*sigh*

I need to stop taking so many quizzes. I think I'm just doing it to keep my mind off stuff. I don't know. I wish the letter would come, so I would know exactly what's going on. I think I may know... and I think at least a few of my worst fears/worries will be confirmed. One of the worst things is that I'm so far away; I feel like I can't help as much as if I was there, a physical shoulder to lean and cry on. I love the Internet and email, I really do, but there are some things that it just doesn't quite take the place of... Like sitting in an empty ballroom on the 3rd floor of a dorm in the warm summer evening, listening to your friend pluck out Tori Amos on the piano... Or wandering through a maze at dawn, not saying anything, not needing to say anything because everything has already been said. Or perhaps running through sprinklers in the middle of the night, laughing and yelling and enjoying the moment.

Okay. I am now glum. And I want some cappuccino... French vanilla, fresh from the machine, in a glass mug. I'd even settle for the so-so hot chocolate... I just want something. I think I'll have to settle for a glass of juice and an unknown period of anxiety. Snail, I want you to be in my mailbox tomorrow. No ifs, ands, or buts. Be there, so I can clear up my confusion and begin the true battle - for sanity (Hers or mine? Who knows? Both? Neither? I don't know yet), for friendship, for everything that matters and maybe a few things that don't. I want the aching - physical, mental, emotional - to fade away and leave nothing but perfection.

There is so much more I want to say, so much more I could say, but I can't quite get it to come out right. I'm babbling. I need sleep. I need peace of mind. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing a few pieces of my mind...