I was just out on the front steps drawing a sketch of the moon's position for astro. I scared/started a good number of people as they went in and out of ML... Not because I was sitting there, but because I was wearing flip-flops. Yay for warm feet.

I got a great time slot this semester for my radio show! Tuesday nights, from 8-9 pm EST. So now many of you have no excuse not to listen to my show. Haha!

Got my shadow grade for Medieval European history: B-
Prof's notes about my performance, with mine added: Jenn was reserved in the class, (probably because I was only half awake at best) although her written work was solid and she was articulate when called upon (Yay! I feel all warm inside). She seemed to be losing energy toward the end of the semester (Don't we all?).

So now the only thing I don't have back is English, the one I want to know about most. Funny how it works that way.

Reading about Honors English last night + frustration with paper + English class today = immense intimidation and fear. Eek. Thank goodness it's the weekend now.

I made the mistake of reading the requirements for an Honors English Literature major. It was rather scary. I feel like I will never be capable of such things. Massive papers, getting tested over the material by outside examiners... Eek.

Luckily, I don't have to worry about it quite yet. While looking through the large book of info (meant for sophmores deciding their major), I noticed that at least a couple of the classes I really want to take will be offered in the next year or so. Whee!

The Damien Rice concert is no longer an option -- one, it's a Thursday, two, it's the Thursday before Family Weekend and my mom's birthday. So that leaves PGMG or Saves the Day.

I noticed someone put up a sign asking if there was anyone interesting in going to see Pennywise or the Dropkick Murphys. I feel that I may make use of this idea and put up my own sign.

Tomorrow (wait, today) is Friday. Two classes (granted, one is 3 hours long), and then the weekend stretches out before me. And I should find out if I got a DJ position. *crosses fingers for good time slot*

And now, sleep.

In addition to the Pretty Girls Make Graves concert on March 26th, there is also a Damien Rice concert on April 15th, and a Granddaddy/Saves the Day concert on March 27th. I feel that the Saves the Day concert may be the most likely one... But I must find at least one person to go with. Because while I may be willing to go to concert by myself (or at least consider it), the idea of roaming Philly by myself with my god-awful sense of direction is not sensible.

So the search for a concert-going companion shall begin. Colleen or Heather, I don't suppose you'd want to fly up here, would you?

It seems I have a thesis... Or at the least the beginnings of one, with notes and ideas to back it up. Whee! It came out of nowhere, and it came right on time. I've done some basic preliminary work with the idea and the support... Now I feel that I will easily be able to write the paper tomorrow. *grins gleefully* John Milton, perhaps I do not dislike you as much as I thought.

Anyway, there is much happiness about me having a thesis idea. And now that I've accomplished what I set out to do this evening, feel quite justified in going to bed now, even if it is fairly early for me. Yay for sleep!

There's a little unofficial Abnormal Psych help group forming in ML. I was drowsy in class yesterday, so I borrowed Diana's notes to copy. Cari was sick and missed class, so she got the assignment from me. Yay for knowing people in my class.

I still have to write a paper on one of Milton's poems. I don't know which one to do. None of them particularly thrilled me. The paper is only 2 pages long, but that still feels scary when the subject is Milton and you have no idea what to write, no thesis, and the paper is due the day after tomorrow. Gah.

On the plus side... I got my final paper from philosophy back today. No grade on it, but lots of illegible notes from Raff and a "Well done. Keep at it." at the bottom of the last page. Whee.

I'm still feeling fairly crappy. I don't really want to go to choir today, but I know I have to. I just want to sleep or sit around and not think. Though I guess choir doesn't require too much thought. It does, however, involve noise... So I should maybe take an Advil before I go. A Bach-induced headache does not sound very pleasant at the moment.

I feel rather crappy at the moment. I fear I may be getting sick. At the very least, I have no desire to do much of anything. Which is not good when one has work that should be done. Blah. And right now the weather is very nasty out (freezing rain, I believe), but I will most likely have to make the trek up to campus tomorrow anyway, icy sidewalks and all. Whee.

I really should go read my astro book now.

Added some more links. Web comics, basically. I keep on finding new ones that I enjoy.

Curse Target and their lack of milk crates. I want milk crates to make a table-like thing that will not fall apart every time someone bumps it. But Target failed me. I shall have to search elsewhere. Gah.

WSRN meeting was tonight... I filled out my app, will turn it in tomorrow, and will find out Friday evening if I got a spot and, if so, what time it is. Everyone, please cross your fingers and hope for Tuesday evening, because that would work with my schedule beautifully and make me immensely happy.

After being super-productive yesterday, I slacked off today. I feel somewhat guilty. But my nap this afternoon was very, very pleasant. So I really don't feel that bed.

Off to bed now, to be well rested for my astro class tomorrow (as well as my very first astro lab tomorrow night)... Whee.

My break... Taking quizzes... Results:

I am 30% Internet Addict

I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!

Take the Internet Addict Test at fuali.com

I am 42% Emo

Hmm.. I should stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.

Take the Emo Test at fuali.com

I've been productive today... Read 2 psych chapters, did most of my astro homework, and did 2 of my 3 drawings for studio art.

I'm really pleased with my 2nd drawing. I used charcol, so it was rather messy, but the shading turned out really well... I think it's one of the best drawings I've done in awhile. I'm not sure if that's saying much, especially because I haven't drawn a lot lately... But still. It makes me very happy.

I'll do my 3rd drawing tomorrow, and I think I'll do the rest of my astro then as well. I also need to start reading some Milton... I have about 60 pages to read for Friday, as well as a paper to do. Whee.

But now I think I shall take a break. I think I deserve it.

Hotmail is not working, and it is making me grumpy. Rar.

But before I get to work, the lyrics to my current favorite song...

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?

I can't accept that it's over
And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry...

So... Just say how to make it right...
And... I swear I'll do my best to comply.

Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together...

I feel I must interject here...
You're getting carried away, feeling sorry for youself
With these revisions and gaps in history...

So let me help you remember...
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave...

So... Please back away and let me go...

I can't my darling, I love you so. Oh oh...

Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together...

Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future...
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.

I admit that I have made mistakes
And... I swear I'll never wrong you again...

You've got allure I can't deny,
But... You've had your chance, so say goodbye...

Say goodbye....

- The Postal Service, "Nothing Better"

The italics are a man singing. The bold italics are a woman.

Jen is a happy Jen. Awkwardness is no more, for one. That's always a plus. Also, I played poker last night. First poker game of the semester, and the best one of the year so far. I made a lot of money... $15.25 profit. Beautiful. And I was the only girl for quite some time, so that made it even more kickass. And even though most did not fare as well as I did, everyone seemed to have fun... Especially Dan and Rob. Though I think that had as much to do with their rum and tequila as it did the card game.

Now, however, it is time to get down to work.

*Jen doggie-paddles her way up to the surface of the water in the deep end, looks around after processing what just happened, and then remarks: "Man, that was cool!"*

Forgive the poor metaphor, for I would hate to be thrown into the deep end of an actual pool... But when it comes to the metaphorical deep end of English literature courses, I am all for it.

Milton was intense. Great prof who covered quite a lot... And great insights from the other students. I think the combination of the two factors was what made it feel like being in the deep end. One or the other would have been very easy to process. But both... That was something new for me (if you exclude the experience of WFC)... My English class last semester was fun, but the teacher was never really in control or all that focused. And my classmates and myself tended to get distracted by other things. Like talking. So this afternoon was kind of a 180 away from that. Which is very cool.

And while I'm raving about the class, I suppose I should also admit that it's kind of scary. We have a lot of poetry to read for next week, as well as a short paper to write already. Eek. So between that, the drawings I have to do for art, the stuff I have to read for psych, and the homework I have in astro... Well, I better not slack off this weekend.

My quads hate me. The rest of my body doesn't seem to be that pleased with me, but my quads seem to really, really hate me. Owie.

I made a semi-serious commitment to the gym today... I got a lock and locker in the locker room. At $4 (and a chance to get $3 back if I keep my reciept), that's not a major commitment, but it sort of feels like it.

Less than an hour until English class. I'm looking forward to this class, but I'm also rather intimidated by it. Hopefully that fear will fade.

The dining hall has wintery decorations up. One such decoration is a stuffed penguin that's sitting in this sleigh thing. I noticed that the penguin had fallen over today at lunch, so I decided to set it upright. It turns out that this particular stuffed penguin makes noise. An odd chirping sound that does not seem very penguiny. It scared the crap out of me... But at least the penguin is standing tall again.

Feeling pretty bad at the moment. Guilty. I shouldn't have snapped like that. I should have approached the situation calmly and discussed it maturely and all that. But I didn't. I got upset and fed up. I yelled. And now things are awkward, and I feel horrible even while I feel somewhat justified. Not in yelling, but in being upset.

I don't know. Gah. Milton today. That'll be interesting, and it will also occupy me until 5 pm. After that, dinner and hopefully poker.

On a happier note, check out this game. My best is 587.6 m, I think. It's obsessively fun.

Another day at the gym. My legs are most unhappy with me. And my fingers still have a grey tinge from the charcol I used in studio art today. I need to remember to were clothes I don't care about to art. Otherwise I will encounter problems.

Pretty Girls Make Graves is playing in Philadelphia in March. I am very tempted to try to go. But I don't know who I could convince to come with me. *ponders*

Also in March (the 23rd, to be specific): the release of the Weezer DVD and the deluxe edition of the Blue Album. And on the 31st, Jonathan Frazen will be coming to Swat to talk. Coolness.

I wish it was March.

So I decided that this semester I would join the college chorus. I went to rehearsal tonight. It was unlike any choir practice I've ever been to. For one, we're seeing Bach's "St. John Passion." The music is, quite literally, a book. And we're singing it all. (Though about half of it is arias and solos and such... So most of us little people will only end up singing half of the music. But still, that's a good hour's worth of music....)

Anyway, it was intense. We just jumped right into it. Forget high school's picking it out note-by-note. We just sang it. Then the director fine-tuned it a bit, and then we sang it again. Then we learned the German that went with it, and sang it again. For 2 hours.

All in all, though, it was fun. And focused. Nothing like Concert Choir or anything... Everyone was there because they wanted to be there. Which was cool. And the director was cool... Focused, but also nice and funny. Yay for a good choral experience!

Went to the gym for the 2nd day in a row. I lifted weights yesterday, and today I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes. I read my psych assignment while pedaling. This was useful because it a) kept my mind active while I was working out and b) kept my body active so I couldn't fall asleep while reading. A win-win situation.

I'm back at Swat. My flight was slightly delayed, but it wasn't too bad. I got back around 8 and had time to unpack and hang out, which was nice.

I had my first class this morning... Astronomy. The prof seems cool, and I know quite a few people in the class... There's one guy from my hall, a girl and a guy from my CA group, and 2 girls from my English class.

That's the only class I had today... I went to the bookstore, got my books, got some lunch, and then went to the gym. I'm trying to go to the gym at least 3 times a week this semester, especially because I'm not taking any PE... We'll see if I last.

I got one of my "shadow grades" from first semester back... Psych... A-. Woohoo. Not bad for falling asleep at almost every lecture.

I also sort of learned how to play a bit of The White Stripes' "7 Nation Army" on guitar today. It's really pretty simple. Which doesn't mean I can play it well, of course, but at least I only screwed it up a little bit.

So the Bag of Doom, as it has been called, is packed. As is another, smaller bag. That's right, I came home with one bag, and I'm leaving with two. There's not really any extra stuff, I just decided not to overpack the big bag quite as much this time... Especially since it was overweight last time. Whoops.

The highs in Swarthmore all appear to be in the 30s, and the lows are in the low 20s or mid-teens. I'm curious what the wind chill will be, though... That's what really matters on those treks up to campus.

That and the energy to walk uphill... Which I'm not sure if I have right now. I am super lazy, and I've been that way for the past month. But I'll adapt to the schedule again, right?

Tomorrow (wait, it's after midnight -- today, then) is my last day at home. I want to go back to Swat, but I don't want to deal with a) getting up early and b) the weather. It's apparently really cold out East right now. Temperatures of 10 below and such. It's going to make the walk up to campus *so* much fun.

But going back will also get me away from the TV, which is good. I've watched way too much TV over break. A lot of random stuff on VH1 and MTV... And tonight I capped it all off with a new Disney Channel movie. I'm a sucker for Disney Channel movies. I have no idea why.

I really haven't accompished a lot of the things I was hoping to do over break, like read a lot and exercise, but it's too late to do anything about it now... And there's always the summer...

My inner music geek is gloating right now...


Good. You know your music. You should be able to
work at Championship Vinyl with Rob, Dick and
Barry


Do You Know Your Music (Sorry MTV Generation I Doubt You Can Handle This One)
brought to you by Quizilla

And then there's this quiz...


Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!

Please rate ^^


What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

By the way, both of these were found on Mama Cat's site. Because she is the quiz goddess. Yay.

So I officially passed all of my 1st semester classes. Yay.

And today I beat another level of the Sims, and got halfway through the next one. I'm so proud... Only a few days left before I go back to school, I have to get all the slacking off out of my system.

I'm looking at my textbooks for next semester... Only one book for English, but since it's the works of Milton, it's a big one. And a rather expensive one, compared to my English books last semester. One book for astro, six for abnormal psych (which is surprising...), and, as far as I know, none for studio art. All in all, eight books and art supplies, probably costing much more than my supplies did last semester. Blah.

I feel like I actually kind of accomplished something today. I say "kind of" because they're not what most people would deem "accomplishments": I played some Playstation 2 and beat a level on the Sims, and I actually went out for a little bit tonight.

Going out was worthwhile, even if it was just because I got to see Paul. He's a really good guy, and I haven't seen him since he left for San Francisco towards the end of summer. It sounds like he's doing well out there, and I'm really glad for him. I finally got a current email address for him, which is very cool. He's a person I definately want to stay in touch with.

The rest of the evening was okay... Not exactly my sort of thing, but better than sitting at home.

Gah! The Tickle Me Emo image is not showing up. This makes me sad. So sad I may have to use my very own real working tears... Not really, but I do wish the image wouldl show up. If you have the time, try to take the quiz and get the image to show up. Or go about your life. Either way.

This quiz was nothing amazing, but it gets a spot here just because of the picture...


You're super emo! :)


How Well Do You Know Emo Lyrics?
brought to you by Quizilla


Check it out... Tickle Me Emo, now with real working tears and super moping action. Great.

The song that is currently stuck in my head and has been playing a lot on my CD player is Joydrop's "Sometimes Wanna Die"... Despite the title, I would not classify it as emo.

Don't worry 'bout one thing;
Don't worry 'bout nothing...
She said I'm not going to let this one go.
Nobody's on my side;
Nobody seems to see...
How much, how deep, how far these things can be...

My eyes are dry and I...
My eyes are dry and...
I, I... still don't even know you
I, I... still wish that I could hold you
I, I... I sometimes wanna die.

And everywhere I go...
And everyone I see...
Somehow almost sets me free.
And the space where we meet
Is different from the rest...
And I just can't seem to forget that.

My eyes are dry and...
I, I ... still don't even know you
I, I ... still wish that I could hold you
I, I ... I sometimes wanna die...
I sometimes wanna die...
I sometimes wanna...

And you were at the start,
And now you are the end...
And you left me with nothing to defend.
I need the voice of a good friend.

Can't stop myself from laughing
No matter how sad
These things can be...
These things can be...

My eyes are bright and...
I, I ... still don't even know you
I, I ... still wish that I could hold you
I, I ... still don't even know you
I, I... I sometimes wanna die
I sometimes wanna die...
Yeah, I sometimes wanna die...

Off to play cards against the computer. Fun stuff.

I feel a bit like a loner freak at the moment. I'm home by myself for the next few days. Which means no curfew of any sort, freedom to do what I want, etc. And what have I done with it? Slept and watched TV. Wow. That's exciting. It's pathetic.

I miss school right now... Where even if I did stay in and not do anything, there were still people all around me, stuff going on in the hall, and so on. I'm glad I'm going back on Sunday.

This result does not come as a surprise at all...


What kind of relationship are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Finally went and saw Mona Lisa Smile... It was pretty good. One of the best things, though, was that Tori Amos had a cameo in it -- as the singer at the wedding. It was unexpected and nifty.

Hmm. Already a small snag in my nifty internship possibility... According to the company's website, "Applicants pick up five 100-page manuscript excerpts, which they are asked to read and evaluate in writing (about one page each) in about a week's time. Their coverage is then read by the agency and applicants are contacted by phone. Because of the nature of our screening process, we are unable to screen applicants long-distance." Let me repeat that last part... Because of the nature of our screening process, we are unable to screen applicants long-distance. Hmm. *grumbles* While the process makes sense and sounds good, the whole non-long-distance thing does cause a bit of a problem.

Hmm. Though I guess I could take the train up to New York City, pick up the the excerpts, and then either return to NYC with my evaluations or email them or something... I wonder if you can do the application bit in New York but get a position in California, though. *ponders this* It doesn't seem out of the question... I suppose I will have to contact them and inquire. But not now. Now I need food and then sleep.

I've been looking at internship possibilities. There are about ten that sound sort of interesting... Editorial sort of stuff for magazines, mostly, and a publishing company or two. One is for Fantagraphics Books, which is involved with publishing underground comic books. So that sounds very, very cool. And it's out in Seattle, which is nifty. (Granted, with no compensation, I don't know where I'd live, but...)

However, the internship that is really, really tempting is the one for Manus & Associates Literary Agency. The work is summarized as "screening submissions, communicating with writers, and analyzing manuscripts for content and marketability." And it's a "bicoastal literay agency," which means while one set of offices is in New York City, the other is in Palo Alto. Which means that if I can manage to get an internship, I may just be begging Claudia to let me live in her backyard for about 12 weeks. Claudia, I'll sleep in the hammock. I'll help out around the house. Whatever it takes.

Anyway, those are two of the possibilities that stand out the most. I've just begun my search, though, so I'm sure that I'll find others... And hopefully I can actually get one. We'll see.

I have the music from Pirates of the Caribbean stuck in my head. It's quite stirring and enlivening. Or it would be if I had any energy that could be enlivened. My dad is beginning to think that I have mono or that I sleep too much. I still think I'm catching up for the months of sleep deprevation. Either way, I haven't been doing much. I was even supposed to go out tonight, and I didn't. I couldn't muster up the desire to go out and hang out at a crowded local punk show. It would have been fun if I was in the right mood, but I wasn't.

I did, however, make my way over to the high school today. I tried to go over there around 11:30, but they wouldn't let me in... Yay for security measures. So I had to come back at 1:30. Anyway, I came back, and I got to see some of my old teachers and such. It was pretty nice, but overall, I don't miss that school much, if at all.

All right. Going to go get some sleep.

Did some more work on my website today. Woohoo.

Also took a quiz which, like so many other quizzes I take, was found on Mama Cat's Livejournal...


You are ... about to kill me for asking you these
questions.


Who are you in the Harry Potter or Hogwarts Universe?
brought to you by Quizilla

I feel productive. I was just doing some work on my website. My website which will still end up with next to no info or anything on it, but will at least be redone and, in time, hosted on SCCS at school. Which, I believe, means no more annoying banner ads and such. Very good news.

Back from Chicago. It was a nice visit, and I already miss him some. But it's less than 2 weeks until I go back to school.

I'm hoping to make the most of that almost-2-weeks-long period. I haven't done anything very productive during break yet. But I did start reading a book on the train up to Chicago, and I have plans to finish it and read others before I head back to school and all the academic reading that entails. I also intend to sleep quite a bit, but I need to get into some semblance of a schedule before I go back to Swat, and I also need to get myself motivated to do things so that the new semester doesn't blindside me.

But I still have some time before I have to get into a schedule. So for now I'm going to stay up late and sleep even later.

Lucy (the fat cat) just got off my lap, and feeling is slowly returning to my legs... But now she's sitting on one of my feet, so now that's going to fall asleep. I'm glad she's happy and affectionate, but sometimes I wish she was a little less so -- like a minute ago, when she was licking my arm. Now I appear to have insulted her, and she has gone to go sit on the other side of the bed, with her back turned to me. Oh well.

I leave for Chicago tomorrow. Wait, I guess I leave today, since it's after midnight. Anyway, I leave around 6 am, which means I'm getting up really early. Blech. But it's worth it, because I'm really looking forward to the trip.

The weather here has been crazy... Way too warm. But that's going to change -- tomorrow it's supposed to get cold, and there's a chance of snow. I'm not sure if I should be happy (because snow is fun) or grumpy (because Chicago is usually cool anyway, so now it will probably be really cold... Brr...). I suppose a bit of both, but I'll probably be quite happy unless I get sick. I'm battling a cold right now, and I'd really prefer that it go away and leave me be for at least the next few days or so.

Time to get some sleep.

One more day until I go up to Chicago. Woohoo!

Now I do have an actual reason to feel better. Yay for email and someone knowing exactly what to say.

Because random things like this amuse me and cheer me up:

A thing borrowed from Mama Cat:

1) Using band names of bands that you like, spell out your name

Jimmy Eat World
Exies, The
Nine Inch Nails
Natural History, The
International Noise Conspiracy
Finch
Eels
Rooney

2) Have you ever had a song written about you? Not that I know of.

3) What song(s) makes you cry? There is no one song that makes me cry... A lot will depend on my mood -- If I'm in the right mood, anything could make me cry. But "Winter" by Tori Amos is definately in the running as a tear-worthy song.

4) What song makes you happy? Again, no one song. Though the Fraggle Rock theme song is pretty cool as a happy tune.

5) What do you like to listen to before bed? Usually whatever I've been listening to throughout the day. Though certain bands make very good bedtime music, such as Portishead, Radiohead, Damien Rice, and Tori Amos.

6)Name a song by Coal Chamber I would, but I don't know any

7) Who was/were your idol/s when you were younger? Don't really remember having any.

8) First album you ever bought? TLC, CrazySexyCool, I believe. On tape.

9) Name a song that reminds you of someone. "Winter" by Tori Amos reminds me of all the WFC girls, especially Claudia.
----

Three foods you didn't like as a kid that you like now: Well, I can tolerate spinach now... Can't think of others.

Three things you want to do before you die: Learn to play guitar, have some of my writing published, have a job I love

Three names you would name a dog: Sadly, I cannot think of anything right now.

Three things you wish you'd never bought: Some clothes that I don't wear all that often... Can't think of exactly what, but I know they're somewhere in my closet.

Three names from your past that cause an emotional reaction (good or bad): Dooley, Rusty, ... can't think of a third that's officially from the "past"...

Three celebrities you'd banish to the north pole: Britney Spears, Howard Stern, John Ashcroft (not sure if he counts as a celebrity, but he's still getting banished)

Three things you want for christmas: More CDs, more books... That's all I ever want for Christmas.

Three things you lie about on a frequent basis: Actually lying? Can't thin of anything. But there are numerous things my mother knows that my dad doesn't, and I'd like to keep it that way.

Three songs you'd play to drive someone crazy: Punk music/hard rock for my father. Bubble gum pop for my brother. Can't think of any songs in particular, but almost anything in those genres would work. And for Colleen, that step-by-step dance song, whatever it's called. And the Macarana for just about anyone else.
---
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? In no particular order: Graduated high school, went to college, had a radio show, played poker, took the train by myself, wandered around Central Park and other areas of NYC by myself, had a roommate, had my very own computer, turned 19, got a tattoo, took a road trip with a friend, and a few other things.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Don't think I made any, and probably not.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No one super-close, but someone I would have considered a friend.

5. What countries did you visit? Just other areas of the US

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? More free time, more sleep...

7. What dates from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Graduation and giving my speech (for obvious reasons), getting my tattoo (the nervousness and pain), my first day at Swarthmore (also for obvious reasons), my one month anniversary with Matt (a special celebration), my first radio show (yay for the power going out half-way through it), the day before finals (Primal Scream and stress!)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Hmm. Graduating high school 2nd in my class, and making it through the first semester of college.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not being number one? Though I don't really consider that a failure... So... Not keeping up with my emails and therefore not keeping in touch with a lot of people.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing beyond the normal sniffles and cracks and pops in my joints.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My tattoo, if you can call that "buying" something... And my laptop, though technically that was my parents buying that one.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Hmm. Have no idea.

13. What famous person had the most botox in 2003? No idea.

14. Where did most of your money go? Books, various stuff up at school, CDs, poker

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going off to college, coming home for break, getting my radio show, Ben getting his fellowship, me getting my tattoo, doing things with Matt, seeing furry creatures when I was pet-deprived at school.

16. What song will always remind you of 2003? I don't know...

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Sadder? No
Thinner or fatter? About the same, I think.
Richer or poorer? About the same (yay for parents paying for school)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Read, wrote, socialized, emailed

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Procrastinated, cried, worried

20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it at home, with my family.

21. What's my mother fuckin' name? Don't know. Who are you?

22. Did you fall in love in 2003? Yes.

23. How many one-night stands? None.

24. What was your favorite TV program? I didn't watch much TV... The Simpsons, I guess.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Hate is a strong word. Dislike... Yeah.

26. What was the best book you read? Hmm. So many choices, and no answer.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? A tie between Ozma, Ted Leo, The Postal Service, and Pretty Girls Make Graves... Close seconds include (International) Noise Conspiracy, Death Cab for Cutie, Denali, and The Junior Varsity.

28. What did you want and get? To enjoy college

29. What did you want and not get? Sleep

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Pirates of the Carribean or Return of the King

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Many cards, some jewelery, some fuzzy warm socks, various food items... 19

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More sleep, I think...

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? So many options, yet so predictable... As I fall back on jeans and either a band shirt of a plain tee again and again.

34. What kept you sane? My friends, Matt, my mom... This, of course, assumes that I am indeed sane.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Hmm. Orlando Bloom, I suppose.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? The war.

37. Who did you miss? My mom, my pets, my friends from home

38. Who was the best new person you met? Matt, but Marci and the rest of the hall are a close second. And David, Andrew, Alex, Mark, Nile, Rob, Professor Raff, Sensi Carolyn, Cuddles, and some others are awesome as well.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003: Hmm. That even when things aren't logical, they can still feel and be right.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

So many choices, but this one works for at least a few aspects of the year...

Hello, I'm neurotic...
Creating problems that don't exist...
Don't believe me when I say it's alright.

Let's go to my apartment;
We'll pull the sheets up over our heads,
Forget all reasons to go outside.

Beats pulse, they're automatic...
Locked inside of my apartment,
Make confessions with the television on...

Hello, I'm neurotic...
Creating problems that don't exist...
Don't believe me when I say it's alright and I'm fine.

Let's go to my apartment;
We'll pull the sheets up over our heads,
Forget all reasons to go outside.

Beats pulse, they're automatic...
Locked inside of my apartment,
Make confessions with the television on...

Hello, I'm neurotic...
Creating problems that don't exist...
Don't believe me when I say it's alright...
And I'm fine!

-Pretty Girls Make Graves, "Blue Lights"
---

And this last part comes from The Mayfly Project... My year in 20 words or less:

An end, a beginning. New love. New friends. Plenty of work, not enough sleep.
---

And that's the end of that. I feel a bit better now... I don't really know why. Distracted, maybe?

Oh... One thing I forgot. My brother is quite entertaining when he's drunk. Goofy and rather hyper, which is not his normal demeanor at all. I think it was scaring my mom.

Happy New Year, everyone.

With that out of the way...
I feel rather crappy at the moment. I managed to lose $10 again (at least this time $5 of it was my dad's), so that sucked. I'm somewhat sick (a cold or something along those lines), which is never fun. And then I just feel rather insecure at the moment and somewhat isolated and just... I don't know. Today I didn't do a whole lot. Slept late, lazed around the house, hung out with my brother and his friends some (DDR and then poker), and that was about it. No major New Year's bash or anything. No invitation to anything, either, or questions about what I was doing.

I think that's what's hurting the most right now. I've only done a few things with people since I've been back. I feel just kind of distanced from the world in general. This isn't a new feeling for me, but that doesn't mean it's any easier to take. And it's no one's fault really, other than me and my hypersensitivity to stuff like this. I don't know. And I'm missing some people a lot too, which makes the situation that much harder to cope with. And then seeing Ben with his friends makes it even harder, because even though they've both been very nice to me and are really cool, they're still very much his friends, and I've just been included in a few things. That makes me feel like an extra wheel or something.

Then, in another situation, I just feel like this sort of occasionally nice-to-have toy. And that really, really sucks. Because I have being a convienent fall-back. I want to be important. That sounds selfish, but it's true. I don't want to be second-best when it comes to certain things. Even though I know that it's not at all intentional, I still feel forgotten to some degree, and it really upsets me. At the same time, I hate broaching things like this, because I do know that it's not intentional, and then I feel like I'm needy or nagging or something, and that also really stinks. So this is just a lose-lose situation all around.

On the plus side, I do have my cat with me, happy curled up at the foot of my bed, looking cute and purring in her sleep. But that doesn't outweigh the bad feelings that are floating around inside my mind right now.