Blarg. The externship is going well enough - I'm learning stuff about publishing and small bookstores and how screwy the business can be. I'm also being helpful, updating info and finding stuff and generally being productive. And the family is very nice - I feel very at home, and the 10 year old is hyper but entertaining, and the pets are all very sweet. But still, blarg.

Part of me, right now, wants to envelop myself in this world for as long as I can. Not think about school, about people, about life, about anything that has any permanence to it. Of course, I can't do that. Come Friday, I leave here. On Saturday, I go back to Swat. I'm looking forward to it, to an extent. But there are things that I know that I'll have to deal with that I just don't want to face right now.

Lately, I've been fine if I'm distracted. TV, games, absorbing yet relatively mindless research for information. I'm okay then. But other times... Sometimes I just feel kind of empty/purposeless/aimless. Sometimes I just think about too much at once until I shut down.

Also, when did I start worrying when I see someone has left me a message? A voicemail should not elicit an "Oh shit, what bad thing happened?" response. But it does. Thankfully, the response is generally unfounded, but still. It's there. And that's no good.

I realize that this all sounds very bad and negative and depressing and stuff. I'm actually not doing that bad right now, I guess. I'm mostly tired (full workdays are really pretty sucky) and realizing that break - and with it, this respite from what I see of as real life, to a degree - is fast coming to an end. I want to go back to Swat and see people, but at the same time, I don't really want to have to deal with people.

I will now work on my psuedo-homework until bed... There are some mystery books with ties to Shakespearean plays; the idea is to get some bookstores near big Shakespeare festivals to take an interest in them. I may end up writing the letter to try to convince them that stocking the books is a good plan. Therefore, it would be helpful to know about the books. This is best accomplished by actually reading the books, so... Well, that's what I'm going to do.