I am pleasantly surprised. Okay, the random feeling is still there in a way... But it has been somewhat alleviated. Because, yeah, I totally didn't expect that phone call just now. It made me supremely happy.

Another thing that also makes me happy: both 28 Days Later and Bend it Like Beckham have finally come to the local movie theatres. Yay! Yay! I am very pleased. I have been wanting to see both of these movies since they originally came out, and I was sure that I'd have to settle for seeing them on video.

Today has definately taken a turn for the better.

There's something wrong with my computer order, it seems. The order confirmation email told me that I would recieve another email within 24 hours with additional info (estimated arrival time, etc)... No such email has come, and it's been what, a week? Gah, gah, dread and worry.

I really need to go get gas, run some errands, figure out my schedule for my very last (*tear*) week at work. And I need to clean my desk, which is still a god-awful mess, just as it has been for the past 6+ months. And I need to reply to various emails, and I should do so many other things that I really don't feel up to doing right now.

I did, however, finish reading The Rules of Attraction. It was pretty good, though perhaps not what I should read in the month before I go off to college. Let me remain naive and full of ideas (perhaps illusions) of academia.

I'm home. Yay.

Finally changed my mood again. Looked through a fair amount of the list, but nothing seemed right. I wish they had a mood that was simply a question mark. But I settled on wistful. It works to some degree. I don't know if it was being gone, not sleeping too well for the past few nights, the nearness of college, reading way too much, or what... But I'm in an odd mood. Partly blank, just spacing out. But also overly thoughtful -- my mind is verbalizing itself in an odd stream-of-conciousness way. I blame The Rules of Attraction. Books written in a stream-of-conciousness style always seem to affect me this way; my brain starts functioning in the style, and it's just weird. I articulate everything in my mind, in sentences or phrases, in a way that doesn't seem to fit my normal way of thinking. Like I said, weird.

And then there's this random feeling of... what? Not rejection, not neglect, nothing so strong as that. I'm not sure what it is. A sort of let-down feeling, in a way, where hopes and half-formed expectations are left unfulfilled, unmet, I suppose. But not even quite that, because that sounds sadder, more disappointed than the what the feeling is. Or does it? Maybe I really do feel that way, but I feel bad about acknowledging it because... I don't even know why. Vauge comparisions and daydreams flit through my mind, and I'm not sure what to make of it all. Jealousy? No. I'm (usually) content with the way this is going, the way we interact, etc. But something is still there, lurking underneath the surface. All I wanted was an email, a phone conversation, something like that. Just some type of response, something that would make me feel... I don't know. Missed, loved, something along those lines. An acknowledgement that, yes, my absence of the past almost-a-week did have some effect, even if it was tiny and minor and seemingly unimportant. Is that asking too much? Is it self-centered for me to want this? And why does it seem like this past week matters more than the rest of the past month, when I was also gone? Does it matter any more, or am I just more aware of it this time? If I am just more aware of it this time around... Why?

Gah. I think I'm thinking about this far too much, but it really is bothering me. Enough to really broach the subject and deal with it? That I'm not sure of. Namely because I don't have a clue of how I would do that. And also because I'm still not really sure what it is that I want, what exactly is bothering me, what I'm feeling about the whole thing. Which makes it all the more bothersome.

Rar. Enough for now. I should unpack.

I leave at 8 am... I still haven't packed. Gah. As soon as I'm done with email, I'll pack as quickly as I can and then scurry off to bed.

I'm going to be dead tomorrow -- I've gotten used to 8+ hours of sleep. Hmm. At least I made a damn cool t-shirt, hung out with some friends, and ran into my psych teacher at Wal-mart. Much fun.

Okay. Time to focus.

Just got back from Jenelle's visitation. It was open casket... But both she and Amy had these cloth mask-like things, probably because of the damage done by the accident. I don't know... It was very weird. I was fine until we got into the room (after waiting in a very long line; the family had many supportive friends)... And then I caught a glimpse of her face from across the room. Then I started to cry.

The worst thing is that it hardly even looked like her. It wasn't just the face; it was the clothes. She was dressed in this cream jacket and a dark shirt, her hair was curled. Okay, I didn't actually expect her to be buried in her vinyl prom dress or her fishnets and Emily Strange t-shirt. But this just looked so... weird. I don't know. I think I might have cried even more if she had looked like I picture her in my mind. As it was, I was in sorry shape -- her parents told me that it would be okay... It should've been the other way around...

Even though I hadn't seen her much in the recent months, I will miss her. She was a great person; she always did what she wanted, stereotypes be damned... I respected and loved her for that.

Goodbye, Jenelle.

Skimmed JC's Livejournal, came across this quiz...


Which John Cusack Are You?

Good movie... John Cusack is awesome.

I leave for Colorado tomorrow. I haven't even started thinking about what I'm going to pack. Oops. I should probably work on that...

It seems that I will soon have a bunny with one and a half ears. We thought that he had an ear infection, so we took him to the vet. They gave us meds, and he seems to be acting mostly normal again... However, his ear is blackish, as opposed to the pleasant pink color. So, back to the vet Chip goes. Seems he got bit in the ear by a nasty spider... And the posion is going to kill about half his ear. Luckily, we caught it in time... So part of the ear will die, but Chip will live. Still... Poor bunny.

It's spider-hunting time now. Prepare for your doom, vemonous arachnids!

From today's newspaper:

"Two sisters from Quincy and their grandmother from Gibson City were killed in a car-semi truck accident Tuesday afternoon east of Bloomington. Killed were Jenelle M. Stocker, 19..."

The last time I saw Jenelle was a few months ago, and I just had a chance to say hello... She was a really cool person: fun, unique, nice, friendly. And her little sister was only 9, and a really sweet kid. I can't believe this. I've read the article about three times, and it's not really sinking in yet...

Jenelle's gone forever.

I'm home. Whee.

There's a small sting, but life goes on. I know where I stand now, and I also know this: what they percieve is not the truth. But does it really matter anymore? I don't think so. Nothing that I can say or do will change the situation, their faulty perception, their version of reality.

Now it is time to turn my back on the situation, walk away from the mess, remember what matters, and get on with my life.

Last night in St. Paul... Great fun: dinner with the girls, watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch (great music)... And of course, earlier in the afternoon I got my tattoo. It did hurt. I won't lie. But it didn't hurt as bad as a feared, and now I just have this sort of dull pain on my lower back. Really, I think the worst part about getting it was the noise that the machine made (metallic whirrs of doom!) and the worst part now is the annoyance of the bandage that doesn't want to stay on. But it will come off tomorrow, to be replaced with the task of ointment every few hours for awhile. Such is life.

Anyways, it looks damn cool.

Small side note: Mama Cat... If you see this before you head for home, try and drop me an email (and check both your Hotmail and Yahoo account -- wait, reverse the order. Check email, then respond... Right.) I'd love to see you if we can work it out.

Off to the wonderful world of sleep now... Yay.

In Minnesota at the moment. Yay. It's great fun -- came up with a friend, staying with her sister and her three friends. One of them helped me finalize my tattoo design. Woohoo. It will become a reality either today or tomorrow. I keep flip-flopping between anxious and excited and nervous and such things. Eek, but also la!, because the design is so very cool.

Even cooler is that I found a quote that sort of explains why I chose to go with the celestial design. I hadn't been able to explain it before -- I've always liked the sky, especially the night sky. In Michigan, I saw the full moon reflecting off of the lake, and it was amazingly beautiful... And last night, I was reading Sylvia Plath, and I came across this: The sky's far dome is sane and clear. If there's one thing my life has lacked on and off throughout the years, it has been sanity and some clarity. The night sky is so serene and beautiful and natural -- something I would like to achieve in my own life, a point I would like to reach after sorting through the bouts of chaos and confusion. So. That's that. And the design is damn cool, as well. So it's all good.

Something fun and a bit more light-hearted before I go off to bed:


Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.


What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ah. Email account is massively overloaded. Pictures ate up lots and lots of room... Away you go. Sorry, Minkle. Hopefully I haven't missed out on any other messages though... So if you emailed me in the past week or so and you don't get a reply... Email me again. Yeah.

Michigan was wonderful; the lake was gorgeous, the people were very nice, and I was completely relaxed by the time we left. The relaxation went right out the window, of course, as soon as we met up with my father and brother. Because obviously we can't all be in the same vicinity (let alone the same hotel room) without some sort of arguement occurring. Woohoo, fun stuff, god I hate family vacations. Despite that and the blisters on my feet, Chicago was fun. Sephora is like setting me loose in a candy shop, even if I don't wear a lot of makeup. Yummy.

*checks Sketti*

I am actually shaking with anger. Wow. I always thought that was just an expression. But it's really happening. I would say it's cool, except that the thing that provoked it is just downright disgusting, immature, and hateful. So yeah, it sucks. I am done with this, done with this whole stupid thing. I'm done with them. They're not friends, they never were, and they never will be. Even one of the people I thought was worth staying in touch with has just proven to be completely inconsiderate. I'm surprised, I'm disappointed, and I feel sick. Christ.

Assorted facts:

1) Playing pool by candlelight is difficult.
2) Those were the people that I will miss, the people that I have missed. They make me feel comfortable, they're fun and easy-going, and though they may be sarcastic and such, they never make you feel bad about yourself. Warm fuzzies towards them and those like them.

Must finish packing... This may be the last post until the 15th or later -- I don't know if I'll have Internet access in Michigan.

Quizzy goodness...


Your anime hair color is green.


What is your anime hair color?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're Spike Spiegel. Laid back and moody at
times. You think a lot about the past and wish
for closure. When there is work to be done,
you do it. You run strickly on instincts and
impulse.


!-Which Cowboy Bebop Character are you?-!
brought to you by Quizilla

Ah... Gotta love Spike. And Ed. And Ein. And everyone else... Gah. I finally finished watching it, and the last three episodes made me sad. *sniffle*

And now I must go deal with the lovely fun of packing and such.

Mama Cat, thank you for letting me vent. You rock.

This is an interesting new addition to Sketti... The Skettinet Character Library, with entries written by The Deceiver himself.

Motivated Slacker: A disconsolate but optimistic SkettiNet member. Jen is habitually lethargic and apathetic. Although abhorred by a disparate few, she continually posts her thoughts and feelings towards the many subjects conceived in the realm. Jen often employs her time to decipher symbolism and meaning in poetry, literature and paintings.

The other entries are pretty interesting -- check them out.

Mama Cat posted results from a Beliefnet quiz... So I went and took it. Fun fun.

Results from "What's your faith?"...

1. Secular Humanism (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (98%)
3. Liberal Quakers (83%)
4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (82%)
5. Nontheist (79%)
6. Neo-Pagan (65%)
7. Theravada Buddhism (62%)
8. Reform Judaism (48%)
9. New Age (46%)
10. Taoism (46%)
11. Bah?'? Faith (44%)
12. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (44%)
13. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (43%)
14. New Thought (37%)
15. Mahayana Buddhism (33%)
16. Scientology (32%)
17. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (31%)
18. Orthodox Quaker (31%)
19. Sikhism (31%)
20. Jehovah's Witness (21%)
21. Seventh Day Adventist (14%)
22. Eastern Orthodox (12%)
23. Islam (12%)
24. Jainism (12%)
25. Orthodox Judaism (12%)
26. Roman Catholic (12%)
27. Hinduism (8%)

I like the idea that liberal Quaker is number 3. I'm going to a liberal college that was founded by Quakers. Very fitting.

Once again, I woke up during/right after a dream... But for once it was a good one. I don't remember it now, but I definately didn't wake up in a confused, panicky state... Yay! Perhaps it was all that Solitare playing on the PDA that did it. Hmm.

More strange (slightly bad) dreams. This is really starting to get frustrating. I don't wake up feeling well-rested, even if I'm getting 8+ hours of sleep. I wake up confused and out of it, with a sort of dizzy, headachy feeling. I wish I knew why this was happening. I'd much rather go back to not remembering my dreams at this point. Gah.

Oh yeah. I won't be in town for most of the rest of July. I leave on the 9th, get back on the 12th and then I'll be gone on the 13th and 14th... Then I leave on the 16th and return on the 22nd. Finally, I go out of town on the 29th and get back on August 3rd. It's going to be a hectic month, I think.

In other words: Blogging will most likely be limited for quite some time.

The last few nights I've been having odd dreams... And when I wake up I actually remember them for a brief time, which is highly unusual for me. This is what I get for being well-rested for once in my life, I suppose. But some of them are rather disturbing... Last night's, for instance, featured a beauty pageant and me writing and drawing all over my arms and back. Strange.

It's such a great feeling when you're almost sure that something is going to happen -- something you really don't want to have happen -- and then all of the sudden, the fear and worry is swept away and you know it's not going to happen and that everything is fine. It's wonderful.

My Internet connection is fixed! Yay!

Finally got to go back to Sketti and respond to Nemesis's latest comments... Though I think I've moved past caring now; it's almost become amusing that he's bothering to waste his time in this manner.

Other than that... My brother just informed me that there's a town in New Mexico called Truth or Consequences. That's a damn cool name for a town.

I got an email that makes me a bit... well, not exactly worried. But there is perhaps a small amount of anxiety, and a certain sense that no good shall come of it. Damnation and hellfire. Everything was looking all fine and dandy, too.

Much frustration and confusion... I have a book of the collected poems of Sylvia Plath. Lovely book, good poetry... However, "Mad Girl's Love Song" is not in there. Okay, the book is supposed to contain all the poems she wrote from 1956 on... And then there's a list of all the poems she wrote before that, with 50 of them actually in the book. Cool, right? But "Mad Girl's Love Song" is not in the book at all! It's not even listed!

Yet I know it's one of her poems, and it's a fairly well known one. So why isn't it there?! Grr...

Whoa. I've got the new version of Blogger right now. It's basically the same... Only... Prettier. But it's just kind of odd. Must adjust.

My computer went back to the shop... Now it's back home again. It still doesn't like connecting to the Internet, though. Grr. It took me at least 30 minutes to connect this time. I feel like a heavenly choir should start singing hallelujahs when it actually does connect, because it's such a miracle.

I am feeling much better now. I actually went out and did something last night. When we met up with my "old friends," they didn't really seem to care about my existance all that much, but so what? I've stopped caring. I've got people who care about me, even if I don't get a chance to hang out with them a whole lot. Life goes on.

Need to go do yard work now. Whee.

Yeah. To quote Dashboard Confessional...

So this is odd,
The painful realization that all has gone wrong...
And nobody cares at all,
And nobody cares at all.

Writing an email when, blam! it hits me full-force. I have a pathetic social life. Sometime, in the last semester of school or so, I seem to have lost the people who I at least used to think were my friends. Maybe not lost, but at least misplaced or became distanced from, or something like that. I will say that it is most definately my fault in some way. I got busy with the play and then track, and I was always focused on school. With my second semester activites, I started to hang out more with some other people. But most of those people never reached full-fledged "friend" status -- they were good aquaintences that I talked with and hung out with when our paths crossed. Now that school's done, our paths have ceased to cross, and I'm left stranded. I've talked to a few people this week, but I haven't done much of anything with anyone... And it sucks.

Even as I acknowledge that some of this isolation is my own fault, I'm also forced to realize that the people who I've drifted away from may not have been very close friends in the first place. Sure, we hung out and all that stuff. I have a link to their website on this page. But when someone made use of that website to insult me, not a single one of them said a word in my defense. So if they don't care about me, should I really care about them? But if I don't care, what do I have left? A very limited number of good friends here in town, and maybe a handful more scattered across the country? It's depressing when I stop and think about it. And if I really think aobut it, I remember that most of my good friends from my junior year went away to school, and I lost touch with almost all of them. Even my correspondence with my friends from camp seems to be dwindling, as the email slows, coming only in occasional spurts, with only one person remaining a constant throughout it all.

So yeah... I feel very small and lonely right now.

My computer is being evil. It took me about 30 minutes to connect to the Internet. And it wasn't just repeated failed attempts to dial up... No, I had to be taunted by the computer. It connected 2 times -- and of course, each connection took at least 10 minutes to achieve -- but the connection was so horrible that it didn't allow me to do anything. Grr. So I had to start over.

Eleventy-one appears to be down. Of course, I cannot be sure if it's actually down or if the demons in my computer are playing tricks on me. So, Jonathan, what gives?

Yeah, I'm back now.

I've been back in town since Sunday, but my computer was in the shop, getting spruced up... My mom took it in while I was gone, thinking it would be done when I got back, or very soon after. It finally returned home yesterday afternoon. *embraces computer* I've missed you, honey.

So New York was awesome - I saw Rent and got drenched in a few downpours, took oodles of pictures, fell in love with Central Park, decided that Times Square was scary, ate good food, and didn't do about half the things I wanted. It was great fun.

Now I'm in Quincy again, back to work scooping custard. Yipee.

This will probably be the last post for the next week or so... I leave for New York tomorrow, and I don't get back until Sunday.

I'm sure you're all extremely sad about this. Yeah, right.

My junk mail is multiplying like mad. I used to have about 5 junk emails everytime I checked my email. Now I have at least 15 in my junk folder, and then 5+ in my inbox. The stuff that sneaks into my inbox is extremely annoying. I must do something about cleaning out some of my storage space before I leave for NYC, otherwise I'll run out of room... Gah. Yet another thing to add to the to-do list.

Whoa. I'm feeling immensely protective of a girl I barely know. Maybe I have stronger maternal instincts than I thought.

Either way, I basically just went into full scolding/lecture mode. I'm very worried that this girl will get very hurt, and I know she doesn't mean to hurt her. But I can definately see it happening. I think it's also my overly idealistic side coming through. I'm a big believer in romance, not such a big fan of out-and-out lust and flings with no emotional attachments. So yeah. To each his (or in this case, her) own... But I'm going to do my best to give the advice I think is appropriate.

Now I'm officially done with high school. I gave my speech, walked across the stage, got the diploma, and all that jazz.

It's bittersweet, in a way. I am very much glad to be done and moving on to college. There's no doubt about that. But I will miss some of my friends... Yeah, there's email and things like that, but it's not exactly the same. I'll also miss some of the teachers -- the really good ones who deserve so much more than Quincy offers them, both in terms of money and respect. Then there are the things I won't miss... Bag checks that serve no real purpose, the daily announcements with the slow-motion pledge, the incredibly slow people in the halls, the over-done guilt trips from the music director... I could go on for awhile, I think. Yeah, there's a lot I won't miss. But even though there's more that I won't miss than I will, the things that I will miss are so potent and strong that in the end the two sides, the "won't miss" and "will miss," just about balance out... I guess the "won't miss" has a slight edge.

I finally figured out what was in the box from Swat. It was a sweater for a teddy bear, my gift from Ben. It's cute -- a plush bear in a maroon sweater with a big "S" for Swarthmore on it. And my other brother gave me a long letter, filled with thoughtful advice which I will definately take to heart. Okay, there's that bit about long-distance relationships that I'm probably going to convienently forget, but other than that, it should be helpful.

I've survived today without any horrible mishaps... Now I have to get through tomorrow (An open house, where I have to be sociable -- though my mother assures me that I don't have to be perky. After all, that would be unnatural...)

Okay, I think I've rambled enough for now. My foot has fallen asleep... Ouch, it tingles now. Owie...

It's weird. I don't know a whole lot about her (14, writes poetry, etc) and I've only met her once. But I know about the current situation, and I'm reading what she's written in the past few days... And I can't help but feel incredibly bad for her. I want to give her a hug, to tell her she doesn't deserve to feel this way, that she's a cool person and that it's okay for her to cry. At the same time, I want to assure her that she'll find someone else, that her heart will heal (Even though it will always hurt a little, just a bit, because that's the way love and life works -- you never completely get over it...). I want to remind her that she knew it was coming, that at most there were only 3 months left, and then acknowledge that knowing that doesn't make it any easier.

And then I want to cross to the other side of the war zone and see how she's holding up. She knew it was time to end it, but I'm still worried. I haven't heard from her in the past few days, and what I've read hasn't instilled much in the way of hope. I think she's worried about someone else -- and I know who that person is -- but that doesn't stop me from being at least a little bit worried about her. I don't know really, I don't know what to think about the whole situation.

Meanwhile, I'm living in my little happy bubble, currently free from any major strife. My brothers are home. It's nice... I remember when I was younger, and they, being only a year apart, were much closer and excluded me. But now they talk to me like I'm an adult, they ask me about school, they talk to me about college and books and music and life. I guess that I'm still the baby of the family in a lot of ways, but I feel like I've finally come into my own. It's a really good feeling.

Well, it's official. I'm second best. Yup, I, lucky girl that I am, am my class salutatorian. Woohoo. I have to give a speech. Yay.

Other than that... Today was the Theatre Guild Picnic. I got to witness the Iron Belly Competition. Until now, I did not know that there were that many disgusting types of packaged fish products. Ugh. The smell alone was horrid, especially after they broke out the cheese. Blech. Only one person puked, however... Though there was no real winner, since no one cleaned off their plate. Ah well, it was a sight to behold nonetheless.

This time next week I'll be in New York City. Booyah!

My Problem Solving paper is DONE. Much rejoicing, and all that sort of stuff...

I even tossed in a geeky pun towards the end. My math teacher has definately rubbed off on me.

WHAT TYPE OF WILD CREATURE ARE YOU? (New Pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Preceeded, of course, by treefrog and grf.

I only have one final left. This is a good thing.

Mocha shakes are delicious. Thank you, Steak 'n Shake.

And then probably the most important fact of the day. I am in love with my course catalouge for Swat. Yeah, I'm a geek (The geekiest geek of all, since I got the Scholar Athlete Award -- aka "Scholar" Scholar Award -- for Quiz Bowl), and I am ready to admit it. Thecatalouge makes me want to do things like take tons of classes and major in English and minor in Psychology and Philosophy. I cannot wait for college.

Now I have to get back to my Problem Solving paper.

Ugh. Just got back from Baccalaureate. It's an optional graduation thing... Unless you're in music. Then you have to go. Despite the music director's comment ("This is not a religious service" -- HA!), it was basically like being in church. Because as soon as someone prays and closes it with "In the name of our Savior, Jesus," not only is it religious... It's Christian.

I guess I'd have been better if it represented other religions as well... At least there would have been a sense of diversity and representation. But this is a small Midwestern town, so that idea is out of the running. So, yeah... I stared in front of me as everyone else bowed their heads in prayer, and I felt pretty uncomfortable. Booyah. Or should I say hallelujah?

Ah. My mother is taunting me. The box from Swat is Ben's graduation present for me, and Tim apparently came up with a really cool idea for a gift. Yeah, my mom takes unholy glee in telling me just enough to get me intrigued and then clamming up. The big meanie.

In other news... Whoa. Folks, we have a world-class messy situation on our hands here. I wish I had some good advice to give, but I'm pretty clueless. *shakes head* Man...

There's a fairly large box sitting on my kitchen counter right now. It's addressed to my brother, who is still up at Williams right now. It's from the Swarthmore Bookstore.

I desperately want to know what's in it! I have zero patience, grrr...

Today was my last full day of high school. Now I have 3 days of finals, and then I'm done. And I only have 2 real finals (But neither should be difficult), in addition to finishing up my Problem Solving project... So basically, it's all over. It's pretty cool.

Also... I heard The Ataris on the radio. This makes me happy, just because it does. It's all about the little things.

Really odd event just happened a few minutes ago. I heard weird squeaking, and when my mom and I went into the kitchen to investigate, we found... A baby bunny. Apparently being followed by the fat cat Lucy, who was probably a bit confused. We've had mice before. They're small, they can get inside the walls and stuff. A rabbit however... No.

Current theory: We had the front door propped open so the animals (2 cats, 1 rabbit, 1 dog) could come and go as they pleased while my mom cut the grass. Maybe the little guy was scared and ran for the relative safety of the house. Or maybe Chip (our rabbit) decided to be a foster dad.

Yeah. Anyways, it was unusual.

I think I may have taken at least one of these before, but I can't remember. Worryrock posted them on Sketti, and what the heck, why not...




Saves the Day


What emo band are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Here's a quiz I found through Dan's Livejournal...

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

Tragedy struck today. Okay, maybe not.

The first thing you should know is that I have a stuffed rat (Don't give me that look! He's very fuzzy and cute.). His name is Paco (Paco the Packrat, haha). He usually sits on my bed, but I have a tendency to knock him off in my sleep. Which is how he ended up on the floor today, I guess. Anyways... I walked into my room after school, and he was sitting on the middle of my bed, which struck me as odd. I picked him up... And his tail was mutilated. I think the vacuum tried to eat it. It looks bad -- I think we're going to have to perform surgery, give him a replacement tail. Poor guy.

I finally got my pictures from Atlanta and California developed. I had a few pictures from Christmas on the first roll... That's just sad.

Go check out the new Sketti. It's very nice.

You are Cherry Garcia. Cherry Ice Cream with
Cherries & Fudge Flakes. The edible tribute to
guitarist Jerry Garcia & Grateful Dead fans
everywhere, it's the first ice cream named for
a rock legend.


Which of Ben and Jerry's Ice cream flavor are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

If I had gotten any result other than this, I would have been upset. As it is, all is right in the world. Except for the fact that my freezer is currently lacking Cherry Garcia... *curls up into fetal position*

In theory, I just spent about 3 hours working on my Problem Solving paper. Right. That explains why I have next to nothing done. Gah.

Nemesis is back. Yay.

I'm so flattered. He's returned to insult me! Hmm. He never did respond to my reply. How sad.

For some reason the survey post was saved but not published when I filled it out. That's why it says Wednesday but only appeared on Friday. My computer's just odd. But that's okay, I guess.

Taken from Jonathan/Claudia/Portia, who all got it from someone else (I just feel like doing it):

Last cigarette: Don't smoke.
Last car ride: Home from track practice.
Last kiss: After school in the parking lot. Yeah, I'm one of those annoying people who commits PDAs.
Last good cry: Umm... Hmm. I cried some last night, it was a decent cry. But full out good cry? Probably the night of the 10th.
Last book read: Currently reading The Things They Carried for class and Immortality for pleasure.
Last cuss word uttered: Not sure, most likely damn. Because I say that often.
Last beverage drank: Milk
Last food consumed: Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garica. Damn good stuff.
Last crush: My on-going love for the distance guys... Hah.
Last phone call: A telemarketer. She asked if my dad was Philip Roth the writer. It was odd.
Last tv show watched: Gilmore Girls
Last time showered: This evening, after my bike ride. Well, technically it was a bath. Actual shower: this morning.
Last shoes worn: My running shoes. New Balance.
Last cd played: Rooney, CD of the same name.
Last item bought: Food at lunch - pizza and a drink. Yummy.
Last downloaded: Uh... No idea.
Last annoyance: My mother's update on my grandma's health while I was otherwise occupied.
Last disappointment: Myself, for various reasons.
Last soda drank: Sprite, I think...
Last thing written: Random note of something to remember.
Last key used: My car key.
Last words spoken: "I'll be off in a bit" - to my mom about the computer.
Last sleep: Last night, from a little after midnight to about 5:15.
Last IM: John
Last sexual fantasy: I plead the 5th.
Last weird encounter: My friends in general.
Last ice cream eaten: See last food eaten.
Last time amused: Hmm. Today at practice, with the cane-ball fiasco.
Last time wanting to die: Ooh. Not sure. Not too recent. I'm happy right now. YAY!
Last time in love: Now, and now, and now... You get the idea.
Last time hugged: Um... Probably after school today.
Last time scolded: My mother. She really wants the computer.
Last time resentful: I think I'm always resentful in some way.
Last chair sat in: This lovely computer chair.
Last underwear worn: Boring, normal white. I'm plain.
Last shirt worn: Weezer t-shirt. "If it's too loud, turn it down."
Last time dancing: Maybe around me room, listening to music. Real dancing? Prom.
Last poster looked at: Uh, any of the many in my room, I suppose. Newsies, Poe, Weezer, Monet -- it was one of 'em.
Last show attended: If movies count, The Matrix: Reloaded. If they don't, my choir performance Sunday. Otherwise the spring play.
Last webpage visited: I attempted to visit Sketti. It was down.

Okay, giving the computer to my mother now...

Track season is officially over for me. *sniffle* It feels kind of odd, knowing that I now have the time period of 3 to 5 open again for such things as homework (or more likely naps and procrastination)... I'll miss parts of it, but I know my legs will be glad for some type of break, even though I'm determined to exercise on my own.

I'm attempting to scheme (well, merely brainstorm and perhaps plan, but scheming just sounds cooler), but I'm having little luck. My main hope for advice/suggestions had nothing. Gah. I will think of something. Just you wait. Grr.

Cancel just about everything in the last post. Refocus mild frustration, and then let everything else give way to renewed faith and a really pleasant "Damn, I'm happy" kind of feeling. Because damn, I'm happy right now... And it's the best kind of happiness, too. That mellow, relaxed, and quiet sort of happiness that happens when things are good and I feel loved and everything just feels right. It's rare but wonderful.

I'm not sure which is bothering me more: the fact that she apparently knows more about what he's done than I do (Which I will admit irks me more than slightly...) or what he's done (Which I don't know the full extent of... So it could be worse than I think or (hopefully) not as bad). Either way, I'm in a less than thrilled mood... Though I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do.

It's in the past, right? He knows it was stupid and he stopped, as far as I know... So why the hell is this still getting to me? Damn overly high standards. They'll be the death of me yet.

If you're trying to figure out my latest bout of cryptic angst... Don't. I think I'm over it. I'm feeling much better now. Yesterday started out really bad (Really, it is very unfair to have a horrible even occur before 8 am... I'm just not prepared to handle it that early), but improved from there.

Prom is tonight. Woo. I have to attempt to make myself look feminine and pretty. Hmm. It's a daunting task, especially when it comes to the hair. I don't care. I plan on having a good time, despite the fact that they will play very crappy music. Damn the crappy music. I can only here so much Nelly before my brain starts to writhe in pain. Unfortunately, that's about the time they decide to throw on that stupid cha-cha song, or whatever it is... The one that gives you instructions on how to dance to it and is too long and too annoying to be listened to. Then my brain just lapses into a coma and refuses to function until the song ends.
I'm considering bringing a copy of "Only in Dreams" or some such song and forcing them to play it. It would be cool; almost everyone but me would hate it, and I wouldn't really care. Then again, "Only in Dreams" is pretty long. Hmm. I wonder what else I could bring... Must figure this out. I demand at least one decent song to dance to. Just one. Is that asking too much?

I feel like I should be attacking this head-on, not side-stepping anything... But I don't know how to be direct about it, because I really don't know what the problem is. Something is just off. And there's also the fact that being sort of direct (in a "let's talk about this stuff" way) is what led to this in the first place. And well, it obviously didn't seem to do much, because I still feel about the same as I did Wednesday afternoon.

Gah!!!!!!!

This sucks. I hate the teen drama/angst factor that is so prevalent in my life at the moment. Like I said before, I'd much rather have the romantic comedy thing going on. But that's definately not what's happening.

This is it. I am forcing myself to pry my fingers off the keyboard, turn off the computer, and go upstairs. Jesus. This is pathetic... But also a rather good indication of just how much this is bothering me. Double gah.

I get the feeling that I'm on the verge of being overly analytical and perhaps a smidgen paranoid. Maybe somewhat defensive. Okay, maybe more than on the verge, more than perhaps, and more than somewhat. I don't know. It's all very odd. Emotion is taking reason, dragging it out back, and beating the shit out of it. It ain't pretty, folks.

The worst part? That I know I should just get over it and settle for what I was given (Given's not quite right... Offered? Recieved? Eh, none of that's right... What I have, the current situation, the unchangeable facts of reality....), but for some reason, I can't. It's just there, and its presence just makes everything magnified. Little things that would not bother me seem much bigger... And even as I acknowledge that I'm blowing things out of proportion, I continue to do it. So yeah. Reason is staggering away with a black eye and a bloodied nose, trying to muster all its strength to come out the victor... But I don't know what the outcome of the battle will be. Maybe something will come and break up the fight. That would be kinda of nice. I think my psyche needs security guards or bouncers or something like that. Some way to keep everything under control, make things run a bit more smoothly...

Okay. That was one odd extended metaphor/analogy/some such thing (My lit terms have fled my brain... Shoot)... I think I need some sleep.

This week has been interesting, for lack of a better term.

I feel better than I did before. But I'm still not exactly sure what to think, I don't really know what's going on to some extent. I don't know where I stand. I'm unsure, I'm uncertain, and it's driving me crazy. Well, not crazy, perhaps, but it is definately annoying and unsettling. Confound it.

Sometimes I wish life was like a movie. A romantic comedy, perhaps, maybe like 10 Things I Hate About You. Sure, the plot would be pretty bland, but in the end you'd feel all happy and good and everything would work out according to the obvious plan. The good guys win, the couple falls in love, etc, etc -- everything turns out well and is package in an appealing way. I guess I would get bored with it after awhile... But for a short time, it would be nice and simple.

You are Trinity. The most loyal follower of
Morpheus, you will risk anything to help him,
whether your crush Neo likes it or not.
You are strong-willed, and its always either your
way, or the highway.

"No? Let me tell you what I believe. I believe
Morpheus means more to me than he does to you.
I believe if you're really serious about saving
him, you are going to need my help. And since I
am the ranking officer on this ship, if you
don't like it, I believe you can go to hell.
Because you aren't going anywhere else."


What Character From The Matrix Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Cool. I'm seeing the new movie tomorrow. Booyah.

Quizzy goodness:


You're Hobbes. First of all, the makers of this
quiz would like to congratulate you. You have
our seal of approval. You are kind,
intelligent, loving, and good-humoredly
practical. You're proud of who you are. At the
same time, you're tolerant of those who lack
your clearsightedness. You're always playful,
but never annoying. For these traits, you are
well-loved, and with good cause.


Which famous feline are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yay!

AP tests are over. The chem exam merely harassed me (Damn you, short answer questions 5 and 6! Curse your ink and paper and your souless words!); it did not brutally maim me as I had feared. Psych was practically enjoyable after that.

I am happy and mellow and relaxed and all that other good stuff right now. I'm sure I'll be back to being stressed and sleep-deprived tomorrow, but for this one afternoon/evening, I am fine and dandy. After I got done with the psych exam, I came home and did nothing. I lounged about in the front yard, read some, napped some... But I did nothing "productive"... And I thoroughly enjoyed it. For the first time in a long while, I sat down and watched TV (Okay, that sounds really pathetic... Yes, the highlight of my day has been being a lazy couch potato... But dammit, I don't get to do that much). That led to my lovely discovery of the day: Gilmore Girls. I've never watched it before *ducks to evade possible projectile objects from Claudia's direction*, but I watched tonight and got hooked. The downside: I have barely any backstory on any of the characters (not a huge deal, but it would be nice), and I've missed what, 2 or 3 seasons? Still, it was an hour well spent.

So, all in all... Happiness.

Quizzes of boredom...

In ten years, you'll be an out-of-work English
major, living in someone's basement on black
coffee and cigarettes. Hey, don't feel bad,
this is how I'll probably end up too.


Where will you be in ten years?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm. Yay. This comes as no surprise.


You like things quiet. You prefer to be alone.
Most weekends you can be found sitting alone in
your room, painting abstract pictures and
writing poetry. You don't have many friends,
and you like it that way. But lets face it,
you can't lock yourself away forever. Stop
being such a scrooge and get out!


What's your phobia?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, as an out-of-work English major, I should be able to avoid most human contact. Sweet. The future's looking brighter.

I'm going to get a one on the AP Chem test. I know nothing at all. I was working on a practice test, and it just sucked. Gah. $80, wasted. I want to take a nap; it's too late to save myself from failing. But I'll feel bad if I don't at least try to study. Damn being a perfectionist and actually caring about stuff like this. Damn everything.

I feel sort of bad. I know I should've emailed much sooner. Her last email has been sitting in my inbox for 9 days or so, and I didn't reply. Sorry Shpike. I'll try to be better about it, really I will.

I feel very distant right now. I haven't talked to anyone besides my parents today. It sucks. I'm craving some sort of connection with someone right now. I'd even settle for mindless small talk over ICQ at this point. But no one's on. And I'm off to bed soon. So there goes any chance at companionship for the day. I should have picked up the phone after dinner and tired to call someone, tried to go out and do something. I wanted to. But I didn't. Stupid me. I regret it now. I don't know why I didn't do it. Actually, I do know why. But it's a dumb reason, an assumption I made that, if it turns out was not true (though I'm willing to bet it was correct) will result in me kicking myself at least somewhat.

I think that I will go to bed now. Tomorrow will be another day of homework and a next-to-last-minute, frenzied attempt to stuff lots of chemistry knowledge in my brain. It will probably be boring. And I will most likely go another day without really talking to anyone. Curses. And then will come Monday, which will be a pizza-less night for me. That thought bugs me. Their presence makes me somewhat on edge. It makes me almost selfish. I don't think that I want to share. Because sometimes it seems like it's all that I got, and if I have to share, I get weekends like this, where one night is great and the rest of the time is just a sort of exile. The fact that I feel this way makes me feel pathetic; I think it upsets me just as much as the actually thing itself.

I don't know if any of this made any sense whatsoever. I don't think it did. I don't think I care. If anyone really gives a damn, feel free to ask for further explanation. I may or may not provide it.

Random quiz...


You're Alice.


Which Alice in Wonderland Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I like the picture, and the result is probably accurate, though disheartening.

I'm taking a break from studying psych. The AP exam is Tuesday. I'm sure I'll do fine, but I'm studying anyways. My AP chem test is also Tuesday. I should study for that, but I keep putting it off. I enjoy the class, and I have a good grade in it, but... I don't think I'm going to do well on the exam. Take away my notes and give me questions over everything I'm supposed to know, and I'm bound to flounder. I'm not sure why, but chemistry information just doesn't stick with me as well as say, English or psychology... Reason number "somewhere in the thousands, I've lost count" for why I'm majoring in English, perhaps double-majoring in psych.

The girls' track team set 4 school records at Western Big 6 yesterday, 2 of which were also meet records. Yay girls.

Anonymous insults... Because Nemesis is just too damn cool for everyone at Sketti, it appears. And yet he still continues to post. Makes perfect sense.

This makes me smile with devilish glee:


Mean lil fellow, arn't you?


What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I was going to say it made me happy, but I've used that recently. I felt the need for some variety. And I also like smiling with devilish glee. It makes me happy...

Dammit. I resorted back to the "It makes me happy" line. Must stop that...

I want food. Where is my father? He's supposed to bring dinner home. It's past 8... I'm hungry. I refuse to start my homework until after dinner (No, there is no good reason why, other than I want to stay on the computer until then...). At this rate I'll start my homework at about 9. Rar. And I was hoping to get to bed at a decent hour, too. Gah. Dad, stop playing golf and come home. Good grief.

He's home. I can now consume food. Hallelujah.

We did speed work in track today... And I made it through all of it for the first time in at least a month. And it was fairly nasty, too. We did a pyramid: 100m, 200m, 300m, 400m, 400m, 300m, 300m, 200m, 200m, 100m, 100m. That's a grand total of 2600m of running. (Go my mad math skills!) One one hand, I'm very proud that I finished it and very glad that I survived. On the other hand, I hurt. If my legs could talk, they would be yelling the foulest of curse words at me. And I just know that tomorrow I'm going to feel extremely sore. But it's okay... Because I was going to hurt no matter what. At least this way I have the satisfaction of knowing I finished what I started.

Go check out Mama Cat's post about haiku error messages. I wish my computer did this... While the actual problems would still remain (read: my computer is a slow piece of junk), I would at least be inspired to curse my computer in a more eloquent manner.

I especially like this one:
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

And this one is also pretty nifty:
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

And people say poetry isn't fun.

I haven’t seen the new movie (and this guy isn’t in it anyways), but…


You are Beast!
You are brilliant and extremely clever. You can
handle almost any problem swiftly and
efficiently. You are devoted to philosophy and
are always up for a good discussion.
Sometimes, though, your anger gets the best of
you and you upset those whom you care about.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

This makes me happy. Beast is cool, blue, and hangs upside down while reading books like Animal Farm. Nifty.

I enjoy Monday nights. They're rather entertaining. So I'm kinda sad that tonight was the last time I'd be going to pizza night for awhile. Okay, I know that this is a self-imposed exile. I could still go. But the various comments and such that still persist after 3 and a half months are annoying enough. I really don't feel the need to be exposed to a whole new group of guys who will make similar, oh-so-witty cracks... Therefore... No more pizza night for me.

The AP Lit exam was not as bad as I had feared. I am relatively confident that I did well on it. The remainder of the take home chem test... Well, that sucked. I didn't do any more work on it last night. I just did the whole thing after school. I went to Stew's room at around 2:40 or so, and managed to leave at 5:20. That's gotta be some sort of record for after-school help... I'll admit that I wasn't completely focused, though. There were a few other people there, and we were joking around quite a bit. So I might have gotten done sooner if it hadn't been for that... But it wouldn't have been half as entertaining.

I got on the computer half an hour ago to work on a close reading for Lit. I have not even started yet. Gah. Damn my lack of focus...

My brain is goo. It's bad. I have a 3 hour AP exam tomorrow morning. I have a take home chem test due tomorrow - it's not even half done. I will be staying after school tomorrow to work on it, I suppose. And I also have to find a poem for my Lit presentation... Which will probably entail a trip to the library at this point. Joy. So much stuff... And only a limited amount of time to do it in.

I was supposed to go back to work after spring break. Then it became the beginning of May. Now it's looking like after graduation. I just don't have the time. Time is of the essence... Gah.

I think it's about time for me to get some sleep.

Yay for Mama Cat and her take-charge attitude. I have been forced to at least think about prom and all that goes with it. The Long-Legged Furby thanks you, Mama.

For some reason I started playing my Incubus CD tonight... I haven't listened to it for awhile. But I'm glad I thought of it... I'm enjoying it.

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.

- Incubus, "I Miss You"

Pretty song. I like it.

I'm catching up on Mama Cat's blog... She's posted some interesting quizzes, so you know what that means...



What Anime Stereotype Are You?

"Get a personality!"? Ouch. I've just been dissed by a quiz result. That hurts.



What Anime Art Style Are You?

Graceful? But of *course*... That explains why I run into so many things.


You are the Low-Fidelity All-Star. You were born
with your cool, and it's totally natural. You
run the gamut from Hipster Supreme (only they
can ingest as much coffee as you) to the geeky
hipster (Mario Kart, anyone?).


What Kind of Hipster Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mmm. Coffee...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Oooh! Looks like Denum was right on when he gave me that sheet that said "heretic" on it...

Okay, I really need to go work on homework now. Blech.

So the commenting system lives again. It seems that it is somewhat inconsistant. I don't care... As long as the times it works outweigh the times it doesn't, I can deal with it.

This weekend is homework weekend. I don't want it to be, but it seems I have little choice. I've read the poems for Lit and did the practice AP Psych test, but I still have a massive pile of chem homework, as well as a take home test... And then there's the AP Lit exam on Monday morning. *whimpers, curls up into fetal position* I miss those days when weekends meant little-to-no homework and plenty of time to do stuff with friends. *resigned sigh* But life goes on. And I have every intention of finishing out the school year on a high note.

In the spirit of reciprocity (and because they're cool people), I have added links to Bun-Bun's blog and Jonathan's site.

Something seems to be going wrong with the commenting system. It was fine earlier today, but now it seems to have vanished. I don't know what's going on. It upsets me. Rather than try to solve the problem, I think I'll hope it fixes itself (Hey, it worked with Blogger last night...) and go eat some ice cream and take a nap instead. Yep, I think that sounds like a plan.

Nevermind. It fixed itself, it seems. But I'm still going to bed.

Blogger, what are you doing to me? "Currently does not have a default page"? I don't like this...

*whimper*

If it hasn't fixed itself by tomorrow... Well, then I start to panic. But now I'll just go to bed.

Commenting system, I command you to work.

*waits a minute*

It worked!

Comment away!

So I signed up with SquawkBox. Let's see if this is going to work... Please work...

It's not working. Gah! What did I screw up?

I did not get to bed by midnight... I got to bed at 1 am. Joy.

Ffej is getting after me to add a commenting feature. So I'm going to see what I can do.

I still really dislike online chemistry quizzes. Thankfully the one I just finished is the last one of the year... I did not go out with a bang -- unless you considering doing atrociously going out with a bang...

It's 11:00 pm. My father just came in and told me to go to bed. I still have a poetry close reading to do. That's one whole page of single-spaced poetry analysis goodness. There is no way on earth I can go to bed. I'll be happy if I'm in bed by midnight. In order to achieve this goal, I need to get started.

Oh yeah. A link to Sketti can now be found in the links section... Because, hey, why not?

Today has been rather odd.

First of all, I managed to make it to school on time - early, even. This hasn't happened for about a month. And I even woke up late today. So that was odd occurrance #1.
Most of the school day was normal... I went to class, did work while zoning out (apparently getting extra sleep this weekend has done nothing to help my overall sleep deprivation), and somehow managed not to fall asleep. Until 6th hour, anyways. But that's study hall, so it really doesn't count. The only thing I'm worried about is sleeping through the bell someday and missing 7th hour. So if your in my Lit class and know I'm at school but am suspiciously absent from 7th hour, please go to the library and check the quiz bowl corner. I'll probably be passed out in the comfy chair, twitching and muttering in my sleep. Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Track was okay; I managed to do 4 of the 6 200m runs we were supposed to do... By the end of the 4th, I was in so much pain that I felt like crying. My knees are evil... Even trying to do a cool-down jog was torture. The only thing that doesn't make me wince in pain is walking, but even that can make me ache, especially if I'm going up stairs. Gah. This annoys me. I feel weak -- everyone else was running through their pain (and I know they were in pain) and I just stumbled off to moan in my misery. Why can't I just suck it up and go on? Grrr.

Odd event #2: Driving home from track, trying to decide if I wanted to go to the car wash or not (My car is really dirty; I should wash it. It might rain tomorrow and the washing would be in vain; I should wait). Anyways, I was weighing the pros and cons of the issue, and all of the sudden, my nose began to bleed. Now, nosebleeds are not overly rare for me. If I'm especially stressed (which I think I am, somewhat, now) or if I've been blowing my nose a lot (which I actually haven't, lately) they are more likely. But usually I can tell when it's coming. A sort of 6th sense (HaHA! You can keep your ESP and visions of dead people, I have a tingly sensation in my nose that warns me that blood is about to flow!)... But this time, nothing. Just a sudden gush of blood... while I'm driving... Driving on what is probably the busiest street in this entire town, no less (not that that means a whole lot, but oh well). So I'm continuing to drive with one hand, since I'm in the middle lane and there's no way that I can get off the road or pull over or anything. My eyes are on the road, blood is running down my face and I'm forced to wipe it away with my hand until I can the random napkins that are stored in the pocket of the door. I finally get ahold of a napkin, and yes, I'm continuing to drive with a napkin clutched to my face as I attempt to stop the blood. I go through many napkins before I pull into my driveway and the blood finally eases up.

So the nosebleed was weird. Now for odd event #3 (and I promise it's not gross like the last one)...

I get home, grab a snack, and begin to skim the newspaper. The phone rings. I'm home alone, so I'm forced to answer it. It's for me. It's a person I haven't talked in what seems like ages. A ghost from the past, if you will. (Do you like how I delibrately avoid using actually names? It's rather enjoyable for me; I can never get accused of saying anything bad about someone, since I rarely refer to anyone directly... And I suppose I like being cryptic at times... But this time I'll be nice...) It's my ex-boyfriend, who moved away due to complex circumstances during the beginning of our relationship. We tried the long distance thing for awhile, but we eventually ended it. We haven't really kept in touch since then... So getting a call from him made me do a mental double-take. Anyways, we chatted for awhile, sort of skirting direct discussion of some of the decisions he's made in the past few months (Woohoo for sort of awkward converstions! They're great fun!)... It was nice to talk to him, though. I hope we actually manage to stay in touch this time.

I'm hoping that the oddness of the day is done. I have to go battle a mound of homework now, and I really don't want to have to cope with random weirdness at the moment. I think I've had enough for the day.

Hmm. It has come to my attention that some people have come up with some... uh... interesting assumptions based on my post from April 26th. So let's get some things cleared up:

I stayed up until 2 am on Thursday night/ Friday morning, working on my Lit paper because I had been too stubborn to ask for an extension. On Friday night, after the Junior/Senior reception, I got home at the respectable time of midnight. I was in bed by 12:30, and then proceeded to sleep for about 13 hours. This large block of uninterupted sleep is what made me so happy. I am usually sleep deprieved, and since I got less than 3 hours of sleep Thursday night, I was quite pleased to catch up on my rest.

If this extra information means nothing to you: yay for you, you most likely did not read into my post too far and come up with unfounded inferences.
If this extra information disproves some theory you had about what I did Friday night: really, you should have known better in the first place. Honestly. Good grief.

And hopefully this is the end of that.

As soon as I posted that last post, my mom wandered into the room and asked me if I was doing okay. Which reminded me of something I was going to post about.

As I mentioned before, I worked on sort of cleaning my room today. Which meant that I was isolated in my room (duh)... Which means I was not very sociable. I did not think this would be a problem, since it was at my mom's request that I was cleaning my room in the first place... (Believe me, I was more than willing to let the chore go ignored until June or so... It's a scary mess; it might eat me up and spit out my bones...) Anyways, throughout the day, my mom kept asking me if I was alright. I said yes, because, well, it was the truth. After the second time, I had to inquire why she was asking. Apparently it was because I was being so quite, or something. Which in itself is not odd, but I suppose I was being fairly talkative and outgoing yesterday (That's what being well-rested will do to you)... And then I went out, and then today I was more reserved. So she was afraid something had happened that had upset me, I guess.

Hmm. It's sort of nice to have a parent who's perceptive enough to know when things are awry... This time was a false alarm, but she's usually right. Though when she's right I don't always want to have to talk about it... It all depends. But it's nice to know that I have the option.

We're reading witness poetry in Lit class... Poetry by people who saw/experienced nasty things, like the Holocaust and revolutions and civil wars. Some of it's pretty depressing; the rest is very depressing. But I don't care, because most of it is also very good, and it's not like I'm a happy-go-lucky person anyways.

That said... I really liked this one portion of a poem... It's from Anna Akhmatova's Requiem...

Confess: I was prepared,
am somehow ready for the test.

So much to do today:
kill memory, kill pain,
turn heart into a stone,
and yet prepare to live again.

Yeah. So I like the whole depressing, twisted to do list aspect of it. I kind of wish my to do list looked like that. But no, it's boring... Homework, reply to email, clean room...

I actually did attempt to clean my room today. Or I forced the mess in the corner into a more contained area. Which is really all that can be expected unless I'm given a large block of uninterupted time (say, a week) to deal with it. I'm such a pack rat. It's really not good.

Track season is winding down. I haven't really done much, meet-wise, but that's okay. I suck and I know it. The head coach and the distance coach ganged up on me and a friend... We have to run the open mile tomorrow. *forced enthusiasm* Yay.

Hmm... I was just reading Bun-Bun's blog. It makes me happy to actually be able to put a face and voice and personality with most of the blogs I read now. I don't know why it makes me happy; it just does. I also don't feel quite so odd reading the blogs. Before they were just Claudia's friends that she had talked about. Now they're Claudia's friends that I've met and hung out with.

Sketti appears to be down at the moment. Surprise surprise. I wish it was more stable; it's so entertaining... And I did want to read some of the messages, see if anyone had replied to some stuff. But I suppose it will have to wait.

For some reason, I think there was something else I wanted to write... Ah yes, it was about my lack of social planning skills. Typical conversation with me is like this:

Friend: Hey, do you want to do something tonight?
Me: Sure.
Friend: So, what do you want to do?
Me: Um... I don't know...

At this point, the conversation usually dies. Because most of my friends also lack social planning skills. Or maybe we just have undeveloped skills, since there is nothing to do in my town. Either way, after the Junior/Senior Reception on Friday, my friends and I were standing in the high school parking lot trying to come up with something to do. We completely and utterly failed.
Other evidence that I have poor social planning skills: up until 4 hours prior to the dance, I had NO clue what I was doing beforehand. I was also half an hour late when I finally did figure out what I was doing. I have no idea what's going on for prom... And I really probably should have some thoughts on that. But no, no, I don't.

There's other stuff I should be working on as well, in addition to prom nonsense. Homework, geting ready for AP tests, and graduation stuff. The chances of me having to give a speech are looking pretty high. Gah. Public speaking in front of lots of people. I promise that I won't read from Dr. Suess's Oh, The Places You'll Go, or whatever it's called. Sure, it's a good book. But I think I've heard at least a few lines out of it at every single graduation I've attended. So yes, I think I shall be trying to avoid that cliche... And probably fall prey to another one. *shrug* Such is life.

I feel immensely well-rested. But I suppose that's what over 12 hours of uninterupted sleep will do for you. Especially if it's followed by another 2 hours of sleep. And I might have been able to go even longer if my father hadn't woken me up at 3:30. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I made up for staying up until 2 am the night before.

I am very happy.

I've decided that I don't really care enough about the Atlanta trip to write about it... My trip to California, though... It was great. Claudia, thanks again for letting me come... All of the people I met... You're all very cool and interesting and fun to hang out with... I hope to see you again. And that guy in the Milli Vanilli t-shirt riding the unicycle? Yeah, that was kind of odd... And to everyone in general: The music in the Cowboy Bebop movie is cool. Even if you don't like anime, see the movie just for the music.

I'm looking at Mama Cat's Livejournal, and she has posted a whole bunch of quiz results, so guess what you get now?


You are Tatyana from Tchaikovsky's "Eugene
Onegin"!
You're definitely a dreamer, and though you may
seem reserved you're actually a very warm and
passionate person. Unfortunately, not a lot of
people get to know the real you since you tend
to keep to yourself and your books. You love
deeply--just try not to get too crushed if
things don't work out.


Which DIVA are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


What Type of Sexy Are You? (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

I scored 86¼% on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!

I was going to work on my Frankenstein paper, but it looks like I'll try to go to bed early instead... Yay.

I leave for California tomorrow... I have not packed anything yet... Gah... But it doesn't matter. Because I am going to California, and I will see Claudia tomorrow. So it doesn't matter that I'm really tired or that I have an English paper due a few days after I get back... I just don't care. I have been looking forward to this trip, and I will enjoy it.

I've been listening to the Chicago soundtrack, and I have one major question: what's up with the "squish" in "Cell Block Tango"?
At the opening of the song, and in the background throughout the remainder of the song, the murderesses say "Pop... Six... Squish... Uh-uh... Cicero... Lipschitz"... All of them relate to the murders. Fine, I understand that. But the "squish" goes with a woman who stabbed her husband with a carving knife. Squish is not a stabbing sound word. How about jab, rip, or even poke? Squish just doesn't make sense to me... Anyone have any explanation for this?

Moving on. Imagine this scenario: Someone is standing next to you. All of the sudden, they inhale deeply, turn to you, and say, "*sniff* Wow, you smell really nice." Am I wrong in saying this is a somewhat unusual compliment? Most people get a "You look nice today" or "Nice outfit" or something like that. Time and again, I get "You smell nice." It just strikes me as odd.
*sniff* But I do suppose it's true.

Oof. Track practice wasn't fun. It was a hard day, but I only ran some of the repeats. I just couldn't do it, for a variety of reasons. I haven't run since last Monday, so my legs were hurting... I'm sick, so I couldn't breathe very well at all... And a combination of me being dead tired and it being rather warm made me feel weak, like I was on the verge of blacking out. So yeah. I stopped running. I realize I'm a slacker and I should have just kept going and sucked up the pain and so on... But I didn't; I never do. For some reason I just don't see the point. I do that with other stuff, stuff I'm good at, like school - I'll stay up late to finish a paper, even if I'm exhausted. But I am well aware of the fact that I am not much of an assest to the track team, and what I do doesn't really matter. In a situation like that, it can be hard to motivate yourself to keep going when you feel like crap.

I want to write a bit about the Atlanta trip, but I don't think I'll do it now... I need to gather trash, do some homework, and get to bed at a decent hour. I lead such a thrilling life.

I made it through the music trip without any permanent emotional damage, I believe. I'll get around to relating some of the interesting experiences of the trip eventually... But not now. I'm tired... And I have to unpack some of my dirty laundry and get my stuff ready for school tomorrow and all that jazz. Which leads me to another note: I borrowed a friend's Chicago soundtrack (even though I haven't gotten around to seeing the movie yet) and now I have all the music stuck in my head. It's great fun.

I've missed my computer and the Internet quite a bit. It wasn't as bad as I had feared (I acknowledge the fact that I am indeed a computer junkie and Internet addict) but it's still very nice to be able to check my email again.

Off to bed now... In my own comfy bed... Yay!

Sketti.net lives! Right now it can only be accessed through skettinet.kicks-ass.org... And it's pretty slow... But you know what? No one cares. Because Sketti is back! Booyah! For the benefit of the people who read this who aren't familiar with Sketti (I'm thinking that's... um... One person (Claudia) and maybe a few others (mysterious individuals who I am unaware of)... (ooh, check out the parantheses inside the parantheses))... Uh, where was I? Skett, right. Sketti.net is a website/forum where a group of my friends post... It's been down for a year or so... Anyways, from an outsider's perspective, it's a lot of inane and odd posts/ramblings. Even from an insider's point of view it's pretty inane. But that's okay, because we don't have lives, and we really don't care. Booyah.

I leave for Atlanta tomorrow, and I won't be back until sometime late Sunday. It's highly doubtful that I will have any access to the Internet while I'm there, so the earliest I'll be posting again is most likely Monday. Sorry children, you'll just have to live without me. I'm pretty sure that you'll survive. If you can't, well... um... I feel sorry for you.

*sniffle* I'm not faring well. *sneeze* These allergies (I think it's allergies, anyways, not entirely sure) just came out of nowhere and have completely wiped me out. Sure, I've had a runny nose for awhile, but that's normal for me. Today I was hit with a constant drippy nose and impressively loud sneezes... My nose is red from the cheap school tissues, and my throat is sore... Blech. This sucks. I would love to just sleep the sickness away, but that's not really an option right now. Gah and yarg.

I finally got that annoying patriotism essay done. Thank goodness. If the guidance office calls me again and tries to hand me another application for some scholarship/award/whatnot, I'm tempted to be very ungrateful and just turn around and walk out the door. I won't actually do it, of course, but the idea sounds very nice.

I think I shall go sulk about being sick some more. *snuffle* It'll keep my mind off the packing I should be doing for the music trip to Atlanta.

The weather sucks. It's grey and rainy... It was hailing earlier, then it was sleeting, now I don't know what's going on. But it's gloomy, whatever it is.

I'm pretending to work on my essay on patriotism for the Exchange Club Student of the Year award/scholarship. Well, I suppose I actually am working on it. If having the document open and minimized counts as working. Hmm. I need to have it done tomorrow, or Tuesday at the absolute latest. Gah. Stupid topic, annoying length requirement, infurirating application... Darn you all.

I was looking through a college guidebook today, reading a bit about some of the schools my friends may be going to, in an attempt to make my procrastination look productive. Anyways, since I had the book out, I read Swarthmore's thing. The whole book is based on student surveys, so there are quotes scattered throughout, including the ever-so-delightful "Everyone here is more or less an opinionated weirdo. It's rather comforting." *grins gleefully* Is it any wonder I'm so happy to be going to this school? And it's becoming more real to me every day. Only a quarter of high school left, then this summer... Then off I go. I'm thrilled, even though I know that it will be a lot of work. I think part of the reason I'm so excited is that my brother was home for a few days over his spring break. He and a few of his friends were doing a road trip, and they crashed here for a bit. Talking to them was fun; the conversations were interesting and intelligent. It's people like that and the girls I met at WFC that make me eager to go to college, far away from most of my airhead high school peers. Hopefully I won't be disappointed.

Oh, random note. I am the proud almost-owner of a PDA. Woohoo! Yay for electronic organizing devices... Just what I need to fuel my already anal-retentive nature. Seriously, I think it will be useful. I'm constantly writing various notes down: things to do, movies to rent, books to read, reminders about random stuff... It'll be nice to have them all in a central location, as opposed to on bits of paper scattered all over the place. Plus it has Solitaire on it.

I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs. I get straight A's, I've never gotten a referral or detention. I've only been grounded once in my life (and it doesn't count for much, since my parents didn't inforce it... It was more of a threat to be grounded...) All in all, I am your standard "good girl". In light of this, people's apparent paranoia about me becoming pregnant strikes me as hilarious. The latest incident of this ever-growing fear? My English teacher. She had a dream the other night, and in the dream my boyfriend and I were in the teachers' cafeteria, just hanging out and talking with people. I was pregnant and not going to attend Swarthmore. Instead, both my boyfriend and I were going to the local community college and didn't seem to care too much. My teacher apparently woke up distaught... And I laughed hysterically when she told me about it. I find this whole thing amusing and strange. Why are people worried about this? And only with this current boyfriend, no others? *shakes head* It doesn't make sense to me...

I have a large amount of chemistry to go work on, but I don't really want to... Arg.

Ran in my first track meet of the year today... 400m in 74.3 seconds, got me 4th out of 7. I suppose it's alright... But there's definately room for improvement. I don't know if I'll be going to the meet on Saturday. I sort of want to go, but at the same time, spending the day lounging around at home sounds really nice. Yes, I know I am a lazy slacker at times. But hey, I think I more than make up for it with my overachiever tendencies in other areas. So it all evens out.

Off to battle the chem monster... Eek.

I'd just like to say that I adore the cross country boys. They made my day with their act in New Faces. It was hilarious, and also in tune (the latter being a definite improvement over last year)... Go guys!

I Am

Which tarot card are you?

Manifestation through will. Imagination, concentration, action. Spirit and Matter united.
A young man raises a doubly terminated wand in his right hand. The wand is held vertically, a tool for the unification of heaven and earth. His left index finger grounds this duality into creation drawing from the original chaos to bring into being the flowers of creation. His aura is shown as the horizontal figure eight, symbol of eternity, while about his waist is wrapped the serpen-cinture, the serpent devouring its own tail, another symbol of eternity. In front of him are the creator/magicians tools, wands, cups, swords and pentacles, symbolizing fire, water, air and earth.

Would say more, but I'm off to New Faces. Woohoo!

I am dead tired. I'm hardly able to stay awake... I have to go vote for school board stuff, then I'm going to take a nap.

I don't remember most of today. It's like I didn't actually live today... I can tell you sort of what I did, but it's just like me repeating a story that someone else told me. I remember little snippets, like little snapshots, of the day... And the rest is just a fuzzy unknown. It's rather disconcerting, not being able to recall what you did, not knowing what really happened and what you may have dreamt... I don't like it much at all.