Since about 9 or so Friday night, I have been in hiding. I left the cookout and went home. I've shut myself up in my room and tried to disengage with reality. I have watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy (Thanks for the new addiction, Mary!). A lot. I have let myself become wrapped up in the lives of fictional characters for hours on end... because right now it hurts too much to be wrapped up in my own life. Commencement is in less than 6 hours at this point. No one is abandoning me, but everyone is still leaving. Part of me knows I should have hung out with people tonight, but all of me knows that I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I'm a wreck right now. The crying has started, and it doesn't look like it's going to stop soon.

To all my senior friends - I'm sorry I didn't see you tonight (Er, last night, whatever - staying up into the wee hours of the morning screws up time). It's not that I don't love you. It's that right now, I love you all too much. At this point I could either glom onto everyone or detach myself; I can either care too much or try not to feel at all. I want a happy medium. I don't want to deal with the inevitable changes. But I guess I don't have much of a choice.