I have been half-heartedly following the healthcare reform debate. It has not been half-hearted because I don't care that much -- I do -- but rather because, to be honest, I don't understand a lot of it, and what I do understand usually leads to me becoming very frustrated very quickly (i.e. the passage of the Stupak-Pitts Amendment).

I admit that I have not had to deal much with health insurance. Most of my life, I was covered by my parents' insurance. When that stopped, I was at college and had access to basic care at the health center and had to pay for my prescriptions out of pocket - pricey, but simple enough. Then I got a job and I'm covered through that. I had multiple options, but I just chose one based on... I'm not even sure what logic it was based on. It may have boiled down to multiple choice.

So yeah, I have little to no experience with this stuff, but whenever I do delve into it, it seems confusing and frustrating. Does my plan cover X? Figuring that out by looking at the company's website is far too difficult. Why did my prescription copay suddenly rise? Another half-hour spent online figuring it out. And that's just looking at a single plan, rather than comparing plans and trying to figure out what's the best, most cost-efficient, and appropriate option. I don't have to try to find insurance for myself, weigh the merits of going with or without it, etc.

I feel like I'm pretty smart, but the idea of having to deal with insurance companies and sorting out details terrifies and confuses me. I have to wonder how it got so damn complicated, how the system became this crazy behemoth. Then I start longing for a simpler solution, probably a single-payer type plan. Health care is important! It should be like education and roads and libraries and be available to everyone! Then I realize I'm a crazy idealistic type with socialist tendencies and should probably look into moving to Scandinavia or something. Or at least a country with a social democratic party. Or a viable liberal party that's actually, you know, left-of-center. And then I start getting bitter towards the Democratic party and just get sad.

On Monday I went back to the psychiatrist. The depression is pretty well under control with the new meds, which is great. Yay for no random crying or awful side effects!(Except for painful hangovers and really vivid dreams, but I can work around those.) On to a problem that I didn't really realize was a problem - anxiety.

I don't do very well in crowds, especially if I'm already tired or stressed. I shut down and withdraw or silently freak out and want to run away and hide. I worry about things and have a to-do list always running through the back of my mind. I grind my teeth. My boyfriend has noted that the only time I look relaxed is when I'm at home; apparently my demeanor there is markedly different.

So I brought this up with the doctor. He's upping my dose of Paxil, since it's good for anxiety as well as depression. In the meantime, he's also given me an anti-anxiety med that I can take as needed.

I took one this morning. It is amazing. Before taking it - stressed about being late to work, mind racing, etc. After? Calmer. My mind and heart slowed down a bit. I sat on the subway and almost enjoyed the ride, got to work and have handled the day well so far - even the latest list of Polanski supporters. (Harrison Ford and Natalie Portman? Really?)

So, at least as a temporary solution, this stuff is great. It may not be viable in the long term, but hopefully the Paxil will kick in and take care of it from there. We'll see.

I am developing a very strong aversion to the smell of warm printer ink, and I'm really annoyed by people on cell phones. I would say I need to get away from the circulation desk, but the back office has it's own annoyances. What I really need is a few really good nights of sleep and an actual weekend. I'm working on the former, but the earliest the latter will happen is maybe mid-May. Blerg.

Evidently the 3 or so years that my cat has spent indoors after living on the streets has not diminished her hunting skills.

Last night, as I was starting to drift off, I heard the cat pouncing and batting at something. I figured it was a twist tie or hair tie or something and tried to fall asleep. Eventually the noise got to me, so I turned on my lamp so I could find the toy and toss it into the living room. Without my glasses, it just looked like a fuzzy grey spot. I went to pick it up, then recoiled in horror. It was oddly soft and squishy. For a second I thought maybe the cat had coughed up a hairball. Then I put on my glasses and turned on the main light. The fuzzy grey thing was a dead mouse. Eeek.

On one had, yay kitty for killing it (and not making a mess in the process). On the other hand, boo for there being a mouse in the apartment in the first place. I'm now a little paranoid about teeny feet scampering across me as I sleep.

The Dead Like Me movie was a disappointment, and now it looks like the Veronica Mars movie may never happen. Boo.

Today's WTF ad is courtesy of Facebook. I accidentally hit the back button, so I can't quote the ad verbatim, but it was for a singer/songwriter and included the phrase "what a redhead should sound like." WTF? I never knew that hair color affected one's vocal cords!

Imagine the (complete lack of) scandal that could ensue were it discovered that this woman was a bottle red. "I didn't mean to mislead my fans. But... well, I sounded like what a redhead should sound like, but I'm blonde. I had to dye it! It was the only way!"

So there are these ads for a small laptop that I've been seeing around, mostly on Jezebel. The ad features 3 bags, each one smaller than the next, then the laptop, which is small enough to fit in the smallest of the purses.



As you can see, the bags are represented by fairly simple line drawings, but each one is still distinctive. So distinctive, in fact, that, to my great shame/amusement, I can easily identify 2 out of the 3. (Man, that's a lot of commas...) In my defense, I had to do a bit of Googling to find the exact names of the bags, but I knew the designers right away.

The largest is meant to be a Marc by Marc Jacobs Totally Turnlock Mag bag:


The middle one is a Louis Vuitton Neverfull:


The third one? That I'm not sure about, and it's bothering me, because I like to know things, even stupid things like this. A bit of searching has led me to believe that it's probably supposed to be a Coach bag, since they have the little tags on the handle, but I can't find a style that matches up. Anyone out there have any ideas?

Things I do not understand:

Why quieter noises tend to bug me/aggravate my headaches more than obnoxiously loud ones.
Related: Why I hate the sound of people whispering.

Seriously, I hate it. This is problematic, since I work in a library, but I would much rather have people talk in a normal, yet quiet, tone of voice than have to listen to the 'psss, psss, psss' of people whispering.

Ugh. I have such a nasty headache at the moment. I'm having trouble keeping my mind (and my eyes, for that matter) focused, and I really just want to curl up in a ball and sleep. Unfortunately, I've only been at work for 2 hours, so I've got another 6 before I can go home. Blerg.

Bad: Getting on the subway to go home instead of going to class because you're feeling sick, only to discover that every noise makes your headache worse and every smell makes you feel like you're about to throw up.

Good: Making it all the way home without throwing up and having a nice evening at home.

Bad: Coming into work the next day and having the headache and nausea reactivated by being forced to listen to a coworker eat loudly at her desk.

Grr.