Mental breakdowns - man, they're fun!

Today started off well. I found out that I'm a National Merit Finalist (Woohoo! What does this guarantee me? A pretty certificate! Wow!) After that, the day was going alright... And then at some point, it just all fell apart. Actually, it crashed and burned. It was the sort of horrible moment that makes onlookers fall silent with dread. I lost it entirely... I yelled, I ran away, I cried. It was interesting, to say the least. And the thoughts that ran through my head as I sat outside, alone, in the freezing cold... Well, let's just say they weren't pretty. The 2-story drop from the top of the roof began to look fairly inviting. But I'm afraid of heights, and while I don't believe in "God" per se, I'm afraid enough of the unknown to not do that. And I've been through a lot of pain and survived, so I know that it usually does get better. That's my saving grace right now, I think.

I also have at least a few friends who care, as well. And that is very reassuring at times like this, even if I'm filled with hatred for myself. Because these people, the people who love me and care for me... They're the ones I abuse, the ones I take everything out on. They put up with all my moods, my temper, my ranting and raving, my tears, my moping... They take it all. And they come back for more... Because they love me.

So what I want to say is thank you. Thanks for putting up with me, taking me as I am and helping me deal with stuff... I may not always show it, but I appreciate it. I hope that I am there for you when you need help as well... I love you all very much, and I don't know what I'd do without you.

There. I've said my piece.