I feel sort of bad. I know I should've emailed much sooner. Her last email has been sitting in my inbox for 9 days or so, and I didn't reply. Sorry Shpike. I'll try to be better about it, really I will.

I feel very distant right now. I haven't talked to anyone besides my parents today. It sucks. I'm craving some sort of connection with someone right now. I'd even settle for mindless small talk over ICQ at this point. But no one's on. And I'm off to bed soon. So there goes any chance at companionship for the day. I should have picked up the phone after dinner and tired to call someone, tried to go out and do something. I wanted to. But I didn't. Stupid me. I regret it now. I don't know why I didn't do it. Actually, I do know why. But it's a dumb reason, an assumption I made that, if it turns out was not true (though I'm willing to bet it was correct) will result in me kicking myself at least somewhat.

I think that I will go to bed now. Tomorrow will be another day of homework and a next-to-last-minute, frenzied attempt to stuff lots of chemistry knowledge in my brain. It will probably be boring. And I will most likely go another day without really talking to anyone. Curses. And then will come Monday, which will be a pizza-less night for me. That thought bugs me. Their presence makes me somewhat on edge. It makes me almost selfish. I don't think that I want to share. Because sometimes it seems like it's all that I got, and if I have to share, I get weekends like this, where one night is great and the rest of the time is just a sort of exile. The fact that I feel this way makes me feel pathetic; I think it upsets me just as much as the actually thing itself.

I don't know if any of this made any sense whatsoever. I don't think it did. I don't think I care. If anyone really gives a damn, feel free to ask for further explanation. I may or may not provide it.