Today was good, though perhaps not as productive as it should have been. Pizza over at Mertz, then hanging out in ML this evening. Margaritas + friends + games = fun. Break should go on forever.

I'm back at Swat now. It's nice to be back, because now I can isolate myself. I had a great time on the trip, but really, every once in awhile you just need to be alone. Sadly, I must also begin thinking about doing work... Since I have a lot to do. Boo. I'll probably put it off until tomorrow, though maybe I'll do some light reading tonight. We'll see.

Highlights of the trip: Really, just about everything was fun. Even the long long car ride was entertaining most of the time. And hiding words in the Boggle board was way more fun than it should have been...

It's 6:30 am on a Saturday and I'm awake. There are so very many things wrong with this...

And so the trip to Georgia begins!

There are some very tempting concerts happening in Philly in the next few months...

Sun, 3/26 - Arctic Monkeys
Sat, 4/8 - Neko Case
Sun, 4/9 - Arab Strap
Tues, 4/11 - Wolf Parade
Sun, 4/16 - Ladytron
Sun, 5/14 - Pretty Girls Make Graves

Right now the Arctic Monkeys and Neko Case are very enticing. Especially Neko Case; I've listened to her new album a lot over the past few days... (WSRN, sometimes I love you!) I'm going to have to check out some of her older stuff.

Now I need to finish packing so I can get sleep... Since I have to be ready to go at 7:15 am to go pick up Alex and the other car with Meagan. And then we all leave Swat around 9 am, in theory.

My week is basically done. Which is good, because it's been far too long as it is. Tuesday was busy and anxiety filled, Wednesday was long, and today was just... *sigh*

The good news: I got reappointed as an RA. I'll be on ML 3rd, so I'll have a mix of freshman and upperclassmen. So that's cool. But the 3 people I wrote recs for, people I really thought would be excellent RAs, didn't get spots. Basically no ML people got it. I mean, there were 2, plus Ben and me, that lived in ML this year, but... It's not quite the same. Anyway, much sadness and frustration about that. And I talked to two of the deans, trying to sort out what happened... And I mean, I sort of understand, but it still really sucks and hurts. So.

Anyway, adding this onto the past two days is a recipe for a very unhappy me. I've been tearful all day, generally managing to hold it back, but not always. But my week is basically over now. I'm going to do laundry and let my mind deteriorate tonight (by watching TV and Newsies.

And on Saturday I leave for Georgia with a group of my friends. It should be fun, but it's like the world decided to screw me this week just to balance out the fun trip. Stupid world.

Well, I got a prompt reply from the theatre. Granted, it was a no (I don't have the sorts of tech skills they're looking for), but... Onto the next ones, which are in Philly.

Playlist for tonight's show:

* Metric - Monster Hospital
Steve Burns - Mighty Little Man
* The Mountain Goats - Lion’s Teeth
* Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales of San Francisco
* Of Montreal - Disconnect the Dots
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)
Quasi - The Sword of God
* Stars - Calender Girl
Matt Sweeney and Bonnie “Prince” Billy - Lift Us Up
Iron and Wine - My Lady’s House
The Decemberists - Here I Dreamt I Was an Archite
* P:ano - Animal Friends
Sufjan Stevens - All Good Naysayers, Speak Up! Or Forever Hold Your Peace!
Cat Power- Nude as the News
* The Elected - Would You Come With Me
*# Scout Niblett - Good to Me
* Jana Hunter - Restless
* 31Knots - Busy is Bold
Radiohead - Inside My Head
*Arab Strap- Dream Sequence
Luna - Dizzy
Snow Patrol - Wow
The Get Up Kids - 10 Minutes
* Some By Sea - Look What I Made Without Your Heart Getting in the Way
Bright Eyes and Neva Dinova - I’ll Be Your Friend
Wilco - How to Fight Loneliness
* Destroyer - Painter in Your Pocket

Someone actually called and wanted to know the name of the Steve Burns song. I felt special.

Off to read for playwriting.

I just sent off my resume and an email to my top choice for a summer theatre internship. Any calmness I had has gone, as the butterflies and worry are back again with a vengeance. Now I go attempt to eat a bit of dinner, followed by my phone conference. Eep.

Lyrics to "Up the Wolves" by The Mountain Goats:

There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet
No matter where you live.
There'll always be a few things, maybe several things
That you're going to find really difficult to forgive.

There's going to come a day when you feel better.
You'll rise up free and easy on that day.
And float from branch to branch,
Lighter than the air.
Just when that day is coming, who can say? who can say?

Our mother has been absent ever since we founded Rome.
But there's going to be a party when the wolf comes home.

We're going to commandeer the local airwaves
To tell the neighbours whats been going on.
And they will shake their heads and wag their bony fingers
In all the wrong directions,
And by daybreak we'll be gone.

I'm going to get myself in fighting trim,
Scope out every angle of unfair advantage.
I'm going to bribe the officials.
I'm going to kill all the judges.
It's going to take you people years to recover from all of the damage.

Our mother has been absent ever since we founded Rome.
But there's going to be a party when the wolf comes home.

Such a good song...

So today has already been full of worry and anxiety, and it's not over yet. My stomach is so not happy with me...

I woke up early to finish some reading (rereading, for the most part) in attempt to be able to participate in class today. Which I did, to some extent. So, yay, I feel like I sort of made up for Thursday.

All through class, I was acutely aware of the fact that I was trying to muster up enough courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on after class. I felt like I had the courage, but the opportunity passed anyways. So I went and got lunch, and then went to check my mail, and he was there, so I seized the moment. It went something like this: "HeybeforeIlosemynerve...um...Isortofhaveacrushonyou,and,uh,wouldyouliketohangoutsometime?" Yeah. So, he sort of blinked at me, because yeah, this came out of nowhere. He explained his current situation a bit (basically, it's complicated, and he's not sure what's up), but said he would like to get to know me better. So that was nice. And then I fled, because I had used up all my courage for the moment.

My stomach, which had been full of butterflies before, is still that way, since the day of confrontational stuff is not over yet. Because at 5 pm I get to talk with my playwriting prof! Yay! I'm really nervous! Eep!

And then there's my radio show tonight, and then also a small English party, and then I have to do work. So, yeah. That takes me until at least midnight, I think. Fun stuff.

If I make it through today without actually throwing up, I will consider the day a success.

The amount of energy I have right now is kind of insane. The amount of time I've been this energetic makes it truly bizarre. I got all riled up in d'turgy class, talking about this draft of a play that was sent to the theatre Mr. Magru works at. My energy decreased a bit through dinner, but then I got all excited again later, when so many people showed up for the picture. Because seriously? That really made my day. And then I came back to ML, and I finished reading Oleanna... And I was incensed by it, which gave me a lot of energy. So I headed over to CVS, ranting to Adam the entire time. I ranted while we were there, and then I rambled about other stuff on the way back. And then there was an email saying that someone was showing Newsies on Thursday. Newsies! It brought great joy. So of course I had to break out the soundtrack and listen, and sing (it's a bit frightening how many of the lyrics I still remember...), and that just made me super hyper.

So now I'm back to listening to The Mountain Goats, which is calming me down, and I'm going to start rereading Lukacs, which will bring me down as well. But right now? I am so awake, and bouncy, and HAPPY. It's awesome.

11 people out of the 18 on my hall showed up for the hall photo tonight. This should not be a big deal, but it is. It makes me so very, very happy. After the failed study break, this boosts my ego and makes me feel like I'm a good RA after all. *happy dance*

In other news, my d'turgy prof offered to put in a good word for me for at least one of the internships I'm considering - he went to school with their dramaturg, so, yeah. Yay for that. And despite my fears about that class initially, I'm really enjoying it and find it interesting... And sometimes I even think I'm offering worthwhile comments.

Other classes: I have a phone conference with my playwriting prof tomorrow, to talk about my stuff. I'm more than a little nervous. The man's 26, is already pretty well-known -- he got a commission in London, for heaven's sake! -- and is just really damn talented. And he's not afraid to tell you something sucks. So I'm expecting to be told my stuff sucks. But if he has one nice thing to say, even if it's really small, I'll be happy. I'm intimidated by him, yes, but I also really like him and respect him. So his opinion does matter to me quite a bit.

And my other class, Theory of the Novel, is going okay. I'm not exactly enjoying it, but hey, I can't have it all.

Okay. Work time, whee...

It's weird when you find out something huge about a person that you're close to, something that you feel you should have already known. I don't know what all my friends' parents do for a living, but that doesn't bother me. But deceased parents, major life-changing events, things like that... And when it comes to my attention, it comes out of nowhere, blind-sides me, leaves me breathless almost. I feel guilty, like somehow I should have always known, or should have had some sort of conversation with them that would have brought it to my attention. I don't know. Though I feel guilty about a lot of weird things, I guess.

Back to work.

Screw was definitely memorable this year... Besides the extravagant "wedding" arranged by Emily for Anna and Megan, there was an all-campus power outage (started somewhere around 9 pm, power came back on somewhere between 10:30 and 11? I'm not really sure), and the dance was ended early (1:20 am) by a fire alarm. And then a few of us walked back to the dorm, which is why my legs are really cold right now. At least I brought some flats to wear for dancing and stuff - walking back in heels would have been awful.

My Screw date was a nice guy, though the overall thing was kind of awkward. We hung out with some of his friends for a pre-party thing, then went to the dance and hung out with my friends. So at least the awkwardness was spread about evenly. And now I've had the full Screw experience.

I think I'm going to go make some hot chocolate now...

Last night I was lame and stayed in. I read a bit of Georg Lukacs' The Theory of the Novel and did nothing exciting. This morning I was awoken by the fire alarm at 10 am. It was a drill, so it was brief, but really. Who schedules a fire drill before noon on a Saturday? Not cool. The rest of the day will be devoted to more reading, whee... And tonight is Screw, so that should be at the very least interesting and hopefully fun.

I have determined that one of the worst people to have a crush on is someone you know, but don't know well. If you hardly know the person, you can be like "Oh, they're cute, but nothing is ever going to happen." If you know them well, you have opportunities to flirt and such. But somewhere in the middle? That seems to be a dead zone, at least for me. Because despite my supposed "seek and destroy" skills, I can be super shy, especially around people that I don't know all that well. And when you add a crush on top of that? Well, then I can barely open my mouth. So yeah. That's where I'm at now, and I'm not enjoying it.

So in the course of the last 2 hours, I have begun to seriously consider the Arcadia design thing... I mean, yes, a lot of work, but... Senior Company counts as a class, so that makes it seem less bad. 4 classes plus something extra? That's normal. Also, I totally don't need free time. Because really, what am I going to do with it? Sleep? Ha. Socialize? Sure, but most of my closest friends will be gone, so why not lose myself to work? Also, resume builder. Because I have to start thinking about things like this. Granted, I have no real desire to go into costume design as a profession, but it's still something nice to have - especially if I want to do anything in theatre. Plus, pretty dresses!

Off to read library stuff about cataloguing.

The prospect of getting to do costume design with pretty dresses and such is being dangled in front of me again, this time for next fall. Which, of course, would be when I will be doing Senior Company (either dramaturgy and/or costume design, depending on the play). This other project (Arcadia) would be a big undertaking - I would definitely need to find others to work with me and all. The possibility of stress is high. But pretty clothes! So many pretty clothes! And an actual budget! And though I haven't actually read the play, it's Tom Stoppard, so how could I not love it?

In other news: Um... Nothing. I'm going to go watch curling.

It's always kind of strange when my classes intersect. It makes me feel like I'm actually learning something vaguely useful...

The latest intersection was just now, between playwriting and dramaturgy. Okay, so not a huge leap from one to another, I know. But still. I'm writing a play, and the somewhat immortal character has just died - for real this time, not like at the beginning, when she was burned for witchcraft. Anyway. I want the ending to mirror the beginning, so fire is again needed... Cremation this time. But somewhere in the back of my brain, a voice said "But do they cremate unclaimed bodies? Is what I'm writing accurate?" For a second, I tried to ignore it. After all, what does accuracy count for when it comes to artist expression? But I'm the one who got grumpy over the syphilis in Ghosts (The son has it, but not the mother? Is that possible? And what about the half-sister?), so... Granted, my play isn't exactly firmly grounded in reality, but still. Luckily for me, they do cremate unclaimed bodies, at least in some places. So all is well in my little play's sphere of existence, whee.

Edit: Damnation! Further research into the process of cremation has taught me that the sort of conveyer belt going into the fire thing (which I'm sure I've seen on TV or something...) is not actually what happens. The coffin (cardboard or particle board, often) is slid in, the door is closed, a button is pushed. No fire actually gets seen, it seems. This will just not do. The flames must be there. I guess the cremation chamber's door will just have to be broken so the audience can see the fire... Or I can have a cutaway sort of thing, looking at it from the side... So the door is closed but the fire is still seen.

*ponder*

Dear self: whatever happens in the next year, never consider going to grad school for English Lit. The theoretical writing would be the end of me.

This insight brought to you by the completion of Dialectically Reconceiving the Rise of the Novel, a truly lackluster paper.

Continuing the general theme of whining:

I want soundproof (or at least thicker) walls that block out the singing, telephone conversations, and other noises. I want my work to finish itself, because I can't seem to manage it at the moment. I want my body to stop hating me. I want to sleep and relax without feeling guilty. I want to be able to soak in a bathtub, because at times like this showers just aren't the same.

I'm hot and chilly at the same time, a clear indication that the illness that has been lurking for the past week has finally caught up with me. My paper is still not quite done, because at some point sleeping become crucial so that I didn't end up feeling even worse. I didn't go to class, I cancelled an appointment, and I'm looking for a sub for my radio show because the prospect of trekking up to Parrish while feeling like shit is totally unappealing. I still need to read a play for tomorrow, as well as memorize lines, and I really need to finish my writing assignment too.

So in short, I've got a ton of shit that needs to get done, but I'm in no shape to do it. But I feel guilty about not doing it, so I'll try to do some of it anyway. Fun.

I understand the essay, I know what I want to say, so why can't I find the right words to actually say it?!

*Hatred and loathing towards unfinished paper, lack of sleep, headache, and unhappy throat*

It's pretty impressive what a good back rub, an hour nap, and a bit of downtime can do. I still don't want to write my paper, but I'm doing it. Almost done with the first page, so 1/4th of the way there. Woot.

I am Jen, hear me whine:

I do not want to write my paper or my play, nor do I really want to read any theory... Or anything else, for that matter. I've had a headache all day, my lower back hates me, and my shoulders loathe me. I got a back rub from a friend, but it wasn't long enough - massages never are.

I think I'm going to go microwave my herbal thingy and drape that across my shoulders. Maybe it'll help. Then I'll confront the paper for Theory of the Novel. Blarg to papers.

I've been pretty productive today, got to see a bit of taiko, and saw Neal's fantastic show. So a good day, all in all. I will now attempt to continue the productivity, but I think I'm probably going to get distracted by watching Entourage instead...

So there had been a post that I made yesterday that has magically disappeared. No idea what happened, but...

The gist of it was this: Chip, my family's rabbit, has passed away. He was about 8 years old, and we had him for about 4 years. Much sadness.

Today was fun. I did some (not much) work, and then there was an expedition to the King of Prussia mall. The mall is ridiculously big... There was a little actual shopping (I got some socks, much-needed strapless bra, and a pretty, pretty corset), and then an amazing dinner at California Pizza Kitchen with a bit of ice cream afterwards. My stomach is happy.

Now I attempt to do a bit more work...

My radio show is wrapping up for the evening, so I might as well post the playlist...

* Stars - Soft Revolution
13 and God - Men of Station
The Go Find - Over the Edge
The Flaming Lips - What Is The Light?
Ratatat - Crips
Tricky - Black Steel
Sneaker Pimps- Walking Zero
Fischerspooner - Just Let Go
Basement Jaxx - Red Alert
Bjork - Crying
Hooverphonic - Lung
Emiliana Torrini - Telepathy
The Dresden Dolls - Coin Operated Boy
Le Tigre - Dude Yr So Crazy!!
Mono - Silicone
Beta Band - I Know
Radiohead - Climbing up the Walls
Frou Frou - Psychobabble
Portishead - Numb
Aphex Twin - Alberto Balsalm
DJ Shadow - Organ Donor
Ladytron - Fire
The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist
Gorillaz - 19-2000 (Soulchild remix)
Tori Amos - Professional Widow (Remix)
Switchblade Symphony - Insect
Zeitmahl - Girl Unknown
*# Vox Vermillion - Underground

A little light on stuff from the rock department's playlist, but given the focus on more electronic/trip-hop stuff, I suppose it makes a lot of sense. It'll probably be back to the more standard mix of indie and alternative rock next week.

I set up the playlist for my show beforehand today, so for the rest of my 2 hours I just get to kick back and rock out. Woot.

So. I can talk about depression without flinching, discuss most of my life in a fairly distanced manner, and deal with most of my past relationships calmly. What gets me? Talking about my friends. As soon as I start discussing my close friends, them graduating this year, etc. I get weepy.

So watching a bunch of episodes of Scrubs instead of reading Sense and Sensibility or doing other work was perhaps not the most productive use of my time. Still, I feel pretty happy at the moment... And given that it's Valentine's Day now (my least favorite holiday), that's saying something.

Nothing makes your day quite like receiving an email telling you the due date of your unstarted paper has been moved from tomorrow to next week.

Nap now, because I can! Ha!

(Sure, there's a lot of work I should/could be doing... But it'll still be there in an hour...)

Fun quotes from Christopher Durang's The Marriage of Bette and Boo:

Bette (at her father's funeral): "Boo, thank you for being sober today. Look how happy it makes Skippy."
Boo: "Skippy's drunk."

Karl (after the 3rd stillborn child): "You missed it, Boo.
Boo: "Did it live?"
Karl: "Not unless they redefined the term."

Matt: "Although crazy people often mean well, meaning well is not enough. On some level, Attila the Hun may have meant well."

And my favorite:

Matt: "I don't think God punishes people for specific things."
Bette: "That's good."
Matt: "I think He punishes people in general, for no reason."

Black comedies are fun. :)

Yay to girls' nights, sleep, pretty snow, getting cheered up, and backrubs.

Boo to slobs, thieves, work, and cold.

Last night: Trip into Philly with 8 friends for dinner at another friend's apartment. It was a lot of fun - good company, tasty food. and a chance to play with a cat.

Today: ML RA shopping trip for the upcoming study break. Fun stuff.

Tonight: Girl's night. The plan to head into Philly was changed due to the snow, but it will still be a great time, I'm sure.

Sometime I need to get a lot of work done... So far I've done some (finished reading one play, read an article), but there's still a lot left to do. Blarg.

I was right when I thought that my playwriting prof would be understanding about the whole not being done with my work thing. So the guilt is gone there, though now I basically should write two plays in a week, which is really crazy. Ah well.

Also, I need to stop being smitten with gay boys. It's totally counterproductive.

I slept for a bit, and now I'm back up and working on my play... In theory, anyway. I have a rough idea of the plot, I've got some interesting ideas to consider for some of the staging... But the writing itself is not coming, really. Which leads to the eternal debate - do I just go to sleep and finish it later (and hand it in late, which, given his kind of lax teaching style, probably won't matter?) or do I keep on chipping away at it and exhaust myself completely?

I suppose I'll stick with the middle road, which in this case is to work for a bit longer, then sleep until about 7 or so and then work on it until lunch or so and see where I am.

Playlist for tonight:

M.I.A. - Amazon
Fischerspooner - Never Win
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! - Over and Over Again
* The Holy Ghost - Genghis Khan
The Walkmen - The Rat
* Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead
* Sigur Ros - Gong
Islands - Abominable Snow
Detachment Kit - Skyscrapers
Rouge Wave - Nourishment Nation
Matt Sweeney and Bonnie “Prince” Billy - What Are You?
Sufjan Stevens - The Lord God Bird
Iron and Wine - Freedom Hangs Like Heaven
* The Mountain Goats - This Year
* Of Montreal - Forecast Fascist Future
Friends Like These - What Emily Says
Driver of the Year - Most Crimes
TV on the Radio - New Health Rock
The Shins - So Says I
A.C. Newman - The Town Halo
Broken Social Scene - Stars and Sons
Beulah - Gravity’s Bringing Us Down
# The Reputation - Bottle Rocket Battles
Snow Patrol - Absolte Gravity
*# Tsar - Wrong
*# Woody Whatever - When You Get Home
The Wrens - Faster Gun
Belle & Sebastian - Step Into My Office, Baby
# Camera Obscura - Double Feature
* Imogen Heap - Loose Ends

Um, I'm going to go write a play now...

I think I woke up in some sort of bizzaro universe today. My evidence? There are currently about 8 RA candidates that want to be in ML next year. Not 8 who wouldn't mind, but 8 who consider ML their top choice. There will be competition for the 4 ML RA spots. This just doesn't happen. So like I said, bizzaro universe.

On that note: my RA interview is this afternoon. It shouldn't be too bad, but it's still 4-6 people focusing on me when I talk, which can get a bit disconcerting. I already dealt with it once today (English class - I had to sum up an article), and really, I'm not a big fan.

More public speaking: 2nd radio show of the semester tonight. Hopefully no technical difficulties or funny noises from the equipment, but I make no guarantees.

I have discovered a brand new pet peeve. Well, not entirely new, but I didn’t realize just how much it bothered me until now... In short, internet typing. You know -- u, ur, complete lack of anything resembling puncuation... I mean, I’m guilty of slacking on capitalization a lot of the time. But I feel like what I write generally follows the basic rules of the English language. Literacy -- it’s important, people.

On another, totally different note -- I have an adorable stuffed otter, courtesy of my parents and the St. Louis Zoo. All who have seen it today since I got it in the mail have fallen before its amazing cuteness. Yay cuteness.

Olde Club lineup for the semester:

Feb 18 - Detachment Kit, Les Savy Fav
Feb 24 - Skeletons, Girl-Faced Boys, Nous Non Plus
March 24 - Georgie James, The Joggers
April 23 - Islands

Also, the large scale event of the semester is rumored to be either Wilco or Ben Folds.

When I first heard stuff off the Stars' album Set Yourself on Fire, I wasn't overly interested. And then I gave it another try, and now I can't stop listening to it. I'm particularly fond of "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" and "Calendar Girl" -- the bookends of the album.

Two parts of "Calendar Girl" manage to get to me each time:

If I am lost for a day try to find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day

And then this, when the instruments kick in:

I dreamed I was dying, as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window and threw my head to the sky
And said "Whoever is up there, please don't let me die"

I will hopefully be going to see them in a few weeks, but I'm not sure yet. Anyone know anything about Beyond in Philly? I know it's more of a club than a concert venue, but that's about all.

So it's looking like I'm not going to go to Paces tonight, which is okay, given how tired I am. I just got back from Philly. Body Worlds was awesome and weird, dinner was good, dessert was tasty, and I got to play with cats. Therefore, things are pretty good.

Tomorrow there will have to be a lot of work done to make up doing so little today...

For the love of god, someone please say they'll go to Paces with me tonight. And I mean actually go, not say maybe and then probably back out leaving me with nothing.

It's coldish, rainy, and blah today. Grr. The current upside is my trip to Body Worlds this evening, but that's really the highlight of my day thus far. Yes, the highlight of my day is looking at dead bodies. Don't think about it too much.

I went to sleep sometime around 11 pm or so, intending on napping until about 12:30 am. Sadly, when I set the alarm, I put 12:30 pm. Luckily, I had set my other alarm for 4 am. So yeah, I woke up at 4 am and continued my work... First writing my thing for playwriting, then getting ready for the day, then attacking the theory paper. It's kind of blah, but it's done. Yay.

And now I head to campus in a desperate search for caffeine...

So. How have I managed to go about 6 years without really considering the possibility that my constant sleepiness may actually be connected to my anti-depressants? I mean, it may not be, but it is a possibility, one that will possibly be explored starting next week.

Back to attempting to comprehend theory articles. Blah.

Tonight's playlist, whee...

* Metric - The Police and the Private
The Magnetic Fields - Epitaph for My Heart
Enon - Leave it to Rust
Beck - Devil’s Haircut
* The Go! Team - Bottle Rocket
Steve Burns - A Sniveling Mess
*# Scout Niblett - Lullubuy for Scout in Ten Years
Asobi Seksu - Walk on the Moon
* Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
M.I.A. - M.I.A.
Gorillaz - Dirty Harry
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - Bodies Adjust
* Secret Mommy - Tennis Court
* 31Knots - Talk Like Blood
* Fruit Bats - The Earthquake of ‘73
The Mountain Goats - Dilaudid
* Wolf Parade - You Are a Runner and I Am My Father’s Son
* Doves - Almost Forgot Myself
* Stars -The First Five Times
Longwave - Tidal Wave
Spoon - Was It You?
* Catanets - A Song is Not the Song of the World
* Cake on Cake - No Love
* Sigur Ros - Saeglopur
Menomena - Strongest Man in the World
* Mum - I’m 9 Today
* Jana Hunter - Heatseeker’s Safety Den
Cat Power - He War
* Holopaw - Velveteen

Both Mum and Sigur Ros and their song are totally lacking correct puncuation/letters. Oh well.

Time to get some work done. Grr to Theory of the Novel, the articles that didn't sink in, and the response paper I have to write on them.

My staying awake in class streak has been broken, dammit. I was doing fine until today, and then I kept on dozing off in Theory of the Novel. I can't even blame it on not getting enough sleep last night - I went to bed at midnight or so - though I guess I can blame Sunday night.

Tonight is my first radio show of the semester... 6-8 pm EST. Listen to see if my tradition of screwing up my first show of the semester continues yet again.

My radio show this semester will be from 6 to 8 pm (EST) on Tuesday evenings. You should listen.

Today was good, if not overly productive. I had brunch, went to the gym, did the shower and laze about thing, got semi-dressed up just because I could, went to dinner, and then went and saw a play. It was Fathom by the SaBooge Theatre group, and it rocked. Kind of weird, but also really, really cool. I also saw Erik and hung out with him for the first time in forever, which was nice.

Tomorrow there will have to be actual work being done. Blah to work.

Tonight was fun... It was Alex L-S's birthday, so we went bowling (a round of DDR in the arcade for me, and then 2 games of bowling -- 85 and 75) and then went to Nifty Fifties. At Nifty Fifties, there were milkshakes, singing of Happy Birthday, a bit of dancing, and a sing along to Build Me Up Buttercup. Luckily, there were only a few other patrons there to be scared of us.

Bedtime!

I'm sitting in the library, grinning like an idiot. My day, perhaps my week, was just made by a single email from my playwriting prof. He intimidates the hell out of me (and I told him so yesterday -- which, when you think about it, is kind of counter-intuitive) because I've seen one of his plays, and I loved it. So being in his class and having him critique my writing is a bit terrifying. But (and this is where the email comes in) we turned in our first assignment yesterday, and he liked mine. This doesn't make him any less intimidating to me, but it does make me rather happy. Yay happiness.

I feel like psychologists/psychiatrists should be very, very plain looking. Extremes in either way are a bit distracting, and that's no good.

I was insanely productive today: read the 2 plays for Wednesday's playwriting class, finished up most of my d'turgy work for tomorrow, and read through page 150 of Pamela for Tuesday's Theory of the Novel class. In other words, I am pretty much prepared to confront the week. Rock.

I did, in fact, end up taking a nap... And a rather long one, at that. But, lest you think that my day was wholly unproductive... In addition to going to the gym and doing some reading, I also played (and won) a game called Ticket to Ride, helped lead my team to victory in a game of 90s Trivial Pursuit, and made a dollar for balancing a stuffed seal on my head for part of the night.

Perhaps tomorrow I will be more productive in useful ways...

Last night: chicken curry and (mostly) student opera. Good stuff. Today, so far: 1st ML Saturday brunch of the semester, and a trip to the gym. I feel so proud. I will undo my productiveness later today, I am sure... I imagine there will eventually be some napping...

Attempting to throw a study break, even a very informal one, and having no one show up is a little bit saddening. It also raises the question of whether anyone on my hall reads my emails. Hmm.

I jogged to the gym, lifted weights for 30 minutes, rode the bike for another 30 minutes (while doing some reading, no less!), and then jogged back to ML. Go me. I doubt this pattern will continue, but hey, at least I went once.

Yay for long talks that, while not actually changing much, make one feel better. I'm still kind of unhappy about some things, but I understand some other things better. And understanding is good. Still, the semester is getting off to a rocky start, at least emotionally. Academically, it has only just begun.

Being around people is good. Yay people.

Blarg. The externship is going well enough - I'm learning stuff about publishing and small bookstores and how screwy the business can be. I'm also being helpful, updating info and finding stuff and generally being productive. And the family is very nice - I feel very at home, and the 10 year old is hyper but entertaining, and the pets are all very sweet. But still, blarg.

Part of me, right now, wants to envelop myself in this world for as long as I can. Not think about school, about people, about life, about anything that has any permanence to it. Of course, I can't do that. Come Friday, I leave here. On Saturday, I go back to Swat. I'm looking forward to it, to an extent. But there are things that I know that I'll have to deal with that I just don't want to face right now.

Lately, I've been fine if I'm distracted. TV, games, absorbing yet relatively mindless research for information. I'm okay then. But other times... Sometimes I just feel kind of empty/purposeless/aimless. Sometimes I just think about too much at once until I shut down.

Also, when did I start worrying when I see someone has left me a message? A voicemail should not elicit an "Oh shit, what bad thing happened?" response. But it does. Thankfully, the response is generally unfounded, but still. It's there. And that's no good.

I realize that this all sounds very bad and negative and depressing and stuff. I'm actually not doing that bad right now, I guess. I'm mostly tired (full workdays are really pretty sucky) and realizing that break - and with it, this respite from what I see of as real life, to a degree - is fast coming to an end. I want to go back to Swat and see people, but at the same time, I don't really want to have to deal with people.

I will now work on my psuedo-homework until bed... There are some mystery books with ties to Shakespearean plays; the idea is to get some bookstores near big Shakespeare festivals to take an interest in them. I may end up writing the letter to try to convince them that stocking the books is a good plan. Therefore, it would be helpful to know about the books. This is best accomplished by actually reading the books, so... Well, that's what I'm going to do.

The externship is going well. The people I'm staying with are very nice, the pets seem to have taken a liking to me, and the store is cool. So, yay.

Tomorrow I go to Indiana for my externship. Not sure what my internet access will be like... It's quite possible I will disappear off the face of the Net for the next week or so (except for email, I imagine). Either way: Swatties, enjoy your last week of break. Other people... Have a good week, I guess.

I never thought I'd be so happy to see a C on my transcript... But getting that for PoR, after the fiasco with the final paper? Really, as long as I passed I was going to be okay. And I got a C. Given the circumstances, that's great. (Also, it helps that my academic confidence is being bolstered by having an A and an A- as the other two grades I know.) So... Yay.

Blarg. So, here's my problem: I'm exhausted. Not just during the school year, or after an almost-all-nighter, or anything like that. Always. Well, sometimes I'm just tired. But wide awake? Only happens in spurts, here and there, that coincide with random hyper weirdness. Those moments last about 20 or so minutes, I'd say. Most of the time, I just want to sleep. I just got up a few hours ago... And I'm already ready to nap again. The exception to this desire to sleep, of course, is late at night, when I should/can sleep. It's not insomnia, since I'm tired and when I finally go to bed I can sleep. But I just don't go to sleep. I read, or do crossword puzzles, or read comics instead of going to bed. And then, of course, the next day, I'm tired. I can't seem to break out of the cycle.

You would think that break would be a great time to fix this problem. I have been getting more sleep. Sleeping until I wake up naturally... And for awhile I was going to bed at a decent time (decent meaning before 1 am). But that's fallen apart for some reason... It was almost 3 am when I went to bed last night. Granted, part of that was because I took a long nap in the afternoon, so I wasn't tired... But I always do that. Grr. *shakes fist at window* The weather (grey, blah) is also not helping. How am I supposed to be energetic when the world looks dead?

I'm kind of looking forward to going back to Swat at this point. The work and stuff -- well, hopefully it'll be better than last semester. I just want to see people, to have those long dinners with a table full of friends and multiple conversations at once, all full of jokes and fun. I want next semester to be great, to enjoy my time with my friends while they're still there. Sure, I have friends in my own class, and I'll have people to hang out with next year. But my best friends? They're going to be graduating. And that really sucks. I may have to kidnap them. Or perhaps sabotage them this semester so they can't graduate and have to come back next year. (Joking, joking... I wouldn't want anyone to have to pay more tuition than necessary...)

Anyway. Today I will hopefully be getting my new driver's license - Missouri and over 21... Oooh. At some point I need to change my voter registration (probably to PA for now), but the driver's license is the big thing on my to do list at the moment. That and redoing my resume so I can start applying for summer internships when I head back to Swat.

Off to attempt productivity...

Happy New Year and all that... I hope everyone had a good time. I spent my New Year's Eve with family, playing games and just hanging out. It was nice.

I've finished rewatching all of Firefly, this time with my parents. Up next is Serenity, which will probably be watched in the next few days. Yay!

Not much else to say. I'm being very lazy, lots of sleeping and doing nothing. Every break I say it's going to be different, that I'm going to do things... And it never happens. Ah well.

So. Charities. I've been pondering and pondering. I came across a lot of good ones. Saving fuzzy creatures, protecting books and historical places, encouraging the arts, aiding literacy, promoting women's rights, giving scholarships... All very good causes, to be sure. And I was looking at this website, Charity Navigator, which rates charities on how efficiently they use their money and such... Which ones are actually doing something and whatnot. The sight also offers lots of other information; it's been quite handy.

I was leaning towards the Boys & Girls Clubs of America -- they seem to be doing some good stuff. But the CEO makes nearly half a million dollars. Yeah, that's only a small percentage of their revenue, but still... It bothers me, for some reason. Most of the other charities' CEOs get around $200,000. I can deal with that. And it's not that I have anything against people making half a million a year. It's just... Well, you're working for a non-profit... So, why are you profiting so much? Sure, maybe a lot of the money ends up going back into charity. But still. It nags at me.

And then came the question of what really matters to me, what cause I'm most concerned about. For so very, very long, that has been women's rights, in one form or another. Equality, suffrage, independence... Those things matter to me greatly. And right now, I perceive one of the largest threats in the area of women's rights to be sexual health/reproductive rights. Abstinence-only education is being promoted/enforced by this administration, and it's not helping anything at all. Aid programs that even mention abortion as an option (just an option - not the best course of action) are getting funding cut and so on. Pharmacists aren't filling Rx for birth control, for the morning after pill. It frustrates me, it angers me, it even sickens me a little.

So. Planned Parenthood? Looking good to me. Only not the US branch. Their CEO, again, makes nearly half a million. Also, it seems like they're not handling their money as well as perhaps they could be... Expenses growing at 4 times the rate that the revenue is increasing? That's not good. But the idea, the cause? Important to me, definitely. International Planned Parenthood Federation - Western Hemisphere region, then. That seems to be where I'm going. Revenue growing while expenses stay steady; decent CEO pay; seem to be doing some good.

I'll make my final decision tomorrow (er, later today).

I have a certain amount of money that is to be donated to a charity of my choice. Anyone have any suggestions (and reasons for those suggestions)?

Happy Boxing Day! I hope you all had good a good Christmas (or just a nice Sunday).

My family will actually be celebrating Boxing Day this year. Well, sort of. My oldest brother spent Christmas with his girlfriend and her family and will come home tomorrow (er, later today, I guess)... So we're waiting to do the gifts and such until then, which will also be when we go to see my mom's side of the family. So today was Christmas-lite, in a way. Carols on the radio, a nice dinner with fancy plates and candles, gifts for the pets, a bit of family bonding... But nothing over-the-top or anything. For awhile, it felt a bit odd, but it was nice.

Merry Christmas!

When I went to sleep, it was raining out. When I woke up, everything was coated with snow. Booyah! I love white Christmases.

I think staying away from the malls is one of the best ways to make Christmas merry. My family is really cutting back on gifts, mostly doing small things and the gag gift/white elephant exchange. This is good, and it makes everything much less stressful.

Church tonight was nice enough, though not as nice as some other Christmas Eve services I've been to. And the party we went to was fun; it was nice to meet the people my parents have been spending time with since the move.

There was a sad moment, though. I met a little boy, almost a year old. Later on, I found out that his father, who is in the military, has been gone for nearly a year. Probably left right after his son was born, hasn't seen him since. And that just makes me so sad.

Merry Christmas Eve to everyone!

I love Christmas, even though I'm thoroughly agnostic (with occasional bouts of deism). Christmas is the one time of year when I'll go to church willingly. I love Christmas carols (especially sung by candlelight) -- they give me warm fuzzies. I think Christmas decorations are splendid, and Christmas cookies are great. I adore How the Grinch Stole Christmas, with it's fun songs and immense cuteness. I like being at home with my family. All in all, it's a great holiday.

Except for the church service, my Christmas has become pretty secular. I decorated my mini-tree today, putting on little ornaments. There was Marvin the Martian, Yoda, the Grinch, various other Dr. Seuss creatures, snowflakes, gingerbread men, and so forth. The closets things to religious icons were the star on the top and an angel ornament. Everything else? Super secular. And I'm happy about that. I like that I can enjoy the holiday without tying myself to religion too closely. Oh, I know that that idea make more religious people quiver with anger. But I don't really care. The holiday makes me happy -- not so much because of the presents (which are always nice, of course), but more due to the increased willingness of people to share and connect with others. Serious warm fuzzies.

So, merry secular Christmas to all, and happy holidays, and happy Hanukkah, and everything else. I hope the holidays find you happy and healthy.

I have a list of about 17 internships to look into later... So I accomplished something. Which means now I can do nothing for the rest of the night and feel little to no guilt. Yay!

Dear world,

Looking for summer employment is terrifying, especially since I'll have to be looking for REAL employment in about a year. Due to this, I have decided that I will stay a kid forever. Please ignore the fact that I'm already 21. Allow me to regress into child-like bliss during break and then just stay there.

Thanks,
Jen

So, yes. The real world terrifies me. I don't want to deal with it.

On a completely different note, one of my aunt's cats died/was put down this morning. This cat was basically her child; she'd had it for as long as I can remember (literally - the cat was about as old as me).

Why is it that we put our beloved pets out of their misery when they grow old and their bodies start failing them, but with people we stick them with all sorts of machines and such? I suppose the most common argument for why the former is acceptable while the latter isn't would deal with value of life and souls and such, but still. If someone wants to die before they lose their abilities to function, why not grant them that bit of control? (Euthanasia -- joining abortion, homosexuality, and many other things in the ranks of "Things in the Catechism that I found I disagreed with during Confirmation classes.")

Possibly going to church for Christmas Eve, though I'm not yet sure. I think the last time I went to church may have been last Christmas, though perhaps there was one other time in-between.

Back to looking at theater internships for the summer...

By using the online setup program for the router, as opposed to the CD and directions provided, I have managed to get the wireless to work. Finally!

Break thus far: sleeping, reading fun books (latest Lemony Snicket, Falcondance by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, The Wainscott Weasel, and Inamorata by Joseph Gangemi - a Swat alum who I met this semsester), and generally being unproductive.

My mom and I went up to Quincy on Monday and we saw some people... A few family friends, a few of my old teachers, etc. It was nice, but it was also kind of odd. I've detached myself from Quincy quite a bit, so going back there is familiar but not home.

I've attempted to do some vaguely productive things, namely to set up the borrowed wireless router. But it keeps on thwarting me. I've followed the directions, tried every variation I can think of, and it still won't work. It's frustrating me. Right now I'm unplugging the family computer to steal that Ethernet jack to use for my laptop... I have too many bookmarks, etc on my computer to do everything I want on the family computer. Plus, I just like mine more. The best situation, of course, would be to get the router to work so I can use my computer elsewhere in the house. But that doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. (Anyone have any hints on making routers magically love me?)

I'm thinking productivity will kick in soon enough. I'm toying with the idea of getting exercise later today, even if it's just in the form of DDR. I know I need to start going to the gym again next semester, and I should probably start over break so that the momentum will carry me over.

There are other things I need to do as well... Make signs for new people on my hall, look for summer internships, fill out my reapplication form for the RA position, review CDs, etc. But once I've gotten a taste of lethargy, it's really hard to re-motivate myself. Arg...

Ha! See, I am a cat!

You Are A: Kitten!

Cute as can be, kittens are playful, mischevious, and ever-curious. Like you, kittens hate getting wet. Kittens are often loving, but are known to scratch or bite when annoyed. These adorable animals are the most popular pets in the United States--37% of American households have at least one cat. Whether it is your gentle purr or your disarming appearance, you make a wonderful kitten.

You were almost a: Lamb or a Bear Cub
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a FrogWhat Cute Animal Are You?

Technically, A Series of Unfortunate Events is a set of kids' books. But there are little jokes and things snuck in that kids won't get and teens and adults will. And that is one of the reasons that they are awesome. Some of the best come from Sunny, who, being a baby, can't talk all that well. So she says things that are supposed to be nonsense at times... But are often real words or names that fit the situation perfectly.

My current favorite is in The Penultimate Peril:

The verdict of the High Court was to take the expression [Justice is blind] literally," said the manager, "so everyone except the judges must cover their eyes before the trial can begin."
"Scalia," Sunny said. She meant something like, "It doesn't seem like the literal interpretation makes any sense," but her siblings did not think it was wise to translate.

I just emailed my poetry portfolio to Nat. I am now done for the semester. Hallelujah!

Vegging begins now!

I got the library internship for the spring! So I don't completely fail at life today, yay.

So. The idea that papers always get done no matter how much you're stressing over it? Sadly, not true in all cases. Because sometimes you just admit defeat and have to acknowledge that you put it off to long, that you put the class on the back burner all semester, and that you can't really change that now. You admit defeat and sleep. When you wake up, you realize that you can't live with the prospect of a D on your transcript -- but you better figure it out fast, because it's looking like a real possibility. And then start mentally composing a letter of apology to the prof, who you really like, assuring him that you enjoyed the class but things just fell apart this semester. And no, that's not an excuse, just an explanation. Then you hang your head in shame and retreat home with your tail between your legs.

My English paper has been cleaned up, printed, and stapled. It will be handed in right before/after my library shift.

The plan for tomorrow:
Turn in paper
Work at library
Lunch
Work on PoR journal - basically use it as a way to sort out my ideas about the readings and prep for my paper
Work on PoR paper!

Somewhere in there should be a trip to CVS to pick up my Rx, as well as laundry-doing and at least vague contemplation of packing.

I finally heard back from my externship host, so I am, in fact, still on for the week-long externship in January. Still no word on the spring library internship.

And now, a bit of sleep.

I finally have a draft of my explication done for English class. Hopefully Miriam will be able to read over it tonight (and I, in turn, will read over her Shakespeare paper). Then, I'll scan it again and be done. Now I focus on reading more stuff for PoR -- I'll start that paper tomorrow. I also need to work on my poetry portfolio, but that's due on Saturday and can be emailed to Nat, so there's a very good chance I'll end up doing that in the airport/on the plane/at home.

But - progress has been made! Thank heavens!

I just ordered a few books, which, while pricey, I can justify by saying they're educational. Because they are. I fell in love with this one book that I used for reference in costume design - it's full of very detailed drawings of period clothes, describes the fabric and shows the construction and is must immensely awesome. I decided to see if it's still in print. And it is. And the woman who made it - Nancy Bradfield - did another book as well, so I got both of them. So, yay for amazing reference books!

I've been up since about 6:15 today (went to sleep around 2 or so)... I did my normal morning thing, got some food, was on campus around 8 am. I worked for about 2 hours in the design lab, then went to the library to do my shift, then got lunch and ate it while coloring in my designs. Then I had class from 2 to 5 pm, ate dinner, and am now at home.

Now I nap for about 2 hours, and then I attack my English paper. I shall attack with fierceness. I will fiercely attack the philosophy paper starting tomorrow. Fierceness is key, I think, otherwise I'll just go back to sleep.

Hungry Hungry Hippos rocks my socks. I got it at the gift exchange the other night, and I broke it out tonight before doing work. Very good stress reliever, I must say.

On that note, boo to stress. And boo to work, the cause of stress.

Yay, however, to cool plays with weird gymnastic-y things going on. I can't remember what it's called, but the wrapping yourself up in ropes/sheets and dangling about and twisting and such? Very impressive. I wish I could do it, though I'm pretty sure my dislike of heights plus my lack of upper body strength (and hell, lower body strength too!) would really work against me.

Okay, back to costume design. Whee...

I'm feeling much better right now. Things have been talked over a bit, and that helped a lot. Still not exactly happy, but much, much better. Yay for betterness.

If there is one thing I have gotten the hang of this semester, it's how to be confrontational when I really need to be.

Off to do maybe a bit more work, but most likely sleep.

If you've looked at my little imood thingy over the past week, you've seen the mood-swingage. Rejected to elated to happy to baffled to blank. Quite a week, no?

Today I may actually venture out into the real world, but I may put that off until tomorrow. It's cold, so walking to the mall to find a White Elephant gift is not overly appealing. At the same time, it'll still be cold tomorrow. And eventually, I need to work on work. Blarg.

To be home, in bed, with a purring kitty by my side and a book in my hands... This is what I get in another week. Just have to make it until then.

I'm trying to figure out why it seems that about 4 hours of sleep gives me about 1 hour of energy. Got about 8 hours of sleep, was energetic for about 2 hours, then slept another 4 hours and was fine for another hour. Really, I feel like the ratio should be at least 2:1, though 1:1 would be better and 2:1 would be quite nice.

So I slept much of today, which was good for me. I've read some poetry. I'm possibly going to do some work on costume design now, perhaps while watching some Firefly. Basically, today has been mostly cancelled due to lack of interest... And I'm okay with that. Tomorrow will involve more work, I'm sure, and maybe some sort of excursion to someplace within walking distance to get a gift for the White Elephant thing.

I am really, really looking forward to break right now. Maybe I should try to become a trophy wife just so I never really have to do anything ever again. But for now, I think I'll stare blankly at possible internships for the summer... Because even if I get the spring library thing, all of the sudden it seems far less interesting to me. Not sure what's going on with that, but whatever. If anyone can think of employment that consists of sleeping, reading fun books, and playing with cute cats, let me know.

So um, that came out of nowhere. (Yes, Mom, I will call you sometime tomorrow and explain what exactly came out of nowhere...) Currently baffled and upset, will hopefully have the baffled bit dealt with sooner rather than later. For now, however, sleep. Sleep makes everything better... And a conveniently-timed Primal Scream and half a bottle of cheap champagne don't hurt either. I will sleep until I don't want to sleep anymore, work be damned (until Saturday, anyway). Ideally I will wake up and discover this was all just a hallucination brought on by sleep deprivation, but that's highly unlikely.

Murder mystery dinner earlier in the evening was a great deal of fun. Falling asleep repeatedly while watching clips of operas in costume design was less fun. Seriously stabbing myself with pins/needles while sewing was also not so fun, but at least I made progress on my skirt. I'll finish it over break, I think... Maybe I'll dye it next semester. Not sure if I'll ever actually wear it, but that doesn't actually matter.

Alright. Bed time!

My birthday was fantastic. The play went really well, I had dinner with my parents and Robert, I got to have a small celebration in ML and then another in Mertz, and all was generally fantastic. So much, much happiness. Also much tiredness. I didn't get as much work done for costume design as I probably should have, but it's just the roughs, so I don't really care too much. Class in about 7 hours... But I'm just going to go to sleep. Yay sleep!

I'm 21. *mulls this over for a bit* Huh. Weird.

So tonight. Opening night. It went fairly well, so yay! No major mishaps or anything like that. And now just one more show, and then I can relax. Well, sort of relax. Relative-speaking relaxation. Anyway, the show went well, people enjoyed it, and I got a Magic Flower, which is hard to describe but very cool. Just trust me on this. Yay for Robert and quirky gifts. :)

I also had my interview for the library internship today. It's just for the spring position, not the spring and summer like I thought. So even if I get it, I'll need to look for summer work anyway. It would increase my chance of getting the summer position, but there's no guarantee. Anyway, it's got a class aspect to it, as well as a project, so it's more than just standard work at the library. So... yeah. I should hopefully find out sometime early next week.

And now, off to finish writing my play and try to get some costume design done. I'd like to not have to do work tomorrow night, but that may mean little sleep tonight, which is no good either. Blarg.

It's snowing, has been since like 7 pm or so. It makes me ridiculously happy -- I love the first snow of the year. It's all pretty and white, no nasty slush. So much happiness as a result of the snow.

But now, bed. Or maybe work and then bed. But some sleep does need to be gotten.

I was supposed to have play practice now, but that fell through due to other people not being able to be there. So instead, much practicing will happen tonight, from 9 to midnight.

Meanwhile, the nervousness is starting to creep up every so often. Whenever I see a sign for the show, I get a bit worried. I'm scared that I will mess up, big time. And the audience will be CLOSE. I don't have the helpful floodlights preventing me from seeing who's out there. No, when I look up, I'll be looking at people that I probably know. Eep!

I made some progress on my English paper today - not on the paper itself, really, but on notes and figuring out what I'm going to say. I think it'll turn out okay, but we'll see. I also need to work on my play (due Wednesday) and my costume design sketches (due Thursday) as I won't have much time in the next few days to devote to them. So... yeah.

Plan for rest of the day: dinner, a bit of work (either sketching or reading), housing committee meeting, bit more work, practice, then either bed or again, more work. Such fun.

Tomorrow is high stress day, since it includes an interview for the library internship as well as opening night of the play. Scary stuff, I must say.

Despite getting 9+ hours of sleep, I am still tired.

The choir thing did not happen after all, because I can't sing. My regular range notes come out kind of squeaky, and my higher notes, well, they don't really want to come out at all. One cannot sing Messiah as a soprano without high notes. It just doesn't work.

So instead, I have been working on laundry today, will go to CVS pretty soon, and will get to go to Night of Scenes tonight. Whee. After that, I may try to do some work on my English paper, because really, that needs to get done.

Coming up this week: my play! Tuesday at 9 pm, Wednesday at 7 pm. Both times in the Kitao Gallery, between the frats and Olde Club. It'll only take about 30 minutes of your time, so please come!

I am exhausted, my brain feels a little fuzzy, and I just want to collapse. So I'm going to do that. But tonight was awesome - dinner with a friend, a cappella, hanging out, and dancing. Good times.

Tomorrow: choir part 2 (performance at a church in Chester), laundry, errands, work. The first will definitely happen, the others will hopefully happen... We'll see.

I would be overstating
If I said I knew you well,
That I knew you at all.

When you flew through that windshield,
And your life passed reel to reel
Was there a bit part for me?

I made a wish for you,
Blew out the sun so it’d come true.
But the sun froze along with your heart.

So give up, give up your love,
Give up, give up your love -
I promise it's not gonna kill ya
And I need ya, Lord I need ya.

And when they cut up your lung
You said we could all breathe easy,
The hole swallowed your heart.

When they drill holes in your skull
And screwed that halo to your head,
Did you think you could fly?

I made a prayer for you,
Then prayed some more that it’d come true.
Don’t know about God, but I believe in you.

So give up, give up your love,
Give up, give up your love -
I promise its not gonna kill ya
And I need ya, Lord I need ya.
And though you haven’t got a lot to give up,
A good man is easy to kill well.
Stop talking about the weather and say you’re getting better.

-Beulah, "A Good Man is Easy to Kill"

So much love for this song and its lyrics...

Last night I went from being upset to extremely silly. Ah, friends plus sleep deprivation. I was finally forced to go to bed, which was for the best. I have now doubled the amount of sleep I've gotten in the past few days, bringing me up to a whopping 14 hours since Tuesday.

Busy day today... Choir concert tonight at 8 pm. Please come! We're singing Handel's Messiah, and it shall be very pretty! Come a bit early to get decent seats.

Then, Tuesday and Wednesday at 8 pm - I make my Swarthmore stage debut in a student play. It's in the Kitao Gallery (between Olde Club and the frats).... Again, please come!

It's December, which is weird to me. It's finally starting to feel like it, what with the cold and chance of snow this weekend.

I turn 21 in 5 days. Very weird.

Tonight was mostly good, I guess. I had a great time with the middle school dance study break. The other RAs and I dressed as teachers and such... I was the librarian/English teacher. I somehow became the teacher people had crushes on too, and danced with various "students"... It was amusing. Interesting how so much can be undone with one little sentence though. At least the wanted-ness at the dance kinda cancels out this feeling of not being wanted. Kinda like the 5 or 6 really favorable RA evaluations cancelled out the not-so-positive one.

Off to do maybe a little work before bed.

So someone else was willing to the the hour sub shift at WSRN, so I'm back to the originally planned 2 hours from 6 to 8 pm. Whee.

I didn't get more sleep last night after all. I did, however, get a nearly-full body massage from a friend, and for that I am extremely thankful. So yeah, 7 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours or so, but at least my body hates me less than it did before.

I switched time slots for my radio show tonight, so I'm going to be on WSRN from 6 to 8 pm. Actually, I may be on from 5 to 8 pm, if no one volunteers to sub for that hour. This will be my last show of the semester as far as I know, so it's going to be a bit of a "best of the semester" thing. I had 2 hours of music pulled together for that, but now I may need to seek out another hour. Ah well.

But really, at this point, very little matters to me except for this: I got my philosophy of religion midterm paper back today, and I got an A. Not an A-, but an actual full out A. This in a class that has been forced to the back burner, on a paper that I did the reading for over October break and then wrote in one night. I'm proud.

Off to my RA evaluation, which will hopefully be full of nice things and not make me feel like a bad person. *crosses fingers*