Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Well, I got a prompt reply from the theatre. Granted, it was a no (I don't have the sorts of tech skills they're looking for), but... Onto the next ones, which are in Philly.

Playlist for tonight's show:

* Metric - Monster Hospital
Steve Burns - Mighty Little Man
* The Mountain Goats - Lion’s Teeth
* Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales of San Francisco
* Of Montreal - Disconnect the Dots
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)
Quasi - The Sword of God
* Stars - Calender Girl
Matt Sweeney and Bonnie “Prince” Billy - Lift Us Up
Iron and Wine - My Lady’s House
The Decemberists - Here I Dreamt I Was an Archite
* P:ano - Animal Friends
Sufjan Stevens - All Good Naysayers, Speak Up! Or Forever Hold Your Peace!
Cat Power- Nude as the News
* The Elected - Would You Come With Me
*# Scout Niblett - Good to Me
* Jana Hunter - Restless
* 31Knots - Busy is Bold
Radiohead - Inside My Head
*Arab Strap- Dream Sequence
Luna - Dizzy
Snow Patrol - Wow
The Get Up Kids - 10 Minutes
* Some By Sea - Look What I Made Without Your Heart Getting in the Way
Bright Eyes and Neva Dinova - I’ll Be Your Friend
Wilco - How to Fight Loneliness
* Destroyer - Painter in Your Pocket

Someone actually called and wanted to know the name of the Steve Burns song. I felt special.

Off to read for playwriting.
I just sent off my resume and an email to my top choice for a summer theatre internship. Any calmness I had has gone, as the butterflies and worry are back again with a vengeance. Now I go attempt to eat a bit of dinner, followed by my phone conference. Eep.
Lyrics to "Up the Wolves" by The Mountain Goats:

There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet
No matter where you live.
There'll always be a few things, maybe several things
That you're going to find really difficult to forgive.

There's going to come a day when you feel better.
You'll rise up free and easy on that day.
And float from branch to branch,
Lighter than the air.
Just when that day is coming, who can say? who can say?

Our mother has been absent ever since we founded Rome.
But there's going to be a party when the wolf comes home.

We're going to commandeer the local airwaves
To tell the neighbours whats been going on.
And they will shake their heads and wag their bony fingers
In all the wrong directions,
And by daybreak we'll be gone.

I'm going to get myself in fighting trim,
Scope out every angle of unfair advantage.
I'm going to bribe the officials.
I'm going to kill all the judges.
It's going to take you people years to recover from all of the damage.

Our mother has been absent ever since we founded Rome.
But there's going to be a party when the wolf comes home.


Such a good song...
So today has already been full of worry and anxiety, and it's not over yet. My stomach is so not happy with me...

I woke up early to finish some reading (rereading, for the most part) in attempt to be able to participate in class today. Which I did, to some extent. So, yay, I feel like I sort of made up for Thursday.

All through class, I was acutely aware of the fact that I was trying to muster up enough courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on after class. I felt like I had the courage, but the opportunity passed anyways. So I went and got lunch, and then went to check my mail, and he was there, so I seized the moment. It went something like this: "HeybeforeIlosemynerve...um...Isortofhaveacrushonyou,and,uh,wouldyouliketohangoutsometime?" Yeah. So, he sort of blinked at me, because yeah, this came out of nowhere. He explained his current situation a bit (basically, it's complicated, and he's not sure what's up), but said he would like to get to know me better. So that was nice. And then I fled, because I had used up all my courage for the moment.

My stomach, which had been full of butterflies before, is still that way, since the day of confrontational stuff is not over yet. Because at 5 pm I get to talk with my playwriting prof! Yay! I'm really nervous! Eep!

And then there's my radio show tonight, and then also a small English party, and then I have to do work. So, yeah. That takes me until at least midnight, I think. Fun stuff.

If I make it through today without actually throwing up, I will consider the day a success.

Monday, February 27, 2006

The amount of energy I have right now is kind of insane. The amount of time I've been this energetic makes it truly bizarre. I got all riled up in d'turgy class, talking about this draft of a play that was sent to the theatre Mr. Magru works at. My energy decreased a bit through dinner, but then I got all excited again later, when so many people showed up for the picture. Because seriously? That really made my day. And then I came back to ML, and I finished reading Oleanna... And I was incensed by it, which gave me a lot of energy. So I headed over to CVS, ranting to Adam the entire time. I ranted while we were there, and then I rambled about other stuff on the way back. And then there was an email saying that someone was showing Newsies on Thursday. Newsies! It brought great joy. So of course I had to break out the soundtrack and listen, and sing (it's a bit frightening how many of the lyrics I still remember...), and that just made me super hyper.

So now I'm back to listening to The Mountain Goats, which is calming me down, and I'm going to start rereading Lukacs, which will bring me down as well. But right now? I am so awake, and bouncy, and HAPPY. It's awesome.
11 people out of the 18 on my hall showed up for the hall photo tonight. This should not be a big deal, but it is. It makes me so very, very happy. After the failed study break, this boosts my ego and makes me feel like I'm a good RA after all. *happy dance*

In other news, my d'turgy prof offered to put in a good word for me for at least one of the internships I'm considering - he went to school with their dramaturg, so, yeah. Yay for that. And despite my fears about that class initially, I'm really enjoying it and find it interesting... And sometimes I even think I'm offering worthwhile comments.

Other classes: I have a phone conference with my playwriting prof tomorrow, to talk about my stuff. I'm more than a little nervous. The man's 26, is already pretty well-known -- he got a commission in London, for heaven's sake! -- and is just really damn talented. And he's not afraid to tell you something sucks. So I'm expecting to be told my stuff sucks. But if he has one nice thing to say, even if it's really small, I'll be happy. I'm intimidated by him, yes, but I also really like him and respect him. So his opinion does matter to me quite a bit.

And my other class, Theory of the Novel, is going okay. I'm not exactly enjoying it, but hey, I can't have it all.

Okay. Work time, whee...

Sunday, February 26, 2006

It's weird when you find out something huge about a person that you're close to, something that you feel you should have already known. I don't know what all my friends' parents do for a living, but that doesn't bother me. But deceased parents, major life-changing events, things like that... And when it comes to my attention, it comes out of nowhere, blind-sides me, leaves me breathless almost. I feel guilty, like somehow I should have always known, or should have had some sort of conversation with them that would have brought it to my attention. I don't know. Though I feel guilty about a lot of weird things, I guess.

Back to work.
Screw was definitely memorable this year... Besides the extravagant "wedding" arranged by Emily for Anna and Megan, there was an all-campus power outage (started somewhere around 9 pm, power came back on somewhere between 10:30 and 11? I'm not really sure), and the dance was ended early (1:20 am) by a fire alarm. And then a few of us walked back to the dorm, which is why my legs are really cold right now. At least I brought some flats to wear for dancing and stuff - walking back in heels would have been awful.

My Screw date was a nice guy, though the overall thing was kind of awkward. We hung out with some of his friends for a pre-party thing, then went to the dance and hung out with my friends. So at least the awkwardness was spread about evenly. And now I've had the full Screw experience.

I think I'm going to go make some hot chocolate now...

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Last night I was lame and stayed in. I read a bit of Georg Lukacs' The Theory of the Novel and did nothing exciting. This morning I was awoken by the fire alarm at 10 am. It was a drill, so it was brief, but really. Who schedules a fire drill before noon on a Saturday? Not cool. The rest of the day will be devoted to more reading, whee... And tonight is Screw, so that should be at the very least interesting and hopefully fun.

I have determined that one of the worst people to have a crush on is someone you know, but don't know well. If you hardly know the person, you can be like "Oh, they're cute, but nothing is ever going to happen." If you know them well, you have opportunities to flirt and such. But somewhere in the middle? That seems to be a dead zone, at least for me. Because despite my supposed "seek and destroy" skills, I can be super shy, especially around people that I don't know all that well. And when you add a crush on top of that? Well, then I can barely open my mouth. So yeah. That's where I'm at now, and I'm not enjoying it.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

So in the course of the last 2 hours, I have begun to seriously consider the Arcadia design thing... I mean, yes, a lot of work, but... Senior Company counts as a class, so that makes it seem less bad. 4 classes plus something extra? That's normal. Also, I totally don't need free time. Because really, what am I going to do with it? Sleep? Ha. Socialize? Sure, but most of my closest friends will be gone, so why not lose myself to work? Also, resume builder. Because I have to start thinking about things like this. Granted, I have no real desire to go into costume design as a profession, but it's still something nice to have - especially if I want to do anything in theatre. Plus, pretty dresses!

Off to read library stuff about cataloguing.
The prospect of getting to do costume design with pretty dresses and such is being dangled in front of me again, this time for next fall. Which, of course, would be when I will be doing Senior Company (either dramaturgy and/or costume design, depending on the play). This other project (Arcadia) would be a big undertaking - I would definitely need to find others to work with me and all. The possibility of stress is high. But pretty clothes! So many pretty clothes! And an actual budget! And though I haven't actually read the play, it's Tom Stoppard, so how could I not love it?

In other news: Um... Nothing. I'm going to go watch curling.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

It's always kind of strange when my classes intersect. It makes me feel like I'm actually learning something vaguely useful...

The latest intersection was just now, between playwriting and dramaturgy. Okay, so not a huge leap from one to another, I know. But still. I'm writing a play, and the somewhat immortal character has just died - for real this time, not like at the beginning, when she was burned for witchcraft. Anyway. I want the ending to mirror the beginning, so fire is again needed... Cremation this time. But somewhere in the back of my brain, a voice said "But do they cremate unclaimed bodies? Is what I'm writing accurate?" For a second, I tried to ignore it. After all, what does accuracy count for when it comes to artist expression? But I'm the one who got grumpy over the syphilis in Ghosts (The son has it, but not the mother? Is that possible? And what about the half-sister?), so... Granted, my play isn't exactly firmly grounded in reality, but still. Luckily for me, they do cremate unclaimed bodies, at least in some places. So all is well in my little play's sphere of existence, whee.

Edit: Damnation! Further research into the process of cremation has taught me that the sort of conveyer belt going into the fire thing (which I'm sure I've seen on TV or something...) is not actually what happens. The coffin (cardboard or particle board, often) is slid in, the door is closed, a button is pushed. No fire actually gets seen, it seems. This will just not do. The flames must be there. I guess the cremation chamber's door will just have to be broken so the audience can see the fire... Or I can have a cutaway sort of thing, looking at it from the side... So the door is closed but the fire is still seen.

*ponder*

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Dear self: whatever happens in the next year, never consider going to grad school for English Lit. The theoretical writing would be the end of me.

This insight brought to you by the completion of Dialectically Reconceiving the Rise of the Novel, a truly lackluster paper.
Continuing the general theme of whining:

I want soundproof (or at least thicker) walls that block out the singing, telephone conversations, and other noises. I want my work to finish itself, because I can't seem to manage it at the moment. I want my body to stop hating me. I want to sleep and relax without feeling guilty. I want to be able to soak in a bathtub, because at times like this showers just aren't the same.
I'm hot and chilly at the same time, a clear indication that the illness that has been lurking for the past week has finally caught up with me. My paper is still not quite done, because at some point sleeping become crucial so that I didn't end up feeling even worse. I didn't go to class, I cancelled an appointment, and I'm looking for a sub for my radio show because the prospect of trekking up to Parrish while feeling like shit is totally unappealing. I still need to read a play for tomorrow, as well as memorize lines, and I really need to finish my writing assignment too.

So in short, I've got a ton of shit that needs to get done, but I'm in no shape to do it. But I feel guilty about not doing it, so I'll try to do some of it anyway. Fun.
I understand the essay, I know what I want to say, so why can't I find the right words to actually say it?!

*Hatred and loathing towards unfinished paper, lack of sleep, headache, and unhappy throat*
It's pretty impressive what a good back rub, an hour nap, and a bit of downtime can do. I still don't want to write my paper, but I'm doing it. Almost done with the first page, so 1/4th of the way there. Woot.

Monday, February 20, 2006

I am Jen, hear me whine:

I do not want to write my paper or my play, nor do I really want to read any theory... Or anything else, for that matter. I've had a headache all day, my lower back hates me, and my shoulders loathe me. I got a back rub from a friend, but it wasn't long enough - massages never are.

I think I'm going to go microwave my herbal thingy and drape that across my shoulders. Maybe it'll help. Then I'll confront the paper for Theory of the Novel. Blarg to papers.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

I've been pretty productive today, got to see a bit of taiko, and saw Neal's fantastic show. So a good day, all in all. I will now attempt to continue the productivity, but I think I'm probably going to get distracted by watching Entourage instead...
So there had been a post that I made yesterday that has magically disappeared. No idea what happened, but...

The gist of it was this: Chip, my family's rabbit, has passed away. He was about 8 years old, and we had him for about 4 years. Much sadness.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Today was fun. I did some (not much) work, and then there was an expedition to the King of Prussia mall. The mall is ridiculously big... There was a little actual shopping (I got some socks, much-needed strapless bra, and a pretty, pretty corset), and then an amazing dinner at California Pizza Kitchen with a bit of ice cream afterwards. My stomach is happy.

Now I attempt to do a bit more work...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

My radio show is wrapping up for the evening, so I might as well post the playlist...

* Stars - Soft Revolution
13 and God - Men of Station
The Go Find - Over the Edge
The Flaming Lips - What Is The Light?
Ratatat - Crips
Tricky - Black Steel
Sneaker Pimps- Walking Zero
Fischerspooner - Just Let Go
Basement Jaxx - Red Alert
Bjork - Crying
Hooverphonic - Lung
Emiliana Torrini - Telepathy
The Dresden Dolls - Coin Operated Boy
Le Tigre - Dude Yr So Crazy!!
Mono - Silicone
Beta Band - I Know
Radiohead - Climbing up the Walls
Frou Frou - Psychobabble
Portishead - Numb
Aphex Twin - Alberto Balsalm
DJ Shadow - Organ Donor
Ladytron - Fire
The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist
Gorillaz - 19-2000 (Soulchild remix)
Tori Amos - Professional Widow (Remix)
Switchblade Symphony - Insect
Zeitmahl - Girl Unknown
*# Vox Vermillion - Underground

A little light on stuff from the rock department's playlist, but given the focus on more electronic/trip-hop stuff, I suppose it makes a lot of sense. It'll probably be back to the more standard mix of indie and alternative rock next week.
I set up the playlist for my show beforehand today, so for the rest of my 2 hours I just get to kick back and rock out. Woot.
So. I can talk about depression without flinching, discuss most of my life in a fairly distanced manner, and deal with most of my past relationships calmly. What gets me? Talking about my friends. As soon as I start discussing my close friends, them graduating this year, etc. I get weepy.
So watching a bunch of episodes of Scrubs instead of reading Sense and Sensibility or doing other work was perhaps not the most productive use of my time. Still, I feel pretty happy at the moment... And given that it's Valentine's Day now (my least favorite holiday), that's saying something.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Nothing makes your day quite like receiving an email telling you the due date of your unstarted paper has been moved from tomorrow to next week.

Nap now, because I can! Ha!

(Sure, there's a lot of work I should/could be doing... But it'll still be there in an hour...)

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Fun quotes from Christopher Durang's The Marriage of Bette and Boo:

Bette (at her father's funeral): "Boo, thank you for being sober today. Look how happy it makes Skippy."
Boo: "Skippy's drunk."

Karl (after the 3rd stillborn child): "You missed it, Boo.
Boo: "Did it live?"
Karl: "Not unless they redefined the term."

Matt: "Although crazy people often mean well, meaning well is not enough. On some level, Attila the Hun may have meant well."

And my favorite:

Matt: "I don't think God punishes people for specific things."
Bette: "That's good."
Matt: "I think He punishes people in general, for no reason."

Black comedies are fun. :)
Yay to girls' nights, sleep, pretty snow, getting cheered up, and backrubs.

Boo to slobs, thieves, work, and cold.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Last night: Trip into Philly with 8 friends for dinner at another friend's apartment. It was a lot of fun - good company, tasty food. and a chance to play with a cat.

Today: ML RA shopping trip for the upcoming study break. Fun stuff.

Tonight: Girl's night. The plan to head into Philly was changed due to the snow, but it will still be a great time, I'm sure.

Sometime I need to get a lot of work done... So far I've done some (finished reading one play, read an article), but there's still a lot left to do. Blarg.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I was right when I thought that my playwriting prof would be understanding about the whole not being done with my work thing. So the guilt is gone there, though now I basically should write two plays in a week, which is really crazy. Ah well.

Also, I need to stop being smitten with gay boys. It's totally counterproductive.
I slept for a bit, and now I'm back up and working on my play... In theory, anyway. I have a rough idea of the plot, I've got some interesting ideas to consider for some of the staging... But the writing itself is not coming, really. Which leads to the eternal debate - do I just go to sleep and finish it later (and hand it in late, which, given his kind of lax teaching style, probably won't matter?) or do I keep on chipping away at it and exhaust myself completely?

I suppose I'll stick with the middle road, which in this case is to work for a bit longer, then sleep until about 7 or so and then work on it until lunch or so and see where I am.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Playlist for tonight:

M.I.A. - Amazon
Fischerspooner - Never Win
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! - Over and Over Again
* The Holy Ghost - Genghis Khan
The Walkmen - The Rat
* Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead
* Sigur Ros - Gong
Islands - Abominable Snow
Detachment Kit - Skyscrapers
Rouge Wave - Nourishment Nation
Matt Sweeney and Bonnie “Prince” Billy - What Are You?
Sufjan Stevens - The Lord God Bird
Iron and Wine - Freedom Hangs Like Heaven
* The Mountain Goats - This Year
* Of Montreal - Forecast Fascist Future
Friends Like These - What Emily Says
Driver of the Year - Most Crimes
TV on the Radio - New Health Rock
The Shins - So Says I
A.C. Newman - The Town Halo
Broken Social Scene - Stars and Sons
Beulah - Gravity’s Bringing Us Down
# The Reputation - Bottle Rocket Battles
Snow Patrol - Absolte Gravity
*# Tsar - Wrong
*# Woody Whatever - When You Get Home
The Wrens - Faster Gun
Belle & Sebastian - Step Into My Office, Baby
# Camera Obscura - Double Feature
* Imogen Heap - Loose Ends

Um, I'm going to go write a play now...
I think I woke up in some sort of bizzaro universe today. My evidence? There are currently about 8 RA candidates that want to be in ML next year. Not 8 who wouldn't mind, but 8 who consider ML their top choice. There will be competition for the 4 ML RA spots. This just doesn't happen. So like I said, bizzaro universe.

On that note: my RA interview is this afternoon. It shouldn't be too bad, but it's still 4-6 people focusing on me when I talk, which can get a bit disconcerting. I already dealt with it once today (English class - I had to sum up an article), and really, I'm not a big fan.

More public speaking: 2nd radio show of the semester tonight. Hopefully no technical difficulties or funny noises from the equipment, but I make no guarantees.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I have discovered a brand new pet peeve. Well, not entirely new, but I didn’t realize just how much it bothered me until now... In short, internet typing. You know -- u, ur, complete lack of anything resembling puncuation... I mean, I’m guilty of slacking on capitalization a lot of the time. But I feel like what I write generally follows the basic rules of the English language. Literacy -- it’s important, people.

On another, totally different note -- I have an adorable stuffed otter, courtesy of my parents and the St. Louis Zoo. All who have seen it today since I got it in the mail have fallen before its amazing cuteness. Yay cuteness.
Olde Club lineup for the semester:

Feb 18 - Detachment Kit, Les Savy Fav
Feb 24 - Skeletons, Girl-Faced Boys, Nous Non Plus
March 24 - Georgie James, The Joggers
April 23 - Islands

Also, the large scale event of the semester is rumored to be either Wilco or Ben Folds.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

When I first heard stuff off the Stars' album Set Yourself on Fire, I wasn't overly interested. And then I gave it another try, and now I can't stop listening to it. I'm particularly fond of "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" and "Calendar Girl" -- the bookends of the album.

Two parts of "Calendar Girl" manage to get to me each time:

If I am lost for a day try to find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day


And then this, when the instruments kick in:

I dreamed I was dying, as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window and threw my head to the sky
And said "Whoever is up there, please don't let me die"


I will hopefully be going to see them in a few weeks, but I'm not sure yet. Anyone know anything about Beyond in Philly? I know it's more of a club than a concert venue, but that's about all.
So it's looking like I'm not going to go to Paces tonight, which is okay, given how tired I am. I just got back from Philly. Body Worlds was awesome and weird, dinner was good, dessert was tasty, and I got to play with cats. Therefore, things are pretty good.

Tomorrow there will have to be a lot of work done to make up doing so little today...

Saturday, February 04, 2006

For the love of god, someone please say they'll go to Paces with me tonight. And I mean actually go, not say maybe and then probably back out leaving me with nothing.

It's coldish, rainy, and blah today. Grr. The current upside is my trip to Body Worlds this evening, but that's really the highlight of my day thus far. Yes, the highlight of my day is looking at dead bodies. Don't think about it too much.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I went to sleep sometime around 11 pm or so, intending on napping until about 12:30 am. Sadly, when I set the alarm, I put 12:30 pm. Luckily, I had set my other alarm for 4 am. So yeah, I woke up at 4 am and continued my work... First writing my thing for playwriting, then getting ready for the day, then attacking the theory paper. It's kind of blah, but it's done. Yay.

And now I head to campus in a desperate search for caffeine...