So. Charities. I've been pondering and pondering. I came across a lot of good ones. Saving fuzzy creatures, protecting books and historical places, encouraging the arts, aiding literacy, promoting women's rights, giving scholarships... All very good causes, to be sure. And I was looking at this website, Charity Navigator, which rates charities on how efficiently they use their money and such... Which ones are actually doing something and whatnot. The sight also offers lots of other information; it's been quite handy.

I was leaning towards the Boys & Girls Clubs of America -- they seem to be doing some good stuff. But the CEO makes nearly half a million dollars. Yeah, that's only a small percentage of their revenue, but still... It bothers me, for some reason. Most of the other charities' CEOs get around $200,000. I can deal with that. And it's not that I have anything against people making half a million a year. It's just... Well, you're working for a non-profit... So, why are you profiting so much? Sure, maybe a lot of the money ends up going back into charity. But still. It nags at me.

And then came the question of what really matters to me, what cause I'm most concerned about. For so very, very long, that has been women's rights, in one form or another. Equality, suffrage, independence... Those things matter to me greatly. And right now, I perceive one of the largest threats in the area of women's rights to be sexual health/reproductive rights. Abstinence-only education is being promoted/enforced by this administration, and it's not helping anything at all. Aid programs that even mention abortion as an option (just an option - not the best course of action) are getting funding cut and so on. Pharmacists aren't filling Rx for birth control, for the morning after pill. It frustrates me, it angers me, it even sickens me a little.

So. Planned Parenthood? Looking good to me. Only not the US branch. Their CEO, again, makes nearly half a million. Also, it seems like they're not handling their money as well as perhaps they could be... Expenses growing at 4 times the rate that the revenue is increasing? That's not good. But the idea, the cause? Important to me, definitely. International Planned Parenthood Federation - Western Hemisphere region, then. That seems to be where I'm going. Revenue growing while expenses stay steady; decent CEO pay; seem to be doing some good.

I'll make my final decision tomorrow (er, later today).

I have a certain amount of money that is to be donated to a charity of my choice. Anyone have any suggestions (and reasons for those suggestions)?

Happy Boxing Day! I hope you all had good a good Christmas (or just a nice Sunday).

My family will actually be celebrating Boxing Day this year. Well, sort of. My oldest brother spent Christmas with his girlfriend and her family and will come home tomorrow (er, later today, I guess)... So we're waiting to do the gifts and such until then, which will also be when we go to see my mom's side of the family. So today was Christmas-lite, in a way. Carols on the radio, a nice dinner with fancy plates and candles, gifts for the pets, a bit of family bonding... But nothing over-the-top or anything. For awhile, it felt a bit odd, but it was nice.

Merry Christmas!

When I went to sleep, it was raining out. When I woke up, everything was coated with snow. Booyah! I love white Christmases.

I think staying away from the malls is one of the best ways to make Christmas merry. My family is really cutting back on gifts, mostly doing small things and the gag gift/white elephant exchange. This is good, and it makes everything much less stressful.

Church tonight was nice enough, though not as nice as some other Christmas Eve services I've been to. And the party we went to was fun; it was nice to meet the people my parents have been spending time with since the move.

There was a sad moment, though. I met a little boy, almost a year old. Later on, I found out that his father, who is in the military, has been gone for nearly a year. Probably left right after his son was born, hasn't seen him since. And that just makes me so sad.

Merry Christmas Eve to everyone!

I love Christmas, even though I'm thoroughly agnostic (with occasional bouts of deism). Christmas is the one time of year when I'll go to church willingly. I love Christmas carols (especially sung by candlelight) -- they give me warm fuzzies. I think Christmas decorations are splendid, and Christmas cookies are great. I adore How the Grinch Stole Christmas, with it's fun songs and immense cuteness. I like being at home with my family. All in all, it's a great holiday.

Except for the church service, my Christmas has become pretty secular. I decorated my mini-tree today, putting on little ornaments. There was Marvin the Martian, Yoda, the Grinch, various other Dr. Seuss creatures, snowflakes, gingerbread men, and so forth. The closets things to religious icons were the star on the top and an angel ornament. Everything else? Super secular. And I'm happy about that. I like that I can enjoy the holiday without tying myself to religion too closely. Oh, I know that that idea make more religious people quiver with anger. But I don't really care. The holiday makes me happy -- not so much because of the presents (which are always nice, of course), but more due to the increased willingness of people to share and connect with others. Serious warm fuzzies.

So, merry secular Christmas to all, and happy holidays, and happy Hanukkah, and everything else. I hope the holidays find you happy and healthy.

I have a list of about 17 internships to look into later... So I accomplished something. Which means now I can do nothing for the rest of the night and feel little to no guilt. Yay!

Dear world,

Looking for summer employment is terrifying, especially since I'll have to be looking for REAL employment in about a year. Due to this, I have decided that I will stay a kid forever. Please ignore the fact that I'm already 21. Allow me to regress into child-like bliss during break and then just stay there.

Thanks,
Jen

So, yes. The real world terrifies me. I don't want to deal with it.

On a completely different note, one of my aunt's cats died/was put down this morning. This cat was basically her child; she'd had it for as long as I can remember (literally - the cat was about as old as me).

Why is it that we put our beloved pets out of their misery when they grow old and their bodies start failing them, but with people we stick them with all sorts of machines and such? I suppose the most common argument for why the former is acceptable while the latter isn't would deal with value of life and souls and such, but still. If someone wants to die before they lose their abilities to function, why not grant them that bit of control? (Euthanasia -- joining abortion, homosexuality, and many other things in the ranks of "Things in the Catechism that I found I disagreed with during Confirmation classes.")

Possibly going to church for Christmas Eve, though I'm not yet sure. I think the last time I went to church may have been last Christmas, though perhaps there was one other time in-between.

Back to looking at theater internships for the summer...

By using the online setup program for the router, as opposed to the CD and directions provided, I have managed to get the wireless to work. Finally!

Break thus far: sleeping, reading fun books (latest Lemony Snicket, Falcondance by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, The Wainscott Weasel, and Inamorata by Joseph Gangemi - a Swat alum who I met this semsester), and generally being unproductive.

My mom and I went up to Quincy on Monday and we saw some people... A few family friends, a few of my old teachers, etc. It was nice, but it was also kind of odd. I've detached myself from Quincy quite a bit, so going back there is familiar but not home.

I've attempted to do some vaguely productive things, namely to set up the borrowed wireless router. But it keeps on thwarting me. I've followed the directions, tried every variation I can think of, and it still won't work. It's frustrating me. Right now I'm unplugging the family computer to steal that Ethernet jack to use for my laptop... I have too many bookmarks, etc on my computer to do everything I want on the family computer. Plus, I just like mine more. The best situation, of course, would be to get the router to work so I can use my computer elsewhere in the house. But that doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. (Anyone have any hints on making routers magically love me?)

I'm thinking productivity will kick in soon enough. I'm toying with the idea of getting exercise later today, even if it's just in the form of DDR. I know I need to start going to the gym again next semester, and I should probably start over break so that the momentum will carry me over.

There are other things I need to do as well... Make signs for new people on my hall, look for summer internships, fill out my reapplication form for the RA position, review CDs, etc. But once I've gotten a taste of lethargy, it's really hard to re-motivate myself. Arg...

Ha! See, I am a cat!

You Are A: Kitten!

Cute as can be, kittens are playful, mischevious, and ever-curious. Like you, kittens hate getting wet. Kittens are often loving, but are known to scratch or bite when annoyed. These adorable animals are the most popular pets in the United States--37% of American households have at least one cat. Whether it is your gentle purr or your disarming appearance, you make a wonderful kitten.

You were almost a: Lamb or a Bear Cub
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a FrogWhat Cute Animal Are You?

Technically, A Series of Unfortunate Events is a set of kids' books. But there are little jokes and things snuck in that kids won't get and teens and adults will. And that is one of the reasons that they are awesome. Some of the best come from Sunny, who, being a baby, can't talk all that well. So she says things that are supposed to be nonsense at times... But are often real words or names that fit the situation perfectly.

My current favorite is in The Penultimate Peril:

The verdict of the High Court was to take the expression [Justice is blind] literally," said the manager, "so everyone except the judges must cover their eyes before the trial can begin."
"Scalia," Sunny said. She meant something like, "It doesn't seem like the literal interpretation makes any sense," but her siblings did not think it was wise to translate.

I just emailed my poetry portfolio to Nat. I am now done for the semester. Hallelujah!

Vegging begins now!

I got the library internship for the spring! So I don't completely fail at life today, yay.

So. The idea that papers always get done no matter how much you're stressing over it? Sadly, not true in all cases. Because sometimes you just admit defeat and have to acknowledge that you put it off to long, that you put the class on the back burner all semester, and that you can't really change that now. You admit defeat and sleep. When you wake up, you realize that you can't live with the prospect of a D on your transcript -- but you better figure it out fast, because it's looking like a real possibility. And then start mentally composing a letter of apology to the prof, who you really like, assuring him that you enjoyed the class but things just fell apart this semester. And no, that's not an excuse, just an explanation. Then you hang your head in shame and retreat home with your tail between your legs.

My English paper has been cleaned up, printed, and stapled. It will be handed in right before/after my library shift.

The plan for tomorrow:
Turn in paper
Work at library
Lunch
Work on PoR journal - basically use it as a way to sort out my ideas about the readings and prep for my paper
Work on PoR paper!

Somewhere in there should be a trip to CVS to pick up my Rx, as well as laundry-doing and at least vague contemplation of packing.

I finally heard back from my externship host, so I am, in fact, still on for the week-long externship in January. Still no word on the spring library internship.

And now, a bit of sleep.

I finally have a draft of my explication done for English class. Hopefully Miriam will be able to read over it tonight (and I, in turn, will read over her Shakespeare paper). Then, I'll scan it again and be done. Now I focus on reading more stuff for PoR -- I'll start that paper tomorrow. I also need to work on my poetry portfolio, but that's due on Saturday and can be emailed to Nat, so there's a very good chance I'll end up doing that in the airport/on the plane/at home.

But - progress has been made! Thank heavens!

I just ordered a few books, which, while pricey, I can justify by saying they're educational. Because they are. I fell in love with this one book that I used for reference in costume design - it's full of very detailed drawings of period clothes, describes the fabric and shows the construction and is must immensely awesome. I decided to see if it's still in print. And it is. And the woman who made it - Nancy Bradfield - did another book as well, so I got both of them. So, yay for amazing reference books!

I've been up since about 6:15 today (went to sleep around 2 or so)... I did my normal morning thing, got some food, was on campus around 8 am. I worked for about 2 hours in the design lab, then went to the library to do my shift, then got lunch and ate it while coloring in my designs. Then I had class from 2 to 5 pm, ate dinner, and am now at home.

Now I nap for about 2 hours, and then I attack my English paper. I shall attack with fierceness. I will fiercely attack the philosophy paper starting tomorrow. Fierceness is key, I think, otherwise I'll just go back to sleep.

Hungry Hungry Hippos rocks my socks. I got it at the gift exchange the other night, and I broke it out tonight before doing work. Very good stress reliever, I must say.

On that note, boo to stress. And boo to work, the cause of stress.

Yay, however, to cool plays with weird gymnastic-y things going on. I can't remember what it's called, but the wrapping yourself up in ropes/sheets and dangling about and twisting and such? Very impressive. I wish I could do it, though I'm pretty sure my dislike of heights plus my lack of upper body strength (and hell, lower body strength too!) would really work against me.

Okay, back to costume design. Whee...

I'm feeling much better right now. Things have been talked over a bit, and that helped a lot. Still not exactly happy, but much, much better. Yay for betterness.

If there is one thing I have gotten the hang of this semester, it's how to be confrontational when I really need to be.

Off to do maybe a bit more work, but most likely sleep.

If you've looked at my little imood thingy over the past week, you've seen the mood-swingage. Rejected to elated to happy to baffled to blank. Quite a week, no?

Today I may actually venture out into the real world, but I may put that off until tomorrow. It's cold, so walking to the mall to find a White Elephant gift is not overly appealing. At the same time, it'll still be cold tomorrow. And eventually, I need to work on work. Blarg.

To be home, in bed, with a purring kitty by my side and a book in my hands... This is what I get in another week. Just have to make it until then.

I'm trying to figure out why it seems that about 4 hours of sleep gives me about 1 hour of energy. Got about 8 hours of sleep, was energetic for about 2 hours, then slept another 4 hours and was fine for another hour. Really, I feel like the ratio should be at least 2:1, though 1:1 would be better and 2:1 would be quite nice.

So I slept much of today, which was good for me. I've read some poetry. I'm possibly going to do some work on costume design now, perhaps while watching some Firefly. Basically, today has been mostly cancelled due to lack of interest... And I'm okay with that. Tomorrow will involve more work, I'm sure, and maybe some sort of excursion to someplace within walking distance to get a gift for the White Elephant thing.

I am really, really looking forward to break right now. Maybe I should try to become a trophy wife just so I never really have to do anything ever again. But for now, I think I'll stare blankly at possible internships for the summer... Because even if I get the spring library thing, all of the sudden it seems far less interesting to me. Not sure what's going on with that, but whatever. If anyone can think of employment that consists of sleeping, reading fun books, and playing with cute cats, let me know.

So um, that came out of nowhere. (Yes, Mom, I will call you sometime tomorrow and explain what exactly came out of nowhere...) Currently baffled and upset, will hopefully have the baffled bit dealt with sooner rather than later. For now, however, sleep. Sleep makes everything better... And a conveniently-timed Primal Scream and half a bottle of cheap champagne don't hurt either. I will sleep until I don't want to sleep anymore, work be damned (until Saturday, anyway). Ideally I will wake up and discover this was all just a hallucination brought on by sleep deprivation, but that's highly unlikely.

Murder mystery dinner earlier in the evening was a great deal of fun. Falling asleep repeatedly while watching clips of operas in costume design was less fun. Seriously stabbing myself with pins/needles while sewing was also not so fun, but at least I made progress on my skirt. I'll finish it over break, I think... Maybe I'll dye it next semester. Not sure if I'll ever actually wear it, but that doesn't actually matter.

Alright. Bed time!

My birthday was fantastic. The play went really well, I had dinner with my parents and Robert, I got to have a small celebration in ML and then another in Mertz, and all was generally fantastic. So much, much happiness. Also much tiredness. I didn't get as much work done for costume design as I probably should have, but it's just the roughs, so I don't really care too much. Class in about 7 hours... But I'm just going to go to sleep. Yay sleep!

I'm 21. *mulls this over for a bit* Huh. Weird.

So tonight. Opening night. It went fairly well, so yay! No major mishaps or anything like that. And now just one more show, and then I can relax. Well, sort of relax. Relative-speaking relaxation. Anyway, the show went well, people enjoyed it, and I got a Magic Flower, which is hard to describe but very cool. Just trust me on this. Yay for Robert and quirky gifts. :)

I also had my interview for the library internship today. It's just for the spring position, not the spring and summer like I thought. So even if I get it, I'll need to look for summer work anyway. It would increase my chance of getting the summer position, but there's no guarantee. Anyway, it's got a class aspect to it, as well as a project, so it's more than just standard work at the library. So... yeah. I should hopefully find out sometime early next week.

And now, off to finish writing my play and try to get some costume design done. I'd like to not have to do work tomorrow night, but that may mean little sleep tonight, which is no good either. Blarg.

It's snowing, has been since like 7 pm or so. It makes me ridiculously happy -- I love the first snow of the year. It's all pretty and white, no nasty slush. So much happiness as a result of the snow.

But now, bed. Or maybe work and then bed. But some sleep does need to be gotten.

I was supposed to have play practice now, but that fell through due to other people not being able to be there. So instead, much practicing will happen tonight, from 9 to midnight.

Meanwhile, the nervousness is starting to creep up every so often. Whenever I see a sign for the show, I get a bit worried. I'm scared that I will mess up, big time. And the audience will be CLOSE. I don't have the helpful floodlights preventing me from seeing who's out there. No, when I look up, I'll be looking at people that I probably know. Eep!

I made some progress on my English paper today - not on the paper itself, really, but on notes and figuring out what I'm going to say. I think it'll turn out okay, but we'll see. I also need to work on my play (due Wednesday) and my costume design sketches (due Thursday) as I won't have much time in the next few days to devote to them. So... yeah.

Plan for rest of the day: dinner, a bit of work (either sketching or reading), housing committee meeting, bit more work, practice, then either bed or again, more work. Such fun.

Tomorrow is high stress day, since it includes an interview for the library internship as well as opening night of the play. Scary stuff, I must say.

Despite getting 9+ hours of sleep, I am still tired.

The choir thing did not happen after all, because I can't sing. My regular range notes come out kind of squeaky, and my higher notes, well, they don't really want to come out at all. One cannot sing Messiah as a soprano without high notes. It just doesn't work.

So instead, I have been working on laundry today, will go to CVS pretty soon, and will get to go to Night of Scenes tonight. Whee. After that, I may try to do some work on my English paper, because really, that needs to get done.

Coming up this week: my play! Tuesday at 9 pm, Wednesday at 7 pm. Both times in the Kitao Gallery, between the frats and Olde Club. It'll only take about 30 minutes of your time, so please come!

I am exhausted, my brain feels a little fuzzy, and I just want to collapse. So I'm going to do that. But tonight was awesome - dinner with a friend, a cappella, hanging out, and dancing. Good times.

Tomorrow: choir part 2 (performance at a church in Chester), laundry, errands, work. The first will definitely happen, the others will hopefully happen... We'll see.

I would be overstating
If I said I knew you well,
That I knew you at all.

When you flew through that windshield,
And your life passed reel to reel
Was there a bit part for me?

I made a wish for you,
Blew out the sun so it’d come true.
But the sun froze along with your heart.

So give up, give up your love,
Give up, give up your love -
I promise it's not gonna kill ya
And I need ya, Lord I need ya.

And when they cut up your lung
You said we could all breathe easy,
The hole swallowed your heart.

When they drill holes in your skull
And screwed that halo to your head,
Did you think you could fly?

I made a prayer for you,
Then prayed some more that it’d come true.
Don’t know about God, but I believe in you.

So give up, give up your love,
Give up, give up your love -
I promise its not gonna kill ya
And I need ya, Lord I need ya.
And though you haven’t got a lot to give up,
A good man is easy to kill well.
Stop talking about the weather and say you’re getting better.

-Beulah, "A Good Man is Easy to Kill"

So much love for this song and its lyrics...

Last night I went from being upset to extremely silly. Ah, friends plus sleep deprivation. I was finally forced to go to bed, which was for the best. I have now doubled the amount of sleep I've gotten in the past few days, bringing me up to a whopping 14 hours since Tuesday.

Busy day today... Choir concert tonight at 8 pm. Please come! We're singing Handel's Messiah, and it shall be very pretty! Come a bit early to get decent seats.

Then, Tuesday and Wednesday at 8 pm - I make my Swarthmore stage debut in a student play. It's in the Kitao Gallery (between Olde Club and the frats).... Again, please come!

It's December, which is weird to me. It's finally starting to feel like it, what with the cold and chance of snow this weekend.

I turn 21 in 5 days. Very weird.

Tonight was mostly good, I guess. I had a great time with the middle school dance study break. The other RAs and I dressed as teachers and such... I was the librarian/English teacher. I somehow became the teacher people had crushes on too, and danced with various "students"... It was amusing. Interesting how so much can be undone with one little sentence though. At least the wanted-ness at the dance kinda cancels out this feeling of not being wanted. Kinda like the 5 or 6 really favorable RA evaluations cancelled out the not-so-positive one.

Off to do maybe a little work before bed.

So someone else was willing to the the hour sub shift at WSRN, so I'm back to the originally planned 2 hours from 6 to 8 pm. Whee.

I didn't get more sleep last night after all. I did, however, get a nearly-full body massage from a friend, and for that I am extremely thankful. So yeah, 7 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours or so, but at least my body hates me less than it did before.

I switched time slots for my radio show tonight, so I'm going to be on WSRN from 6 to 8 pm. Actually, I may be on from 5 to 8 pm, if no one volunteers to sub for that hour. This will be my last show of the semester as far as I know, so it's going to be a bit of a "best of the semester" thing. I had 2 hours of music pulled together for that, but now I may need to seek out another hour. Ah well.

But really, at this point, very little matters to me except for this: I got my philosophy of religion midterm paper back today, and I got an A. Not an A-, but an actual full out A. This in a class that has been forced to the back burner, on a paper that I did the reading for over October break and then wrote in one night. I'm proud.

Off to my RA evaluation, which will hopefully be full of nice things and not make me feel like a bad person. *crosses fingers*