I would be overstating
If I said I knew you well,
That I knew you at all.

When you flew through that windshield,
And your life passed reel to reel
Was there a bit part for me?

I made a wish for you,
Blew out the sun so it’d come true.
But the sun froze along with your heart.

So give up, give up your love,
Give up, give up your love -
I promise it's not gonna kill ya
And I need ya, Lord I need ya.

And when they cut up your lung
You said we could all breathe easy,
The hole swallowed your heart.

When they drill holes in your skull
And screwed that halo to your head,
Did you think you could fly?

I made a prayer for you,
Then prayed some more that it’d come true.
Don’t know about God, but I believe in you.

So give up, give up your love,
Give up, give up your love -
I promise its not gonna kill ya
And I need ya, Lord I need ya.
And though you haven’t got a lot to give up,
A good man is easy to kill well.
Stop talking about the weather and say you’re getting better.

-Beulah, "A Good Man is Easy to Kill"

So much love for this song and its lyrics...

Last night I went from being upset to extremely silly. Ah, friends plus sleep deprivation. I was finally forced to go to bed, which was for the best. I have now doubled the amount of sleep I've gotten in the past few days, bringing me up to a whopping 14 hours since Tuesday.

Busy day today... Choir concert tonight at 8 pm. Please come! We're singing Handel's Messiah, and it shall be very pretty! Come a bit early to get decent seats.

Then, Tuesday and Wednesday at 8 pm - I make my Swarthmore stage debut in a student play. It's in the Kitao Gallery (between Olde Club and the frats).... Again, please come!

It's December, which is weird to me. It's finally starting to feel like it, what with the cold and chance of snow this weekend.

I turn 21 in 5 days. Very weird.

Tonight was mostly good, I guess. I had a great time with the middle school dance study break. The other RAs and I dressed as teachers and such... I was the librarian/English teacher. I somehow became the teacher people had crushes on too, and danced with various "students"... It was amusing. Interesting how so much can be undone with one little sentence though. At least the wanted-ness at the dance kinda cancels out this feeling of not being wanted. Kinda like the 5 or 6 really favorable RA evaluations cancelled out the not-so-positive one.

Off to do maybe a little work before bed.

So someone else was willing to the the hour sub shift at WSRN, so I'm back to the originally planned 2 hours from 6 to 8 pm. Whee.

I didn't get more sleep last night after all. I did, however, get a nearly-full body massage from a friend, and for that I am extremely thankful. So yeah, 7 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours or so, but at least my body hates me less than it did before.

I switched time slots for my radio show tonight, so I'm going to be on WSRN from 6 to 8 pm. Actually, I may be on from 5 to 8 pm, if no one volunteers to sub for that hour. This will be my last show of the semester as far as I know, so it's going to be a bit of a "best of the semester" thing. I had 2 hours of music pulled together for that, but now I may need to seek out another hour. Ah well.

But really, at this point, very little matters to me except for this: I got my philosophy of religion midterm paper back today, and I got an A. Not an A-, but an actual full out A. This in a class that has been forced to the back burner, on a paper that I did the reading for over October break and then wrote in one night. I'm proud.

Off to my RA evaluation, which will hopefully be full of nice things and not make me feel like a bad person. *crosses fingers*

Many thanks to whatever minor deity who arranged for my play practice to get cancelled. 2 to 3 hours of my life have been returned to me (though they will be taken away again sometime this weekend)... This is good, because I can now use that time to a) get a massage from a friend, b) start work on my English paper, and c) get more sleep than planned. Rock!

So often I hit on a few songs or an artist that I get stuck on for awhile. Current obsession: Beulah.

The really nice thing about my iPod is that as I listen to stuff walking around campus, I tend to listen to the lyrics more. Hence my newfound deep love (as opposed to my previous deep like) for "A Good Man is Easy to Kill," "Popular Mechanics for Lovers," and "Gravity's Bringing Us Down."

I know he knocks you off your feet,
You’re so bitter; you think he’s sweet.
Well he’s wrong for you, I swear.

Did you forget to read the script?
There was never a role for him.
It was always you and me, just me

Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now.

I know you never felt romance,
And we always lack suspense -
I can edit those parts out.

I never made you feel complete,
I would fall beneath your feet.
I would never bring you down, so down.

Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now.

Just because he loves you too -
He wouldn't ever take a bullet for you.
Don’t believe a word he says -
He wouldn't ever cut his heart out for you.

I heard he wrote you a song -
But so what.
Some guy wrote 69,
And one just ain’t enough.

And there’s no sense in him trying -
I know cuz I’ve been
Trying all the time to find something that would make you mine.
But all I ever find my love
Are clichés that don’t rhyme.

Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now.

Just because he loves you too -
He wouldn't ever take a bullet for you.
Don’t believe a word he says -
He wouldn't ever cut his heart out for you.

Beulah, "Popular Mechanics for Lovers"

Okay, so my life for the next week or so...

Tonight: Finish playwriting stuff for tomorrow.

Wed: RA lunch, 12-1 pm; playwriting, 1-4 pm; choir, 7:15-10 pm; play practice, 10-1 am

Thurs: Work at library, 10-12 pm; PoR class, 1:15-2:30 pm; RA evalution 3-? pm; radio show 6-8 pm (time changed so I can go to next event!); middle school dance themed study break, 9:30-11:30 pm

Fri: Costume design lab, 2-4 pm; meet with director of student play about costumes, 4-4:30 pm; choir concert, 6:30-? pm

Sat: See Senior Company show, 2 pm; Jamboree, 8 pm?

Sun: Choir in Chester, 4:15-? pm

Mon: Dress rehearsal, 9-midnight

Tues: PoR class, 1:15-2:30; call for play, 7 pm; play performance, 8-8:30

Wed: Playwriting, 1-4 pm; play, 7-8:30 pm; celebrate 21st birthday

Thurs: Costume design, 9-noon; December housing lottery, 5 pm; murder mystery dinner, 6-9 pm

Fri: Die, then revive self to do work for papers, finals, etc.

So I think what I really want in life is just a personal masseuse to follow me around, giving me massages all day. On a very related note, a combination of Wink and moving heavy objects have left my shoulders and pecs in a very bad state. Owie.

I just woke up from a nice nap. Well, it was kind of nice. There was a dream within a dream thing going on, though, and it was kind of unsettling. When you can't even get away from your anxiety in your sleep, it's very very bad.

These next two weeks are going to eat me alive.

It's been awhile since I've posted song lyrics, but this song is really getting to me at the moment.

I broke free on a Saturday morning,
I put the pedal to the floor,
Headed north on Mills Avenue,
And listened to the engine roar.

My broken house behind me and good things ahead,
A girl named Cathy wants a little of my time.
Six cylinders underneath the hood crashing and kicking,
Ahhh listen to the engine whine.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

I played video games in a drunken haze.
I was seventeen years young.
Hurt my knuckles punching the machines,
The taste of Scotch rich on my tongue.

And then Cathy showed up and we hung out,
Trading swigs from the bottle all bitter and clean.
Locking eyes, holding hands,
Twin high maintenance machines.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

I drove home in the California dusk.
I could feel the alcohol inside of me.
Home.
Picture the look on my stepfather's face,
Ready for the bad things to come.

I downshifted as I pulled into the driveway.
The motor screaming out stuck in second gear.
The scene ends badly as you might imagine,
In a cavalcade of anger and fear.

There will be feasting and dancing in Jerusalem next year.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

- "This Year" by The Mountain Goats

My elbows weep -- I have a stinging rug burn on each arm, plus a few scrapes on my knees. Really not that bad, just annoying. But Wink was fun and rather non-sketchy (though also rather small), so it's all good.

Blarg to just about everything, but most especially lack of sleep and boys.

So I thought I was developing a crush on someone, but I think it was more just me wanting to have someone to like, hopefully someone who would like me back. I've been single for 6 months now, the longest time for quite awhile. So yeah, I'm getting a little antsy. I don't need a boy, but dammit, I want one.

Of course, this is the time my omnipresent crush decides to intensify a little bit again, to which I can only say the following: "Damn it, I thought I was over you!" But apparently not, because really, that would be far too simple and drama-free.

Also, sonnets are currently the devil. By the end of today, however, I'm fairly sure the throne of hate will be usurped by opera. Packing and then traveling will soon follow.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break, and I cannot wait until winter break. Oh precious sleep, how I miss you so...

I just registered for my classes for next semester. So, barring anything bizarre, my schedule for next semester is:

Mon: Production Dramaturgy, 1-4 pm
Tues: Theory of the Novel, 11:20-12:35 pm
Wed: Special Project in Playwriting, 1-4 pm, choir, 7-10 pm
Thur: Theory of the Novel, 11:20-12:35 pm
Fri: Nothing

My special project in design hasn't been scheduled yet, but it'll be either Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon, I think.

Off to write sonnets now, blarg.

My feet currently hate me very, very much. For the first time in forever, I wore my shoes the entire time I was at a formal. So, owie. On the plus side, I had a lot of fun, got to be all pretty, and danced with all my girls (and some of the guys). It was good.

Now to re-hydrate myself and apologize dearly to my poor feet.

So, tonight. Dinner - fun. Bookstore and ice cream - good times. Movie - great. The last one is debatable (many of my friends weren't overly impressed), but I rather liked it. Yay.

Off to tidy my room up and then perhaps do a bit of reading before bed.

Playlist:

* Explosions in the Sky - A Song for Our Fathers
Matt Sweeney and Bonnie “Prince” Billy - What Are You?
Low - Point of Disgust
Richard Ashcroft - The Drugs Don’t Work
The Cranberries - Liar (from Empire Records soundtrack)
Gary Jules - Mad World (from Donnie Darko soundtrack)
Tori Amos - Pretty Good Year
Sufjan Stevens - John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
The Weakerthans - (Hospital Vespers)
TV on the Radio - Mr. Grieves (a cappella version of a Pixies song)
* Doves - Black and White Town
# The Reputation - Bottle Rocket Battles
Friends Like These - What Emily Says
* The New Pornographers - Sing Me Spanish Techno
* Metric - Poster of a Girl
Portishead - Only You
Frou Frou - Psychobabble
Minus the Bear - The Game Needed Me
Sleater-Kinney - The End of You
Spike (from Buffy) - Rest in Peace (from Once More, With Feeling soundtrack)
Le Tigre - My My Metrocard
Ladytron - Seventeen
Enon - Leave it to Rust
Interpol - PDA
Irving - I Can’t Fall in Love
* Architecture in Helsinki - Spring 2008
Badly Drawn Boy - Another Pearl
Pavement - Kennel District
Communique - Drummer Boy
Belle & Sebastian - Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying
* My Morning Jacket - It Beats 4 U

A bit of work tonight, dinner out and HP tomorrow, formal Saturday, various other things throughout the weekend. It will be very busy, will hopefully also be quite a bit of fun.

Today's weather: high of 70, thunderstorms likely. Tomorrow: high of 47, clear. Weather is wacky.

Yeah, so not much multitasking happened while I was watching Empire Records. I got one large drawing of an outfit done. Since the movie ended, I have done about 12 smaller sketches. They will get colored tomorrow, and I will also draw more. The men are getting all the attention this time; I'll redo some of the women if I get a chance.

My iPod is nearly full -- I'll have to start figuring out what I don't need on there, blarg.

Time for bed, so I can get up in like 4 hours and get ready to go to work. Whee!

So today was mostly good. Class was fine, I got to chat with people and that was nice, and I stole Erik away and made him have dinner with me and my friends. That was a lot of fun -- dinners are wonderful (lunches are too, usually, but dinners are consistently great). I seriously love my friends. It's sad that so many will be graduating at the end of this year. :(

That reminds me -- I was yet again thought to be a senior by a classmate. He confessed that it was at least in part due to my height.

Not much else to say. I need to get some work done tonight (drawings and such), and will probably get distracted by Empire Records (being shown in the lounge at 9 pm). As I've now seen the movie at least 2 or 3 times, however, I should be able to multitask.

One of those geeky moments: I'm writing a response paper when a phrase from another class pops up. I get the essay where the phrase appears, work that into the paper and use it to further the discussion.

Silly me.

I didn't go see the musical today after all, because I slept. And slept. I did a little work too, but mostly I slept. It was nice; I needed it.

Time to actually get some work done before dinner, I think.

I'm feeling happy and cuddly. I just got back from a girls' night with a few friends. There were girly drinks and facials and silliness and so much more. It was wonderful, and just what I needed.

Now I'm off to bed. Much work is to be done tomorrow!

Slipping this in before the day is over: Happy birthday, Neil Gaiman. I really wish your visit to Swat last year hadn't been cancelled due to poor planning on our part.

Sensory memory is a weird thing - whenever I read about tattoos or the tattooing process, my lower back kind of tingles.

Playlist of the night:

Beulah - My Side of the City
TV on the Radio - The Wrong Way
* The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema
The Futureheads - Man Ray
The Cure - Just Like Heaven
Enon - Shoulder
Le Tigre - Eau ‘d Bedroom Dancing
Bloc Party - Like Eating Glass
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Chemical, Chemical
# Shoplifting - Contrapuntal Prancing
* Metric - Monster Hospital
Sleater-Kinney - Step Aside
Ted Leo/Pharmacists - Heart Problems
# The Washdown - Confusion... (Confusion?)
The Natural History - Watch This House
* Tangiers - A Hundred Million Feathers’ Weight
Interpol - Evil
Death from Above 1979 - Romantic Rights
Fischerspooner - Emerge
Switchblade Symphony - Funnel
Nine Inch Nails and David Bowie - I’m Afraid of Americans
Pixies - Where is My Mind
Aphex Twin - Alberto Balsalm
Zeitmahl - Girl Unknown
Stereolab - Pack Yr Romantic Mind
Ladytron - Mu-Tron
* Styrofoam - Front to Back
Sneaker Pimps - Walking Zero
* Architecture in Helsinki - To and Fro
* Of Montreal - I Was Never Young
* Super Furry Animals - The Horn
* Rouge Wave - Love’s Lost Guarantee

On my way to bed now, but before I forget - I saw a fox on my way to campus today. When I first caught a glimpse of it, I thought it was a large and rather ugly cat. But no, it was a scraggly looking fox, who then crossed the road and disappeared.

I seem to have this karmic balance thing going on within myself. I cheered someone up last night, and then today I made someone cry. (Really, that sounds worse than it was... I think.) Anyway, so yeah. Last night I felt like a good person, this afternoon I felt horrible and mean, even though I just did what had to be done.

I am more awake now than I have been most of today, so that's good.

Off to do stuff that probably isn't work...

The ceiling, or perhaps the pipes, is doing something. Settling, perhaps. Whatever it is, it makes odd cracking noises. It makes me paranoid that the ceiling is going to cave in on me. (Laugh all you want, but it actually did happen a few years ago, on a different floor.)

Doing play-writing stuff right now... I got a late start and have gotten distracted many times since. I have the class exercises done, now I'm just working on the five page section of my one act play. I have just crossed onto page two, blarg.

A short nap may be in order... Man, I can't wait until Thursday afternoon -- I get to sleep! (And probably do some laundry, but oh well.)

I am no longer frustrated with the theatre department. In fact, I currently adore the theatre department. My meeting with the head of the department turned an otherwise horrible day into a good one.

I wore my steel-toed boots today so I would feel tough and strong and so that nothing would screw with me. The world laughed and messed with me anyway... I was running late this morning, so I decided to grab a bag lunch instead of going to Sharples. When I got there, there were no bag lunches left. I scurry off to print off things for class, stealing a sandwich from Robert on the way. I deal with printing things, then scurry back to Tarble to get yogurt. Such a good lunch. I then head to class, stopping by the English office to see if they had posted the list of people for the poetry workshop. They had. I was not on the list. Despair and frustration, but no time for tears -- it's off to class. I make it through two and a half hours of class without breaking down, then go to the design lab to look up possible replacement classes. Someone is working in there, so I can't cry there either. I finally make my way to Cornell and cry on Emily's shoulder (quite literally). And then I prep for my meeting with Allen.

This is where the day became good. To get my minor in theatre with a specialization in play-writing/dramaturgy, this is what I have left to take: Production Dramaturgy, Play-writing Special Project, and Performance Theory and Practice. That's it. Other design classes that I'm considering are just icing on the cake. The ease of getting this established was astounding, and then having Allen go on to talk and encourage me to do more design, to help with productions, etc... It was what I needed then, and it made me really, really happy. It was followed by a fun dinner (as dinners usually are when we have a table full of people), and my mood was greatly improved.

So. Here's the tentative schedule for next semester as of now:

Monday: Production Dramaturgy, 1-4 pm
Tuesday: Theory of the Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm
Wednesday: Play-writing, 1-4 pm, choir 7-10 pm
Thursday: Theory of the Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm
Friday: -

My other class is not yet scheduled, but it will be a design special project (i.e. I get credit for doing costume designs for two shows a student is doing next semester). So yeah. Three theatre, one English, a busy but hopefully happy me.

As for the rest of my time at Swat... (oh-so-tentative)

Senior fall: Shakespeare, Survey I: Beowulf to Milton, Performance Theory and Practice, x (where x may = Senior Company, may be something else)
Senior spring: Modernism: Theory and Fiction, culminating essay (0.5 credit requirement for my major), x, y, and maybe z (if I decide not to go for a 3.5 credit final semester, which is very tempting...)

x may = Production Ensemble I, or x+y may = the theatre history seminar, if it is available. If I can take the seminar, I will probably do so, because if I do that and Senior Company the semester before and they let me count the design special project for the Advanced Design credit... Well, then I'd have a major. But that seems unlikely. As it is, if I do the design project next semester and then some other design credit the next year, I would basically have a design specialization in addition to my play-writing/dramaturgy one. That would be neat.

At the same time, hopefully one of the open classes in my remaining semesters will take the form of a class I can count towards my creative writing emphasis. This would take the form of either the poetry workshop or fiction workshop offered my senior spring, or some other sort of arrangement that I devise with Nat (classes at Bryn Mawr or Haverford perhaps?)

Appealing classes at Bryn Mawr: Short Fiction I, Creative Nonfiction, Screenwriting, Writing for Children. There are also some classes at Haverford, but they don't sound as interesting. Also, do you really expect me to pass up a class that could be like WFC, Part 2? I think not.

Now time to do more work for costume design. Yay sketches and watercolor pencils...

So much frustration with the theatre department right now! Seriously, the requirements and figuring out how to meet them? Not always an easy task, especially when you choose the lessthan clear cut focus of play-writing/dramaturgy.

What's dramaturgy, you ask? Why, there's a lovely bit of information on that right here! At the very least, read the bit about being a literary manager. That's the job I read a description for, in internship form, that made me go "I must get a minor in theatre so I can get a job like this." Kind of a bit like dealing with a glorified slush pile (which, honestly, is another job that sounds oddly appealing to me), but with plays. Nifty.

Anyway, back to grumpiness with the theatre department. So, in many ways, linking play-writing and dramaturgy together makes a great deal of sense. But it makes dealing with the requirements funny. One of the requirements is either play-writing workshop, production dramaturgy, or directing I. Okay, fine. But later on, there's a requirement for a focus in dramaturgy that requires the production dramaturgy class -- which I haven't taken because I took play-writing instead. So, now comes the issue of how to achieve a concentration in play-writing/dramaturgy that does not ignore the play-writing (by not taking the workshop) while still getting the requirements filled without too much excess. Because I am planning on taking the dramaturgy course anyway, but having it basically thrust upon me is frustrating, as it makes it another credit tacked onto what is already a 7 credit minor. I have 4 credits right now, 3 semesters in which to get the others. Doable, but frustrating with possible scheduling conflicts and the need to make sure I get all the credits for my major.

Also, the idea of a focus on play-writing/dramaturgy implies, to me, the option of doing more with the play-writing stuff. But you need 3 classes, it seems, in your specialization, but there are only 2 play-writing courses - the workshop and the special project. So that means you have to take at least some dramaturgy, but that leads back to needed to take a course in the requirement bracket that was already dealt with. Unless there's some sort of loophole where for the more play-writing focused bit you can count that dramaturgy class as your 3rd course in place of Production Ensemble I (the course that is needed for dramaturgy concentration -- and therefore, it would seem, the play-writing/dramaturgy specialization -- and requires the dramaturgy class to get in).

Anyway, I'm frustrated. But I'm meeting with the head of the department tomorrow, so hopefully things will become more clear then. At the very least, he should be able to tell me when Performance Theory and Practice is next offered -- another class I need.

Blarg!

Today was basically swallowed up in a happy dose of fiction and discussion on writing. Four Swarthmore alums - Adam Haslett '92, Yongsoo Park '94, Chris Castellani '94, and Joe Gangemi '92 - came to read, conduct workshops, and talk with people. I heard readings by Yongsoo, Chris, and Joe... All were different but all were good. I caught the last bit of Adam's talk/workshop, then got to listen to all of Joe's. I also sat in on the final panel-style Q and A thing. And I bought a copy of Joe's book and got it signed. This last bit makes me ridiculously happy, as I developed a bit of a fan-girl crush on him over the course of his reading and talk.

By and large, the guys were novelists, though I think Adam also does a lot of short stories. Joe's main focus is on screenwriting. Mel Gibson's company is producing one of his scripts. Johnny Depp is going to produce the script based on the book Joe read from today. He's adapted some of Stephen King's stuff for the screen. He cowrote a script - about vampire heart surgeons - with a friend. I don't think the script ever saw the light of day, but the friend later went on to write 'Minority Report.' So yeah, getting all that info in the brief intro before his reading was a bit of an overwhelming "wow" moment. And then, when he turned out to be a funny, really nice guy who wrote really well -- well, fan-girl crush.

All of the guys were really nice, and all have had quite a bit of success. On one hand, it's a bit mind-boggling and scary to think that these guys -- all in their 30s -- have already worked so hard and done so well. It's a lot to try to match. On the other hand, it's awesome to hear about Swat grads who have done really well in mainstream areas like popular literature and movies.

You hear a lot about Swatties who do quirky things when you pick up the Swarthmore alumni magazine. You hear some about the ones who are more mainstream and just too well-known to ignore (i.e. Jonathan Franzen). But these four guys, with their various awards and success stories? I would never have heard about them if not for this weekend organized by the English department. The editor of Glamour, Cindi Leive, is a Swat grad. She got mentioned in one Swat publication in 2003, apparently... But I only found out when she came for a dinner/discussion done by Career Services.

It's nice to hear about these people who are successful in more mainstream areas. Because honestly, while going out and being a midwife may be cool, I'd rather be a screenwriter. The midwives made the cover of a past Swat alumni publication. The same issue had about a column on Gangemi publishing his novel and selling screenplays. I remember reading the midwife story; I wish I had remembered the article on Joe. I probably leafed past it; the first few lines of the article do ring a bell.

Basically, I guess my issue is this: I know Swat prides itself on quirkiness. I understand and like this... But I do think they should be better about showing more of the facets of what you can do with your degree. Given attention to the more unusual choices and stories is good; being reminded that you can have a more 'normal' career and still be happy and successful is nice too. As it is, there's almost this unconscious push towards the unusual, like you won't be a noteworthy alum if you're doing something linked to popular culture. This frustrates me.

It also seems to go against the school's more mainstream push of late. The new admissions DVD, the attempt to tone down the intense image, and so on... All of that seems to be aimed at polishing up the quirky image to make the college appeal to a wider group.

And this is where it gets weird for me. I like the quirky image. I don't want the college to aim for a more mainstream crowd, because there are a lot of things that seem to come with it -- such as the increased issues with drinking that seem to have emerged over the past few years -- that I don't want to see here. I love Swat, I love the intense image. I even love the intense reality, no matter how much I complain about it. But I do like the possibility of more mainstream success, of becoming an editor at a bigger publishing house instead of a specialized non-profit press.

I guess I feel somewhat hypocritical, wanting this quirkiness now while preserving the chance to go back to the mainstream after graduation. I feel odd wanting to be seen as a quirky Swattie but also wanting to be reminded about alums who have succeeded in popular culture. I want my cake, and I want to eat it too, because it looks like a very tasty cake... But then I feel bad. Not right away, no... But when I do this, when I reflect on the incongruities of how I want to be seen now and what I dream of becoming (even if many of those dreams will, in fact, never happen -- I mean, lead singer in a band? Still a dream of mine, never happening...), that's when I feel bad. Maybe not bad, but confused to some extent.

I have now rambled on for a good long while, and that should stop now. It's been an hour since I started writing this, and while I definitely got distracted by other things, that is still too long. It's time for philosophy reading and bed, I think.

You wouldn't think that sketching costumes would be so time consuming and draining... But it is. It's also fun, however, so it works out. I now have two full outfits for all four main women in Three Sisters (the sisters and their brother's wife)... I have one outfit for all of the non-military men... And one basic uniform drawing for the soldiers. None of them have color, and I need to do quick basic pencil sketches for two outfits per woman, as well as some for the men. Gah.

Much of tomorrow is going to be eaten up by the fiction writers' weekend - there are four alumni here doing readings and workshops and such, and I'm going to try to go to as much as I can.

Time for some reading or something until bed... I don't think I can handle any more drawing at this point... I think I've been going for almost 3 hours now, not really sure.

So I girl I know from high school just recently got married... One of my friends from home is getting married this summer... And now I just found out that two of my other friends are officially engaged (to each other, so it's only one engagement to deal with.) It's not really a surprise, it's just one of those things that reminds me that yeah, I'm basically an adult now, and the real world is approaching rather quickly.

*hides in fear*

And I was in a really good mood like 3 minutes ago... The 'awesome' evaluation has just been completely undone by this:

Hello,

I'm sorry to tell you that your pieces were not selected for this semester's issue of Small Craft Warnings. Be assured that we still very much enjoyed reading your pieces, and strongly hope that you'll continue to send us submissions in the future. Thank you so much for submitting.

Best,
Small Craft Warnings

Rock. Another rejection. And sadly, it was a poem I really liked - even other people liked it! It was a poem I used in my submission for the poetry workshop. And now, since I won't know the outcome of the poetry workshop selection until the 7th, I get a fun weekend of imagining horrible things as this rejection eats on that worry and I watch the possibility of getting into the workshop sputter and fade. And with that fading possibility fades a bit of my chance at getting a creative writing emphasis. Gah.

Playlist for tonight:

*American Analog Set - She’s Half
Bjork and Thom Yorke - I’ve Seen It All
Radiohead - I Might Be Wrong
Menomena - Twenty Cell Revolt
Beulah - Cruel Minor Change
Elliot Smith - Baby Britian
* The Like - Mrs. Actually
Poe - Control
Le Tigre - Hot Topic
Le Tigre - The Empty (I couldn’t decide between the two, so I went with both...)
* The Capes - Super Girls
The Futureheads - Hounds of Love
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - Bodies Adjust
The Go Find - Over the Edge
* Summerbirds in the Cellar - Lonely Sleeping Giant
* Architecture in Helsinki - City Calm Down
* Metric - Empty
Driver of the Year - Volume Switch
Super Furry Animals - Something for the Weekend
*The Mountain Goats - Dilaudid
The Weakerthans - Uncorrected Proofs
* Matt Pond PA - So Much Trouble
# Shark Quest - Katherine of Krakow
Quasi - Genetic Science
* Moresight - Faked Out (& Faked Back In)
Man Man - Zebra
* Destroyer - Don’t Become the Thing You Hated
* Teenage Fanclub - Cells
* The Constantines - Soon Enough
* The Clientele - (I Can’t Seem to) Make You Mine

Whee. RA evaluations are happening now. They're not supposed to get handed into me, but I saw one that someone tacked to my door. I tried very hard not to read it, but the word 'AWESOME!' did pop out at me, so that's nice.

Still sick-ish, but functioning.

So I'm in a play this semester. We've decided that it will probably be happening on December 6th and 7th. You, as my friends (for I assume that the people who read this are either one of my friends or a family member - if you're neither, that's fine too), are encouraged to come see it. More information will follow, of course, but I figured I'd give you a heads up now.

Back to being sick. (Though I am feeling a bit better than I was this morning, so that's good.)

(Parentheses! Such useful bits of punctuation!)

(Yes, I have gone mildly crazy. I would blame it on cold/flu/whatever meds, only I haven't taken any.)

Oh English department, why must you spite me so? 2 classes that I'm thinking about taking - Contemporary Women's Poetry and Theory of the Novel are offered at the exact same time. Of course! Both are post-1830, so requirements don't hold any sway in the decision making process. I guess I'm leaning towards Theory of the Novel because I've already taken a lot of poetry, and it would be good for me to do something else. But that would make Lyric Encounters my last class with Nat, because I'm pretty sure she's on leave my senior year. And that's sad, because Nat is awesome. But Lesjak teaches Theory of the Novel, and she was my advisor for freshman year, and she seemed really cool...

So Swat English majors/minors/dabblers out there - any further imput?

Other things to figure out before I deal with scheduling next semester: if I got into the poetry workshop and if I really want to minor in theatre and what that would entail.

IF I get into the workshop, that would be Tuesdays, 1:15-4 pm. This would mean no life drawing or Japanese film and animation as possibilities.

IF I go for the minor in theatre, I would probably need to take advanced design (Wednesdays, 1-4 pm) and may also want to do the dramaturgy class (Mondays, 1-4 pm).

IF I get into the workshop AND decide to go for the minor, my schedule would probably be something like this:

Mon: Dramaturgy, 1-4 pm
Tues: Theory of Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm; poetry workshop 1:15-4 pm
Wed: Advanced design, 1-4 pm; choir 7-10 pm
Thurs: Theory of Novel, 11:20 am-12:35 pm
Fri: Nothing

Classes I really want to take but won't manage to, unless all my other classes fall through: oil painting (Mon and Wed, 1:15-4). And that's really the only one. None of the philosophy or psych classes particularly appeal to me, and I'm pretty happy in my little humanities niche.

I've enjoyed my PoR class this semester, but not more than my other classes. If I had to rank my courses, Lyric Encounters would win, followed by play-writing, and then costume design would probably just beat out philosophy of religion. Looking back at it, the idea of my majoring in anything but English Lit seems funny. And even if I add the theatre minor, that's often very connected with lit in my mind.

The only thing I'm hoping for right now is that during my senior fall the two pre-1830 classes I want (need) to take don't conflict. Please, please, please...

I talked to my mom earlier, and she made an excellent point: I get stressed when I host parties. Since this was the largest party I've ever had to deal with, it makes sense that I broke down a few times. All things considered, it went rather well.

I spent much of the day in bed, sleeping and being lazy. I've also read some and went to play practice. I'm going to read a bit more, and then sleep more. Yay sleep.

Tonight was horrible and also great. Let's start with the positive: people had a good time, we did not actually run out of drinks, a number of people helped us clean up, most things look to be in pretty good shape, the cops stayed outside, and there was no massive damage to people or property. The party was successful in general, I think.

It was one of my worst nights ever. Number of times I nearly had a panic attack - no idea. Number of times I burst into tears - I'd say at least 7. Number of drunk people I had to deal with - too many. Number of drunk guys I actually faced off with, eye to eye - at least 3, and I think they were larger than me. Anger = courage, it seems, because I was too mad to even flinch as I pulled a guy off the bar and directed him back out onto the main dance floor.

The number of people I dislike right now is decently large. My motto for much of the night was, in fact, I hate people. However, I also love them. To all my friends and fellow MLers who helped set up, tend the bars, hold down the fort, direct traffic, clean up, comfort and calm me -- thank you. Thank you so very, very much.

And now, sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Thank god for the time change. Yay extra hour!

So today (um, yesterday now, I guess) was a rather productive day -- as long as you include non-school work activities, anyway. I went to costume design lab and actually started piecing bits of my skirt together; I carved a pumpkin for the first time in years (I made a cat face - it's very cute); I designed a character for Soul Calibur III and then played for a bit in Robert's room.

The crowning achievement, however, was working on the decorations for the Halloween party. In the last few hours I have: put together a skeleton, painted names on tombstones, erected said tombstones in the yard, hanged 2 skeletons, helped construct and then position an executed inmate in a make-shift electric chair, laid out on the floor and been traced with "chalk" (white masking tape), strung up fake barbed wire, and spread about some rats. More of the same will follow tomorrow.

Now, a bit of reading until I fall asleep, I think.

Playlist:

Yo La Tengo - Autumn Sweater
*# Skating Club - The Long Hot July
* Wolf Parade - Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts
The Cure - Cut Here
Franz Ferdinand - 40’
Enon - In This City
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - From: Skulls
* Deerhoof - Rrrrrrrright (Not only a request, but a dedication!)
* Architecture in Helsinki - Souvenirs
Asobi Seksu - Walk on the Moon
* Laura Veirs - Icebound Stream
Camera Obscura - Shine Like a New Pin
Beulah - Your Mother Loves You Son
The Shins - We Will Become Silouettes
* Matt Pond PA - Several Arrows Later
The Decemberists - The Tain
* The Mountain Goats - You or Your Memory
The Weakerthans - Reconstruction Site
A.C. Newman - Drink to Me, Babe, Then
Tori Amos - Caught a Lite Sneeze
Spoon - Was it You?
* Metric - Ending Start
Radiohead - Pop is Dead
The Arcade Fire - Wake Up
* Doves - Almost Forgot Myself
Broken Social Scene - Cause = Time
*# Mary Timony - In the Grass

A good radio show, with minimal amounts of talking. I got work done instead - read some poetry.

I skipped PoR today to sleep - I'm not feeling great, and with this weekend and all it entails, I thought it was best to play it safe.

I was feeling better about this weekend. Then I got in the shuttle after my show to go back to ML. Discussion of the party ensued between me and residents. They're either going to hide in their rooms or be elsewhere. Part of me understands this. Part of me is depressed by this. Most residents don't want this party to happen. Most campus people don't care where it's held. So yeah, this may be the last year of the annual ML Halloween party - debates have definitely begun about whether it's worth the trouble with the Ville, etc. Even though I have mixed feelings about the party, it still really saddens me that most residents are less than pleased about it. Every time I'm doing something for it, there's that lurking feeling of 'Why bother? Why are we doing this?' and so on. If the dorm's not getting anything out of this, what's the point?

So I'm starting to hate answering my land line and checking the voicemail. It's very rarely something good. Most of my friends email or have my cell number... So it's usually something RA related, and if it's serious enough that they won't just send an email, I really don't want to here it. So yes, the little red voicemail light makes me sad.

One of the girls in my costume design class got us hot chocolate during break, which was awesome. Meanwhile, I talked to my prof about getting a theatre minor. I'm going to go talk to the department head sometime soon, but I figured I'd run some of it by her first. Looking feasible and favorable right now; hopefully it will stay that way.

Time to do a bit more work, then sleep. Yay sleep. Tomorrow is going to be so very long...

The headache is back. It did go away, though. Last night Miriam gave me a head/face massage (seriously, one of the most relaxing things ever), and a lot of the headache went away before I went to bed. And it was gone when I woke up. Then I started doing things, and it began to creep back in. It's definitely not as bad as it was, but it's still not what you would call fun.

I need to work on preliminary sketches for costume design for the rest of the afternoon... Class tonight, and after class I should finally write that 5 page scene... So yeah, another full day. And tomorrow will be even worse - class, choir, and play practice. Awesome.

Soul Calibur III comes out today. Rob is going to buy it, I think. But I probably won't get to play it until at least Thursday, more likely Friday. Tragic.

Time to draw some pretty 19th century dresses now, whee...

My head has managed to experience new and different levels of pain for the last 36 hours or so. I've had a nearly constant headache, the degree of pain ebbing and flowing depending on how recently I've taken something. Advil has done little; I got some Extra Strength Excedrin this afternoon. Even that has done little more than dull the pain - instead of stabbing near my temples, it's a sort of dull pounding. Matters have not been helped by the amount of time I've had to spend on the computer for the past 2 days, scanning in pictures for costume design and such.

Anyway, hopefully some food, perhaps a head rub, then sleep will kill this beast... We shall see.

My radio show, now with even more sleep-deprived ramblings and mistakes! Whoo!

*# Skating Club - Panic and Doubt
Blonde Redhead - Misery is a Butterfly
* Doves - Sky Starts Falling
* Moresight - Don’t Call the Doctor
Autolux - Robots in the Garden
* Metric - The Police and the Private
Driver of the Year - The Vamp, Stars, & Bars
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #2 (Laika)
* Super Furry Animals - Lazer Beam
The Dresden Dolls - Girl Anachronism
* The Rakes - Strasbourg
Death From Above 1979 - Going Steady
*# Thunderbirds are Now! - Eat This City
* Block Party - Banquet (Phones Disco Edit)
Eels - Mr. E’s Beautiful Blues
Of Montreal - Vegan in Furs
The Magnetic Fields - The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure
* Rouge Wave - Publish My Love
Sufjan Stevens - They Are Night Zombies!!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From the Dead! Ahhhh!
* Calexico/Iron & Wine - A History of Lovers
Elliot Smith - Question Mark
Luna - 1995
* The Mountain Goats - This Year
* Matt Pond PA
Fiona Apple - Tymps (The Sick in the Head Song)
Fiona Apple - Used to Love Him (The leaked version of the previous song - rather different)
Tori Amos - Cornflake Girl
Poe - Padre Fear
Cat Power - I Don’t Blame You
* Wolf Parade - I’ll Believe Anything
* Architecture in Helsinki - Fumble
Final Fantasy - The CN Tower Belongs to the Dead
*Sigur Ros - Gong

I had at least 4 listeners tonight (my parents, Ben, and his friend Andy), which made me feel special and extremely self-concious. It's always easy to forget that I do have some real listeners and that people do here me make an idiot out of myself.

Time to go be a good RA and check up on the Wing of Exiles (the half of the hall way over on the other side of the building). Then I need to work a bit on gathering stuff together for submission to the poetry workshop that I'm trying to get into. Then I get to sleep. Yay sleep!

Done! And I won't even have to sacrifice my leisurely lunch!

So I didn't listen to Erik's show after all... Sorry Erik.

I ended up loosing steam around 1:45, so I went to sleep from about 2 to 4:30 am. I've now finished the journal portion I was working on (just over 5 pages of 1.5 spaced text), and I'm about halfway through the paper itself. Whee. I've got about 2+ hours to finish this up before I need to think about getting ready for the day... I have to be at the library for work at 10 am. That goes until noon, and then class is at 1:15. I'm thinking today is going to be a good candidate for getting a bag lunch and working while eating... Hopefully it will only be a last-minute proofreading at that point.

Back to work I go!

Oh, it's going to be a long night... My PoR midterm and journal are due tomorrow.

The journal is up to just over 3 pages of 1.5 spaced semi-free-writing reflection, much of it thus far focused on Anselm's ontological argument. I have a deep dislike for that particular piece of writing. I have now had to read it twice, and both times I have become frustrated and written nasty things in the margins and/or complained to whoever is around (or the book, if I'm alone) that it's stupid and the assumptions frustrate me. l have relieved my hatred for it once today with the journal, and I am preparing to delve into it again, hopefully in a more coherent and formal manner, for my midterm paper.

The plan is this - work on the midterm paper until my mind goes numb (which, sadly, won't be too long), then switch back over to typing up/adding to the journal entries I scribbled out over October break. When my brain comes alive again, it's back to the paper I go. Coffee has already been drunk, whatever caffeine there is in the soda machine will likely be next. Sleep is to be avoided as long as possible, because once I let myself sleep I lose control and can't stop.

Somewhat motivating me (you know, besides the impending deadline of doom that is 1:15 pm on Thursday) is the chance to actually listen to Erik's show for once. It's tonight (tomorrow morning) from 2 to 4 am. I hope to make it at least through part of it.

And now it's go time. Eep.

Okay, so nothing has really changed from the previous post. Well, I will probably be getting gym credit for aikido, and I emailed my ballet teacher to tell him I wouldn't be coming anymore due to it not working out with my schedule, etc. So now what am I thinking of doing? Adding something else to my schedule. (In my defense, I do have free time, I've just been managing it poorly and being distracted by things)

So I just got an email. I was in a scene for a directing class last year when I was in acting. It was a week-long commitment, and it was pretty cool. The scene had been written by the director, and apparently she's turned it into a 30 minute play. And she's emailed me and wants me to be in it. This is quite a proposition. I feel incredibly flattered. I haven't agreed to it yet, but I imagine I will, just because, well, damn it, I'm easily swayed by flattery. And it was fun to do.

On a very related note, I want the power of super-sleep, where 10 minute naps feel like 8 hours of good sleep. Or I want to be able to work and sleep at the same time.

I have hit a wall. I have hit a wall in a very big way. I have no motivation right now, no energy, no drive. I am tired. My mind is glazed over. All the energy from break is gone, and I'm just this lifeless husk. Bad timing too, as I have a lot to do. But making myself do it is going to be very, very tough.

I've decided to try to get my credit for the aikido class I took freshman fall. As it is, I don't have the energy to go to ballet today, which means that I won't be able to get PE credit for it, as I've used all my absences. I'm also looking into doing power yoga again - the second quarter started on Monday, so I've only missed one class. And it's on Monday and Wednesdays, from 9-10:20 am... When I still, in theory, have some energy. And it's relaxing, which is more than I can say about ballet most days. I enjoy the class somewhat, but...

I have costume design stuff to finish for tonight, PoR take-home midterm to deal with for Thursday, a revision of my play to do for Wednesday, and some make-up work for both LE and play-writing. I also need to compile a portfolio of poems to submit for the poetry workshop selection for next semester, and I should submit something to SCW as well. I need to finish unpacking, I need to vacuum, and I need to deal with Halloween party stuff and other RA-type things.

I am currently skipping PoR class to get some work done, because I knew that if I went to class I would just fall asleep. I'm still weighing the issue of possibly missing costume design tonight; I probably should go, but we'll see. I'm on campus right now, but the desire to go home and collapse is strong - though I'm slightly more likely to get work done here, so I should stay.

Blarg.

I had a horrible nightmare just before I woke up. It wasn't really scary, just truly and utterly depressing. My mom had died of cancer, first of all. And then later in the dream someone with a gun got in the car my dad and I were in and kind of held us hostage as we were driving around. Weird and very unsettling. I want to go back to bed and have good dreams...

Another example of my weirdness: the highlight of my day was discovering that the Body Worlds exhibit is now in Philadelphia. Yes, I am excited to see plastinated bodies (real cadavers with the liquids replaced by plastic) in various phases of dissection, some of them in poses like playing chess or basketball.

Otherwise, lethargy reigns supreme, and my desire to take a nap right now is impractical but strong.

October break is over. So very sad...

It started off oh-so-well, with my flight home being delayed, then canceled. So I spent about 8 hours in the Philly airport, whee. I bought a book (Spook by Mary Roach), which was quite interesting and therefore saved my sanity.

Break itself was pretty good. I slept, I lazed about, I did a few productive things here and there, I shopped, I lazed more. I of course did not do all the work I should have done. And since getting back to ML, I have continued this trend. My motivation is nowhere to be found, which does not bode well at all.

So I really should go get some work done now... Ugh.

You scored as River Tam. The Fugitive. You are clever and dangerous, which is a nasty combination. The fact you are crazy too just adds to your charm. They did bad things to you, but you know their secrets. They will regret how they made you. Kaylee Frye 75% Hoban 'Wash' Washburne 75% River Tam 75% Simon Tam 69% The Operative 56% Zoe Alleyne Washburne 56% Capt. Mal Reynolds 56% Inara Serra 44% Shepherd Derrial Book 38% Jayne Cobb 25% Which Serenity character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

It came down to a 3 way tie between River, Wash, and Kaylee. But I feel "When the mood takes you, you are very dangerous" is somewhat more accurate than "Dinosaurs are cool" or "People you love don't seem to notice you, no matter how hard you hint."

Man, I really want to see the movie again...

I have a note on my hand, written by a hallmate, that says "The Halloween party will not eat me!" But it is. It's at least getting a little nibble in here and there, if not a full-out chomp. Grar.

Playlist for tonight:

* Bloc Party vs. Death From Above 1979 - Luno
*# Thunderbirds Are Now! - Harpoons of Love
* The Holy Ghost - Shut Up and Play
* Of Montreal - So Begins Our Alabee
...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - Worlds Apart
* The Unicorns - Child Star
* Why? - Sanddollars
* Halloween, Alaska - I Can’t Live Without My Radio
Bjork - Human Behaviour
*# Montag - Angles, County and Terrain Connu
* The Clientele - Since K Got Over Me
* Rogue Wave - 10:1
*The Winter Pageant - Take Desire
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Blue Lights
# The Reputation - Face It
*# Skating Club - San Francisco
Beulah - Gravity’s Bringing Us Down
Spoon - I Turn My Camera On
The Walkmen - Thinking of a Dream
Broken Social Scene - Stars and Sons
Sufjan Stevens - Decatur, or, A Round of Applause for Your Stepmother!
* Teenage Fanclub - It’s All in My Mind
* The Go-Betweens - Statue
# Nick Drake - One of These Things First (from Garden State soundtrack)
*# Mary Timony - Return to Pirates
* John Vanderslice - Continuation
Man Man - 10lb Moustache
Pain - Square Pegs
Pixies - Here Comes Your Man
* The Rosebuds - You Better Get Ready
* We Versus the Shark - No Flint No Spark

Heavy on the rock playlist stuff -- I'm exploring the new CDs and figuring out which ones I like. The winner tonight: "Continuation" by John Vanderslice. There's something about the song that's just so amazingly great -- a good steady beat of drum and bass, but still keeps things interesting with other instruments and good vocals. Good stuff.

I finally turned in 5 CDs that I reviewed, and emailed the rock directors to let them know. One of them replied with an email that included the line "Nice shows so far." It's weird, but I often forget that I'm actually on the radio. I know certain people listen -- my mom does regularly, one of my brothers has every now and then, some friends will every once in awhile. But when someone outside of this sphere acknowledges that they've been listening, whether by calling the station or just mentioning it later, it's always a surprise. A nice surprise, but still a surprise.

I told myself that I would do laundry and other things tonight, and then I got distracted by talking with people and other things. So the question is -- am I going to be up late anyway, and if so, should I go ahead and do laundry now? Or should I wait until tomorrow? Or sink to a low that I try to avoid and bring it home with me on Saturday and do it there?

It's not getting done tonight, at the very least. Bah. Off to do other things now...

Yeah, so some days? I wonder/worry about myself.

This comment brought to you by the following stage direction from my 10 minute play:

Igor’s protests are cut off by the sickening crack of breaking bones. The zombie, tired of the struggle, has snapped his victim’s neck. Igor goes limp. The zombie opens wide and starts to munch on the skull. The noises, full of crunches and cracking, change into lip-smacking and slurping sounds as he reaches the brain itself.

Not feeling too great today. I was feeling worse last night - not quite sick, but still very much crappy. I went to bed without finishing my work. And then I slept most of today (after emailing my prof that I wouldn't be in class)... Now I'm feeling better, but still not great. And I still need to finish my LE work, as well as the scene I never did last week.

Damn it, break needs to get here soon. (And no, next week isn't soon enough.) I'm so tired.

I did 2 of the 3 things I was hoping to do tonight, and 1 unplanned thing. I saw Serenity (awesome!), went to a party (fun), but didn't make it to the party being held in ML. Before the movie I finally watched the musical episode of Buffy, which was rather fun. Yay for fun Fridays.

Much sleep now, then much work tomorrow...

In general, a good radio show tonight:

* Of Montreal - Requiem for o.m.m.2
* The Holy Ghost - Commercial
Minus the Bear - Get Me Naked 2: Electric Boogaloo
Interpol - Obstacle 2 (A real phoned-in request! *gasp*)
* # Thunderbirds are Now! - Better Safe Than Safari
* Sloan - The Lines You Armed
* Holopaw - 3-shy-cubs
* Wolf Parade - Shine a Light
* The Winter Pageant - Waxing Incomplete
Sufjan Stevens - Jacksonville
The Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)
* Architecture in Helsinki - In Case We Die (Parts 1-4)
* Doves - One of These Days
TV on the Radio - Ambulance
Wilco - I Am Trying to Break Your Heart
Beth Orton - Sweetest Decline
Matt Sweeney and Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy - Beast for Thee
Iron and Wine - On Your Wings
* John Vanderslice - Dear Sarah Shu
* Destroyer - New Ways of Living
Criteria - Self Help
Lennon - Trying to Make Me
OK Go - Hello, My Treacherous Friends
Menomena - The Late Great Libido
* Halloween, Alaska - Bad News Sticks
13 and God - Men of Station
Enon - UTZ
* Styrofoam - Your Eyes Only
A.C. Newman - Come Crash
* Les Georges Leningrad - Nebraska’s Valentine
* The Evens - Mt. Pleasant Isn’t
* Stars - Calendar Girl

I'm making full use of the playlist, getting to listen to new stuff. Wolf Parade, The Winter Pageant, and The Holy Ghost are particularly good.

Drama on my hall has been basically resolved, which is a huge relief to me. Now I can focus my worry on the Halloween party...

The WSRN webcast is up and running, as far as I can tell. My show is from 8-10 pm tonight. You should listen.

Just got done watching the last episode of Firefly. Very awesome stuff; I'm looking forward to the movie, which I will hopefully be seeing on Friday...

Time for sleep now, whee.

I really need two weekends -- one for fun, one for work. As it is, there just isn't enough time. I want to catch up on my sleep, I want to hang out, yet I also need to get stuff done. Blah.

Friday night there was a party for Joy, who was back in town for a bit. There was also a concert at Olde Club. I went to both, had a great time, and then crawled home around 2 am. Saturday there was work to be done, laundry to do, and then festivities to dress up for. Saturday night was desserts (Greg+Jeff+chocolate+kitchen=heaven) and hanging out. The food was awesome, the company was good, and seeing an 11 or 12 year old Emily on Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego"was simply amazing. Then today was brunch and Firefly, then some work and a much needed nap. This evening was 3 hours of Angels in America for PoR, which was good, but immensely time-consuming.

Right now I'm working on stuff for Lyric Encounters, and then I should get sleep. I also need to do a lot of stuff for costume design, as our final design sketches and such are due on Friday. So that's the project for tomorrow after class. It will consume the rest of the afternoon and evening, I think, with breaks for dinner and possibly swing dance.

Busy busy...

So. Today. Lots of tiredness (really not fun); worry about people, about work, about balancing people and work this weekend; crappy radio show; rejection letter; blarg.

The radio show was bad because there were issues with bad transitions, me screwing up when I tried to use the phone hybrid, and me making some stupid mistakes. I will chalk it up to the fact that all my first radio shows, each semester, have seemed to suck at least a little. Hopefully next week will be better. The music was good, at least.

Playlist:

Autolux - Here Comes Everybody
#* Mary Timony - On the Floor
#* The Minus Five - Hotel Senator
Sleater-Kinney - Entertain
* Bloc Party - Banquet
Enon - Sold!
* Hot Hot Heat - Goodnight, Goodnight
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Speakers Pulse the Air
* Yo La Tengo - You Can Have It All
Blonde Redhead - Equus
* Minus the Bear - Spritz!!! Spritz!!!
* The Sames - Downtown
* Stars - Ageless Beauty
Rainer Maria - Long Knives
#* Mates of State - Invitation Inn (off the House Full of Friends comp)
Tori Amos - Take to the Sky
Elf Power - Evil Eye
Sufjan Stevens - Say Yes! To M!ch!gan
* Of Montreal - Forecast Fascist Future
* The Winter Pageant - Identical
* Spoon - The Beast and Dragon, Adored
* Kinski - The Wives of Artie Shaw
* The Holy Ghost - Genghis Khan
* Destroyer - An Actor's Revenge
* Minus the Bear - Let's Play Guitar in a Five Guitar Band
#* Vox Vermillion - Arrivals/Departures
* Low - Silver Rider
The Eels - Woman Driving, Man Sleeping
Pavement - Summer Babe
* Ticonderago - Kim + Kelly

Whee music. Minus the Bear got 2 songs because they're playing here tomorrow night. Should be a good show.

In the middle of my show, I checked my email. I read the message from one of the lit mags. I am now officially 0 for 3 with my applications to become an editor for the mag. I've tried every year, and each time I've been rejected. Depressing. Very, very depressing. Especially when you consider that that is what I want to do with my life, most likely. So yeah. I see myself at an interview, with them reading over my resume, being all "Well, this is nice and all, but why don't you have any more editing experience? Weren't there opportunities at your school?" And then I'll get to hem and haw and admit that they didn't want me. Oh man, won't that be fun?

Time to pour over the tomes I checked out the library and try to get some work done on my costume designs for class.

The WSRN studio is functional but not entirely finished. One thing that's still missing, I believe, is the auxiliary cable, which is used to play from laptops, etc. This means, that for the first time in quite a while, I will be doing a show with just CDs - my own and the ones in the rock library. So tonight's show will end up being some of my older favorite music (I don't buy as many CDs now, more often get them in MP3 form) and random stuff that seems appealing from the library. Should be fun.

The web broadcast is not up and running yet; this week is only being aired over real radio. Hopefully the webcast will be up and running next week.

Purposely vague, and no, I will not elaborate:

I know I shouldn't take sides in this case, but I can't help wanting to slap him across the face for what he's doing.

And now back to our regularly scheduled paper writing.

This evening has been an interesting one... It has very much been a reminder that hey, I'm an RA. I've gotten updated on some issues on the hall, talked to someone about a study break, responded to various RA emails, and have just chatted with some of my hall mates. It's nice, except for the fact that my PoR paper is still not done, nor is a chunk of my costume design stuff finished. Grr.

Kierkegaard portion of the paper is done... Now for Nietzsche, then Zen comparison, then conclusion. Then maybe pretty colors for costume design sketches -- it may depend on what time it is then, and whether or not I've procured caffeine. I'm not too tired now, as I took a nap after dinner for a bit. Yay naps.

Back to work.

Compiling a packet of everyone's poems for Lyric Encounters tomorrow... It's a bit depressing, as it makes me feel like my work sucks. Which may be true, but it's not a great feeling either way. I feel like my work is rather juvenile, at least in part. Perhaps it is because I wrote the most poetry back in 9th grade, and have never really gotten over that subject matter? Tapping into that angst let the creative juices flow back then, but is it holding me back now?

Note to self: drinking coffee at dinner, then going to the library and sitting at an actually table may result in getting actual work done.

Being lame but productive and trying to get a bunch of work done tonight. Perhaps next weekend I can do more fun things - at the very least I will go to the Minus the Bear show at Olde Club. This weekend, however...

I had every intention of being super-productive today. I finished my reading for Lyric Encounters, then started to work on my poems for this week. I couldn't think of anything, really. I ended up taking a nap. So much for a super productive afternoon...

I am, however, planning on a productive evening. I'm going to sequester myself away, either in my room or maybe in the design room of LPAC, and work. Same goes for tomorrow, except for a bit of time for a showing of Firefly and WSRN training.

Oh, I have bluish streaks in my hair at the moment. I didn't bleach my hair before I did it, so it's more of a hint than an all-out blue. Still fun.

My closet just died. The bar decided that it no longer liked the wall, and the decided on a trial separation at the right wall. Said separation, plus the weight of my clothing, was too much for the bar. It fell, hard, taking bits of its support system with it. The center of the bar is connected to a strip of wood running across the back wall of the closet. It is still connected to this piece of wood; the piece of wood is no longer completely connected to the wall. This strip of wood, along with its side wall brethren, supports the shelf. For now, that seems to be stable, but god knows how long that will last.

This feels like a not-so-subtle hint that I have far too many t-shirts. Which is perhaps true. As I have been drifting away from my emo kid phase, there are various band t-shirts that I no longer wear on a regular basis. I foresee an extra suitcase full o' goodies on the way home at October break.

I have not done all the reading for PoR tomorrow. By the time I get the time to read, I'm so exhausted that focusing is very hard. Rar. This weekend is going to be bad -- I have a short paper due for PoR on Tuesday, so all the reading that got pushed to the side will be seeking its revenge. Or something like that. There will be frustration and grumpiness as I attempt to write a paper comparing Kierkegaard and Nietzsche without all the details fully ingrained in my mind. I've got the concepts down, but that doesn't translate into citations and quotes for papers. Rar.

I am becoming a master of the 15 minute breakdown. Due to high stress and little sleep, I'm a wee bit on edge. Therefore, mood swings? Fairly common at the moment - hopefully this trend will not last.

But I freak out, cry, whatever, for a bit. And then I'm better. I get stressed, then I get distracted - often by class. I'm fine in class. I'm practically giddy in class. I love my classes - I'm awake, paying attention, interested in the material. Once I'm out of class, things sometimes begin to fall apart again. But there's usually a bit of an overflow of energy from class, so that for awhile, I keep on going on the momentum.

I have 2 scenes to write for play-writing tonight. One is more of a revision/expansion, so hopefully that won't take too long. And the other I've sort of mapped out, so that's helpful.

I'm on the Housing Committee this year, whee. Not sure exactly what that will require me to do, other than show up for meetings on some Monday nights from 7-8 pm.

Various emails about externships and internships are coming now - things I need to start thinking about. I have CDs to finish reviewing for WSRN. Training is most likely this weekend - I think broadcasting will start Monday. So I should be on air next Thursday, from 8-10 pm. You should listen to me babble on idiotically between songs. Maybe I'll remember to turn on the right mic this semester.

Swing makes me happy, even though mess up a lot. Facing quite a bit of reading in addition to doing work for costume design? Less happiness. Somewhat balanced by tasty popsicles, courtesy of my neighbor, and the fact that she has like 15 people in her room. Social life in the basement rocks my socks!

Shower, then work work work. Caffeine may be needed.

I've been thinking about tattoos a fair amount lately, thinking of whether or not I'd want to add to mine. Such things happen when you look at pictures of tattoos... I didn't expect it, but I feel a bit of an itching. If I do any more tattoos, they will be text. Given how much I love writing and reading, how predominately text has featured in my life, it seems only fitting.

I was thinking about some lines from a Sylvia Plath poem: "The sky's far dome is sane and clear." This ties directly to the tattoo I already have; I read the poem the day before I got my tattoo, and it resonated with me and my reasons for getting a celestial design. And then today, in class, I came across another line: "My body / writes into your flesh / the poem / you make of me" It's from the poem Recreation, by Audre Lorde. She's not a poet I'm familar with, but I really enjoyed the poem, and I loved that particular part. It calls to mind this sort of interconnectedness between the lovers in the poem, this infinite loop of creation through love, and the image is just amazingly powerful to me. And the "writes into your flesh" line just makes it scream to be used in a tattoo.

I haven't convinced myself to get either of them done, and it's quite likely I won't. But the idea is there, floating around, wanting to be fleshed out.

Time for a nap now, then reading, then swing, then more work. Whee...

Someone just put a quote on the quote board. I am so very happy - its emptiness was sad.

I'm on my second page of a one page response paper, and I've only made my first point. Hmm. I think single spacing (or at least 1.5) will be happening.

I am currently feeling rather geeky, as I have no more desk space to put my study materials. I have my laptop in front of me, a book with various important info/terms off to the side, my notebook with my notes on the poem balanced on an open desk drawer, and the book with the poem that I'm writing about in my lap. Go me.

Reading love poetry for Lyric Encounters makes me really want to be in love or at least have a crush. I've got nothing right now - there are a few guys I think are cute, but not compatible enough or anything to actually persue. I want to like someone, because even though it's frustrating, it's also wonderful. But there's no one around that's caught my eye.

My friends, however, I love dearly. They cheered me up on Friday when I was feeling down randomly. Last night we were bored and were silly, and it was a great deal of fun. Today I watched the pilot episode of Firefly, and it was awesome. More episodes will be watched every Sunday at 12 in the New Dorm lounge, for anyone on campus who is interested. And Colin makes cookies and other goodies. Mmm.

Does anyone want to help me enslave/hire Jeff, Greg, and Colin for their amazingly awesome baking skills? We'd get fat and die young due to the amount of heavy cream in our bodies, but oh god, what a way to go.

Time for more love poetry now, and then some Nietzsche, which will balance it out nicely.

I just got my time slot for WSRN this semester: 8-10 pm, Thursday nights. Exactly what I wanted, woot!

Bush nominated Roberts for the chief justice position. It seems weird to me that someone not currently part of the Supreme Court could get that position - I would think that an existing SC justice should kind of get dibs, due to seniority and all that.

Can O'Connor rescind her resignation? That would make me happy. I understand the reasons she's retiring - her husband's failing health, etc - but... Pretty please? She's technically a conservative though, so it makes sense to retire under a Republican president. But grr...

Just got back from swing dance. It was fun, but a bit hard - mostly because I have trouble just following. Especially when my partner is someone I just met and they don't know how to dance any better than I do. So for half of the lesson, I was managing, but not really getting it. Then I had a string of partners that knew what they were doing and led confidently, and I just followed. As Emily demonstrated by dancing with me while we were talking, the key seems to be being distracted. If I'm distracted or relaxed or both, I forget to overanalyze what I'm doing.

I have been very unfocused lately. Work is hanging over me like an evil specter, and I'm just kind of running from it. I think my PoR reading will suffer tonight, but hopefully that will give me the time to get everything else on track and kind of start anew. We'll see.

This morning went not so well, but then I went to Lyric Encounters and was happy. I've never been in a 3 hour class that has felt that short. I love this class. :)

Off to work now...

Much of the French Quarter survived with little damage. One bar is even still open - the subject of this article.

Key quote, to me: "While it may seem, at first appearance, that all of New Orleans is either under water or ruinously trashed — palms and cypress trees uprooted, brick buildings crumbled, power lines downed — there are areas of the city that have survived with minimal structural damage. The French Quarter, or the vieux carré, must have been watched over by the gods and goddesses of Bacchanalia, who would not allow such an elegant and historical district — a place devoted to pleasure — to be wiped off the face of the earth."

Take that, Repent America, and everyone else who says it was a punishment for New Orleans' immorality - the heart of Mardi Gras hedonism is still standing.

Rehnquist died. Bush gets 2 Supreme Court appointees. Whee.

Dave & Buster's really needs to advertise their age policy better. I looked at their website this afternoon, and saw no mention of it. It's only under "House Policies," one of those little links at the bottom that no one usually clicks on. We took the train to Philly for Charlie's birthday, intending to spend the evening hanging out and playing games. Instead, we were turned away because 3 of the 14 of us are 20. The policy, apparently, is that anyone under 21 has to be with someone 25 or older. We ranged from 20 to 22. So we left, wandered for a bit, got some tasty dessert at a little pastry shop, then headed home.

It was fun, but I'm tired and have quite a bit of a headache, so I think it's time to crash. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow.

So I'm not doing so hot with the staying motivated/being productive thing. Thursday evening I basically just slacked off, except for the root beer float study break. Yesterday I reveled in a Friday without classes, and I did do some work - met with my philosophy of religion professor, figured out the direction to take my 1 page paper for English, and then met with my partner and rewrote about half the lyrics to The Dresden Dolls "Girl Anachronism." That last bit was tough and time-consuming, and it continued into dinner. When I came back to ML after dinner, I was ordered to take a nap by my RA, Jawaad, who is at Swat for the weekend.

So I napped. I had planned on going to see the comedian on campus, and even woke up in time, but then didn't go. I instead watched the old version of Lolita (and now I will have to watch the new version). I haven't read the book, so I didn't know the details of the story... The moving was interesting, but Lolita was such a brat. Sure, she was pretty, but so damn annoying - the attraction made very little sense.

And today I slept in and have therefore wasted much of the day, at least in regards to work. I will have a great time tonight, however, as I'm going to be hanging out with my friends. I'll just have to get up at a reasonable time tomorrow and work, work, work - just like every Sunday at Swat.

Oh - the meeting with my prof went really well. I explained my concerns, he asked what else I was doing, I told him, he said that was quite a lot. He emphasized that the time spent didn't matter as much as just doing something, and that I should find something that works in my schedule, not make my schedule work to fit the service stuff. So I may look into the Humane Society, but I'm probably going to work on making sandwiches for SHIP (Serving Homeless in Philly) on Friday after lunch.

Stories about New Orleans and the other areas hit by the hurricane keep getting my attention - usually in the form of LJ posts, sometimes news headlines. I haven't been reading the New York Times lately, which I usually at least skim the headlines of. It's gotten way too depressing. The lack of timely, effective response by the government is frustrating, but what's even worse is the lack of better precautionary actions. It didn't have to happen like this.

Pissing me off are the people who are saying those still stuck in the city stayed by choice - when really they had no place to go, no money/resources to use to leave, no real choice. Really, really pissing me off is the group of religious zealots, Repent America, who are claiming that the city's sin brought about the destruction. Namely, the "Souther Decadence" gay-pride festival that was scheduled for this weekend. Read this article for more on that, if you don't mind spending the next few hours utterly enraged.

Stupid people casting judgement when they should be showing caring, compassion, and mercy. They're damning people to hell and smirking with vindication when they should be forgiving sins and aiding those in need. These bastards are the supposed models of morality while a guy who saved 100 people by loading them up on an abandoned bus and driving them out of the city may get arrested for stealing the bus. I'm serious. This 18-year-old guy saved about 100 strangers, and he may get punished for it. Read it here.

I could scream.

First all-dorm study break of the year was tonight: root beer (and other types of soda) floats. It was quite a success. A good number of people showed up, as well as our dorm's dean liason, Bob Gross, who brought his dog, Happy. So yay about that.

I didn't get a chance to talk to my Philosophy of Religion prof after class, but I did set up a meeting with him for tomorrow afternoon. (Random note: I keep on typing Philosophy OR Religion... Freudian slip or no?)

Fun stuff should be happening this weekend, as well as plenty of work. WSRN meeting is on Sunday (I should really finish reviewing CDs...), first swing dance lesson is on Monday, and more choir is happening on Wednesday. Whee.

It is the second day of classes, and I am officially stressed. My classes are still all fantastic - interesting, engaging profs, cool subject matter, etc. Ballet was less thrilling, but it's a gym class, so I'm okay with that. The stress comes from the work. Granted, this is Swat, lots of work is to be expected. There have been times when I've definitely felt overwhelmed here. There are times when I've had to just not do the reading. But usually, I've felt mostly in control.

That changed today. Monday I got a decent amount of work assigned for English: write a very short poem, rewrite a set of song lyrics with a partner, read 20 poems, write a one-page paper on one of them. A week to do this? Okay, that's manageable. Today, Philosophy of Religion. About 80 pages of Kierkegaard to read for Thursday, plus 2 articles. Daunting, given the slow speed at which I read philosophy. Ballet: no homework, just need to bring socks on Thursday. Wonderful. Costume Design: read a play, a chapter of a book, do a concept for the designs for the play. A venture into the unknown here, so definitely daunting, but also interesting. Play-writing is tomorrow, who knows what I'll have to do for that.

The real issue came out of the blue. Philosophy of Religion: weekly community based learning projects (aka volunteer work - tutoring, etc) for 2-4 hours a week. Costume Design: weekly "lab" sessions in the costume shop, learning basic sewing skills and costuming techniques, probably 2-3 hours a week. That's an extra 4-7 hours of work that I was not at all expecting. Granted, they won't start for a few weeks yet, but when they do? Dear lord. This on top of about 3 hours of choir a week, 1-2 hour radio show, hopefully some swing dancing and taiko here and there, going to the gym, my RA duties, and hopefully 4 hours of work in the library per week. I'm terrified.

So I called my parents to have a pre-breakdown mild panic, thinking that would help me. It did. I'm going to talk to the philosophy prof, figure out exactly what is required, see how flexible it is, etc. 2 hours per week at the Humane Society I could probably deal with; 4 hours a week tutoring young children would be awful. (Tutoring makes me tense. I don't know why, but it is insanely nerve-wracking for me. It becomes a very high-pressure experience, and I really don't want that.)

I don't want to give up anything, so I'm going to have to try my best to juggle everything. It'll be interesting...

Oh. And while I've mostly calmed down about the work thing, there's other frustrations. Namely, discovering what has happened to my old house. Crazy doctor man has ripped off the deck, gotten rid of the two mini-waterfalls we put in, torn up some beautiful trees, ripped out all but one bathroom, gutted the basement and kitchen, knocked down various walls, removed my old bathroom to put in a hallway, torn up lots of carpeting, and god knows what else. The house, as I knew it, is gone. And while I love the new house and am fine with leaving Quincy, the house in Quincy was cool, and I did spend 8 or 9 years of my life there. So yeah. A bit of a shock.

The solution to this shock, of course, is to go eat some leftover pizza and then do work. Whee.

I am exhausted, but extremely happy.

Yesterday I got the urge to run, so I ran. Granted, it was only for about 15 minutes, but still. Today I got up and went to the gym for about 30 min. I had lunch with friends, and that was lovely. Then I went to my first class of the semester, Lyric Encounters.

It was awesome. I've had the prof before, and she's great. It's a 3 hour class, so I was a bit worried that I'd get tired/bored, but I didn't. I was interested the entire time. It's a small class, with workshop elements... We talked about what makes a poem lyrical, then took the musicality idea and played with it. She gave us instruments (from a recorder to a cowbell to a woodblock to finger cymbals) and a set of poems, and in small groups, we set poetry to music. It was cool. Then we composed poetry to music. Then we listened to other poetry that had been set to music, and discussed the choices made, and how they influenced the reading of the poem, and things like that. And it was just nifty. I loved it. Now, of course, I have a lot of work for the class to do before next week, but it should be good.

Tomorrow: Philosophy of Religion, Ballet I, and Costume Design. Hopefully they will all be good. Wednesday: Play-writing (which I've heard is great) and choir. We're singing Handel's "Messiah" this semester. I'm thrilled. I love the "Hallelujah Chorus."

Also exciting: my attempt to learn how to swing dance this semester. We shall see how it goes, but it should be fun.

I had my first hall meeting tonight, and it went really well. I've got a good hall, and I think this year will be good.

Time to get started on my work.

Having costume design switched to Tuesday is mostly good, but it will sadly cost me the chance to go see Death Cab for Cutie and a few other bands. The New Pornographers are in Philly during October break, so I'll probably miss out on that as well. This leaves Sufjan Stevens at the TLA and Enon (w/ 2 other bands) at the 1st Unitarian Church. Both are on Wednesday evenings. I have choir on Wednesdays. I can miss choir once before I have to start doing stuff to make up for it.

So. Which concert do I choose? Sufjan (I know at least 2 people who are going), or Enon (don't know anyone who's going, but that could be changed, I imagine)? Sufjan Stevens is awesome, but Enon is dancy. Dancy concerts are usually quite fun.

Hrm. Anyone have any opinions/arguments one way or the other?

Turns out one of the people I thought I lost over the summer was not, in fact, lost - he just didn't make it on the list. So now I need to make a sign for him, and also signs for the two new people I just acquired. I need construction paper. All I have left is varying shades of pink, which I don't think the three guys would be huge fans of. They may get it anyway, if I can't find other stuff.

My hall is now full. Any bets on how long that will last?

The downside of being the basement RA - the high turnover rate - is already in motion. When I first got here, I learned that I had lost 3 people and gained 2 more. Just the other day I lost 1 person and gained another 3. 1 of those 3 has already switched out and is moving into Strath Haven. Geez.

Turns out it was good that I was here instead of rafting today - lots of people came by needing help getting into storage and such, and I was the only RA in the dorm. So I helped them.

I'm feeling somewhat better after napping on and off throughout the day, but I think I need to pick up some cough medicine tomorrow. Now, however, I am off to make a delightful meal of Easy Mac, since I slept through dinner. Woot.

No rafting for me after all. I woke up with a nosebleed, of all things. And the scratchy throat that I thought was gone has instead divided its strength, sending half to my nose for infernal dripping, and half to my chest for hollow, ineffective coughs. How fun!

So, I was looking over my online class schedule just to make sure I had everything right and to write it down. My costume design class has changed times - it is now 7-10 pm on Tuesdays, rather than 2:15-5 pm on Fridays. This means that I have no classes on Fridays now. I have 3 day weekends. This ROCKS.

My schedule, as of now:

M: Lyric Encounters, 1:15-4
T: Philosophy of Religion, 1:15-2:30; Ballet I (PE), 3-4:30; Costume Design, 7-10
W: Play-writing, 1-4; Choir, 7-10
Th: Philosophy of Religion, 1:15-2:30; Ballet I (PE), 3-4:30
F: Nothing

Oh yes, this is quite nice. Now the question is if I should still try to work T and Th, 10-noon at the library, or if I should switch to another time. I could combine all 4 hours into one Friday afternoon shift. But the idea of not having to do anything on Fridays sounds much more appealing... And it's probably a good idea to have at least a few days where I have to get up (relatively) early.

RA rafting trip tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep.

It seems I am fated to not go bowling. The 2 times we tried to go this summer didn't work out, and I was supposed to go tonight with all the RAs - only I lost track of time, and I missed my ride and couldn't get to Parrish Circle on time. Curses. Instead I watched 2 episodes of Sex and the City while working on hall signs. Progress is being made.

We had the fire demo/training today, which was interesting and a bit frightening. The sprinklers release a ton of water - I wouldn't want them to go off for no good reason; the amount of water will ruin everything. So don't hang things on them, hit them, or get them too hot. Anything that causes the little glass ball to break will release a torrential downpour. Also, the effects of water on a gas fire? Not good. Big silver Type A canisters are not to be used on gas fires. Little red Type ABC are good. This has been your public service announcement for the day.

Done with my first day of RA training. It was fine - nothing too exciting, but I got to meet some new people and get exposed to more aspects of the job. Tonight will be more unpacking and then early to bed, I hope - my throat is still scratchy, and I don't want to risk getting really sick.

I went to the bookstore and picked up a new ethernet cable... 25 feet just managed to do the job. Also picked up books for half of my classes - lots for philosophy of religion, unsurprisingly. I had to crouch down to the lower shelves, so one of the store dogs came over and gave me a kiss. Very much like Katie, only less hyper and fatter.

Nothing else of interest to say...

Back at Swat. RA training starts tomorrow. My week at home was nice, but not exactly relaxing - dealing with a 3 year old and an 8 month old baby is draining. The zoo was fun though, and I finally got to see the penguin exhibit. There was a baby penguin, which was just as large as his parents, only fluffy grey-brown. It was funny to see the parents flank him even though he was just as big as them.

All my stuff has been drug down into my new room, a hellish process. Carrying bags and boxes down 3 flights of stairs just isn't fun. At least my new room is nice, and big enough that I can have my unpacked stuff strewn about and still be able to walk around.

I have the list of people on my hall. The 2 girls I thought would move didn't, but another guy did leave. 2 other guys left and were replaced by 2 more. And the rooms that were left open (3 in total) don't appear to have been filled. Hopefully the year will go well.

Time for sleep.

My current favorite people: Jean, for helping me lug all my stuff upstairs; Rob, for being willing to drive me to the airport; all my other friends for just being awesome.

Tonight was fun. We surprised Anna - her birthday is coming up, so we had an early celebration. We went out the dinner, then had cake at the house. People are still there hanging out, but I'm exhausted, so I'm back at ML. I'm going to crash now and attempt to make amends with my poor lower back, which hates me oh so very much right now.

Home tomorrow.

I am packed. I am not stored, but I am packed. There is space still available upstairs in the 3rd floor storage area, and that is where I will be putting my stuff (hopefully all of it, at least most of it...) I still need to get that stuff up there, get some other stuff over to Kyle and Emily's (soon to be Erin and Caitlin's), and get Rob's PS2 back to him. He is, in theory, coming over to get it and to help me lug stuff around.

My back kills. I am tired. I just want to collapse. However, since I stayed in and worked on packing and such last night, instead of going to Victoria's thing, I feel bad. Therefore I will hang out with people tonight. Then I will store my stuff, collapse, and then drag myself to the airport (again, hopefully with Rob's help). And then my week at home begins.

I am in a bind. I have too much stuff, no good way to store it, and no solution. I can leave some stuff at Kyle and Emily's - small things, like my CDs and printer, that are somewhat valuable. I can put some stuff in storage at the dorm. But given the amount of crap I have, that's not going to be enough, especially with the restrictions put on what you can store. My plan of shoving it all in a closet for the week I'm gone and leaving a friendly note won't work, because I don't know what they'd do with the stuff.

Honestly, I'm thinking that renting a small storage unit at the place on the Pike might be my best bet. 2 small problems: getting the stuff there and getting it back. Being without a car makes that very, very difficult. Finding someone to help me get the stuff there might not be too tough, but getting stuff back to the dorm when I return? Harder, as not many people will be around. Also, renting a storage unit for just a week seems kind of silly.

Gah. I am so very screwed...

Oh, because I think I forgot to mention this before: my parents closed the deal on the house on Friday. It is sold. I no longer have a home in Quincy, and crazy doctor guy is out of our hair (unless he comes back and sues us at some point, which I wouldn't put past him.)

Today I have done laundry, cooked pasta with meat sauce, watched 25th Hour, Cruel Intentions, and a bunch of episodes of Scrubs. I have had basically no social interaction, but I'm okay with that. Today was just one of those days where I was perfectly content to sit back and disappear.

Bed now.