, I really want to see the movie again...

I have a note on my hand, written by a hallmate, that says "The Halloween party will not eat me!" But it is. It's at least getting a little nibble in here and there, if not a full-out chomp. Grar.

Playlist for tonight:

* Bloc Party vs. Death From Above 1979 - Luno
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - Harpoons of Love
* The Holy Ghost - Shut Up and Play
* Of Montreal - So Begins Our Alabee
...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - Worlds Apart
* The Unicorns - Child Star
* Why? - Sanddollars
* Halloween, Alaska - I Can’t Live Without My Radio
Bjork - Human Behaviour
*# Montag - Angles, County and Terrain Connu
* The Clientele - Since K Got Over Me
* Rogue Wave - 10:1
*The Winter Pageant - Take Desire
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Blue Lights
# The Reputation - Face It
*# Skating Club - San Francisco
Beulah - Gravity’s Bringing Us Down
Spoon - I Turn My Camera On
The Walkmen - Thinking of a Dream
Broken Social Scene - Stars and Sons
Sufjan Stevens - Decatur, or, A Round of Applause for Your Stepmother!
* Teenage Fanclub - It’s All in My Mind
* The Go-Betweens - Statue
# Nick Drake - One of These Things First (from Garden State soundtrack)
*# Mary Timony - Return to Pirates
* John Vanderslice - Continuation
Man Man - 10lb Moustache
Pain - Square Pegs
Pixies - Here Comes Your Man
* The Rosebuds - You Better Get Ready
* We Versus the Shark - No Flint No Spark

Heavy on the rock playlist stuff -- I'm exploring the new CDs and figuring out which ones I like. The winner tonight: "Continuation" by John Vanderslice. There's something about the song that's just so amazingly great -- a good steady beat of drum and bass, but still keeps things interesting with other instruments and good vocals. Good stuff.

I finally turned in 5 CDs that I reviewed, and emailed the rock directors to let them know. One of them replied with an email that included the line "Nice shows so far." It's weird, but I often forget that I'm actually on the radio. I know certain people listen -- my mom does regularly, one of my brothers has every now and then, some friends will every once in awhile. But when someone outside of this sphere acknowledges that they've been listening, whether by calling the station or just mentioning it later, it's always a surprise. A nice surprise, but still a surprise.

I told myself that I would do laundry and other things tonight, and then I got distracted by talking with people and other things. So the question is -- am I going to be up late anyway, and if so, should I go ahead and do laundry now? Or should I wait until tomorrow? Or sink to a low that I try to avoid and bring it home with me on Saturday and do it there?

It's not getting done tonight, at the very least. Bah. Off to do other things now...

Yeah, so some days? I wonder/worry about myself.

This comment brought to you by the following stage direction from my 10 minute play:

Igor’s protests are cut off by the sickening crack of breaking bones. The zombie, tired of the struggle, has snapped his victim’s neck. Igor goes limp. The zombie opens wide and starts to munch on the skull. The noises, full of crunches and cracking, change into lip-smacking and slurping sounds as he reaches the brain itself.

Not feeling too great today. I was feeling worse last night - not quite sick, but still very much crappy. I went to bed without finishing my work. And then I slept most of today (after emailing my prof that I wouldn't be in class)... Now I'm feeling better, but still not great. And I still need to finish my LE work, as well as the scene I never did last week.

Damn it, break needs to get here soon. (And no, next week isn't soon enough.) I'm so tired.

I did 2 of the 3 things I was hoping to do tonight, and 1 unplanned thing. I saw Serenity (awesome!), went to a party (fun), but didn't make it to the party being held in ML. Before the movie I finally watched the musical episode of Buffy, which was rather fun. Yay for fun Fridays.

Much sleep now, then much work tomorrow...