So. How have I managed to go about 6 years without really considering the possibility that my constant sleepiness may actually be connected to my anti-depressants? I mean, it may not be, but it is a possibility, one that will possibly be explored starting next week.

Back to attempting to comprehend theory articles. Blah.

Tonight's playlist, whee...

* Metric - The Police and the Private
The Magnetic Fields - Epitaph for My Heart
Enon - Leave it to Rust
Beck - Devil’s Haircut
* The Go! Team - Bottle Rocket
Steve Burns - A Sniveling Mess
*# Scout Niblett - Lullubuy for Scout in Ten Years
Asobi Seksu - Walk on the Moon
* Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
M.I.A. - M.I.A.
Gorillaz - Dirty Harry
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - Bodies Adjust
* Secret Mommy - Tennis Court
* 31Knots - Talk Like Blood
* Fruit Bats - The Earthquake of ‘73
The Mountain Goats - Dilaudid
* Wolf Parade - You Are a Runner and I Am My Father’s Son
* Doves - Almost Forgot Myself
* Stars -The First Five Times
Longwave - Tidal Wave
Spoon - Was It You?
* Catanets - A Song is Not the Song of the World
* Cake on Cake - No Love
* Sigur Ros - Saeglopur
Menomena - Strongest Man in the World
* Mum - I’m 9 Today
* Jana Hunter - Heatseeker’s Safety Den
Cat Power - He War
* Holopaw - Velveteen

Both Mum and Sigur Ros and their song are totally lacking correct puncuation/letters. Oh well.

Time to get some work done. Grr to Theory of the Novel, the articles that didn't sink in, and the response paper I have to write on them.

My staying awake in class streak has been broken, dammit. I was doing fine until today, and then I kept on dozing off in Theory of the Novel. I can't even blame it on not getting enough sleep last night - I went to bed at midnight or so - though I guess I can blame Sunday night.

Tonight is my first radio show of the semester... 6-8 pm EST. Listen to see if my tradition of screwing up my first show of the semester continues yet again.

My radio show this semester will be from 6 to 8 pm (EST) on Tuesday evenings. You should listen.

Today was good, if not overly productive. I had brunch, went to the gym, did the shower and laze about thing, got semi-dressed up just because I could, went to dinner, and then went and saw a play. It was Fathom by the SaBooge Theatre group, and it rocked. Kind of weird, but also really, really cool. I also saw Erik and hung out with him for the first time in forever, which was nice.

Tomorrow there will have to be actual work being done. Blah to work.

Tonight was fun... It was Alex L-S's birthday, so we went bowling (a round of DDR in the arcade for me, and then 2 games of bowling -- 85 and 75) and then went to Nifty Fifties. At Nifty Fifties, there were milkshakes, singing of Happy Birthday, a bit of dancing, and a sing along to Build Me Up Buttercup. Luckily, there were only a few other patrons there to be scared of us.

Bedtime!

I'm sitting in the library, grinning like an idiot. My day, perhaps my week, was just made by a single email from my playwriting prof. He intimidates the hell out of me (and I told him so yesterday -- which, when you think about it, is kind of counter-intuitive) because I've seen one of his plays, and I loved it. So being in his class and having him critique my writing is a bit terrifying. But (and this is where the email comes in) we turned in our first assignment yesterday, and he liked mine. This doesn't make him any less intimidating to me, but it does make me rather happy. Yay happiness.

I feel like psychologists/psychiatrists should be very, very plain looking. Extremes in either way are a bit distracting, and that's no good.

I was insanely productive today: read the 2 plays for Wednesday's playwriting class, finished up most of my d'turgy work for tomorrow, and read through page 150 of Pamela for Tuesday's Theory of the Novel class. In other words, I am pretty much prepared to confront the week. Rock.

I did, in fact, end up taking a nap... And a rather long one, at that. But, lest you think that my day was wholly unproductive... In addition to going to the gym and doing some reading, I also played (and won) a game called Ticket to Ride, helped lead my team to victory in a game of 90s Trivial Pursuit, and made a dollar for balancing a stuffed seal on my head for part of the night.

Perhaps tomorrow I will be more productive in useful ways...

Last night: chicken curry and (mostly) student opera. Good stuff. Today, so far: 1st ML Saturday brunch of the semester, and a trip to the gym. I feel so proud. I will undo my productiveness later today, I am sure... I imagine there will eventually be some napping...

Attempting to throw a study break, even a very informal one, and having no one show up is a little bit saddening. It also raises the question of whether anyone on my hall reads my emails. Hmm.

I jogged to the gym, lifted weights for 30 minutes, rode the bike for another 30 minutes (while doing some reading, no less!), and then jogged back to ML. Go me. I doubt this pattern will continue, but hey, at least I went once.

Yay for long talks that, while not actually changing much, make one feel better. I'm still kind of unhappy about some things, but I understand some other things better. And understanding is good. Still, the semester is getting off to a rocky start, at least emotionally. Academically, it has only just begun.

Being around people is good. Yay people.

Blarg. The externship is going well enough - I'm learning stuff about publishing and small bookstores and how screwy the business can be. I'm also being helpful, updating info and finding stuff and generally being productive. And the family is very nice - I feel very at home, and the 10 year old is hyper but entertaining, and the pets are all very sweet. But still, blarg.

Part of me, right now, wants to envelop myself in this world for as long as I can. Not think about school, about people, about life, about anything that has any permanence to it. Of course, I can't do that. Come Friday, I leave here. On Saturday, I go back to Swat. I'm looking forward to it, to an extent. But there are things that I know that I'll have to deal with that I just don't want to face right now.

Lately, I've been fine if I'm distracted. TV, games, absorbing yet relatively mindless research for information. I'm okay then. But other times... Sometimes I just feel kind of empty/purposeless/aimless. Sometimes I just think about too much at once until I shut down.

Also, when did I start worrying when I see someone has left me a message? A voicemail should not elicit an "Oh shit, what bad thing happened?" response. But it does. Thankfully, the response is generally unfounded, but still. It's there. And that's no good.

I realize that this all sounds very bad and negative and depressing and stuff. I'm actually not doing that bad right now, I guess. I'm mostly tired (full workdays are really pretty sucky) and realizing that break - and with it, this respite from what I see of as real life, to a degree - is fast coming to an end. I want to go back to Swat and see people, but at the same time, I don't really want to have to deal with people.

I will now work on my psuedo-homework until bed... There are some mystery books with ties to Shakespearean plays; the idea is to get some bookstores near big Shakespeare festivals to take an interest in them. I may end up writing the letter to try to convince them that stocking the books is a good plan. Therefore, it would be helpful to know about the books. This is best accomplished by actually reading the books, so... Well, that's what I'm going to do.

The externship is going well. The people I'm staying with are very nice, the pets seem to have taken a liking to me, and the store is cool. So, yay.

Tomorrow I go to Indiana for my externship. Not sure what my internet access will be like... It's quite possible I will disappear off the face of the Net for the next week or so (except for email, I imagine). Either way: Swatties, enjoy your last week of break. Other people... Have a good week, I guess.

I never thought I'd be so happy to see a C on my transcript... But getting that for PoR, after the fiasco with the final paper? Really, as long as I passed I was going to be okay. And I got a C. Given the circumstances, that's great. (Also, it helps that my academic confidence is being bolstered by having an A and an A- as the other two grades I know.) So... Yay.

Blarg. So, here's my problem: I'm exhausted. Not just during the school year, or after an almost-all-nighter, or anything like that. Always. Well, sometimes I'm just tired. But wide awake? Only happens in spurts, here and there, that coincide with random hyper weirdness. Those moments last about 20 or so minutes, I'd say. Most of the time, I just want to sleep. I just got up a few hours ago... And I'm already ready to nap again. The exception to this desire to sleep, of course, is late at night, when I should/can sleep. It's not insomnia, since I'm tired and when I finally go to bed I can sleep. But I just don't go to sleep. I read, or do crossword puzzles, or read comics instead of going to bed. And then, of course, the next day, I'm tired. I can't seem to break out of the cycle.

You would think that break would be a great time to fix this problem. I have been getting more sleep. Sleeping until I wake up naturally... And for awhile I was going to bed at a decent time (decent meaning before 1 am). But that's fallen apart for some reason... It was almost 3 am when I went to bed last night. Granted, part of that was because I took a long nap in the afternoon, so I wasn't tired... But I always do that. Grr. *shakes fist at window* The weather (grey, blah) is also not helping. How am I supposed to be energetic when the world looks dead?

I'm kind of looking forward to going back to Swat at this point. The work and stuff -- well, hopefully it'll be better than last semester. I just want to see people, to have those long dinners with a table full of friends and multiple conversations at once, all full of jokes and fun. I want next semester to be great, to enjoy my time with my friends while they're still there. Sure, I have friends in my own class, and I'll have people to hang out with next year. But my best friends? They're going to be graduating. And that really sucks. I may have to kidnap them. Or perhaps sabotage them this semester so they can't graduate and have to come back next year. (Joking, joking... I wouldn't want anyone to have to pay more tuition than necessary...)

Anyway. Today I will hopefully be getting my new driver's license - Missouri and over 21... Oooh. At some point I need to change my voter registration (probably to PA for now), but the driver's license is the big thing on my to do list at the moment. That and redoing my resume so I can start applying for summer internships when I head back to Swat.

Off to attempt productivity...

Happy New Year and all that... I hope everyone had a good time. I spent my New Year's Eve with family, playing games and just hanging out. It was nice.

I've finished rewatching all of Firefly, this time with my parents. Up next is Serenity, which will probably be watched in the next few days. Yay!

Not much else to say. I'm being very lazy, lots of sleeping and doing nothing. Every break I say it's going to be different, that I'm going to do things... And it never happens. Ah well.