Radio show playlist...

Saves the Day: In My Waking Life
*The Natural History: The Right Hand
Weezer: Getchoo
*Belle and Sebastian: Lord Anthony
Jump, Little Chldren: Too High
Jets to Brazil: The Frequency
*Death Cab for Cutie: Expo ‘86
Jimmy Eat World: A Praise Chorus
The Juliana Theory: If I Told You This Was Killing Me, Would You Stop?
*Communique: Evening in the City
Hey Mercedes: The Frowning of a LIfetime
Further Seems Forever: The Bradley
*Plus/Minus: Trapped Under Ice Floes (Redux)
*The Clientele: Haunted Melody
The Get Up Kids: Overdue
Poe: Haunted

Today was pretty fun... Some of us made a run to pick up some last minute Halloween goodies. I thought my costume was set. Then fate stepped in and I stumbled across a few things that make it truly complete. The costume makes me feel pretty damn sexy. And given the reactions I've had when I've tried it on so far, it makes me look pretty sexy too. Whee. I think I'll enjoy this... I never dress like this, so I might as well take the chance to do it this one time.

It's almost 4 am. I have a 9:30 class. I think it's time for me to get some sleep.

Aikido was fun tonight. We got to use weapons -- wooden staffs. It was nifty, though certain parts of the technique reminded me of the ABCs for pole vault, which kind of threw me off. But I eventually got the hang of it and was enjoying it quite a lot.

Halloween is Friday. Woohoo! It's the one day of the year when lots of people from campus will come out to ML, since we host the party. This also means that I can't not go... That would just be sad. So it'll probably be the first party here at Swat that I'll stay at for more than 5 minutes. Whee. Anyway, it'll be interesting... I'm curious to see the costumes people come up with, especially given the theme... S+ML. So yes... It will indeed be interesting.

Hall picture time... So it's off to campus I go.

Over the field and through the tunnel, it's off to campus I go.
Down the street and up the hill, it's off to campus I go.

Don't ask me where that came from. I'm not entirely sure myself.

Ugh. So much reading to do. And just so much to do in general. Blech. And of course the weather isn't helping. It's grey, cool, and drizzling... Perfect for snuggling up under a cozy blanket. Not so perfect for doing my psychology attachment reading. But I need to get it done. So... Yeah. Off I go, being all productive-like.

Getting issues resolved and just feeling better in general is really nice. And I really do feel better... And it's not because I'm distracted, it's because we actually talked things over and figured stuff out. Yay and other such exclamations.

I decided to skip aikido for a philosophy lecture. That was a mistake. A big mistake. Lecture was more focused towards a class on Romanticism and such... Didn't get much out of it. And it didn't help that the room was warm and I was tired... *yawn* I feel bad, but at the same time... I can't force myself to care too much. Ah well. Such is life.

I feel a bit better... My roommate came back, so I got to talk to her a bit, which was nice. And we hung out with some of the guys on the hall, just sitting around talking and laughing. It was really nice; it kept my mind off of other things and was just fun in general.

I'm trying to write something for philosophy. I couldn't come up with anything, so I just started a writing about what I was thinking, which of course had nothing to do with the philosophy readings. But I came up with 4 pages worth of rambling ranting goodness. It didn't really make me feel better, but it was still nice.

Then I talked to my mom for awhile on the phone, which actually did make me feel a bit better.

But now I've returned to the blank Word document... And I still have no idea of what to write. Damn you Descartes, with your Meditations on First Philosophy... And I'm none too pleased with you either, Plato. Grr. I guess I'll have to go get my notes from class and find something to start from and just branch off from there.

Or I could let myself get distracted by Trillian... Hmm. Such a dilemma.

4th update of the day! Isn't this exciting?

When I'm feeling crappy for no good reason, there are a couple of ways to handle it. Some of these are to write a lot, cry, or listen to loud, angry music... All aim towards the achievement of catharsis. Well, I tried the writing, and I don't want to cry. So loud, angry music it is. Until someone tells me to turn it down... But since my roommate isn't here right now, and no one else on the hall seems to care, I don't really have worry about it that much.

So... Catharsis, you can show up any time now.

I'm in McCabe right now, killing time between dinner and going to Target... Yay for Target, where I shall buy snacks and random other things. Woohoo.

I felt better at dinner for a bit, because I was distracted with a discussion. But as soon as I left the table and started to walk outside, I returned to my sort of glum state.

Overall, today has been sort of lousy. I slept late, but I still don't feel well-rested. I haven't gotten much of anything done. I've felt blah, and I've also felt like crying on and off all day for no particular reason. I don't know what the heck is going on... I feel lethargic and a bit alone and such. But at the same time, I know there are lots of people who care about me, so I feel stupid for feeling this way.

It reminds me of 9th grade a bit... Only a bit muted, because in 9th grade I actually did cry on and off all day instead of just feeling like doing so. Muted or not, it's not fun. I want it to stop, because there's no good reason for it - my life is fine right now, better than fine actually.

So what the hell is my problem?

Or... I suppose I should rephrase it... Why is this problem reemerging at this particular time?

Decided against going to Medea. I don't think anything could beat the reading of it that Colleen and I did in Steak 'n Shake anyway.

I'm not too happy at the moment. The worse part is I don't know why. There's nothing wrong that I can actually pinpoint, so I just feel kind of forlorn without being able to actually do anything about it. That's the worst kind of bad mood, when you can't think of anything to do to make it better. And then, to make it worse, people are trying to cheer me up, and it's not working... They're asking if there's anything they can do, and I can't think of anything... So then I feel bad that the people I care about feel bad that they can't help. Damn vicious cycle. Grr.

A terrible thought has moved into my mind,
Like an unwanted roommate drunk on wine.
It feeds on my happiness, won't pay the rent...
I must take proper measures to evict it.

A terrible thought has moved into my mind,
A giant rat that's nibbling on my pride.
It's tearing away my patience and my wit...
I must take proper measures, set a trap for it.

What a terrible thought...

I don't care what you've done,
I don't care who you've won,
I know in the end you'll have your fun...

But you can't have it here,
And I won't let you steer...
You know I don't want you in my mind.

What a terrible thought...
What a terrible, terrible thought.

I must stay calm, you know, and I must be clear...
It's gonna take a hundred thoughts to make this one disappear.
A train like that can travel a soul for years...
A terrible thought could have a terribly long career.

What a terrible thought...

What minds have you shredded?
I bet they regretted
Having ever thought you up.
Just look at you shine,
Commiting your crimes...
I know I don't want you in my mind

'Cause you're breaking my stride.
You poisonous vine...
You're strangling me inside...
You're breaking my stride.
You poisonous vine...
You're strangling me inside...
You're breaking my stride.

What a terrible thought...
What a terrible, terrible thought...

Poe, "Terrible Thought"

I was planning on watching the student-directed performance of Medea, but I woke up late, so I don't know if I'll go or not now. Hmm.

The extra sleep was nice, though. Sleep is always nice. And talking is good, even if you wish it wasn't neccessary. Because there really is no such thing as a picture-perfect, fairy-tale life. Issues come up, and then you can choose to resolve them or ignore them until they become problems. I don't know if anything was resolved, but at the very least the subject was broached and the issue was talked about.

Oh yeah... Claudia has moved house again. She's at Sharkey's Days now, instead of Mobius Strip Mall. Her blog is under the "What's Happening" link.

Playlist from this week's radio show...

*Death Cab for Cutie: Title and Registration
The Pixies: Where is My Mind?
^(International) Noise Conspiracy: Smash It Up
*The Fiery Furnaces: The South is Only a Home
^Hey Mercedes: The Switch
^The Junior Varsity: Housefire
*Pretty Girls Make Graves: All Medicated Geniuses
^Koufax: Come Back to Life
^Ozma: Natalie
*The New Pornographers: From Blown Speakers
^My Chemical Romance: Vampires Will Never Hurt You
*Fugazi: Fell, Destroyed
Poe: Junkie
^Grandaddy: AM 180
*The Clientele: When You and I Were Young
^Something Corporate: Space
^Taking Back Sunday: Your Own Disaster

This week's show was interesting. I've gotten attached to my MP3s, so I brought my laptop with me. After a brief struggle, I got the soundboard and my laptop to play nice, and much musicy goodness ensued. Whee! Oh yeah... '*', as always, indicates a track off a playlist CD... This week, '^' means it was an MP3. Because I like giving you more information than you care about.

Not much else is going on here... It's the weekend, yay! I went out to dinner last night (Steak that actually needs a steak knife to cut it, as opposed to the stuff at Sharples -- Mmmm!), watched a movie, and just had a good time in general.

It's a bit warmer today, but it's definately gotten colder here. I've had to break out the nice warm coat, and even have to wear the scarf and gloves every once in awhile... And I'm pretty sure that my flip-flop wearing days are over for a few months. Which is probably a good thing, considering they've been worn so much that they're about to have holes in the heels.

My English teacher was pretty cool about the late paper issue. He said next time I need an extension, make sure I ask further in advance, but he let me off the hook this time. And there won't be a next time, because I felt so guilt-ridden about this whole thing that I don't think I'll be able to procrastinate too badly for awhile.

Speaking of procrastination... I should probably go read philosophy or do something vaugely productive.

Things are better again. I had fun at aikido, and I finished my paper tonight. It feels like I'm back at WFC again, since the title of my paper was De Profundis: A Realization of Identity. That's right, identity, the theme of Writing for College. At least I didn't use the word liminal.

It's officially been one month. La!

Things are not too good at the moment. For one, my English paper is late. Yeah. I'm turning something in late. I don't know what happened. Actually... I do. I didn't start early enough. This probably wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't started to drift away from my thesis and rethink things... Basically, a half hour before it was due, I realized I had completely changed my focus of the paper, but I liked the new ideas... So I had to rewrite it. I sent an email to my prof saying that, but I haven't heard back. Which is scary, because while he's a cool guy and may not have a huge problem with this whole thing, I'm worried he will and he'll get mad and such. Eek.

So, because of that worry, I stayed up last night until my brain basically ceased to function. It had been my goal to get the paper done before I went to bed, but that wasn't going to work. So I crashed. And then I overslept. Luckily, I allow for more time in the morning than I actually need... So I just moved super-fast and was okay. But then I learned that the shuttles weren't running for some reason, so I had to dash up to campus in the rain. I made it to class on time... And then struggled to stay awake through the lecture. The sad part is that I was more awake in history today than in philosophy. That's just wrong.

I returned to the dorm after lunch and attempted to work on my late paper. Eventually I gave up and crawled into bed. That was, at latest, around 1 in the afternoon. I just recently woke up. My whole afternoon is gone. And I have aikido tonight, which I really shouldn't skip, and there's also a hall thing going on tonight that I don't want to skip. I'll probably go to aikido, then skip the hall thing to work.

God. This really sucks. I feel incredibly guilty and horrible about all of this.

Quizzy goodness...


You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.
"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world."

Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.

As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am so unfocused right now... It's quite sad. *shakes head* Focus. English paper, Oscar Wilde, De Profundis... Must stop letting mind wander. But to paraphrase Crutchy in Newsies, my mind has a mind of its own.

Yes, I did indeed just make a reference to Newsies. I think that may show just how out of it I am right now. Hmm. Singing, dancing, attractive guys. *pauses* Dammit. Now I'm even more unfocused. Gah.

My mom is so cool. I got a package from her today... A Halloween present of a beautiful, medieval-style, white dress and a nice long, black cape. Both are velvety, and when I tried them on I just felt so damn pretty. Whee!

Okay, it seems that something is messed up with my commenting system. When I go into SquawkBox and click on the "Manage Comments" link, it shows me all the comments people have made. So there are two comments on there -- a new one from Jonathan and one from a few days ago from Colleen -- that made it into that section of SquawkBox but don't seem to be appearing on my blog. This is not cool. Yet Claudia's comment, which was made after Colleen's but before Jonathan's, did show up. Grr. So it's not even consistently screwing up.

So... Colleen, I don't know which post you were commenting on. Very sorry, don't mean to ignore you, etc.
Jonathan, I must say I was initially a bit wary of the idea of a love song to Natalie Portman (though I do like her)... But I was completely won over by the song.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand... If anyone has any ideas about why the hell the comments aren't showing up, please let me know. Hopefully I'll actually be able to read them, if you give them to me via the commenting system. Gah.

Maybe it's just my computer... It hasn't wanted to display my blog in general lately. Even so, that would also be really annoying. Rar.

A lot of the guys are coming back from break with haircuts. For most, it's noticeable but not earth-shattering. Then there's the guy from across the hall. Last time I saw him, he had poofy, curly hair... Now it's basically all gone. Short, no curls. Everyone on the hall has had the same reaction: "Jesse? Is that you?" It doesn't look bad... Just really, really different.