Today marked the last day of family togetherness for a while (I hope...). I've had enough to last me for some time, I think.

Tomorrow is my first day back at school. I am not happy. I don't mind school, but I'd much rather sleep late and laze about reading. I have a huge pile of unread books to go through, and while I've made a minute dent over the past 2 weeks (4 books out of god knows how many) I know the next month or so is going to be eaten up by other things: finals, homework, play practice, getting ready for track, and so on.

I don't know if I like being this busy or not. I don't like being bored, but there are times when I just have to sit back and think Why do I do all this stuff? It's not for college apps - at least not anymore. I don't think it every real was for the way it looked on paper. There were maybe one or 2 activites, like Natural Helpers, that fell into that category, but I quit them. So I really do enjoy all the activities I do. But sometimes I just feel like it's too much, that I'm missing out on other things. Then I remember that I live in a boring little town and there's nothing else to do but get high and drunk (or so it seems to my classmates)... And since I'm not into that, I end up sticking with what I've always done: doing my homework, doing extracurriculars, hanging out with my friends on the weekends, just sitting and talking and doing nothing at all. I guess that's all that I can really hope for at this point. One more semester, then summer, until college. But will things change? Or does it all just remain the same?

I'm too tired to make any sense, I think. I'm just rambling on, letting my fingers hit the keys, without really conciously processing what words are being formed on the screen. This does not bode well for my yet-to-be composed paper. The paper I'm going to start over from scratch because it rereading it was a painful process. Being a perfectionist makes life so much more involved sometimes.