Had a psuedo-existential crisis this evening. Went to a poetry reading given by a student than won a grant, realized I'll never be able to write like that, but also felt like writing. I had an hour to kill before my radio show, so I wrote some poetry. I insulted myself and my tendency towards angst in my writing, and then it somehow turned into musing about existentialism, which led to the psuedo-existential crisis.

Existentialism class has taught me that I can, in theory, give my life meaning even if it's not inherent. But that's not very reassuring when you're sitting there and all of the sudden everything loses it's purpose and meaning, and you just kind of go numb, overwhelmed with the fact that nothing really matters. And yet, paradoxically, the numbness hurts. It's painful, it brings tears to the eyes, then it just gives way to sorrow. That's where I'm at now. Sitting here with unexplicable salty tears running down my face, wanting something, but not sure what it is.

The playlist of the radio show I somehow managed to get through:

Enon - UTZ
* Prosaics - Failure
Yo La Tengo - Everyday
Switchblade Symphony - Funnel
#* Isis - In Fiction
Nine Inch Nails - The Day the Whole World Went Away
Fischerspooner - Sweetness
The Beauty Pill - Rideshare
Super Furry Animals - Furryvision
Explosions in the Sky - A Song for Our Fathers
Iron and Wine - Cinder and Smoke
* Spoon - I Turn My Camera On
* The Unicorns - Tuff Luff
* Stars - What I’m Trying to Say
Marvin the Paranoid Android - Reasons to Be Miserable (yes, that Marvin... He has 4 songs, you can find them at http://www.hhgproject.org/index.html, a web encyclopedia of Douglas Adams’ Hitchiker’s Triology)
The Kicks - Mir
* The Evens - Crude Bomb
Ted Leo/Pharmacists - Come Baby Come
* British Sea Power - It Ended on an Oily Stage
* Matt Sweeney and Bonnie “Prince” Billy - Beast for Thee
Guster - Demons
Snow Patrol - How to Be Dead
#* Lunchbox - The Living End (off of A House Full of Friends comp)
Jimmy Eat World - Blister
Hey Mercedes - Frowning of a Lifetime
Braid - First Day Back
The Junior Varsity - Housefire
#* Gratiitude - Drive Away

Not much else to say, because really, it doesn't matter.