*sigh*

Even worse is that I know that I should know better. Which I suppose means that I do know better. Either way, the situation is seeming fairly futile at the moment.

I wish I knew why I care. I wish I could stop caring. Like I said, I should know better. Haven't we tried this before? I believe so. Has it succeeded? Obviously not. And yet I can't change the way I feel. Which is rather unfortunate, because all that I can forsee is a bit of awkardness and hurt feelings. And I thought this time things would be different. I think they were different on my side, at least. I don't know. Maybe I'm giving up hope too quickly, but it's just so frustrating. Why can't this be simple? So far, the only results of this whole mess are: Jen doubts herself, Jen gets vastly confused, and Jen curses her emotions and wishes she could have control over them. Emotional control: his sorta-kinda trademark.

Dammit, dammit, dammit. This sucks.