I wish I could wrap my head around these late-night worries that always come and go. I try to work through them while I'm feeling them, and i know that they're irrational. Then in the morning they're gone, so I can't sort them out when I'm in a clearer state of mind. But they always come back, in some form or another.

I wish I could explain these worries, make myself understand them, make anyone else understand them. But I don't even know what exactly I'm worried about. I have gut feelings with no basis, doubts and fears that have no backing besides the twisted workings of my tired, depressed mind.

They often come with little prompting, sometimes coming from nowhere at all. And then, what's to be done with them? Rationality doesn't help wipe the tears off your face. And i desperately want to turn to someone, but whenever I do that in this sort of state, it doesn't seem to help much. If I can't make sense to myself, how am I going to convey anything to anyone else? So it become a mess that I regret later, after sleep, when I feel better.

So sitting and riding the storm out seems like it may be the best thing to do. But that's so hard. It was easier when I was at home. I'd cry to my mom, who would brush my hair and listen to me babble. I would snuggle up to the cat, who would tolerate me for awhile. But in a dorm room, when it's almost 2 am, when there's no one nearby that you can talk to, when talking online doesn't help (and besides, no one you want to confide in is online), when it's too late to run it out, what is there left to do? Crying oneself to sleep for no good reason that can be explained is a horrible thing, but sitting awake crying isn't any better.

So to bed I'll go, letting my mind eat away at itself until sleep comes.