I finally cried. Throughout all the other goodbyes, I was fine... But this one, the most dreaded of the goodbyes, was too much for me. I'm sure that the stress of all the packing (and the frustrating realization that I really have way too much stuff) played a part in it. But I doubt it was that big of a part. The truth is, this is going to be hard. Really hard. But I knew that. I knew that seven months ago.

Hmm. I just remembered there's a Portishead song called "Seven Months"... It doesn't really relate to this situation all that much, but it's still a damn good song.

*sigh* Back to what I was saying (typing?)... I guess it isn't true that I knew it was going to be this hard. First, there was the question of whether we'd even make it this far. Because when most of your relationships last a month and the longest has been five months, seven months seems very far off. But now the seven month mark has past... And I have become quite attached. I don't think I have ever dreaded saying goodbye as much as I did tonight. I think it was worse than moving, or leaving WFC, or anything else I've experienced. It's not a "see you tomorrow" kind of goodbye, but it's also not a permanent farewell... It's in-between, which makes it so much more difficult to cope with. You know you'll be seeing the person again, so you can look forward to that... But it's far enough off that it's very bittersweet. And all the things that take the place of actual personal contact -- letters, email, phone calls, etc -- are wonderful, but there's just something missing. You can't give a heart-felt hug over the phone. And though I am a huge believer in the power of words and writing and communication and all, there is also a great deal to be said about the power of physical contact as well. I suppose it can be viewed as another form of communication, but it's not one that retains all of it's worth when translated into the written or spoken word. So it's absence will be indeed be felt.

I'm beginning to babble. I need to go sleep. I have a fun car trip to look forward to tomorrow, with the lovely company of parents who don't seem to be on the best of terms right now. Fantastic. I shall be spending most of my time sleeping, reading, or listening to music. I think it's the safest way to go, given the circumstances.