Happy New Year, everyone.

With that out of the way...
I feel rather crappy at the moment. I managed to lose $10 again (at least this time $5 of it was my dad's), so that sucked. I'm somewhat sick (a cold or something along those lines), which is never fun. And then I just feel rather insecure at the moment and somewhat isolated and just... I don't know. Today I didn't do a whole lot. Slept late, lazed around the house, hung out with my brother and his friends some (DDR and then poker), and that was about it. No major New Year's bash or anything. No invitation to anything, either, or questions about what I was doing.

I think that's what's hurting the most right now. I've only done a few things with people since I've been back. I feel just kind of distanced from the world in general. This isn't a new feeling for me, but that doesn't mean it's any easier to take. And it's no one's fault really, other than me and my hypersensitivity to stuff like this. I don't know. And I'm missing some people a lot too, which makes the situation that much harder to cope with. And then seeing Ben with his friends makes it even harder, because even though they've both been very nice to me and are really cool, they're still very much his friends, and I've just been included in a few things. That makes me feel like an extra wheel or something.

Then, in another situation, I just feel like this sort of occasionally nice-to-have toy. And that really, really sucks. Because I have being a convienent fall-back. I want to be important. That sounds selfish, but it's true. I don't want to be second-best when it comes to certain things. Even though I know that it's not at all intentional, I still feel forgotten to some degree, and it really upsets me. At the same time, I hate broaching things like this, because I do know that it's not intentional, and then I feel like I'm needy or nagging or something, and that also really stinks. So this is just a lose-lose situation all around.

On the plus side, I do have my cat with me, happy curled up at the foot of my bed, looking cute and purring in her sleep. But that doesn't outweigh the bad feelings that are floating around inside my mind right now.