I am, by and large, a creature of habit. I don't like being daring. I am hesitant to try new foods. I like finding a routine that works for me and sticking with it. This is true for hygiene/beauty products as well. I've pretty much stuck with 2 lotion scents for the past 5 or 6 years. Unless I have a strong desire for burgundy, blue, or black nails, I general paint my toenails silver.

The drugstores, however, seem to be conspiring against me. It started with the body wash. I have tried many over the years, but some time in college I settled on Caress's Berry Indulging. Then I couldn't find it anywhere. So I switched to something else. Next time I ran out, I couldn't find that one, either. Last time I got St. Ives Vanilla; I ran out recently and haven't been able to find any, so I've gone back to an Oil of Olay body wash I've used before. It's annoying, because I can have some trouble finding a scent that I like, but it's not the end of the world.

The real catastrophe? The apparent disappearance of my favorite shampoo. I occasionally use anti-dandruff or clarifying shampoos, but the bottle that has always been there for me is good old Suave Strawberry Shampoo. More recently it's been Suave Fresh Mountain Strawberry, but it's basically the same. I spent lunch today attempting to track down a bottle. I visited 3 different drugstores with absolutely no luck. They have Suave Green Apple and VO5 Strawberries & Cream, but no Suave Strawberry. This is a problem. I cannot bring myself to buy a different shampoo. The scent is part of my shower experience, and I refuse to part with it.

Thankfully, I don't think the scent has been discontinued; a quick Google shopping search yields plenty of results. Of course, I'd feel a bit absurd buying cheap shampoo online, so I'm going to try to see if I can find any while I'm visiting my parents. But if that fails, I'm probably going to cave. I need that sweet strawberry smell, and buythecase.net is selling a case of 6 bottles for $15.42.

Information you will hopefully never verify for yourself: If you drink a large glass of apple juice and end up throwing up soon afterwards, the vomit will in fact taste/smell vaguely of apples. This does not make the experience any more pleasant.

Related: Does anyone know if preserves (standard store-bought strawberry preserves) go bad? The jar was refrigerated, it wasn't that old (certainly wasn't past the expiration date), but it may be responsible for my unhappy stomach.

I'm redoing the layout and look of this site, and it'll probably be changing a lot until I find something I'm happy with. I'm also thinking I'll switch from my current commenting system to the built-in Blogger comments (which didn't exist when I started this site in 2003!), so old comments will disappear, unfortunately. But the archives will reappear, so if you have a craving for high school and college angst, you'll be able to get your fill. Yay?

There's been a bit of a kerfluffle over at Jezebel, a site that has been very near and dear to me this past year. In many ways it's a complicated bit of internet politics and grudges, but this Salon article sums up many aspects of the recent shit-storm pretty well.

A lot of the "old guard" commenters have been leaving (or getting banned), and the quality of the comments has been changing for the past few months. I used to read all the comments on certain posts, but lately I can't get through many unless the subject is very important to me. (I did skim all 1000+ comments of a recent post discussing Moe and Tracie's appearance on Thinking and Drinking, but this is because a) I'm insane and b) I was working the evening shift and didn't have much to do.)

Jezebel got me through some rough periods this year - feeling lonely and friendless in NYC, a heart-wrenching breakup, bouts of renewed depression. And for that, I am grateful to it and for it. I met some great people because of it, and I'm hoping I'll stay friends with many of them. Some of them have their own wonderful blogs, and I'm turning to them to feel the procrastination void.

I'm not going to abandon Jezebel completely - there's still some great posts on it. I strongly recommend reading things posted by Megan C and Dodai, and some of the other contributers are good too. The "Fine Lines" feature on Fridays is great. But I'm going to pare down my 'friends' list, maybe use it to track great commenters so I can read their stuff without having to wade through the rest. I'm going to try not to get emotionally invested. It's draining and time-consuming, and the costs aren't worth the benefits anymore.

In some ways, I guess I'm just fickle. I'll get devoted to or obsessed with something - a band, a website, a comic strip - and then I'll get burned out and just stop. The best of the bunch manage to renew my interest; these are the things I stick with. We'll see if Jezebel manages to make the cut.

More informative tidbits about life in New York:

1. The times you desperately want to sit on the subway because you're dead on your feet are inevitably the times that you can't find a seat. Sometimes the world will taunt you with half a seat, someplace where you could rest if only that guy would close his legs and that woman would put her purse on her lap.

2. New York is a big place, but once you've settled into a routine, it doesn't feel that way. At some point, the coffee guy will start to make your coffee (just the way you like it) even before you've finished saying good morning.

My archives seem to have disappeared, which is a bit frustrating. Sure, they're filled with high school emo-ness, but they're mine, dammit! I don't think I accidentally deleted any important code when changing the list o' links, so I'm not sure what's up.

I've lived in New York City for a little over a year now, and I've learned a few things.

1. Do not make eye contact with anyone holding a clipboard on the sidewalk. If you do so accidentally, break it quickly and keep walking. The clipboard people general support good causes (Greenpeace, the Democratic party, gay rights, etc), which makes the guilt that much harder to deal with if you actually engage with them.

2. I apparently send out vibes of friendly direction-givingness, at least when I'm near Washington Square Park. I get asked for directions all the time, even when I'm wearing headphones. The lost souls will let half a dozen people go past and single me out. I think I've only (accidentally, I swear) misdirected a few of them.

3. Mixed drinks are more expensive here, but they're also stronger. I don't know why, really, but just know that your usual limit is not a good gauge of how much you can drink. Trust me. If you end up ignoring these words and smashing your forehead into a window that is closer than it appears, well, that's your own fault.

4. Speaking of deceptive windows: do not lean in closer to examine those pretty decorative eggs or whatever is on display in that gallery. It will only bring about embarrassment and pain. Again, just trust me on this one.

I'm trying to convince myself that it's okay to spend money.

There are certain areas where I have no problem with it, mostly when it comes to buying books. I've started buying CDs again, though I'm trying to get used stuff when I can. I even bought some new video games a couple of weeks ago. Where I have trouble is when it comes to buying clothes. I have to talk myself into spending more than about $20 on a single item. I'll stand in the dressing room, going through what I could wear it with, question if I actually need it, looking for fitting problems that will make me put it back on the rack.

This wasn't a problem when I was younger, probably because I was using my parents' money. Actually, that's not quite true, since this problem first manifested while they were still paying my bills. I guess after going through my closet so many times, after getting rid of so many barely worn clothes, I started to feel guilty. I started to analyze my purchases more, to reconsider things.

In many ways, this is a good thing. Most of the clothes that I have now are items I wear on a fairly regular basis, except for the fancier dresses and such. (On that note - someone, please invite me to a swanky cocktail party. I have the dress, but no place to wear it.) However, I'm also in a bit of a rut. I'm afraid to count and see how many grey and black t-shirts I have. I'm trying to branch out slowly - for instance, I've gotten a few shirts that are a bit nicer and aren't grey, black, or navy. But each purchase is a battle for me, especially if it involves colors. Will I actually wear a purple blouson tee? (Answer: Yes. But hesitantly.) Will I wear something with ruffles or flounces? (Answer: So far, no.)

The battle becomes much more involved when the price increases. It's not like I'm shopping in designer boutiques or anything, either. (Confession: I am terrified of going into nice, non-chain clothing stores. I stare at the windows wistfully and then flee.) I'm talking about J. Crew or Banana Republic. And it's not like I'm buying trendy things that can only be worn for a season. The black eyelet a-line skirt I wore today? I think I've had it since 8th or 9th grade. I like simple, classic stuff.

In theory, this sort of clothing is what one SHOULD spend a bit more money on. They're the wardrobe staples, the investment pieces. But I have so much trouble doing it. I'm an adult now. (Supposedly). While I can get away with wearing jeans and a t-shirt to work every day, I feel like I should be stepping it up a notch. I want to dress nicer. I pet soft sweaters, sigh over lovely pinstriped skirts. But as soon as I see the price tag, I freak out a little.

Today I made progress. I went to J. Crew to look at a dress that was on sale online. They didn't have it, but I tried on some other stuff, including a dark grey knit dress and a navy blue a-line skirt, which I bought. Of course, I'm still not 100% convinced that I should have bought them. That's why the tags are still on them. If they past the roommate test, they'll get moved into the closet. Then I'll force myself to wear them. And I'll continue my baby steps toward dressing more like an adult. Admittedly, these steps are being taken in cheap flip-flops, but that's an issue to deal with another day.

All the fluff/down in my comforter has shifted to the bottom, so in an effort to redistribute it, I decided to hang it and another blanket over the fire escape this weekend. For awhile, it was fine. It was a little windy, so I sat out there with it, keeping it anchored. Then I decided to check my email, so I crawled back into the apartment. Just then, a big gust of wind came and grabbed the blankets. One fell on the ground 3 floors down; the comforter got caught on a bush.

So I got to climb down the fire escape and retrieve the blankets. This led to a few discoveries: 1) The fire escape ladder is HEAVY. God forbid there's ever a fire in my apartment that prevents me from going out the front door. 2) Once you're in the 'back yard' of the building, there's no easy way out, at least not that I could see. I got my blankets and stood in the yard, looking for a way out. The only option, it seemed, was to climb back up the fire escape - a tricky feat when laden with a 2 double-bed blankets.

"Do you need help?" I squinted and looked up. It was two of my downstairs neighbors; the little boys that helped me and my roommate move in. One of them climbed out the window. After I explained the situation, he climbed halfway down the ladder, and I handed him one blanket, and then the other. Then I climbed up and, with the help of the boy, pulled the super-heavy escape ladder up. Thanking the boy profusely, I took my blankets back upstairs, shook them out, and took them inside.

My new effort to redistribute the down involves flipping the comforter over. It means that I have a tag in my face while I sleep, but it's a hell of a lot easier than doing battle with the ladder again. Also, I think I'll be looking into clothes pins for any future airing attempts.

It's spring cleaning time! I've closed/deleted my Hotmail accounts, finally. I kept forgetting to check them every 30 days, so I lost all of the emails I had been saving anyway, which was sad. I also got rid of Friendster, since I never used that, and I think I'm going to take down my personal website as well - it hasn't been updated in 4 years or so, I've lost interest in it, and there's not too much there anyway. I'm not sure if I have the originals of those files anymore, though, so I probably want to try to copy things before I remove them for good. At some point I may even update the various links that I have here - try to actually reflect what sites I'm interested in now.

I should probably do some physical spring cleaning to the apartment too, instead of concentrating on the online stuff...

My hair this morning:


My hair now:


This is probably the most dramatic haircut I've gotten since 4th grade, when I went from hair down to my waist to shoulder-length.

It's been ages since I've posted. Life is fairly good,and I start my MSLIS classes next week. MSLIS = Master of Science in Library and Information Science. And it'll be an MSLIS with a concentration in Rare Books and Special Collections, so maybe I should make it MSLIS:RBSC, or something. Whee.

The real reason for this post, however: shiny things!

1. I am now the proud owner of the beautiful Heavy Red red and black brocade Victorian corset, an item that I have drooled over for at least a year. It was on clearance (I may have gotten the very last one - it's no longer available), it was in my size, so I bought it. Practical? No. Amazingly gorgeous? Yes!

2. Apple is ridiculous. To be more precise, the MacBook Air is ridiculous. Between 0.16 and 0.76 inch thin? 3 pounds? Craziness. I do, however, want the Time Capsule. Automatic wireless backup AND a Wi-Fi base station? Too cool. But I don't have the right operating system, and I already have an external hard drive and a wireless router - so it's completely unnecessary. But damn cool anyway.

After more than 3 months, I have finally found a decent replacement for the science center coffee bar. Or to be more accurate, for their mocha smoothies. Au Bon Pain has an okay mocha drink, but it's the wrong consistency. The guy with the cart in front of work has good, cheap coffee - both regular and iced - but it's not the same. But today on my way in to work, I walked down 3rd instead of 4th, craving caffeine, and a little shop caught my eye. I don't remember what it's called, but I'm sure I'll be able to find it again. First big plus: cranberry orange muffins. Second plus: iced mocha. I ordered it thinking it would be like most regular iced coffee, but no, this was blended smoothie style, just like the ones from the science center. Heavenly. One wouldn't think that finding a replacement for Swat's mocha smoothies would have been very important, but you have to keep in mind that they were what got me through junior year. I cut back a bit senior spring, but still - they were my go-to caffeine fix. This new replacement is missing the whipped cream option, and they're too expensive to get all the time, but still, at least the cravings can now be satisfied. Yum. :)

The process of applying to library school has officially begun - I filled out a request for an application. So now I need to get my rec letters together, update my resume, and write my personal statement. Whee.

In other news, I've been spending a lot of time with a cute, geeky Australian boy. My cat Schrodinger has been extra cuddly and affectionate, which is nice. The weather has been lovely. And, as always, I'm tired. I suppose you can't have it all, right?

Right, so it's been awhile. I'm still alive and actually doing rather well. I have managed to successfully find an apartment, graduate from college, move to Brooklyn, start work, and get a cat. I've just completed my 3 month probation period at work, so now I have insurance. Basically I've spent the past 3 months enjoying my new low-stress lifestyle. Free time! Reading for pleasure! No homework! There's rent and bills to pay, of course, but thus far it hasn't been too bad.

However, I plan on adding new stressors in the coming months -- I'm hoping to start classes for a master's in library science in the spring, and then in the fall I want to add classes for another master's, this one in costume studies. (Not costume design - it's more the history and culture of clothes than how to create costumes for theatre - info on the program can be found here.) In about 4 or 5 years I'll hopefully have completed both programs and will be able to get a job at a fantastic place like the Met's Costume Library.

All of this means, of course, that I'll probably be living in New York for longer than my originally-intended 2 or 3 years. But as long as I'm not living in Manhattan itself, I'm fine with that. My neighborhood is pretty quiet and safe, there are plenty of parks scattered throughout the city, and there's lots to do (when I can motivate myself to do anything other than loaf, of course). I was worried that I'd hate it here, but it's grown on me rather quickly.

Interestingly, one of the things I miss most about Swat (besides, of course, the people and the wonderfully strange conversations) are the plants. The city has lots of parks, but they're mostly patchy grass and trees as opposed to the lush greenery of the arboretum. It strikes me most whenever I walk by this flower shop near work - if I breathe in deeply, it reminds me of being in one of the gardens. A weird bit of nostalgia, I suppose. It's somewhat balanced by the joy of being in a state with sensible liquor laws - it's just so nice to be able to grab a bottle of wine or some cider at the grocery store, though it's certainly not as entertaining as an expedition to Delaware. :)

I have a job! Starting on June 11th, I'll be working at the library of NYU's Courant Institute. Now I just need to find an apartment... Well, that and graduate, but there's not much more I can do about that - all of my work is done and handed in.

My very last radio show playlist ever...

The Walkmen - The Rat
Cat Power - He War
Beulah - Silver Lining
Yo La Tengo - Sugarcube
TV on the Radio - Staring at the Sun
The Postal Service - Nothing Better
Bloc Party - Banquet
Sleater-Kinney - You’re No Rock n’ Roll Fun
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Chemical, Chemical
Ted Leo/Pharmacists - The High Party
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #2 (Laika)
Elliott Smith - The Enemy is You
Sufjan Stevens - The Dress Looks Nice on You
Stars - Calendar Girl
Mates of State - Nature and the Wreck
Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood
The Mountain Goats - Dilaudid
Weezer - Only in Dreams

Julia Stiles is starring in and producing an adaptation of The Bell Jar. I came upon this news this morning at Pajiba.com, and I also saw it on Gawker.com. When I read it on Pajiba, I was hopeful - I like Stiles, mostly because I still enjoy Ten Things I Hate About You, and I'm a fan of Sylvia Plath's work. The Gawker post made me a bit worried, but it's really the item in Variety that made me lose hope: "Book has many dark overtones, but Rattray said the project will emphasize some of the more uplifting elements. "Esther Greenwood has a strong outlook on life, and we're really looking to bring out the humor in the character," she said. "We don't want to do a depressing descent into the world of suicide."

It's THE BELL JAR, people! There's more than one suicide attempt, electro-shock therapy, and a very bloody deflowering. It's been a while since I've read it, but according to Wikipedia, the end is very open-ended. I imagine that will change - they're probably going to tack on a happy ending where she returns to society all better. Yes, there is some humor, and Esther is strong in some ways, but it's hard to say someone "has a strong outlook on life" when they worry about their future, see no desirable options available to them, and try to kill themselves.

Anyway, this is just another instance of my inability to escape Sylvia Plath. I'm working on my senior English essay (topic: biography in the interpretation of poetry, focusing on Plath as an example), and I was sketching out my plan for my final book arts project today (a flexagon book featuring Plath's 'Lady Lazarus').

Tonight was my best of the semester show; next week should be my last show and will be the best of all 4 years.

The playlist:

The Hold Steady - Hot Soft Light
Tralala - Yellow Taxi
Amy Winehouse - Rehab
Feist - When I Was a Young Girl
Cat Power - Living Proof
M. Ward - Right in the Head
Sufjan Stevens - Bushwick Junkie
The Arcade Fire - No Cars Go
John Vanderslice - Exodus Damage
Neko Case - Look for Me (I’ll Be Around)
Eels - Not Ready Yet
Beulah - Emma Blowgun’s Last Stand
Yo La Tengo - Mr. Tough
Cold War Kids - We Used to Vacation
TV on the Radio - Hours

The playlist for this week's show:

The Arcade Fire - Windowsill
Cat Power - Love and Communication
Neko Case - Pretty Girls
The Mountain Goats - Dance Music
Pedro the Lion - Big Trucks
Sufjan Stevens - The Mistress Witch from McClure (or, The Mind That Knows Itself)
Wilco - Pot Kettle Black
Broken Social Scene - 7/4 (Shoreline)
Built to Spill - Goin’ Against Your Mind
* Tralala - We’re Coming Out
Beulah - Cruel Minor Change
* Of Montreal - Gronlandic Edit
* Feist - Mushaboom
* Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
Tori Amos - Talula (The Tornado Mix)

The webcast was down (probably due to the lovely weather and subsequent power outage), so we were only broadcasting locally. Which means I probably had a grand total of maybe one listener. Maybe. Ah well.

In other news, I applied to three more jobs this weekend, bringing the grand total up to eight. Whee.

And now I'm off to bed, but first: Happy birthday, Mom!