So. Charities. I've been pondering and pondering. I came across a lot of good ones. Saving fuzzy creatures, protecting books and historical places, encouraging the arts, aiding literacy, promoting women's rights, giving scholarships... All very good causes, to be sure. And I was looking at this website, Charity Navigator, which rates charities on how efficiently they use their money and such... Which ones are actually doing something and whatnot. The sight also offers lots of other information; it's been quite handy.

I was leaning towards the Boys & Girls Clubs of America -- they seem to be doing some good stuff. But the CEO makes nearly half a million dollars. Yeah, that's only a small percentage of their revenue, but still... It bothers me, for some reason. Most of the other charities' CEOs get around $200,000. I can deal with that. And it's not that I have anything against people making half a million a year. It's just... Well, you're working for a non-profit... So, why are you profiting so much? Sure, maybe a lot of the money ends up going back into charity. But still. It nags at me.

And then came the question of what really matters to me, what cause I'm most concerned about. For so very, very long, that has been women's rights, in one form or another. Equality, suffrage, independence... Those things matter to me greatly. And right now, I perceive one of the largest threats in the area of women's rights to be sexual health/reproductive rights. Abstinence-only education is being promoted/enforced by this administration, and it's not helping anything at all. Aid programs that even mention abortion as an option (just an option - not the best course of action) are getting funding cut and so on. Pharmacists aren't filling Rx for birth control, for the morning after pill. It frustrates me, it angers me, it even sickens me a little.

So. Planned Parenthood? Looking good to me. Only not the US branch. Their CEO, again, makes nearly half a million. Also, it seems like they're not handling their money as well as perhaps they could be... Expenses growing at 4 times the rate that the revenue is increasing? That's not good. But the idea, the cause? Important to me, definitely. International Planned Parenthood Federation - Western Hemisphere region, then. That seems to be where I'm going. Revenue growing while expenses stay steady; decent CEO pay; seem to be doing some good.

I'll make my final decision tomorrow (er, later today).

I have a certain amount of money that is to be donated to a charity of my choice. Anyone have any suggestions (and reasons for those suggestions)?

Happy Boxing Day! I hope you all had good a good Christmas (or just a nice Sunday).

My family will actually be celebrating Boxing Day this year. Well, sort of. My oldest brother spent Christmas with his girlfriend and her family and will come home tomorrow (er, later today, I guess)... So we're waiting to do the gifts and such until then, which will also be when we go to see my mom's side of the family. So today was Christmas-lite, in a way. Carols on the radio, a nice dinner with fancy plates and candles, gifts for the pets, a bit of family bonding... But nothing over-the-top or anything. For awhile, it felt a bit odd, but it was nice.

Merry Christmas!

When I went to sleep, it was raining out. When I woke up, everything was coated with snow. Booyah! I love white Christmases.

I think staying away from the malls is one of the best ways to make Christmas merry. My family is really cutting back on gifts, mostly doing small things and the gag gift/white elephant exchange. This is good, and it makes everything much less stressful.

Church tonight was nice enough, though not as nice as some other Christmas Eve services I've been to. And the party we went to was fun; it was nice to meet the people my parents have been spending time with since the move.

There was a sad moment, though. I met a little boy, almost a year old. Later on, I found out that his father, who is in the military, has been gone for nearly a year. Probably left right after his son was born, hasn't seen him since. And that just makes me so sad.

Merry Christmas Eve to everyone!

I love Christmas, even though I'm thoroughly agnostic (with occasional bouts of deism). Christmas is the one time of year when I'll go to church willingly. I love Christmas carols (especially sung by candlelight) -- they give me warm fuzzies. I think Christmas decorations are splendid, and Christmas cookies are great. I adore How the Grinch Stole Christmas, with it's fun songs and immense cuteness. I like being at home with my family. All in all, it's a great holiday.

Except for the church service, my Christmas has become pretty secular. I decorated my mini-tree today, putting on little ornaments. There was Marvin the Martian, Yoda, the Grinch, various other Dr. Seuss creatures, snowflakes, gingerbread men, and so forth. The closets things to religious icons were the star on the top and an angel ornament. Everything else? Super secular. And I'm happy about that. I like that I can enjoy the holiday without tying myself to religion too closely. Oh, I know that that idea make more religious people quiver with anger. But I don't really care. The holiday makes me happy -- not so much because of the presents (which are always nice, of course), but more due to the increased willingness of people to share and connect with others. Serious warm fuzzies.

So, merry secular Christmas to all, and happy holidays, and happy Hanukkah, and everything else. I hope the holidays find you happy and healthy.

I have a list of about 17 internships to look into later... So I accomplished something. Which means now I can do nothing for the rest of the night and feel little to no guilt. Yay!

Dear world,

Looking for summer employment is terrifying, especially since I'll have to be looking for REAL employment in about a year. Due to this, I have decided that I will stay a kid forever. Please ignore the fact that I'm already 21. Allow me to regress into child-like bliss during break and then just stay there.

Thanks,
Jen

So, yes. The real world terrifies me. I don't want to deal with it.

On a completely different note, one of my aunt's cats died/was put down this morning. This cat was basically her child; she'd had it for as long as I can remember (literally - the cat was about as old as me).

Why is it that we put our beloved pets out of their misery when they grow old and their bodies start failing them, but with people we stick them with all sorts of machines and such? I suppose the most common argument for why the former is acceptable while the latter isn't would deal with value of life and souls and such, but still. If someone wants to die before they lose their abilities to function, why not grant them that bit of control? (Euthanasia -- joining abortion, homosexuality, and many other things in the ranks of "Things in the Catechism that I found I disagreed with during Confirmation classes.")

Possibly going to church for Christmas Eve, though I'm not yet sure. I think the last time I went to church may have been last Christmas, though perhaps there was one other time in-between.

Back to looking at theater internships for the summer...

By using the online setup program for the router, as opposed to the CD and directions provided, I have managed to get the wireless to work. Finally!

Break thus far: sleeping, reading fun books (latest Lemony Snicket, Falcondance by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, The Wainscott Weasel, and Inamorata by Joseph Gangemi - a Swat alum who I met this semsester), and generally being unproductive.

My mom and I went up to Quincy on Monday and we saw some people... A few family friends, a few of my old teachers, etc. It was nice, but it was also kind of odd. I've detached myself from Quincy quite a bit, so going back there is familiar but not home.

I've attempted to do some vaguely productive things, namely to set up the borrowed wireless router. But it keeps on thwarting me. I've followed the directions, tried every variation I can think of, and it still won't work. It's frustrating me. Right now I'm unplugging the family computer to steal that Ethernet jack to use for my laptop... I have too many bookmarks, etc on my computer to do everything I want on the family computer. Plus, I just like mine more. The best situation, of course, would be to get the router to work so I can use my computer elsewhere in the house. But that doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. (Anyone have any hints on making routers magically love me?)

I'm thinking productivity will kick in soon enough. I'm toying with the idea of getting exercise later today, even if it's just in the form of DDR. I know I need to start going to the gym again next semester, and I should probably start over break so that the momentum will carry me over.

There are other things I need to do as well... Make signs for new people on my hall, look for summer internships, fill out my reapplication form for the RA position, review CDs, etc. But once I've gotten a taste of lethargy, it's really hard to re-motivate myself. Arg...

Ha! See, I am a cat!

You Are A: Kitten!

Cute as can be, kittens are playful, mischevious, and ever-curious. Like you, kittens hate getting wet. Kittens are often loving, but are known to scratch or bite when annoyed. These adorable animals are the most popular pets in the United States--37% of American households have at least one cat. Whether it is your gentle purr or your disarming appearance, you make a wonderful kitten.

You were almost a: Lamb or a Bear Cub
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a FrogWhat Cute Animal Are You?

Technically, A Series of Unfortunate Events is a set of kids' books. But there are little jokes and things snuck in that kids won't get and teens and adults will. And that is one of the reasons that they are awesome. Some of the best come from Sunny, who, being a baby, can't talk all that well. So she says things that are supposed to be nonsense at times... But are often real words or names that fit the situation perfectly.

My current favorite is in The Penultimate Peril:

The verdict of the High Court was to take the expression [Justice is blind] literally," said the manager, "so everyone except the judges must cover their eyes before the trial can begin."
"Scalia," Sunny said. She meant something like, "It doesn't seem like the literal interpretation makes any sense," but her siblings did not think it was wise to translate.

I just emailed my poetry portfolio to Nat. I am now done for the semester. Hallelujah!

Vegging begins now!

I got the library internship for the spring! So I don't completely fail at life today, yay.

So. The idea that papers always get done no matter how much you're stressing over it? Sadly, not true in all cases. Because sometimes you just admit defeat and have to acknowledge that you put it off to long, that you put the class on the back burner all semester, and that you can't really change that now. You admit defeat and sleep. When you wake up, you realize that you can't live with the prospect of a D on your transcript -- but you better figure it out fast, because it's looking like a real possibility. And then start mentally composing a letter of apology to the prof, who you really like, assuring him that you enjoyed the class but things just fell apart this semester. And no, that's not an excuse, just an explanation. Then you hang your head in shame and retreat home with your tail between your legs.

My English paper has been cleaned up, printed, and stapled. It will be handed in right before/after my library shift.

The plan for tomorrow:
Turn in paper
Work at library
Lunch
Work on PoR journal - basically use it as a way to sort out my ideas about the readings and prep for my paper
Work on PoR paper!

Somewhere in there should be a trip to CVS to pick up my Rx, as well as laundry-doing and at least vague contemplation of packing.

I finally heard back from my externship host, so I am, in fact, still on for the week-long externship in January. Still no word on the spring library internship.

And now, a bit of sleep.

I finally have a draft of my explication done for English class. Hopefully Miriam will be able to read over it tonight (and I, in turn, will read over her Shakespeare paper). Then, I'll scan it again and be done. Now I focus on reading more stuff for PoR -- I'll start that paper tomorrow. I also need to work on my poetry portfolio, but that's due on Saturday and can be emailed to Nat, so there's a very good chance I'll end up doing that in the airport/on the plane/at home.

But - progress has been made! Thank heavens!

I just ordered a few books, which, while pricey, I can justify by saying they're educational. Because they are. I fell in love with this one book that I used for reference in costume design - it's full of very detailed drawings of period clothes, describes the fabric and shows the construction and is must immensely awesome. I decided to see if it's still in print. And it is. And the woman who made it - Nancy Bradfield - did another book as well, so I got both of them. So, yay for amazing reference books!

I've been up since about 6:15 today (went to sleep around 2 or so)... I did my normal morning thing, got some food, was on campus around 8 am. I worked for about 2 hours in the design lab, then went to the library to do my shift, then got lunch and ate it while coloring in my designs. Then I had class from 2 to 5 pm, ate dinner, and am now at home.

Now I nap for about 2 hours, and then I attack my English paper. I shall attack with fierceness. I will fiercely attack the philosophy paper starting tomorrow. Fierceness is key, I think, otherwise I'll just go back to sleep.

Hungry Hungry Hippos rocks my socks. I got it at the gift exchange the other night, and I broke it out tonight before doing work. Very good stress reliever, I must say.

On that note, boo to stress. And boo to work, the cause of stress.

Yay, however, to cool plays with weird gymnastic-y things going on. I can't remember what it's called, but the wrapping yourself up in ropes/sheets and dangling about and twisting and such? Very impressive. I wish I could do it, though I'm pretty sure my dislike of heights plus my lack of upper body strength (and hell, lower body strength too!) would really work against me.

Okay, back to costume design. Whee...

I'm feeling much better right now. Things have been talked over a bit, and that helped a lot. Still not exactly happy, but much, much better. Yay for betterness.

If there is one thing I have gotten the hang of this semester, it's how to be confrontational when I really need to be.

Off to do maybe a bit more work, but most likely sleep.

If you've looked at my little imood thingy over the past week, you've seen the mood-swingage. Rejected to elated to happy to baffled to blank. Quite a week, no?

Today I may actually venture out into the real world, but I may put that off until tomorrow. It's cold, so walking to the mall to find a White Elephant gift is not overly appealing. At the same time, it'll still be cold tomorrow. And eventually, I need to work on work. Blarg.

To be home, in bed, with a purring kitty by my side and a book in my hands... This is what I get in another week. Just have to make it until then.

I'm trying to figure out why it seems that about 4 hours of sleep gives me about 1 hour of energy. Got about 8 hours of sleep, was energetic for about 2 hours, then slept another 4 hours and was fine for another hour. Really, I feel like the ratio should be at least 2:1, though 1:1 would be better and 2:1 would be quite nice.

So I slept much of today, which was good for me. I've read some poetry. I'm possibly going to do some work on costume design now, perhaps while watching some Firefly. Basically, today has been mostly cancelled due to lack of interest... And I'm okay with that. Tomorrow will involve more work, I'm sure, and maybe some sort of excursion to someplace within walking distance to get a gift for the White Elephant thing.

I am really, really looking forward to break right now. Maybe I should try to become a trophy wife just so I never really have to do anything ever again. But for now, I think I'll stare blankly at possible internships for the summer... Because even if I get the spring library thing, all of the sudden it seems far less interesting to me. Not sure what's going on with that, but whatever. If anyone can think of employment that consists of sleeping, reading fun books, and playing with cute cats, let me know.

So um, that came out of nowhere. (Yes, Mom, I will call you sometime tomorrow and explain what exactly came out of nowhere...) Currently baffled and upset, will hopefully have the baffled bit dealt with sooner rather than later. For now, however, sleep. Sleep makes everything better... And a conveniently-timed Primal Scream and half a bottle of cheap champagne don't hurt either. I will sleep until I don't want to sleep anymore, work be damned (until Saturday, anyway). Ideally I will wake up and discover this was all just a hallucination brought on by sleep deprivation, but that's highly unlikely.

Murder mystery dinner earlier in the evening was a great deal of fun. Falling asleep repeatedly while watching clips of operas in costume design was less fun. Seriously stabbing myself with pins/needles while sewing was also not so fun, but at least I made progress on my skirt. I'll finish it over break, I think... Maybe I'll dye it next semester. Not sure if I'll ever actually wear it, but that doesn't actually matter.

Alright. Bed time!

My birthday was fantastic. The play went really well, I had dinner with my parents and Robert, I got to have a small celebration in ML and then another in Mertz, and all was generally fantastic. So much, much happiness. Also much tiredness. I didn't get as much work done for costume design as I probably should have, but it's just the roughs, so I don't really care too much. Class in about 7 hours... But I'm just going to go to sleep. Yay sleep!

I'm 21. *mulls this over for a bit* Huh. Weird.

So tonight. Opening night. It went fairly well, so yay! No major mishaps or anything like that. And now just one more show, and then I can relax. Well, sort of relax. Relative-speaking relaxation. Anyway, the show went well, people enjoyed it, and I got a Magic Flower, which is hard to describe but very cool. Just trust me on this. Yay for Robert and quirky gifts. :)

I also had my interview for the library internship today. It's just for the spring position, not the spring and summer like I thought. So even if I get it, I'll need to look for summer work anyway. It would increase my chance of getting the summer position, but there's no guarantee. Anyway, it's got a class aspect to it, as well as a project, so it's more than just standard work at the library. So... yeah. I should hopefully find out sometime early next week.

And now, off to finish writing my play and try to get some costume design done. I'd like to not have to do work tomorrow night, but that may mean little sleep tonight, which is no good either. Blarg.

It's snowing, has been since like 7 pm or so. It makes me ridiculously happy -- I love the first snow of the year. It's all pretty and white, no nasty slush. So much happiness as a result of the snow.

But now, bed. Or maybe work and then bed. But some sleep does need to be gotten.

I was supposed to have play practice now, but that fell through due to other people not being able to be there. So instead, much practicing will happen tonight, from 9 to midnight.

Meanwhile, the nervousness is starting to creep up every so often. Whenever I see a sign for the show, I get a bit worried. I'm scared that I will mess up, big time. And the audience will be CLOSE. I don't have the helpful floodlights preventing me from seeing who's out there. No, when I look up, I'll be looking at people that I probably know. Eep!

I made some progress on my English paper today - not on the paper itself, really, but on notes and figuring out what I'm going to say. I think it'll turn out okay, but we'll see. I also need to work on my play (due Wednesday) and my costume design sketches (due Thursday) as I won't have much time in the next few days to devote to them. So... yeah.

Plan for rest of the day: dinner, a bit of work (either sketching or reading), housing committee meeting, bit more work, practice, then either bed or again, more work. Such fun.

Tomorrow is high stress day, since it includes an interview for the library internship as well as opening night of the play. Scary stuff, I must say.

Despite getting 9+ hours of sleep, I am still tired.

The choir thing did not happen after all, because I can't sing. My regular range notes come out kind of squeaky, and my higher notes, well, they don't really want to come out at all. One cannot sing Messiah as a soprano without high notes. It just doesn't work.

So instead, I have been working on laundry today, will go to CVS pretty soon, and will get to go to Night of Scenes tonight. Whee. After that, I may try to do some work on my English paper, because really, that needs to get done.

Coming up this week: my play! Tuesday at 9 pm, Wednesday at 7 pm. Both times in the Kitao Gallery, between the frats and Olde Club. It'll only take about 30 minutes of your time, so please come!

I am exhausted, my brain feels a little fuzzy, and I just want to collapse. So I'm going to do that. But tonight was awesome - dinner with a friend, a cappella, hanging out, and dancing. Good times.

Tomorrow: choir part 2 (performance at a church in Chester), laundry, errands, work. The first will definitely happen, the others will hopefully happen... We'll see.

I would be overstating
If I said I knew you well,
That I knew you at all.

When you flew through that windshield,
And your life passed reel to reel
Was there a bit part for me?

I made a wish for you,
Blew out the sun so it’d come true.
But the sun froze along with your heart.

So give up, give up your love,
Give up, give up your love -
I promise it's not gonna kill ya
And I need ya, Lord I need ya.

And when they cut up your lung
You said we could all breathe easy,
The hole swallowed your heart.

When they drill holes in your skull
And screwed that halo to your head,
Did you think you could fly?

I made a prayer for you,
Then prayed some more that it’d come true.
Don’t know about God, but I believe in you.

So give up, give up your love,
Give up, give up your love -
I promise its not gonna kill ya
And I need ya, Lord I need ya.
And though you haven’t got a lot to give up,
A good man is easy to kill well.
Stop talking about the weather and say you’re getting better.

-Beulah, "A Good Man is Easy to Kill"

So much love for this song and its lyrics...

Last night I went from being upset to extremely silly. Ah, friends plus sleep deprivation. I was finally forced to go to bed, which was for the best. I have now doubled the amount of sleep I've gotten in the past few days, bringing me up to a whopping 14 hours since Tuesday.

Busy day today... Choir concert tonight at 8 pm. Please come! We're singing Handel's Messiah, and it shall be very pretty! Come a bit early to get decent seats.

Then, Tuesday and Wednesday at 8 pm - I make my Swarthmore stage debut in a student play. It's in the Kitao Gallery (between Olde Club and the frats).... Again, please come!

It's December, which is weird to me. It's finally starting to feel like it, what with the cold and chance of snow this weekend.

I turn 21 in 5 days. Very weird.

Tonight was mostly good, I guess. I had a great time with the middle school dance study break. The other RAs and I dressed as teachers and such... I was the librarian/English teacher. I somehow became the teacher people had crushes on too, and danced with various "students"... It was amusing. Interesting how so much can be undone with one little sentence though. At least the wanted-ness at the dance kinda cancels out this feeling of not being wanted. Kinda like the 5 or 6 really favorable RA evaluations cancelled out the not-so-positive one.

Off to do maybe a little work before bed.

So someone else was willing to the the hour sub shift at WSRN, so I'm back to the originally planned 2 hours from 6 to 8 pm. Whee.

I didn't get more sleep last night after all. I did, however, get a nearly-full body massage from a friend, and for that I am extremely thankful. So yeah, 7 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours or so, but at least my body hates me less than it did before.

I switched time slots for my radio show tonight, so I'm going to be on WSRN from 6 to 8 pm. Actually, I may be on from 5 to 8 pm, if no one volunteers to sub for that hour. This will be my last show of the semester as far as I know, so it's going to be a bit of a "best of the semester" thing. I had 2 hours of music pulled together for that, but now I may need to seek out another hour. Ah well.

But really, at this point, very little matters to me except for this: I got my philosophy of religion midterm paper back today, and I got an A. Not an A-, but an actual full out A. This in a class that has been forced to the back burner, on a paper that I did the reading for over October break and then wrote in one night. I'm proud.

Off to my RA evaluation, which will hopefully be full of nice things and not make me feel like a bad person. *crosses fingers*

Many thanks to whatever minor deity who arranged for my play practice to get cancelled. 2 to 3 hours of my life have been returned to me (though they will be taken away again sometime this weekend)... This is good, because I can now use that time to a) get a massage from a friend, b) start work on my English paper, and c) get more sleep than planned. Rock!

So often I hit on a few songs or an artist that I get stuck on for awhile. Current obsession: Beulah.

The really nice thing about my iPod is that as I listen to stuff walking around campus, I tend to listen to the lyrics more. Hence my newfound deep love (as opposed to my previous deep like) for "A Good Man is Easy to Kill," "Popular Mechanics for Lovers," and "Gravity's Bringing Us Down."

I know he knocks you off your feet,
You’re so bitter; you think he’s sweet.
Well he’s wrong for you, I swear.

Did you forget to read the script?
There was never a role for him.
It was always you and me, just me

Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now.

I know you never felt romance,
And we always lack suspense -
I can edit those parts out.

I never made you feel complete,
I would fall beneath your feet.
I would never bring you down, so down.

Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now.

Just because he loves you too -
He wouldn't ever take a bullet for you.
Don’t believe a word he says -
He wouldn't ever cut his heart out for you.

I heard he wrote you a song -
But so what.
Some guy wrote 69,
And one just ain’t enough.

And there’s no sense in him trying -
I know cuz I’ve been
Trying all the time to find something that would make you mine.
But all I ever find my love
Are clichés that don’t rhyme.

Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now.

Just because he loves you too -
He wouldn't ever take a bullet for you.
Don’t believe a word he says -
He wouldn't ever cut his heart out for you.

Beulah, "Popular Mechanics for Lovers"

Okay, so my life for the next week or so...

Tonight: Finish playwriting stuff for tomorrow.

Wed: RA lunch, 12-1 pm; playwriting, 1-4 pm; choir, 7:15-10 pm; play practice, 10-1 am

Thurs: Work at library, 10-12 pm; PoR class, 1:15-2:30 pm; RA evalution 3-? pm; radio show 6-8 pm (time changed so I can go to next event!); middle school dance themed study break, 9:30-11:30 pm

Fri: Costume design lab, 2-4 pm; meet with director of student play about costumes, 4-4:30 pm; choir concert, 6:30-? pm

Sat: See Senior Company show, 2 pm; Jamboree, 8 pm?

Sun: Choir in Chester, 4:15-? pm

Mon: Dress rehearsal, 9-midnight

Tues: PoR class, 1:15-2:30; call for play, 7 pm; play performance, 8-8:30

Wed: Playwriting, 1-4 pm; play, 7-8:30 pm; celebrate 21st birthday

Thurs: Costume design, 9-noon; December housing lottery, 5 pm; murder mystery dinner, 6-9 pm

Fri: Die, then revive self to do work for papers, finals, etc.

So I think what I really want in life is just a personal masseuse to follow me around, giving me massages all day. On a very related note, a combination of Wink and moving heavy objects have left my shoulders and pecs in a very bad state. Owie.

I just woke up from a nice nap. Well, it was kind of nice. There was a dream within a dream thing going on, though, and it was kind of unsettling. When you can't even get away from your anxiety in your sleep, it's very very bad.

These next two weeks are going to eat me alive.

It's been awhile since I've posted song lyrics, but this song is really getting to me at the moment.

I broke free on a Saturday morning,
I put the pedal to the floor,
Headed north on Mills Avenue,
And listened to the engine roar.

My broken house behind me and good things ahead,
A girl named Cathy wants a little of my time.
Six cylinders underneath the hood crashing and kicking,
Ahhh listen to the engine whine.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

I played video games in a drunken haze.
I was seventeen years young.
Hurt my knuckles punching the machines,
The taste of Scotch rich on my tongue.

And then Cathy showed up and we hung out,
Trading swigs from the bottle all bitter and clean.
Locking eyes, holding hands,
Twin high maintenance machines.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

I drove home in the California dusk.
I could feel the alcohol inside of me.
Home.
Picture the look on my stepfather's face,
Ready for the bad things to come.

I downshifted as I pulled into the driveway.
The motor screaming out stuck in second gear.
The scene ends badly as you might imagine,
In a cavalcade of anger and fear.

There will be feasting and dancing in Jerusalem next year.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

- "This Year" by The Mountain Goats

My elbows weep -- I have a stinging rug burn on each arm, plus a few scrapes on my knees. Really not that bad, just annoying. But Wink was fun and rather non-sketchy (though also rather small), so it's all good.

Blarg to just about everything, but most especially lack of sleep and boys.

So I thought I was developing a crush on someone, but I think it was more just me wanting to have someone to like, hopefully someone who would like me back. I've been single for 6 months now, the longest time for quite awhile. So yeah, I'm getting a little antsy. I don't need a boy, but dammit, I want one.

Of course, this is the time my omnipresent crush decides to intensify a little bit again, to which I can only say the following: "Damn it, I thought I was over you!" But apparently not, because really, that would be far too simple and drama-free.

Also, sonnets are currently the devil. By the end of today, however, I'm fairly sure the throne of hate will be usurped by opera. Packing and then traveling will soon follow.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break, and I cannot wait until winter break. Oh precious sleep, how I miss you so...

I just registered for my classes for next semester. So, barring anything bizarre, my schedule for next semester is:

Mon: Production Dramaturgy, 1-4 pm
Tues: Theory of the Novel, 11:20-12:35 pm
Wed: Special Project in Playwriting, 1-4 pm, choir, 7-10 pm
Thur: Theory of the Novel, 11:20-12:35 pm
Fri: Nothing

My special project in design hasn't been scheduled yet, but it'll be either Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon, I think.

Off to write sonnets now, blarg.

My feet currently hate me very, very much. For the first time in forever, I wore my shoes the entire time I was at a formal. So, owie. On the plus side, I had a lot of fun, got to be all pretty, and danced with all my girls (and some of the guys). It was good.

Now to re-hydrate myself and apologize dearly to my poor feet.

So, tonight. Dinner - fun. Bookstore and ice cream - good times. Movie - great. The last one is debatable (many of my friends weren't overly impressed), but I rather liked it. Yay.

Off to tidy my room up and then perhaps do a bit of reading before bed.

Playlist:

* Explosions in the Sky - A Song for Our Fathers
Matt Sweeney and Bonnie “Prince” Billy - What Are You?
Low - Point of Disgust
Richard Ashcroft - The Drugs Don’t Work
The Cranberries - Liar (from Empire Records soundtrack)
Gary Jules - Mad World (from Donnie Darko soundtrack)
Tori Amos - Pretty Good Year
Sufjan Stevens - John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
The Weakerthans - (Hospital Vespers)
TV on the Radio - Mr. Grieves (a cappella version of a Pixies song)
* Doves - Black and White Town
# The Reputation - Bottle Rocket Battles
Friends Like These - What Emily Says
* The New Pornographers - Sing Me Spanish Techno
* Metric - Poster of a Girl
Portishead - Only You
Frou Frou - Psychobabble
Minus the Bear - The Game Needed Me
Sleater-Kinney - The End of You
Spike (from Buffy) - Rest in Peace (from Once More, With Feeling soundtrack)
Le Tigre - My My Metrocard
Ladytron - Seventeen
Enon - Leave it to Rust
Interpol - PDA
Irving - I Can’t Fall in Love
* Architecture in Helsinki - Spring 2008
Badly Drawn Boy - Another Pearl
Pavement - Kennel District
Communique - Drummer Boy
Belle & Sebastian - Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying
* My Morning Jacket - It Beats 4 U

A bit of work tonight, dinner out and HP tomorrow, formal Saturday, various other things throughout the weekend. It will be very busy, will hopefully also be quite a bit of fun.

Today's weather: high of 70, thunderstorms likely. Tomorrow: high of 47, clear. Weather is wacky.

Yeah, so not much multitasking happened while I was watching Empire Records. I got one large drawing of an outfit done. Since the movie ended, I have done about 12 smaller sketches. They will get colored tomorrow, and I will also draw more. The men are getting all the attention this time; I'll redo some of the women if I get a chance.

My iPod is nearly full -- I'll have to start figuring out what I don't need on there, blarg.

Time for bed, so I can get up in like 4 hours and get ready to go to work. Whee!

So today was mostly good. Class was fine, I got to chat with people and that was nice, and I stole Erik away and made him have dinner with me and my friends. That was a lot of fun -- dinners are wonderful (lunches are too, usually, but dinners are consistently great). I seriously love my friends. It's sad that so many will be graduating at the end of this year. :(

That reminds me -- I was yet again thought to be a senior by a classmate. He confessed that it was at least in part due to my height.

Not much else to say. I need to get some work done tonight (drawings and such), and will probably get distracted by Empire Records (being shown in the lounge at 9 pm). As I've now seen the movie at least 2 or 3 times, however, I should be able to multitask.

One of those geeky moments: I'm writing a response paper when a phrase from another class pops up. I get the essay where the phrase appears, work that into the paper and use it to further the discussion.

Silly me.

I didn't go see the musical today after all, because I slept. And slept. I did a little work too, but mostly I slept. It was nice; I needed it.

Time to actually get some work done before dinner, I think.

I'm feeling happy and cuddly. I just got back from a girls' night with a few friends. There were girly drinks and facials and silliness and so much more. It was wonderful, and just what I needed.

Now I'm off to bed. Much work is to be done tomorrow!

Slipping this in before the day is over: Happy birthday, Neil Gaiman. I really wish your visit to Swat last year hadn't been cancelled due to poor planning on our part.

Sensory memory is a weird thing - whenever I read about tattoos or the tattooing process, my lower back kind of tingles.

Playlist of the night:

Beulah - My Side of the City
TV on the Radio - The Wrong Way
* The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema
The Futureheads - Man Ray
The Cure - Just Like Heaven
Enon - Shoulder
Le Tigre - Eau ‘d Bedroom Dancing
Bloc Party - Like Eating Glass
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Chemical, Chemical
# Shoplifting - Contrapuntal Prancing
* Metric - Monster Hospital
Sleater-Kinney - Step Aside
Ted Leo/Pharmacists - Heart Problems
# The Washdown - Confusion... (Confusion?)
The Natural History - Watch This House
* Tangiers - A Hundred Million Feathers’ Weight
Interpol - Evil
Death from Above 1979 - Romantic Rights
Fischerspooner - Emerge
Switchblade Symphony - Funnel
Nine Inch Nails and David Bowie - I’m Afraid of Americans
Pixies - Where is My Mind
Aphex Twin - Alberto Balsalm
Zeitmahl - Girl Unknown
Stereolab - Pack Yr Romantic Mind
Ladytron - Mu-Tron
* Styrofoam - Front to Back
Sneaker Pimps - Walking Zero
* Architecture in Helsinki - To and Fro
* Of Montreal - I Was Never Young
* Super Furry Animals - The Horn
* Rouge Wave - Love’s Lost Guarantee

On my way to bed now, but before I forget - I saw a fox on my way to campus today. When I first caught a glimpse of it, I thought it was a large and rather ugly cat. But no, it was a scraggly looking fox, who then crossed the road and disappeared.

I seem to have this karmic balance thing going on within myself. I cheered someone up last night, and then today I made someone cry. (Really, that sounds worse than it was... I think.) Anyway, so yeah. Last night I felt like a good person, this afternoon I felt horrible and mean, even though I just did what had to be done.

I am more awake now than I have been most of today, so that's good.

Off to do stuff that probably isn't work...

The ceiling, or perhaps the pipes, is doing something. Settling, perhaps. Whatever it is, it makes odd cracking noises. It makes me paranoid that the ceiling is going to cave in on me. (Laugh all you want, but it actually did happen a few years ago, on a different floor.)

Doing play-writing stuff right now... I got a late start and have gotten distracted many times since. I have the class exercises done, now I'm just working on the five page section of my one act play. I have just crossed onto page two, blarg.

A short nap may be in order... Man, I can't wait until Thursday afternoon -- I get to sleep! (And probably do some laundry, but oh well.)

I am no longer frustrated with the theatre department. In fact, I currently adore the theatre department. My meeting with the head of the department turned an otherwise horrible day into a good one.

I wore my steel-toed boots today so I would feel tough and strong and so that nothing would screw with me. The world laughed and messed with me anyway... I was running late this morning, so I decided to grab a bag lunch instead of going to Sharples. When I got there, there were no bag lunches left. I scurry off to print off things for class, stealing a sandwich from Robert on the way. I deal with printing things, then scurry back to Tarble to get yogurt. Such a good lunch. I then head to class, stopping by the English office to see if they had posted the list of people for the poetry workshop. They had. I was not on the list. Despair and frustration, but no time for tears -- it's off to class. I make it through two and a half hours of class without breaking down, then go to the design lab to look up possible replacement classes. Someone is working in there, so I can't cry there either. I finally make my way to Cornell and cry on Emily's shoulder (quite literally). And then I prep for my meeting with Allen.

This is where the day became good. To get my minor in theatre with a specialization in play-writing/dramaturgy, this is what I have left to take: Production Dramaturgy, Play-writing Special Project, and Performance Theory and Practice. That's it. Other design classes that I'm considering are just icing on the cake. The ease of getting this established was astounding, and then having Allen go on to talk and encourage me to do more design, to help with productions, etc... It was what I needed then, and it made me really, really happy. It was followed by a fun dinner (as dinners usually are when we have a table full of people), and my mood was greatly improved.

So. Here's the tentative schedule for next semester as of now:

Monday: Production Dramaturgy, 1-4 pm
Tuesday: Theory of the Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm
Wednesday: Play-writing, 1-4 pm, choir 7-10 pm
Thursday: Theory of the Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm
Friday: -

My other class is not yet scheduled, but it will be a design special project (i.e. I get credit for doing costume designs for two shows a student is doing next semester). So yeah. Three theatre, one English, a busy but hopefully happy me.

As for the rest of my time at Swat... (oh-so-tentative)

Senior fall: Shakespeare, Survey I: Beowulf to Milton, Performance Theory and Practice, x (where x may = Senior Company, may be something else)
Senior spring: Modernism: Theory and Fiction, culminating essay (0.5 credit requirement for my major), x, y, and maybe z (if I decide not to go for a 3.5 credit final semester, which is very tempting...)

x may = Production Ensemble I, or x+y may = the theatre history seminar, if it is available. If I can take the seminar, I will probably do so, because if I do that and Senior Company the semester before and they let me count the design special project for the Advanced Design credit... Well, then I'd have a major. But that seems unlikely. As it is, if I do the design project next semester and then some other design credit the next year, I would basically have a design specialization in addition to my play-writing/dramaturgy one. That would be neat.

At the same time, hopefully one of the open classes in my remaining semesters will take the form of a class I can count towards my creative writing emphasis. This would take the form of either the poetry workshop or fiction workshop offered my senior spring, or some other sort of arrangement that I devise with Nat (classes at Bryn Mawr or Haverford perhaps?)

Appealing classes at Bryn Mawr: Short Fiction I, Creative Nonfiction, Screenwriting, Writing for Children. There are also some classes at Haverford, but they don't sound as interesting. Also, do you really expect me to pass up a class that could be like WFC, Part 2? I think not.

Now time to do more work for costume design. Yay sketches and watercolor pencils...

So much frustration with the theatre department right now! Seriously, the requirements and figuring out how to meet them? Not always an easy task, especially when you choose the lessthan clear cut focus of play-writing/dramaturgy.

What's dramaturgy, you ask? Why, there's a lovely bit of information on that right here! At the very least, read the bit about being a literary manager. That's the job I read a description for, in internship form, that made me go "I must get a minor in theatre so I can get a job like this." Kind of a bit like dealing with a glorified slush pile (which, honestly, is another job that sounds oddly appealing to me), but with plays. Nifty.

Anyway, back to grumpiness with the theatre department. So, in many ways, linking play-writing and dramaturgy together makes a great deal of sense. But it makes dealing with the requirements funny. One of the requirements is either play-writing workshop, production dramaturgy, or directing I. Okay, fine. But later on, there's a requirement for a focus in dramaturgy that requires the production dramaturgy class -- which I haven't taken because I took play-writing instead. So, now comes the issue of how to achieve a concentration in play-writing/dramaturgy that does not ignore the play-writing (by not taking the workshop) while still getting the requirements filled without too much excess. Because I am planning on taking the dramaturgy course anyway, but having it basically thrust upon me is frustrating, as it makes it another credit tacked onto what is already a 7 credit minor. I have 4 credits right now, 3 semesters in which to get the others. Doable, but frustrating with possible scheduling conflicts and the need to make sure I get all the credits for my major.

Also, the idea of a focus on play-writing/dramaturgy implies, to me, the option of doing more with the play-writing stuff. But you need 3 classes, it seems, in your specialization, but there are only 2 play-writing courses - the workshop and the special project. So that means you have to take at least some dramaturgy, but that leads back to needed to take a course in the requirement bracket that was already dealt with. Unless there's some sort of loophole where for the more play-writing focused bit you can count that dramaturgy class as your 3rd course in place of Production Ensemble I (the course that is needed for dramaturgy concentration -- and therefore, it would seem, the play-writing/dramaturgy specialization -- and requires the dramaturgy class to get in).

Anyway, I'm frustrated. But I'm meeting with the head of the department tomorrow, so hopefully things will become more clear then. At the very least, he should be able to tell me when Performance Theory and Practice is next offered -- another class I need.

Blarg!

Today was basically swallowed up in a happy dose of fiction and discussion on writing. Four Swarthmore alums - Adam Haslett '92, Yongsoo Park '94, Chris Castellani '94, and Joe Gangemi '92 - came to read, conduct workshops, and talk with people. I heard readings by Yongsoo, Chris, and Joe... All were different but all were good. I caught the last bit of Adam's talk/workshop, then got to listen to all of Joe's. I also sat in on the final panel-style Q and A thing. And I bought a copy of Joe's book and got it signed. This last bit makes me ridiculously happy, as I developed a bit of a fan-girl crush on him over the course of his reading and talk.

By and large, the guys were novelists, though I think Adam also does a lot of short stories. Joe's main focus is on screenwriting. Mel Gibson's company is producing one of his scripts. Johnny Depp is going to produce the script based on the book Joe read from today. He's adapted some of Stephen King's stuff for the screen. He cowrote a script - about vampire heart surgeons - with a friend. I don't think the script ever saw the light of day, but the friend later went on to write 'Minority Report.' So yeah, getting all that info in the brief intro before his reading was a bit of an overwhelming "wow" moment. And then, when he turned out to be a funny, really nice guy who wrote really well -- well, fan-girl crush.

All of the guys were really nice, and all have had quite a bit of success. On one hand, it's a bit mind-boggling and scary to think that these guys -- all in their 30s -- have already worked so hard and done so well. It's a lot to try to match. On the other hand, it's awesome to hear about Swat grads who have done really well in mainstream areas like popular literature and movies.

You hear a lot about Swatties who do quirky things when you pick up the Swarthmore alumni magazine. You hear some about the ones who are more mainstream and just too well-known to ignore (i.e. Jonathan Franzen). But these four guys, with their various awards and success stories? I would never have heard about them if not for this weekend organized by the English department. The editor of Glamour, Cindi Leive, is a Swat grad. She got mentioned in one Swat publication in 2003, apparently... But I only found out when she came for a dinner/discussion done by Career Services.

It's nice to hear about these people who are successful in more mainstream areas. Because honestly, while going out and being a midwife may be cool, I'd rather be a screenwriter. The midwives made the cover of a past Swat alumni publication. The same issue had about a column on Gangemi publishing his novel and selling screenplays. I remember reading the midwife story; I wish I had remembered the article on Joe. I probably leafed past it; the first few lines of the article do ring a bell.

Basically, I guess my issue is this: I know Swat prides itself on quirkiness. I understand and like this... But I do think they should be better about showing more of the facets of what you can do with your degree. Given attention to the more unusual choices and stories is good; being reminded that you can have a more 'normal' career and still be happy and successful is nice too. As it is, there's almost this unconscious push towards the unusual, like you won't be a noteworthy alum if you're doing something linked to popular culture. This frustrates me.

It also seems to go against the school's more mainstream push of late. The new admissions DVD, the attempt to tone down the intense image, and so on... All of that seems to be aimed at polishing up the quirky image to make the college appeal to a wider group.

And this is where it gets weird for me. I like the quirky image. I don't want the college to aim for a more mainstream crowd, because there are a lot of things that seem to come with it -- such as the increased issues with drinking that seem to have emerged over the past few years -- that I don't want to see here. I love Swat, I love the intense image. I even love the intense reality, no matter how much I complain about it. But I do like the possibility of more mainstream success, of becoming an editor at a bigger publishing house instead of a specialized non-profit press.

I guess I feel somewhat hypocritical, wanting this quirkiness now while preserving the chance to go back to the mainstream after graduation. I feel odd wanting to be seen as a quirky Swattie but also wanting to be reminded about alums who have succeeded in popular culture. I want my cake, and I want to eat it too, because it looks like a very tasty cake... But then I feel bad. Not right away, no... But when I do this, when I reflect on the incongruities of how I want to be seen now and what I dream of becoming (even if many of those dreams will, in fact, never happen -- I mean, lead singer in a band? Still a dream of mine, never happening...), that's when I feel bad. Maybe not bad, but confused to some extent.

I have now rambled on for a good long while, and that should stop now. It's been an hour since I started writing this, and while I definitely got distracted by other things, that is still too long. It's time for philosophy reading and bed, I think.

You wouldn't think that sketching costumes would be so time consuming and draining... But it is. It's also fun, however, so it works out. I now have two full outfits for all four main women in Three Sisters (the sisters and their brother's wife)... I have one outfit for all of the non-military men... And one basic uniform drawing for the soldiers. None of them have color, and I need to do quick basic pencil sketches for two outfits per woman, as well as some for the men. Gah.

Much of tomorrow is going to be eaten up by the fiction writers' weekend - there are four alumni here doing readings and workshops and such, and I'm going to try to go to as much as I can.

Time for some reading or something until bed... I don't think I can handle any more drawing at this point... I think I've been going for almost 3 hours now, not really sure.

So I girl I know from high school just recently got married... One of my friends from home is getting married this summer... And now I just found out that two of my other friends are officially engaged (to each other, so it's only one engagement to deal with.) It's not really a surprise, it's just one of those things that reminds me that yeah, I'm basically an adult now, and the real world is approaching rather quickly.

*hides in fear*

And I was in a really good mood like 3 minutes ago... The 'awesome' evaluation has just been completely undone by this:

Hello,

I'm sorry to tell you that your pieces were not selected for this semester's issue of Small Craft Warnings. Be assured that we still very much enjoyed reading your pieces, and strongly hope that you'll continue to send us submissions in the future. Thank you so much for submitting.

Best,
Small Craft Warnings

Rock. Another rejection. And sadly, it was a poem I really liked - even other people liked it! It was a poem I used in my submission for the poetry workshop. And now, since I won't know the outcome of the poetry workshop selection until the 7th, I get a fun weekend of imagining horrible things as this rejection eats on that worry and I watch the possibility of getting into the workshop sputter and fade. And with that fading possibility fades a bit of my chance at getting a creative writing emphasis. Gah.

Playlist for tonight:

*American Analog Set - She’s Half
Bjork and Thom Yorke - I’ve Seen It All
Radiohead - I Might Be Wrong
Menomena - Twenty Cell Revolt
Beulah - Cruel Minor Change
Elliot Smith - Baby Britian
* The Like - Mrs. Actually
Poe - Control
Le Tigre - Hot Topic
Le Tigre - The Empty (I couldn’t decide between the two, so I went with both...)
* The Capes - Super Girls
The Futureheads - Hounds of Love
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - Bodies Adjust
The Go Find - Over the Edge
* Summerbirds in the Cellar - Lonely Sleeping Giant
* Architecture in Helsinki - City Calm Down
* Metric - Empty
Driver of the Year - Volume Switch
Super Furry Animals - Something for the Weekend
*The Mountain Goats - Dilaudid
The Weakerthans - Uncorrected Proofs
* Matt Pond PA - So Much Trouble
# Shark Quest - Katherine of Krakow
Quasi - Genetic Science
* Moresight - Faked Out (& Faked Back In)
Man Man - Zebra
* Destroyer - Don’t Become the Thing You Hated
* Teenage Fanclub - Cells
* The Constantines - Soon Enough
* The Clientele - (I Can’t Seem to) Make You Mine

Whee. RA evaluations are happening now. They're not supposed to get handed into me, but I saw one that someone tacked to my door. I tried very hard not to read it, but the word 'AWESOME!' did pop out at me, so that's nice.

Still sick-ish, but functioning.

So I'm in a play this semester. We've decided that it will probably be happening on December 6th and 7th. You, as my friends (for I assume that the people who read this are either one of my friends or a family member - if you're neither, that's fine too), are encouraged to come see it. More information will follow, of course, but I figured I'd give you a heads up now.

Back to being sick. (Though I am feeling a bit better than I was this morning, so that's good.)

(Parentheses! Such useful bits of punctuation!)

(Yes, I have gone mildly crazy. I would blame it on cold/flu/whatever meds, only I haven't taken any.)

Oh English department, why must you spite me so? 2 classes that I'm thinking about taking - Contemporary Women's Poetry and Theory of the Novel are offered at the exact same time. Of course! Both are post-1830, so requirements don't hold any sway in the decision making process. I guess I'm leaning towards Theory of the Novel because I've already taken a lot of poetry, and it would be good for me to do something else. But that would make Lyric Encounters my last class with Nat, because I'm pretty sure she's on leave my senior year. And that's sad, because Nat is awesome. But Lesjak teaches Theory of the Novel, and she was my advisor for freshman year, and she seemed really cool...

So Swat English majors/minors/dabblers out there - any further imput?

Other things to figure out before I deal with scheduling next semester: if I got into the poetry workshop and if I really want to minor in theatre and what that would entail.

IF I get into the workshop, that would be Tuesdays, 1:15-4 pm. This would mean no life drawing or Japanese film and animation as possibilities.

IF I go for the minor in theatre, I would probably need to take advanced design (Wednesdays, 1-4 pm) and may also want to do the dramaturgy class (Mondays, 1-4 pm).

IF I get into the workshop AND decide to go for the minor, my schedule would probably be something like this:

Mon: Dramaturgy, 1-4 pm
Tues: Theory of Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm; poetry workshop 1:15-4 pm
Wed: Advanced design, 1-4 pm; choir 7-10 pm
Thurs: Theory of Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm
Fri: Nothing

Classes I really want to take but won't manage to, unless all my other classes fall through: oil painting (Mon and Wed, 1:15-4). And that's really the only one. None of the philosophy or psych classes particularly appeal to me, and I'm pretty happy in my little humanities niche.

I've enjoyed my PoR class this semester, but not more than my other classes. If I had to rank my courses, Lyric Encounters would win, followed by play-writing, and then costume design would probably just beat out philosophy of religion. Looking back at it, the idea of my majoring in anything but English Lit seems funny. And even if I add the theatre minor, that's often very connected with lit in my mind.

The only thing I'm hoping for right now is that during my senior fall the two pre-1830 classes I want (need) to take don't conflict. Please, please, please...

I talked to my mom earlier, and she made an excellent point: I get stressed when I host parties. Since this was the largest party I've ever had to deal with, it makes sense that I broke down a few times. All things considered, it went rather well.

I spent much of the day in bed, sleeping and being lazy. I've also read some and went to play practice. I'm going to read a bit more, and then sleep more. Yay sleep.

Tonight was horrible and also great. Let's start with the positive: people had a good time, we did not actually run out of drinks, a number of people helped us clean up, most things look to be in pretty good shape, the cops stayed outside, and there was no massive damage to people or property. The party was successful in general, I think.

It was one of my worst nights ever. Number of times I nearly had a panic attack - no idea. Number of times I burst into tears - I'd say at least 7. Number of drunk people I had to deal with - too many. Number of drunk guys I actually faced off with, eye to eye - at least 3, and I think they were larger than me. Anger = courage, it seems, because I was too mad to even flinch as I pulled a guy off the bar and directed him back out onto the main dance floor.

The number of people I dislike right now is decently large. My motto for much of the night was, in fact, I hate people. However, I also love them. To all my friends and fellow MLers who helped set up, tend the bars, hold down the fort, direct traffic, clean up, comfort and calm me -- thank you. Thank you so very, very much.

And now, sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Thank god for the time change. Yay extra hour!

So today (um, yesterday now, I guess) was a rather productive day -- as long as you include non-school work activities, anyway. I went to costume design lab and actually started piecing bits of my skirt together; I carved a pumpkin for the first time in years (I made a cat face - it's very cute); I designed a character for Soul Calibur III and then played for a bit in Robert's room.

The crowning achievement, however, was working on the decorations for the Halloween party. In the last few hours I have: put together a skeleton, painted names on tombstones, erected said tombstones in the yard, hanged 2 skeletons, helped construct and then position an executed inmate in a make-shift electric chair, laid out on the floor and been traced with "chalk" (white masking tape), strung up fake barbed wire, and spread about some rats. More of the same will follow tomorrow.

Now, a bit of reading until I fall asleep, I think.

Playlist:

Yo La Tengo - Autumn Sweater
*# Skating Club - The Long Hot July
* Wolf Parade - Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts
The Cure - Cut Here
Franz Ferdinand - 40’
Enon - In This City
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - From: Skulls
* Deerhoof - Rrrrrrrright (Not only a request, but a dedication!)
* Architecture in Helsinki - Souvenirs
Asobi Seksu - Walk on the Moon
* Laura Veirs - Icebound Stream
Camera Obscura - Shine Like a New Pin
Beulah - Your Mother Loves You Son
The Shins - We Will Become Silouettes
* Matt Pond PA - Several Arrows Later
The Decemberists - The Tain
* The Mountain Goats - You or Your Memory
The Weakerthans - Reconstruction Site
A.C. Newman - Drink to Me, Babe, Then
Tori Amos - Caught a Lite Sneeze
Spoon - Was it You?
* Metric - Ending Start
Radiohead - Pop is Dead
The Arcade Fire - Wake Up
* Doves - Almost Forgot Myself
Broken Social Scene - Cause = Time
*# Mary Timony - In the Grass

A good radio show, with minimal amounts of talking. I got work done instead - read some poetry.

I skipped PoR today to sleep - I'm not feeling great, and with this weekend and all it entails, I thought it was best to play it safe.

I was feeling better about this weekend. Then I got in the shuttle after my show to go back to ML. Discussion of the party ensued between me and residents. They're either going to hide in their rooms or be elsewhere. Part of me understands this. Part of me is depressed by this. Most residents don't want this party to happen. Most campus people don't care where it's held. So yeah, this may be the last year of the annual ML Halloween party - debates have definitely begun about whether it's worth the trouble with the Ville, etc. Even though I have mixed feelings about the party, it still really saddens me that most residents are less than pleased about it. Every time I'm doing something for it, there's that lurking feeling of 'Why bother? Why are we doing this?' and so on. If the dorm's not getting anything out of this, what's the point?

So I'm starting to hate answering my land line and checking the voicemail. It's very rarely something good. Most of my friends email or have my cell number... So it's usually something RA related, and if it's serious enough that they won't just send an email, I really don't want to here it. So yes, the little red voicemail light makes me sad.

One of the girls in my costume design class got us hot chocolate during break, which was awesome. Meanwhile, I talked to my prof about getting a theatre minor. I'm going to go talk to the department head sometime soon, but I figured I'd run some of it by her first. Looking feasible and favorable right now; hopefully it will stay that way.

Time to do a bit more work, then sleep. Yay sleep. Tomorrow is going to be so very long...

The headache is back. It did go away, though. Last night Miriam gave me a head/face massage (seriously, one of the most relaxing things ever), and a lot of the headache went away before I went to bed. And it was gone when I woke up. Then I started doing things, and it began to creep back in. It's definitely not as bad as it was, but it's still not what you would call fun.

I need to work on preliminary sketches for costume design for the rest of the afternoon... Class tonight, and after class I should finally write that 5 page scene... So yeah, another full day. And tomorrow will be even worse - class, choir, and play practice. Awesome.

Soul Calibur III comes out today. Rob is going to buy it, I think. But I probably won't get to play it until at least Thursday, more likely Friday. Tragic.

Time to draw some pretty 19th century dresses now, whee...

My head has managed to experience new and different levels of pain for the last 36 hours or so. I've had a nearly constant headache, the degree of pain ebbing and flowing depending on how recently I've taken something. Advil has done little; I got some Extra Strength Excedrin this afternoon. Even that has done little more than dull the pain - instead of stabbing near my temples, it's a sort of dull pounding. Matters have not been helped by the amount of time I've had to spend on the computer for the past 2 days, scanning in pictures for costume design and such.

Anyway, hopefully some food, perhaps a head rub, then sleep will kill this beast... We shall see.

My radio show, now with even more sleep-deprived ramblings and mistakes! Whoo!

*# Skating Club - Panic and Doubt
Blonde Redhead - Misery is a Butterfly
* Doves - Sky Starts Falling
* Moresight - Don’t Call the Doctor
Autolux - Robots in the Garden
* Metric - The Police and the Private
Driver of the Year - The Vamp, Stars, & Bars
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #2 (Laika)
* Super Furry Animals - Lazer Beam
The Dresden Dolls - Girl Anachronism
* The Rakes - Strasbourg
Death From Above 1979 - Going Steady
*# Thunderbirds are Now! - Eat This City
* Block Party - Banquet (Phones Disco Edit)
Eels - Mr. E’s Beautiful Blues
Of Montreal - Vegan in Furs
The Magnetic Fields - The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure
* Rouge Wave - Publish My Love
Sufjan Stevens - They Are Night Zombies!!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From the Dead! Ahhhh!
* Calexico/Iron & Wine - A History of Lovers
Elliot Smith - Question Mark
Luna - 1995
* The Mountain Goats - This Year
* Matt Pond PA
Fiona Apple - Tymps (The Sick in the Head Song)
Fiona Apple - Used to Love Him (The leaked version of the previous song - rather different)
Tori Amos - Cornflake Girl
Poe - Padre Fear
Cat Power - I Don’t Blame You
* Wolf Parade - I’ll Believe Anything
* Architecture in Helsinki - Fumble
Final Fantasy - The CN Tower Belongs to the Dead
*Sigur Ros - Gong

I had at least 4 listeners tonight (my parents, Ben, and his friend Andy), which made me feel special and extremely self-concious. It's always easy to forget that I do have some real listeners and that people do here me make an idiot out of myself.

Time to go be a good RA and check up on the Wing of Exiles (the half of the hall way over on the other side of the building). Then I need to work a bit on gathering stuff together for submission to the poetry workshop that I'm trying to get into. Then I get to sleep. Yay sleep!

Done! And I won't even have to sacrifice my leisurely lunch!

So I didn't listen to Erik's show after all... Sorry Erik.

I ended up loosing steam around 1:45, so I went to sleep from about 2 to 4:30 am. I've now finished the journal portion I was working on (just over 5 pages of 1.5 spaced text), and I'm about halfway through the paper itself. Whee. I've got about 2+ hours to finish this up before I need to think about getting ready for the day... I have to be at the library for work at 10 am. That goes until noon, and then class is at 1:15. I'm thinking today is going to be a good candidate for getting a bag lunch and working while eating... Hopefully it will only be a last-minute proofreading at that point.

Back to work I go!

Oh, it's going to be a long night... My PoR midterm and journal are due tomorrow.

The journal is up to just over 3 pages of 1.5 spaced semi-free-writing reflection, much of it thus far focused on Anselm's ontological argument. I have a deep dislike for that particular piece of writing. I have now had to read it twice, and both times I have become frustrated and written nasty things in the margins and/or complained to whoever is around (or the book, if I'm alone) that it's stupid and the assumptions frustrate me. l have relieved my hatred for it once today with the journal, and I am preparing to delve into it again, hopefully in a more coherent and formal manner, for my midterm paper.

The plan is this - work on the midterm paper until my mind goes numb (which, sadly, won't be too long), then switch back over to typing up/adding to the journal entries I scribbled out over October break. When my brain comes alive again, it's back to the paper I go. Coffee has already been drunk, whatever caffeine there is in the soda machine will likely be next. Sleep is to be avoided as long as possible, because once I let myself sleep I lose control and can't stop.

Somewhat motivating me (you know, besides the impending deadline of doom that is 1:15 pm on Thursday) is the chance to actually listen to Erik's show for once. It's tonight (tomorrow morning) from 2 to 4 am. I hope to make it at least through part of it.

And now it's go time. Eep.

Okay, so nothing has really changed from the previous post. Well, I will probably be getting gym credit for aikido, and I emailed my ballet teacher to tell him I wouldn't be coming anymore due to it not working out with my schedule, etc. So now what am I thinking of doing? Adding something else to my schedule. (In my defense, I do have free time, I've just been managing it poorly and being distracted by things)

So I just got an email. I was in a scene for a directing class last year when I was in acting. It was a week-long commitment, and it was pretty cool. The scene had been written by the director, and apparently she's turned it into a 30 minute play. And she's emailed me and wants me to be in it. This is quite a proposition. I feel incredibly flattered. I haven't agreed to it yet, but I imagine I will, just because, well, damn it, I'm easily swayed by flattery. And it was fun to do.

On a very related note, I want the power of super-sleep, where 10 minute naps feel like 8 hours of good sleep. Or I want to be able to work and sleep at the same time.

I have hit a wall. I have hit a wall in a very big way. I have no motivation right now, no energy, no drive. I am tired. My mind is glazed over. All the energy from break is gone, and I'm just this lifeless husk. Bad timing too, as I have a lot to do. But making myself do it is going to be very, very tough.

I've decided to try to get my credit for the aikido class I took freshman fall. As it is, I don't have the energy to go to ballet today, which means that I won't be able to get PE credit for it, as I've used all my absences. I'm also looking into doing power yoga again - the second quarter started on Monday, so I've only missed one class. And it's on Monday and Wednesdays, from 9-10:20 am... When I still, in theory, have some energy. And it's relaxing, which is more than I can say about ballet most days. I enjoy the class somewhat, but...

I have costume design stuff to finish for tonight, PoR take-home midterm to deal with for Thursday, a revision of my play to do for Wednesday, and some make-up work for both LE and play-writing. I also need to compile a portfolio of poems to submit for the poetry workshop selection for next semester, and I should submit something to SCW as well. I need to finish unpacking, I need to vacuum, and I need to deal with Halloween party stuff and other RA-type things.

I am currently skipping PoR class to get some work done, because I knew that if I went to class I would just fall asleep. I'm still weighing the issue of possibly missing costume design tonight; I probably should go, but we'll see. I'm on campus right now, but the desire to go home and collapse is strong - though I'm slightly more likely to get work done here, so I should stay.

Blarg.

I had a horrible nightmare just before I woke up. It wasn't really scary, just truly and utterly depressing. My mom had died of cancer, first of all. And then later in the dream someone with a gun got in the car my dad and I were in and kind of held us hostage as we were driving around. Weird and very unsettling. I want to go back to bed and have good dreams...

Another example of my weirdness: the highlight of my day was discovering that the Body Worlds exhibit is now in Philadelphia. Yes, I am excited to see plastinated bodies (real cadavers with the liquids replaced by plastic) in various phases of dissection, some of them in poses like playing chess or basketball.

Otherwise, lethargy reigns supreme, and my desire to take a nap right now is impractical but strong.

October break is over. So very sad...

It started off oh-so-well, with my flight home being delayed, then canceled. So I spent about 8 hours in the Philly airport, whee. I bought a book (Spook by Mary Roach), which was quite interesting and therefore saved my sanity.

Break itself was pretty good. I slept, I lazed about, I did a few productive things here and there, I shopped, I lazed more. I of course did not do all the work I should have done. And since getting back to ML, I have continued this trend. My motivation is nowhere to be found, which does not bode well at all.

So I really should go get some work done now... Ugh.

You scored as River Tam. The Fugitive. You are clever and dangerous, which is a nasty combination. The fact you are crazy too just adds to your charm. They did bad things to you, but you know their secrets. They will regret how they made you. Kaylee Frye 75% Hoban 'Wash' Washburne 75% River Tam 75% Simon Tam 69% The Operative 56% Zoe Alleyne Washburne 56% Capt. Mal Reynolds 56% Inara Serra 44% Shepherd Derrial Book 38% Jayne Cobb 25% Which Serenity character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

It came down to a 3 way tie between River, Wash, and Kaylee. But I feel "When the mood takes you, you are very dangerous" is somewhat more accurate than "Dinosaurs are cool" or "People you love don't seem to notice you, no matter how hard you hint."

Man, I really want to see the movie again...

I have a note on my hand, written by a hallmate, that says "The Halloween party will not eat me!" But it is. It's at least getting a little nibble in here and there, if not a full-out chomp. Grar.

Playlist for tonight:

* Bloc Party vs. Death From Above 1979 - Luno
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - Harpoons of Love
* The Holy Ghost - Shut Up and Play
* Of Montreal - So Begins Our Alabee
...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - Worlds Apart
* The Unicorns - Child Star
* Why? - Sanddollars
* Halloween, Alaska - I Can’t Live Without My Radio
Bjork - Human Behaviour
*# Montag - Angles, County and Terrain Connu
* The Clientele - Since K Got Over Me
* Rogue Wave - 10:1
*The Winter Pageant - Take Desire
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Blue Lights
# The Reputation - Face It
*# Skating Club - San Francisco
Beulah - Gravity’s Bringing Us Down
Spoon - I Turn My Camera On
The Walkmen - Thinking of a Dream
Broken Social Scene - Stars and Sons
Sufjan Stevens - Decatur, or, A Round of Applause for Your Stepmother!
* Teenage Fanclub - It’s All in My Mind
* The Go-Betweens - Statue
# Nick Drake - One of These Things First (from Garden State soundtrack)
*# Mary Timony - Return to Pirates
* John Vanderslice - Continuation
Man Man - 10lb Moustache
Pain - Square Pegs
Pixies - Here Comes Your Man
* The Rosebuds - You Better Get Ready
* We Versus the Shark - No Flint No Spark

Heavy on the rock playlist stuff -- I'm exploring the new CDs and figuring out which ones I like. The winner tonight: "Continuation" by John Vanderslice. There's something about the song that's just so amazingly great -- a good steady beat of drum and bass, but still keeps things interesting with other instruments and good vocals. Good stuff.

I finally turned in 5 CDs that I reviewed, and emailed the rock directors to let them know. One of them replied with an email that included the line "Nice shows so far." It's weird, but I often forget that I'm actually on the radio. I know certain people listen -- my mom does regularly, one of my brothers has every now and then, some friends will every once in awhile. But when someone outside of this sphere acknowledges that they've been listening, whether by calling the station or just mentioning it later, it's always a surprise. A nice surprise, but still a surprise.

I told myself that I would do laundry and other things tonight, and then I got distracted by talking with people and other things. So the question is -- am I going to be up late anyway, and if so, should I go ahead and do laundry now? Or should I wait until tomorrow? Or sink to a low that I try to avoid and bring it home with me on Saturday and do it there?

It's not getting done tonight, at the very least. Bah. Off to do other things now...

Yeah, so some days? I wonder/worry about myself.

This comment brought to you by the following stage direction from my 10 minute play:

Igor’s protests are cut off by the sickening crack of breaking bones. The zombie, tired of the struggle, has snapped his victim’s neck. Igor goes limp. The zombie opens wide and starts to munch on the skull. The noises, full of crunches and cracking, change into lip-smacking and slurping sounds as he reaches the brain itself.

Not feeling too great today. I was feeling worse last night - not quite sick, but still very much crappy. I went to bed without finishing my work. And then I slept most of today (after emailing my prof that I wouldn't be in class)... Now I'm feeling better, but still not great. And I still need to finish my LE work, as well as the scene I never did last week.

Damn it, break needs to get here soon. (And no, next week isn't soon enough.) I'm so tired.

I did 2 of the 3 things I was hoping to do tonight, and 1 unplanned thing. I saw Serenity (awesome!), went to a party (fun), but didn't make it to the party being held in ML. Before the movie I finally watched the musical episode of Buffy, which was rather fun. Yay for fun Fridays.

Much sleep now, then much work tomorrow...

In general, a good radio show tonight:

* Of Montreal - Requiem for o.m.m.2
* The Holy Ghost - Commercial
Minus the Bear - Get Me Naked 2: Electric Boogaloo
Interpol - Obstacle 2 (A real phoned-in request! *gasp*)
* # Thunderbirds are Now! - Better Safe Than Safari
* Sloan - The Lines You Armed
* Holopaw - 3-shy-cubs
* Wolf Parade - Shine a Light
* The Winter Pageant - Waxing Incomplete
Sufjan Stevens - Jacksonville
The Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)
* Architecture in Helsinki - In Case We Die (Parts 1-4)
* Doves - One of These Days
TV on the Radio - Ambulance
Wilco - I Am Trying to Break Your Heart
Beth Orton - Sweetest Decline
Matt Sweeney and Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy - Beast for Thee
Iron and Wine - On Your Wings
* John Vanderslice - Dear Sarah Shu
* Destroyer - New Ways of Living
Criteria - Self Help
Lennon - Trying to Make Me
OK Go - Hello, My Treacherous Friends
Menomena - The Late Great Libido
* Halloween, Alaska - Bad News Sticks
13 and God - Men of Station
Enon - UTZ
* Styrofoam - Your Eyes Only
A.C. Newman - Come Crash
* Les Georges Leningrad - Nebraska’s Valentine
* The Evens - Mt. Pleasant Isn’t
* Stars - Calendar Girl

I'm making full use of the playlist, getting to listen to new stuff. Wolf Parade, The Winter Pageant, and The Holy Ghost are particularly good.

Drama on my hall has been basically resolved, which is a huge relief to me. Now I can focus my worry on the Halloween party...

The WSRN webcast is up and running, as far as I can tell. My show is from 8-10 pm tonight. You should listen.

Just got done watching the last episode of Firefly. Very awesome stuff; I'm looking forward to the movie, which I will hopefully be seeing on Friday...

Time for sleep now, whee.

I really need two weekends -- one for fun, one for work. As it is, there just isn't enough time. I want to catch up on my sleep, I want to hang out, yet I also need to get stuff done. Blah.

Friday night there was a party for Joy, who was back in town for a bit. There was also a concert at Olde Club. I went to both, had a great time, and then crawled home around 2 am. Saturday there was work to be done, laundry to do, and then festivities to dress up for. Saturday night was desserts (Greg+Jeff+chocolate+kitchen=heaven) and hanging out. The food was awesome, the company was good, and seeing an 11 or 12 year old Emily on Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego"was simply amazing. Then today was brunch and Firefly, then some work and a much needed nap. This evening was 3 hours of Angels in America for PoR, which was good, but immensely time-consuming.

Right now I'm working on stuff for Lyric Encounters, and then I should get sleep. I also need to do a lot of stuff for costume design, as our final design sketches and such are due on Friday. So that's the project for tomorrow after class. It will consume the rest of the afternoon and evening, I think, with breaks for dinner and possibly swing dance.

Busy busy...

So. Today. Lots of tiredness (really not fun); worry about people, about work, about balancing people and work this weekend; crappy radio show; rejection letter; blarg.

The radio show was bad because there were issues with bad transitions, me screwing up when I tried to use the phone hybrid, and me making some stupid mistakes. I will chalk it up to the fact that all my first radio shows, each semester, have seemed to suck at least a little. Hopefully next week will be better. The music was good, at least.

Playlist:

Autolux - Here Comes Everybody
#* Mary Timony - On the Floor
#* The Minus Five - Hotel Senator
Sleater-Kinney - Entertain
* Bloc Party - Banquet
Enon - Sold!
* Hot Hot Heat - Goodnight, Goodnight
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Speakers Pulse the Air
* Yo La Tengo - You Can Have It All
Blonde Redhead - Equus
* Minus the Bear - Spritz!!! Spritz!!!
* The Sames - Downtown
* Stars - Ageless Beauty
Rainer Maria - Long Knives
#* Mates of State - Invitation Inn (off the House Full of Friends comp)
Tori Amos - Take to the Sky
Elf Power - Evil Eye
Sufjan Stevens - Say Yes! To M!ch!gan
* Of Montreal - Forecast Fascist Future
* The Winter Pageant - Identical
* Spoon - The Beast and Dragon, Adored
* Kinski - The Wives of Artie Shaw
* The Holy Ghost - Genghis Khan
* Destroyer - An Actor's Revenge
* Minus the Bear - Let's Play Guitar in a Five Guitar Band
#* Vox Vermillion - Arrivals/Departures
* Low - Silver Rider
The Eels - Woman Driving, Man Sleeping
Pavement - Summer Babe
* Ticonderago - Kim + Kelly

Whee music. Minus the Bear got 2 songs because they're playing here tomorrow night. Should be a good show.

In the middle of my show, I checked my email. I read the message from one of the lit mags. I am now officially 0 for 3 with my applications to become an editor for the mag. I've tried every year, and each time I've been rejected. Depressing. Very, very depressing. Especially when you consider that that is what I want to do with my life, most likely. So yeah. I see myself at an interview, with them reading over my resume, being all "Well, this is nice and all, but why don't you have any more editing experience? Weren't there opportunities at your school?" And then I'll get to hem and haw and admit that they didn't want me. Oh man, won't that be fun?

Time to pour over the tomes I checked out the library and try to get some work done on my costume designs for class.

The WSRN studio is functional but not entirely finished. One thing that's still missing, I believe, is the auxiliary cable, which is used to play from laptops, etc. This means, that for the first time in quite a while, I will be doing a show with just CDs - my own and the ones in the rock library. So tonight's show will end up being some of my older favorite music (I don't buy as many CDs now, more often get them in MP3 form) and random stuff that seems appealing from the library. Should be fun.

The web broadcast is not up and running yet; this week is only being aired over real radio. Hopefully the webcast will be up and running next week.

Purposely vague, and no, I will not elaborate:

I know I shouldn't take sides in this case, but I can't help wanting to slap him across the face for what he's doing.

And now back to our regularly scheduled paper writing.

This evening has been an interesting one... It has very much been a reminder that hey, I'm an RA. I've gotten updated on some issues on the hall, talked to someone about a study break, responded to various RA emails, and have just chatted with some of my hall mates. It's nice, except for the fact that my PoR paper is still not done, nor is a chunk of my costume design stuff finished. Grr.

Kierkegaard portion of the paper is done... Now for Nietzsche, then Zen comparison, then conclusion. Then maybe pretty colors for costume design sketches -- it may depend on what time it is then, and whether or not I've procured caffeine. I'm not too tired now, as I took a nap after dinner for a bit. Yay naps.

Back to work.

Compiling a packet of everyone's poems for Lyric Encounters tomorrow... It's a bit depressing, as it makes me feel like my work sucks. Which may be true, but it's not a great feeling either way. I feel like my work is rather juvenile, at least in part. Perhaps it is because I wrote the most poetry back in 9th grade, and have never really gotten over that subject matter? Tapping into that angst let the creative juices flow back then, but is it holding me back now?

Note to self: drinking coffee at dinner, then going to the library and sitting at an actually table may result in getting actual work done.

Being lame but productive and trying to get a bunch of work done tonight. Perhaps next weekend I can do more fun things - at the very least I will go to the Minus the Bear show at Olde Club. This weekend, however...

I had every intention of being super-productive today. I finished my reading for Lyric Encounters, then started to work on my poems for this week. I couldn't think of anything, really. I ended up taking a nap. So much for a super productive afternoon...

I am, however, planning on a productive evening. I'm going to sequester myself away, either in my room or maybe in the design room of LPAC, and work. Same goes for tomorrow, except for a bit of time for a showing of Firefly and WSRN training.

Oh, I have bluish streaks in my hair at the moment. I didn't bleach my hair before I did it, so it's more of a hint than an all-out blue. Still fun.

My closet just died. The bar decided that it no longer liked the wall, and the decided on a trial separation at the right wall. Said separation, plus the weight of my clothing, was too much for the bar. It fell, hard, taking bits of its support system with it. The center of the bar is connected to a strip of wood running across the back wall of the closet. It is still connected to this piece of wood; the piece of wood is no longer completely connected to the wall. This strip of wood, along with its side wall brethren, supports the shelf. For now, that seems to be stable, but god knows how long that will last.

This feels like a not-so-subtle hint that I have far too many t-shirts. Which is perhaps true. As I have been drifting away from my emo kid phase, there are various band t-shirts that I no longer wear on a regular basis. I foresee an extra suitcase full o' goodies on the way home at October break.

I have not done all the reading for PoR tomorrow. By the time I get the time to read, I'm so exhausted that focusing is very hard. Rar. This weekend is going to be bad -- I have a short paper due for PoR on Tuesday, so all the reading that got pushed to the side will be seeking its revenge. Or something like that. There will be frustration and grumpiness as I attempt to write a paper comparing Kierkegaard and Nietzsche without all the details fully ingrained in my mind. I've got the concepts down, but that doesn't translate into citations and quotes for papers. Rar.

I am becoming a master of the 15 minute breakdown. Due to high stress and little sleep, I'm a wee bit on edge. Therefore, mood swings? Fairly common at the moment - hopefully this trend will not last.

But I freak out, cry, whatever, for a bit. And then I'm better. I get stressed, then I get distracted - often by class. I'm fine in class. I'm practically giddy in class. I love my classes - I'm awake, paying attention, interested in the material. Once I'm out of class, things sometimes begin to fall apart again. But there's usually a bit of an overflow of energy from class, so that for awhile, I keep on going on the momentum.

I have 2 scenes to write for play-writing tonight. One is more of a revision/expansion, so hopefully that won't take too long. And the other I've sort of mapped out, so that's helpful.

I'm on the Housing Committee this year, whee. Not sure exactly what that will require me to do, other than show up for meetings on some Monday nights from 7-8 pm.

Various emails about externships and internships are coming now - things I need to start thinking about. I have CDs to finish reviewing for WSRN. Training is most likely this weekend - I think broadcasting will start Monday. So I should be on air next Thursday, from 8-10 pm. You should listen to me babble on idiotically between songs. Maybe I'll remember to turn on the right mic this semester.

Swing makes me happy, even though mess up a lot. Facing quite a bit of reading in addition to doing work for costume design? Less happiness. Somewhat balanced by tasty popsicles, courtesy of my neighbor, and the fact that she has like 15 people in her room. Social life in the basement rocks my socks!

Shower, then work work work. Caffeine may be needed.

I've been thinking about tattoos a fair amount lately, thinking of whether or not I'd want to add to mine. Such things happen when you look at pictures of tattoos... I didn't expect it, but I feel a bit of an itching. If I do any more tattoos, they will be text. Given how much I love writing and reading, how predominately text has featured in my life, it seems only fitting.

I was thinking about some lines from a Sylvia Plath poem: "The sky's far dome is sane and clear." This ties directly to the tattoo I already have; I read the poem the day before I got my tattoo, and it resonated with me and my reasons for getting a celestial design. And then today, in class, I came across another line: "My body / writes into your flesh / the poem / you make of me" It's from the poem Recreation, by Audre Lorde. She's not a poet I'm familar with, but I really enjoyed the poem, and I loved that particular part. It calls to mind this sort of interconnectedness between the lovers in the poem, this infinite loop of creation through love, and the image is just amazingly powerful to me. And the "writes into your flesh" line just makes it scream to be used in a tattoo.

I haven't convinced myself to get either of them done, and it's quite likely I won't. But the idea is there, floating around, wanting to be fleshed out.

Time for a nap now, then reading, then swing, then more work. Whee...

Someone just put a quote on the quote board. I am so very happy - its emptiness was sad.

I'm on my second page of a one page response paper, and I've only made my first point. Hmm. I think single spacing (or at least 1.5) will be happening.

I am currently feeling rather geeky, as I have no more desk space to put my study materials. I have my laptop in front of me, a book with various important info/terms off to the side, my notebook with my notes on the poem balanced on an open desk drawer, and the book with the poem that I'm writing about in my lap. Go me.

Reading love poetry for Lyric Encounters makes me really want to be in love or at least have a crush. I've got nothing right now - there are a few guys I think are cute, but not compatible enough or anything to actually persue. I want to like someone, because even though it's frustrating, it's also wonderful. But there's no one around that's caught my eye.

My friends, however, I love dearly. They cheered me up on Friday when I was feeling down randomly. Last night we were bored and were silly, and it was a great deal of fun. Today I watched the pilot episode of Firefly, and it was awesome. More episodes will be watched every Sunday at 12 in the New Dorm lounge, for anyone on campus who is interested. And Colin makes cookies and other goodies. Mmm.

Does anyone want to help me enslave/hire Jeff, Greg, and Colin for their amazingly awesome baking skills? We'd get fat and die young due to the amount of heavy cream in our bodies, but oh god, what a way to go.

Time for more love poetry now, and then some Nietzsche, which will balance it out nicely.

I just got my time slot for WSRN this semester: 8-10 pm, Thursday nights. Exactly what I wanted, woot!